My boyfriend and his religion. (rant)

[Denkou Soshiatae]

First off, I know that this a girl talking about her boyfriend. But this is a straight/gay allience, and if a boy can talk about his boy issues I think I can talk about mine.

My boyfriend and I are really close. We haven't been dating for that long (2 weeks) bu we were really very close friends before we started dating, and we know each other inside and out.
We love eachother, we say it, we know it.
He told me that someday he'd like it if he could take me for his wife (he is a few years older than me so he is starting to think about that more). I always kind of shrugged it off when he would say things like that, but last night we were sitting on his patio at night just talking and I realized that I just might feel the same way. So I told him and it was all happy dandy except...
He's a Momon, and I am an Atheist (it's easiest to say athiest when I'm not religious, but spiritiual).
I DON'T believe in an all-knowing higher inteligance, nor do I believe that Jesus did any special in particular for me.

He said that if we ended up together that it would be hard for me, but I would be happy with him (this is true, he would treat me like a queen and a friend). I asked him if he would still marry me even if I didn't convert to Mormanism.
He said no. Then he cried, alot. He felt bad that he couldn't accept me as I am right now, and he was scared that I was mad.

I'm not mad at him... I don't think hes brainwashed and i don't think hes being stubborn. He is simply fallowing his faith which he has known his whole life.

But still! Him saying that has got me so upset. I am as set in my ways as he is set in his. He believes his faith is true, i believe mine is true. And I know that right here, right now it doesn't matter. But it causes some (slight) distress between us, when I don't actually say the prayer at his family dinners or when I don't respond if he talks about Jesus or God. And it may, and WILL cause issues in the future.

I might also mention that he will be leaving for his Mission in December or a little sooner, which is two years of no comunications except for emails and phone calls on holidays. I'm going to miss him, but I am willing to wait.

I really really needed to get that off my chest. Feel free to give advice... I'm not directly asking for it, but some wise words would probably help me... thanks for reading this far if you did.  

[emotional rectangle]

this is tough, i'm sorry.

you're lucky at least that he is understanding of your beliefs (or lack there of >.>) my boyfriend is atheist & very rude to anyone who isn't... i'm a buddhist, & he is constantly telling me that my religion is stupid & that i shouldn't be wasting my time, etc... without even hearing me out about why i made the choice to convert... :/

my point is this though: try not to worry about the future just yet, simply enjoy the time you have with him now & cross the marriage bridge in a few years, when you come to it. it is obvious that he loves you, & if you love him back, that's all that matters. for now at least.

hang in there. <3 life has a way of working itself out. if you're meant to be together, i'm sure that you will be. (:  

[Robbie-fyed]

Well seeing as it's been two weeks, I'd say give it time. Maybe you'll change, or maybe he will, you never know. If things don't work out, at least you were able to experience something few others ever will.  

[HARD N THROBBING INCUBUS]

emotional rectangle

this is tough, i'm sorry.

you're lucky at least that he is understanding of your beliefs (or lack there of >.>) my boyfriend is atheist & very rude to anyone who isn't... i'm a buddhist, & he is constantly telling me that my religion is stupid & that i shouldn't be wasting my time, etc... without even hearing me out about why i made the choice to convert... :/

my point is this though: try not to worry about the future just yet, simply enjoy the time you have with him now & cross the marriage bridge in a few years, when you come to it. it is obvious that he loves you, & if you love him back, that's all that matters. for now at least.

hang in there. <3 life has a way of working itself out. if you're meant to be together, i'm sure that you will be. (:

"Atheists" like that annoy the hell out of me even more than religious people. >.< i hope they print the lotus sutra on him when he turns into a tree..... srry. go find a nice Buddhist boy.
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so uhh yeah... if u two are hell bent on sticking to your beliefs and he wont marry you as you are... i think u should break off the relationship before he leaves so u dont have to force communications while hes gone u sound better as friends than lovers anyway. u can meet a nice agnostic boy or something :  

[emotional rectangle]

Vaan_Lohengrin

i hope they print the lotus sutra on him when he turns into a tree....

this, haha. i agree. >.< nothing i can do about it though. i've learned just to avoid the fight by not bringing it up. neutral anyway...

Vaan_Lohengrin

so uhh yeah... if u two are hell bent on sticking to your beliefs and he wont marry you as you are... i think u should break off the relationship before he leaves so u dont have to force communications while hes gone u sound better as friends than lovers anyway. u can meet a nice agnostic boy or something :

maybe they would be better as friends, but there's no way to know that yet for sure. i don't think it should be broken off immediately because of something that won't cause problems until later on... who knows, one of them may very well end up changing their beliefs, or perhaps a compromise can be reached. you never know until you try, right? i wouldn't be so willing to give up what may (or may not) turn out to be a really good thing for them both. not just yet, at least.

i suggest just being 100% sure of what you want though. what's more important, your beliefs, or the boy?

if kristopher ever asked me to sacrifice my religion for him i'd tell him to go to hell. neutral but although we argue about it sometimes, i know he'd never actually put me in that position...  

[HARD N THROBBING INCUBUS]

emotional rectangle

Vaan_Lohengrin

i hope they print the lotus sutra on him when he turns into a tree....

this, haha. i agree. >.< nothing i can do about it though. i've learned just to avoid the fight by not bringing it up. neutral anyway...

Vaan_Lohengrin

so uhh yeah... if u two are hell bent on sticking to your beliefs and he wont marry you as you are... i think u should break off the relationship before he leaves so u dont have to force communications while hes gone u sound better as friends than lovers anyway. u can meet a nice agnostic boy or something :

maybe they would be better as friends, but there's no way to know that yet for sure. i don't think it should be broken off immediately because of something that won't cause problems until later on... who knows, one of them may very well end up changing their beliefs, or perhaps a compromise can be reached. you never know until you try, right? i wouldn't be so willing to give up what may (or may not) turn out to be a really good thing for them both. not just yet, at least.

i suggest just being 100% sure of what you want though. what's more important, your beliefs, or the boy?

if kristopher ever asked me to sacrifice my religion for him i'd tell him to go to hell. neutral but although we argue about it sometimes, i know he'd never actually put me in that position...

just do what feels right if ur not gonna be together later why waste your time now is all i'm saying. you could be out looking for someone who is more your type  

[Rose Villain]

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

That's all I have to say..  

[angel_of_darkness_4000]

I too am in a relationship, (Its really complicated, we aren't dating cause he is on his mission and he didn't want me falling for another guy and then end up sending him a "dear john letter, and we haven't actually ever dated, but we are great friends and we are pretty much dating because before he left we did everything together. Its complicated to describe what we are, but we talk about everything too even marriage and what not so I am hoping this will be helpful.....end of my rant there), with a Mormon. I am not atheist, but I am not a devout Christian. I am searching for what I believe, I have researched a lot of religions and so far I don't know what I believe.
And one day this guy and I were discussing marriage and our beliefs and what not. I asked him if it was a big deal to marry outside of the religion and he said no. He wouldn't get to get married in the temple like other Mormons but it wasn't a big deal. Of course this has been many years that he has been thinking of this. It took him a long time to realize that if God had created his future wife to be with him, than it wasn't up to him to say no, just because they practiced their spirituality differently.
I am personally doing my research in religion, right at this moment, in the Mormon church. In all reality it isn't a bad religion. If you are completely and utterly devoted to your Mormon, try it for a little bit. Go to his church a few Sundays. Read some of the Book of Mormon. I am not saying you should change what you believe, and I am not say you have to do this, but show him that you are willing to give it a chance, and if in the end you still decide it is not for you, then you can honestly say you tried, so now its his turn to try and see past his religion to the love you are able to give.

Also, it has only been two weeks, so if he isn't 100% willing right now, then he may change with time.  

[DarkDaisuke9]

First off, you're right in you should be able to ask for advice smile . Gay guy here but anyways, first off, I congratulate you on not getting angry over this and being logical. Most people aren't all that logical when they hear stuff like this.
Anyways, I'm pretty sure during the next year or two, hes going to find out if he truly can say he won't marry you if you're not of his faith. Having no contact with you will probably give him time to think about it. I don't know what else to say but if you don't think you can wait, then I'd move on with your life. If you can, I hope he realizes that faith is faith, but love is love. Basically you can have two different beliefs in a household but still love each other.  

[Corporal Maladict]

You've been dating two weeks and you already talk about marriage?

Whoa.

Slow down a bit there.

You may have been friends a long time, but you don't truly know this guy until you've dated him for several months.  

[eat more happy]

Just a quick FYI: this is just my opinion and mine only; if you're not happy with it feel free to throw it out. :3

Anyways, #1: Agree to disagree.

and #2, realize that regardless of how long you've known this individual, or how many conversations you've had with them, or how many experiences you've experienced together, or memories you've built with one another, it does not determine the worth of an individual as your other half. I know you never mentioned anything relating to that, but I felt like sharing that part of my opinion.

People choose to be in relationships; yes it's actually a choice that you get to make in case one didn't know, and unfortunately, most of the time we take that choice for granted. It's okay to think ahead and plan out a future with your significant other, however if you feel like something about the person you're sharing a life with (be it for 2hours or a lifetime) is upsetting you, you must communicate it. There is absolutely nothing wrong in being religious or not. Come the end of the day, your faith is between you and your entity- whatever you choose it to be.

Iit's okay to express your thoughts and it's perfectly fine that he express his as well, but remember: don't let the small things grow into big things. Don't let the (potential) problem be bigger than you; be bigger than the (potential) problem, that way you won't have anything to worry about.

Take your time in getting to know this person; learn from them so they can learn from you. Embrace what life gives you and take it one day at a time. Eventually, if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. If not; then it's okay. At least you were able to experience something beautiful, and are likely to experience it again, but differently, with someone else.

I hope I made some sense, I'm kind of exhausted lolol. I've been doing homework all day.
blaugh

Goodluck.
-Nana

 

[Miranda60]

I believe that religion shouldn't be an obstacle for the both of you, I mean he knew what your stands on religion was when you guys started dating. So it shouldn't surprise him, you both should leave religion out of your relationship and enjoy life, your relationship. Religion doesn't really matter if you both love eachother, or if it will make you feel better, we sometime have to bend a little in order to make our better half happy. For now all I can say is enjoy your relationship, the love between the both of you. Live life with no regrets and forget about religion... For now.  

[Shanna66]

first off let me comend you on how mature your being about this.

other than talking to him there isnt alot you can do. and as a christian i can understand where he is comming from. he may not want to spend the rest of his life with you only to have you go to hell when you die becasue of your lack of faith. its something i worry about with my family and friends all the time since most of them arent christian.

imagine living with someone and loving them for most of your life and then when you both die you do to the good place and they go to the worst place ever and you never see each other again. i would imagine that must be very painful and some people try to avoid that pain by staying within their religion when dating


just talk to him and see if you both can find some common ground  

[Denkou Soshiatae]

Wow thanks you guys for the support... I expected more "suck it up" comments but you guys are being great. And I don't think I'm being mature, I'm just being reasonable... sweatdrop

Yeah, I know in the now, that religion shouldn't matter. We are both just the kind of people who think about the future alot.

We talked about it more today and I told him that I could accept God as a friend and guide, but not a father and creator. That is, if I begging to believe in God. Right now I believe in a universal flow of energy, and believe that everything in life is controlled by that engery in some way, or affected by it. Negative and possative energies, hopes and dreams and radda radda radda, but that for him i could think of it as a being...

@Shanna - I never really put it into his perespective... He really must be worried that I'm going to hell because of how sacreligous I am. and I feel bad that I must be worrying him, and the last thing I want to do is make him feel ignored and helpless about me. That's why I'm going to give it a chance...  

[The_27th_Doctor]

Meh, that's stupid. Why does it matter what you believe in? I'm an atheist but I don't care what other people believe in. It's just not my thing but that doesn't mean I'm going to be a d**k to people that do believe in god or anything else. Whatever floats your boat I suppose lol. As long as you respect my beliefs (or lack of) then we're fine smile .