Eshan had stayed by his mother all night, hoping desperately she would wake up. After her fall he had pulled her beneath a shelf to guard her from the rain, but she hadn’t stirred since. She was still breathing, he could tell, but she had landed pretty hard. The rain had stopped and the sun was rising now, Sadiki would start wondering where they were. He’d come looking for them, they just had to stay still. Still shaking from the fright he’d given her he pressed a small paw against her body and pushed gently. “Wake up mama,” he said again, praying some piece of it would get through to her. His paws were sore and he wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t yet, he had to make sure she was alright first.
Kima’s dreams had dissolved into nightmares. Her body twitched as she searched for the escape. She remembered falling, but after that it was just a flurry of laughing and screaming. Her mind was punishing her. She had fallen victim to her own delusions in more ways than one. She never should have budged from the den. But she had, and she had brought Eshan down with her.
“Wake up,” Eshan whispered into her fur as he nuzzled closer to her. He wasn’t sure what he would do if she didn’t wake up. He’d need to go back and find Sadiki, the den couldn’t be that far away. He knew from his lessons that they were still within the boundaries of the pride, these cliffs could be seen from where he played during the day. Someone would come, he just knew it. Whenever mama was in trouble someone always came. It was like someone was watching over her and wouldn’t let her get hurt. He hoped the same protection applied to him.
Slowly, she began to stir. She had heard the cub’s voice on the edge of her consciousness, but hadn’t been able to place it. Now as she started to open her eyes she saw him there, against her. “Eshan,” she whispered, reaching her head to lick him. Every muscle in her body ached. She wasn’t sure how long they had been there, or how long it would be before she could move properly again, but she knew she would have a lot to make up for. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes, “I’m so sorry about all of this.” Her head still throbbed, but it was different now. She could focus, she knew what she had done was insane.
“No,” he said softly, offering her a smile, “It’s alright Mama, you were scared. I was scared too.” He didn’t know what had possessed her, only that it was gone now. Reflexively he leaned his body away from her so she could breathe easier, and after a few moments he started to think about what they would need to do next. “Are you hungry?” he asked cautiously, looking around for something he might be able to turn into a meal.
Are you hungry? The words echoed in her mind and for a moment Eshan became Nadhani. She shook her head to make the confusion go away, but she was still left with a certain fogginess. The fall probably hadn’t helped her memory any. It was too bright to tell now, but she still had a sense of being watched by the light. It was just paranoia, one of the more dangerous symptoms of her disease. “Yes,” she told him after she steadied herself, “I think I’ll be able to think more clearly if I eat something.”
Determined to keep her happy, Eshan ran off, trying his best to keep in visible range. Mama got nervous when any of them disappeared, and he didn’t want her to get upset again. Dangerous things happened when she lost hold of the world; nothing exemplified that more than the night had. After a little searching and some prudent digging he managed to find a lizard, small but reasonably fat. It would be enough for her; he could have something when they made it back. Trying to remain positive, he dropped it at her paws.
“Thank you,” she said softly as she tore into the creature. She knew what he was sacrificing, but she also knew her cubs well enough to know that arguing with him would do no good. Once she had finished she looked up at the cliff, then back to him, “How long was I-“. She couldn’t finish the question, the very thought had her too ashamed. She could have gotten him, it was a miracle she hadn’t. What would have happened if she had fallen on him? She shuddered to think.
Eshan looked away, not wanting her to see the tears in his eyes. This was the Mama he knew, not that wild beast that had taken over her in the darkness. This was the Mama he wanted everyone to remember. But he knew they wouldn’t, he knew they would remember the incidents, the moments of insanity that led her to do these things. They wouldn’t remember Mama at all, just the disease. “You’re better now,” he said finally, “That’s all that matters. And father Sadiki will come looking for us, I know.”
She bowed her head, knowing that her son was angry with her. She had never wanted any of this. They might have had a better shot if she had left them in the rogue lands. Maybe if she had they would have been taken up by a real family, with a mother that could keep them safe and warm all the time. She could only hope to minimize the damage she caused. Feeling her heart come into her throat she laid her head in her paws and stared off into the distance. If there was any goodness in the world he was right, Sadiki would come for them and lead them away from this whole mess. She had no idea how she would explain it. She had disappointed them again.
