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 Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 1:28 pm
She was straying again. Not far, mind, but just enough so that she could have a moment to herself. Roho wanted to keep up appearances and sometimes her sadness and her fear got to her so much that she struggled to hide it. When this happened, she strayed. Better that than let her friends see that she was not as strong as they thought her.
She quickened her pace, breaking through a line of dry, half-golden shrubs and, only when they were between her and the others, did she feel the sobs wrench up and out of her throat. She stood, head lowered, her sides aching from having suppressed her grief for so long and released her heart-wrenching cries.
Whoever said crying didn't help was a liar. She felt the tension in her chest ease and so, eventually, did the pained sobs.
Everything...everything was terrible.
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 1:46 pm
Much to his father's displeasure, Taiga had slipped away from the rest of his siblings and the rest of the pride for some alone time. He loved his family, and would do anything to please his father, but it was one of those rare occasions where the blue male needed time to himself, away from the pride. So there he was, walking across the grass with his pale blue eyes taking in his surroundings.
It didn't take him long to hear the pained sobs of another creature as his ears perked up and he inclined his head towards the sound. "Hello?" He called cautiously shifting in a small circle before his eyes settled upon the dark red female. Concern immediately dominated his expression as his ears flattened against his head and a frown settled on his lips.
"Hey! Are you okay?" He called hurrying to her side.
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 1:49 pm
To say that she startled at the sound of the voice was an understatement. Her head shot up, her body immediately finding a defensive posture. Clearly she expected the worst, curling her lips back to hiss warningly.
It was both her fear of the stranger and her shame of being caught in such a pitiful state that drove her to this threatening stance. After all, she shame of being found like this was...was great. She was a warrior, after all! She was strong and fierce and she had lived through great trauma! And yet, here she was, weeping like a child and to have it witnessed by some rogue who...who sounded concerned.
Roho backed up a step, pinning back her ears and arching her back. "Go away." She hissed. "Just go away. Everything's all right."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 1:57 pm
He wasn't sure how he expected the female to react when he approached her but it certainly wasn't anger that he saw coming. He stopped a few feet away from her, tail sweeping across the floor as he titled his head slightly in curiosity. "Doesn't seem that way miss," he stated softly trying to sound comforting. "I don't mean to upset you," he told her inching forward cautiously.
"I just wanna help," he admitted because it was his nature to do so. Whenever it appeared that someone needed help he impulsively tried to help them. To leave them, especially a crying female, on their own went against everything he stood for.
"What can I do?"
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:08 pm
"You can't help!" She spat, wiping fiercely at her eyes as if she could hide her sadness by drying them. Damn. Damn. Damn. Her reputation would be in tatters! She was supposed to be the strong one! Her ears were drawn forwards as she worked to hide her previous grief - though of course, that was an attempt made in vain. Yet, at his kind words, the lioness halted in her 'grooming' and lifted her head to look at him.
The expression on her face was surprise mixed with suspicion, but the anger had faded.
"There's nothing you or anyone can do." She cleared her throat, not liking how rough the sobbing had made it sound. "I've got it out of my system now and I'm fine." Fine? Would she ever truly be fine? Unlikely, but strangely, the sympathy of this stranger comforted her a little. But he was a stranger and that could mean anything. He could be a danger.
"Who're you?" She sounded suspicious. "A rogue? A scout? What? You should get out of here."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:24 pm
"Yes I can!" His voice was loud and his tone pleading even as he shied away from her, tail between his legs. "I can't leave," he said that confidently as he tried to pull himself up, to stand straighter. "I can't see someone in pain and just leave," he stated firmly holding his head high as his blue eyes watched her carefully.
"It's not out of your system," he pointed out softly. His tone was sweet, his statement not an accusation but a simple fact. "You wouldn't be so angry if it was." He was, like his father, growing accustomed to reading others, figuring out what they were thinking and how they felt just from their expression, words and tone.
"My name is Taiga," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "You can't make me leave."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:33 pm
Uh oh. If he kept the nice voice going much longer she was going to end up as a blabbering mess again. Not good. Not good at all. She steeled herself and fixed her jaw, knitting her brow in an attempt to maintain control over her facial expression and not dissolve into sobs again.
Think angry...think angry.
"I'm angry because...because I don't cry. No one is supposed to see me like this." She exhaled noisily. "Angry because I can't seem to get a moment's peace! Rogue lands are not as empty as they appear! There's always some lion hiding around the corner, waiting to jump out and ruin the quiet!" She was growing angry again, her tail thrashing.
"Well, Taiga. If you won't leave, I will." She began to circle around him, knowing that she couldn't return to her companions unless she wanted to give their hiding spot away.
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:58 pm
"It's okay to cry," he told her softly stepping closer as she began to circle him. He shuffled his paws so that as she circled so did he. "Of course not, there are more rogues than you would think," he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "The world isn't as empty as one would think." Everywhere you went you would run in to someone else, it was rare when you didn't.
"I'm not trying to ruin the quiet but I am trying to offer comfort," he explained even as she grew more angry. Taiga was aware that this could turn out poorly for him but he didn't seem to care. He was willing to take the risk if it meant helping her.
He was going to help her even if it meant him getting hurt. "If you leave I will follow, until you deal with your problem and allow me to help."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 3:02 pm
She turned and glared at him, the bright blue gaining a dangerous edge. What was wrong with this lion? Why wouldn't he take the hint? She rounded on him, taking on an offensive posture. If he wouldn't leave of his own accord, she'd force him.
"Can you bring back the dead, Taiga?" She spat each word as if they were daggers to be thrown. "No? Oh dear. What a shame." The sarcasm was biting. "You can't help. No one can help. The dead are dead and nothing can be done to change it. And if I let it get to me then I might as well be dead, too."
She advanced on him. "Do you understand? Sometimes people just don't want to be helped."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 3:10 pm
"Just because their physically dead doesn't mean they're actually dead," he chirped happily now that he had gotten her to give him important information. "As long as you remember them they are with you, for all you know they could be reborn. A cycle of rebirth," his words came out smoothly and one might believe that the young male was wise beyond his years but he wasn't. He did like to pretend though.
"My mother is crazy, she is tortured by horrible visions and slept with my father because he offered comfort, because his touch did not plague her with nightmares. When we came of age she turned us out, told us to leave and stay with out father," his words came out easily as if they didn't effect him. "It may not be the same as someone dying but I lost my mother a long time ago and have not seen her since, my father hardly cares for my siblings or myself," no emotion just statements.
"I help people because it is who I am, I can't not help. I have to, whether I want to or not but I do. I want to help," he sighed feet spreading apart as she advanced on him. He didn't like fighting but he would defend himself. "You're in the anger stage of grieving."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 3:19 pm
She stood very still, eyes wide, breathing rapid from her yelling. An ear drooped and, when he was done, she broke eye contact and looked away from him.
And now the shame returned, but this time the shame for her anger and how she had directed it at this lion. She just wanted to hide from her sadness and not face up to it and having someone be so...so kind...she couldn't deal with that. She just wanted someone to tell her to snap out of it and move on. That it would all be okay eventually. Guiren would have. She was sure of it. But he wasn't here any more and he never would be again. She knew the day would come when he would be gone and she would have to live without him. But Roho had not expected it to come so soon. She hadn't been ready for him to go.
"I'm sorry." Her head drooped. "It seems life is difficult to everyone. I...never realised how lucky I was until I lost everything. I took it all for granted and now...now it's gone and there's nothing I can do about it."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 3:33 pm
"No one ever does," he shrugged his shoulders as the anger seemed to disappear from the red cat. "You don't need to apologize, it's hard when you lose someone." Not that he had ever truly lost someone, he had only really ever lost his brother but it had been Charon's choice and he respected that. His brother was more of a saint than he was.
"What you can do is take what happened to you and use it to help yourself. Being sad isn't easy but it is inevitable." He shook his head as he stepped towards her. "Just because they aren't physically alive doesn't mean you can't keep them alive." He sounded cheesy now but he couldn't help it. He was rambling. "Everyone is lucky it just depends on when the luck runs out."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 3:37 pm
"It will get easier." She replied adamantly. "It has to. I need to be strong for others. To do that I need to be...I need to move on." She thought back to the conversation she had had with Guiren when he had been alive and they very much in love. "I said much the same thing to him. I did not think his death would haunt me as much as it has. I told him I would keep his memory with me. That we'd be together again when my time was up."
She frowned, shaking her head. "He would be ashamed of me, I think."
Roho relaxed her posture and lifted her eyes to regard the stranger. "I am Roho, and...I owe you an apology. I should not have taken my frustration out on you as I did."
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 4:04 pm
"It will," he sounded confident, sure of himself as he spoke those words because really, it did get easier. "Of course not, it always effects you more deeply than you imagined," again more statement of facts. He was a people pleaser yes, but he was more about getting deep inside them and forcing them to deal with what they didn't want to. All so he wouldn't have to deal with his own problems.
Not that he'd ever admit that aloud.
"I don't think so, his death obviously hurt you and if he loved you, like you seemingly loved him, then he would understand. He probably would be the same. Everyone grieves differently."
At her apology he waved it off with his paw. "Don't worry, I'm used to it." His father liked taking his aggressions out on him.
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 4:14 pm
She flinched. He was used to it? Yes, she had been tough on her students when...when they had been around, but it was for their own good and she certainly hadn't been that aggressive to them ever. For his father to be so mean to him...she shook her head, dismayed.
Life really was unfair.
"Used to it or not, I still apologise. You've helped me a great deal, I think, by forcing me to...to admit to my grief. For forcing me to share it." She gave a light purr, perhaps her first in many many days.
"But now I think I should be getting along. The--" She paused. "I do not intend to stay a rogue for long and I have a lot of ground to cover." She almost let slip that she needed to get back because the others might be worrying and coming to look for her. She had not told anyone she was going for a walk. "I do not think we shall meet again, Taiga, but if - against all odds - we do, I shall greet you with a smile instead of snarls and tears. That I promise you."
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