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 Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 5:18 pm
I mean, it's like one day he's hot, the next he's cold. I mean, he's just overall confusing me.
Okay, a little backstory. He's a senior. I'm a freshman. I've had a crush on him since before September. We started dating on Feb. 25th, but he broke up with me on the 28th, which I talked about a lot in the blog I had before that subforum was changed. The whole break-up didn't surprise me, since it was "awkward". I felt so awkward because I constantly distancing myself. I know the reason why I unintentionally did this : I liked him too much. I still do. He was my first boyfriend. Ever. And I was terrified that I was going to screw something up, and it would be over. Well, that wound up hurting things more than it helped.
I know this is really out of order, but my thoughts are bouncing all over the place. Okay, I had asked him out in a note the Friday before, since I was too shy to do it, and figured I had nothing to lose. My best friend gave it to him after third period, when she saw him. I couldn't give it to him in first period because... I honestly don't remember why. In the note, I asked him out, and then said "and while this may be the most cliche phrase ever, if you don't want to, then can we at least be friends?" and then signed it with just a simple "-- [name]". That afternoon on the bus, I never got an answer. He practically ignored me. Monday rolled around. Still no answer to the question, but instead I got a note before school that made me lose the game in a very creative way. I apologize, I'm just stating what happened. Well, on Tuesday, Kelsey, one of my good friends, asked me if I had gotten an answer yet. I told her no. So, she goes and talks to him about it. Long story short, she has him go talk to me about it, and he tells me that he does like me and would really like to date me. Me, being a freaking shy idiot, couldn't do anything but stare at the ground and blush.
Wednesday morning. My best friend winds up asking him if he would go out with me, since I still couldn't do it. Why? Because I'm too shy around him. Like I said before, I like him too much. Then, on Friday, he asks me to go outside with him for a minute.. Best friend follows as well, and he breaks up with me. I guess I was shocked, even though it wasn't a surprise, because I didn't really feel anything. When I went back in and told the table what had happened, I was really calm, but looking back, I kept focusing on random things and locking my eyes on them. I mean, my voice didn't crack, and my eyes didn't even mist at all.
But one thing that I really regret happened a couple of minutes later. This girl, who I've considered my friend, asked me if I would be okay if she asked him out. I told her sure. I hate that I did that now, but at the same time, I can't hold her back, no matter how much I might love him. I just can't. Yeah, I know that I just said that I love him, and some of you might think that I'm just a stupid teenage girl, but I think that I really might love him... and that's something that I've thought about.. A lot.
Anyway. So yesterday, I wrote him another note. Which I'm just gonna sum up rather than type out. I asked him two questions : Why he liked me, and what made it so awkward for him. .. but I did say at the end that " I guess you don't have to answer these questions if you don't want to, since I never really answered many of yours..".
He then replied in a note that he gave best friend a note to give me this morning. Which I had to read quite a few times, and talked with a few friends about. And we all agree that it was basically a very wordy way of saying absolutely nothing at all. However, the signature confuses me. He signed "Love, The a*****e". Which I've been puzzling over all day. I mean, I'm trying not to look too much into it.. but I can't help it.. I keep wondering why he signed it with "love" rather than "sincerely" or something like that. I mean, I know it's a common way to end a letter, but I can't help thinking about it.. But I'm even more confused about who he signed as. I mean, why would he call himself an a*****e..? I just don't get it. /=
Yeah, I realize that I've left a ton out, and that this isn't exactly organized very well... but I can't focus enough to really reword it and stuff...
And.. Um I guess I'm just wondering what I should do.. Basically, I would just love some advice..
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 6:11 pm
Maybe he wrote 'Love, The a*****e" because he still cares about you (whether as a friend or more than a friend) but feels like an a**. Just a guess. No one knows for sure what he's thinking except for him.
Either way, my advice would be to either talk to him about it face to face or just drop it and move on. Because you cannot, in my opinion, have a serious relationship with someone if you're so afraid of them that you only communicate through notes that are passed through friends anyway. You're getting too old for the note passed through friends thing, and he's already too old for it. You should ideally be friends with someone, be somewhat comfortable around them, and be able to have real face to face conversations with them before getting into a relationship with them. If you both decide that you still like each other, take it slow and become comfortable as friends first before becoming an official couple again.
I don't blame you for being a bit upset about your friend asking you if she can ask him out. Even if you were not visibly upset, that sounds like a pretty low thing of her to do.
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 3:51 am
You are the apple...annador but instead I got a note before school that made me lose the game in a very creative way. Oh for the love of... -_- As for advice, Lorien took the words right out of my head. I would like to put as much emphasis as possible through text on these two things she mentioned: 1."Because you cannot, in my opinion, have a serious relationship with someone if you're so afraid of them that you only communicate through notes that are passed through friends anyway. You're getting too old for the note passed through friends thing, and he's already too old for it."Everyone hears that communication is vital in a relationship. It's completely true. You can't be with someone and not be able to verbally talk with them about problems and issues you have and even just what you did that day or something. It creates and/or strengthens a bond and strengthens the friendship that is the basis of any relationship. Which brings me to my next point... 2. "You should ideally be friends with someone, be somewhat comfortable around them, and be able to have real face to face conversations with them before getting into a relationship with them."Like i said, a friendship is the concrete basis to ANY relationship. If you can't be happy and feel...for lack of a better word, normal...as friends, how can a relationship ever work? Friendships create an emotional bond between two people that is extremely hard to break. If the two friends happen to like each other and get together, that relationship will only build and strengthen the bond even more, making even HARDER to break. And you called me on the "just a stupid teenage girl" thing when it comes to saying you love him. I dont think you're stupid, cause a lot of teenagers say and do it, and i wouldn't say you're stupid anyways. But if you're too shy to even talk to the guy, there's no way you can love him. It's simply an attraction. That bond i mentioned? THAT is love, whether platonic or romantic. At the very least, it's what allows love to grow between two people. My suggestion is the same as Lorien's. Be friends with the guy, make sure you can actually verbally talk to him, create that bond, then make the move and start to build your relationship with him. and I am your core.
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Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 5:02 pm
LorienLlewellyn-- I think that I was probably too vague when I was typing this up, but I was doing good to think straight. Now I'm noticing a ton of things that I should have added. The major thing that I should have put is that we do actually already talk. A lot. I mean, I consider us to already be friends, maybe even really good friends. It's just.. I think I naturally shy away from anything that involves relationships, which is why I had to resort to a silly note. And yet another of my friends talked with him about something on the bus, and he told her that when it comes to relationships, he's practically a third grader. Or something like that.
But onto your advice, that's basically the same thing that one of my other friends said too. And I do plan on asking him on Monday. If I didn't have to give my bestie a ride to school, I'd ride the bus and ask him then.
And as for the whole thing about the friend wanting to ask him out, I agree, but she probably doesn't realize just how much it's affecting me. After all, she's liked him for almost as long as I have.. =
Rock-- I think I practically replied to your post at the same time when I typed the above stuff. xD
But as I said before, we are already friends... and when I'm just talking with him, I do feel "happy and normal" like you said as friends. And if I'm being totally honest, I feel as comfortable around him as I do my family, if that makes any sense... which I think means a lot, seeing as how I'm really shy normally around people; I've noticed that I tend to try to hide when I'm around a huge group of people..
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