|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:57 pm
Lily waited sitting on the balcony outside her room, the music from her radio floating out into the night. She legs were pulled up, her arms wrapped around her knee, chin resting upon them whilst she looked up at the stars. Although she had not told anyone other than Regulus about joining the Blood Moon Court, it had come out and it was well rather blatantly obvious now.
It was something Lily as Maia needed to do, but she had not meant to hurt anyone in the process especially not her cousin. They had only just meet, only know they were cousins for a few months and had become friends, but now she wasn't entirely sure. She wondered if she should appologize, but she knew she would. Not for joining the BMC, but for not talking to the Basterds about it. Regulus had understood, for the most part, so why not the others right.
She was going to explain a few things like why she joined, but other things as well like what that meant exactly, which she herself had not entirely understood until recently. She quit the Basterds, and was a member of the BMC, but Lily would forever keep her loyalty to her first team.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 5:20 pm
He'd gotten the call, and initially he wasn't sure what he could do about it. Or rather, what he wanted to do about it. He'd been content to just ignore it, like he ignored anything else that bothered him.
But first there had been her birthday. It had certainly been the wrong place to bring forth such a subject, and for that he was thankful. He hadn't even been sure if he even wanted to go anymore, but a promise had been a promise, and so he had gone and did what he had to do, through he felt like a fish out of his fishbowl for the entirety of it.
And then there had been the day after the first battle in Elysion. They'd talked, but avoided the subject completely. Even if Maia would have brought it up, Themis would have utterly refused to speak a word of it, and his cousin had not yet learned how stubborn and unbending he could be when he wanted to avoid something.
It was the same stubbornness and unbendingness that had made him hesitate when she called him. Why else would she call him when she hadn't called before ? But the truth was that Xavier direly needed to go out, in spite of his injuries, in spite of all of his self-doubt. The four walls of Bell's living room were starting to drive him crazy.
The bus had dropped him a few streets away, and now he was walking toward Lily's house, still wondering just why he was doing this. Clearly she did not need him, just like his mother had decided she hadn't needed him when his parents had divorced.
Clearly he'd been holding her back, if she'd chosen to leave for another team with not even a whisper of a warning ?
Truth to be told, Xavier felt abandoned. Just as quickly as they had figured things out, he'd been all but discarded. At least, that was how he felt.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 5:41 pm
Lily looked up wondering what time it was as the night sky darkened and she wondered if Xavier was coming. He had no real reason to come and Lily could only hope that he would. She did not want things to be like that with her old team. Not when ... not when Lily would put her life on the line for any of them in a heart beat. She was tempted very tempted to call a meeting with the others, but it wasn't her place and so she would have to catch them one by one. It couldn't be that hard right?
Sitting up she stretched and headed back into her room to grab a sweater and blanket. It was getting cold outside, but she want to stay out on the balcony. She headed back out blanket in hand wrapping it around her and looking up at the stars wondering if she could find Maia or any of the other sailor stars out there.
She sat slightly dazed not really noticing anything around her as she traced the constellations she could find with her eyes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 5:51 pm
It wasn't long until he was there, and he could, in fact, see her on the balcony, which made him stop, lips pulled into a thin line.
He could still turn back now. Maybe she'd understand how he felt if he didn't show up at all.
He sighed, and shook his head. It would have been easy to just power-up and leap his way, through he didn't feel like exerting the effort - plus what if her sibilings or her parents came and saw him here without ever seeing him enter ?
No, he knocked on the door instead.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 6:06 pm
Lily did not notice Xavier as he walked past despite his being visible from the balcony, but she did hear the knock at the door and her mother calling up.
"Lily blossom, Xavier is here."
Her she stood up not really knowing what to do, but feeling momentarily elated that her cousin had indeed shown up and that could only be good right. She really hoped it could only be good, she did not think more bad news was something she can handle after the negaverse bested the senshi the other night. She should have been proud as she had escaped another battle injury free, but instead she only felt shamed.
"Send him, up," she called, "I'm out on my balcony."
She turned and sat back down in her chair blanket wrapped around her waiting for her cousin to come up and is with her or stand awkwardly, though she would prefer very much if he sat. She did not bother turning her music off as it would prevent them from being heard, she wasn't sure how the conversation would go and it was better safe than sorry.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 9:48 am
He did come up when Lily's mother came to get him, following her though the still-foreign house until he reached her room, and then it wasn't hard to see that she was on the balcony - and so that was where he went.
"Hey."
Unfortunately, Xavier had chosen to stand awkwardly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 12:54 pm
"Hey," Lily responded in kind looking to Xavier feeling unsure. It was written all over her face, but the situation was awkward. How often did one feel like the betrayed a cousin you did not know very well that you'd only met on chance a few months back.
"Please sit," she said jestering to a chair that sat round the table sitting in front of her, then she looked up to the stars once more.
After a few moments she said it, "as you already know I joined the Blood Moon Court and kept it to myself which I should not have done. I was trying to figure out how to tell everyone the news and the more I thought about the one thing that was bothering the more I avoided it."
Lily turned looking to Xavier once more her eyes solomn. "I am very sorry Xavier that I did not tell you. I think there are some things I should explain and I bet you are wondering why."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 2:22 pm
As tightly guarded as he had hoped to be able to keep expression, it did reveal two things.
He'd been expecting this, and he was looking forward to this as much as he was looking forward to getting both arms ripped open again.
Well, maybe not that much, but it was in quiet reluctance that he took the seat offered to him. The sad thing was that he could understand the logic perfectly. It was the same logic that had him wanting to just power-up, leap off the balcony, and avoid this conversation.
"It's fine." Male pride knee-jerk reflex - pretend nothing was wrong. Too bad his body language wasn't following those words. "Might as well."
She was doing the talking tonight, apparently.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 7:02 am
Lily was watching Xavier, he was probably about as open with his expressions as she was even though he was trying not to be. She wondered momentarily if it was a family trait, but realized her mind was trying to skirt around the matter at hand.
Her eyes wandered back up to the night sky, so she was no longer looking at her cousin, "you say that, but you don't mean it."
Her eyes rolled back over to her cousin waiting for a comment, but decided to simply barrel forward. "At first I did not intend to join the Blood Moon Court, after all I was a Basterd, but hearing more about it I became more intrigued. I felt like they could offer something that was missing. There is an intense organization that the BMC has, that while the Basterds, who are far more organized than most teams, don't have. They seems like extremist at times, but being with them training with them, not just on being a senshi, but being more physically strong more physically adequate I would say they aren't. They have a clear cut method and goal."
She looked back up to the night sky, "I do not think Princess Serenity is coming back. I feel we have been abandoned by her and she is allowing the negaverse to walk all over us. I do not have any loyalty to her and I do not wish to find her. I am not the only one."
She looked down at her blanket covered knees and frowned tears forming, which she blinked away. "I am angry Xavier. Angry that a negaverser tried to pull out my starseed, angry to be attacked too many nights, angry that the senshi often do not all seem to be fighting the same war, angry that the negaverse is more organized, more put together."
She was rambling, it was pretty much all coming out and it was more than what was she was suppose to be saying, so she stopped holding her breath and counting to calm herself before letting it out. Repeating the process several times for a couple minutes.
"Sorry," she said looking up, "I did not mean to say all that."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 12:54 pm
Well, no he didn't mean it. He just wasn't the kind of person that took feeling like he'd been tossed aside like an old shoe very easily. The world probably had his mother to thank for that.
Still, he listened, which was more than he would have done for most - more than he truly had done with his own mother. Serenity. It always came down to Serenity, wasn't it ?
"Weither she comes back." He started, eyes fixed on the horizon. Did he want her back ? A part of him did, though... He liked to think himself a realist. "Or doesn't, is irrelevant, don't you think ? I don't think we're meant to collectively sit on our happy asses in hope that something will happen to slap a magicy fix-it band aid all over the situation."
Before he could continue on to whatever he meant to say, though, she was talking again. and the more she spoke, the more those pale blue eyes behind his glasses narrowed. He got up, walked toward the railing, and for a scary few seconds, it looked like he was about to power-up, jump over, and get the hell out of here.
He didn't.
It was only when she said her last sentence that he spoke. "You know, im angry too." He didn't sound angry. He sounded dead even, flat. Maybe it would have been better if he would have been screaming. "You wanna know why ? Im angry that my cousin almost had her starseed stolen. I am angry that she's been attacked one too many nights. Im angry that apparently I wasn't good enough to even know any of this. Im angry that I wasn't even given a chance to try to help. Im angry that once again, I was left out of the loop. Im angry because next thing I knew, you were gone and I didn't even have the faintest idea why."
He hadn't known. Not a damn thing. Maybe she thought he was useless, that he wouldn't have been able to at least comfort her, listen to her. What other reason could it have been ? His mother certainly thought him useless enough. Seemed to be a trend lately.
"Im angry that we did a collectively ******** mistake and guided our enemy right into the most sacred part of the earth." Okay, now it was his turn to talk too much. "Im angry that I got beaten the ******** up, and got this power-up just so I could survive it. Im angry that everyone probably think im the most useless, pathetic senshi this side of the asteroid belt." Attempt at witty humor - failed. "Im sick of my mother telling me ill never do anything with myself because I don't follow life the way she sees it. Im sick of seeing the disappointment in my father's eyes when I can't tell him why the hell I keep turning up at the hospital with serious injuries. Im sick of wondering if what im doing is even right. Im sick of seeing those I love hurt and not being able, or being good enough, to do anything about it. I came a hair's close to be one of the dead bodies in Elysion."
He was silent then, sighing. "Im sick of wondering if I should have been one of dead bodies in Elysion."
He regretted that last sentence the second it came out.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 1:39 pm
Alright so now Lily was extremely confused. She could have sworn it was common knowledge what had happened to her and had she not told anyone. She had hadn't she, how could that have possibly slipped away. She frowned deeply at each of her cousins words, feeling worse by the second. It seemed he felt exactly how she felt. More than often, she felt completely useless, less as of late, but useless none the less.
"Don't think like that. You aren't useless and you are helping and you should never wonder if you should have been a dead body."
She was trembling now from her cousins rant, but he had unknowing just explained it himself. "This is what I mean Xavier. This is what was missing. I was wrong for not telling you, but I thought you knew. I thought Regulus knew, but he told me otherwise. I thought everyone was in the loop, but we aren't.
We are angry for almost all the same reasons and yet I did not know how you felt, nor you. And here we are arguing over something so, grrr, I don't know.
Xavier, you are my cousin, and you are worth more than every senshi out there. I joined the Blood Moon Court and so what, that doesn't mean I can't be around and that doesn't mean I abandoned the team and that doesn't mean we can't communicate. I will never loose my loyalties to the Basterds, anyone of them, especially you Xai."
Lily felt like she was talking in circles, not really knowing what to say and on the verge of yelling and telling the world to just roll over. It was like being on a train going at the speed of light and threatening to derail at any minute.
"I was stupid. There is no excuse for it. I should have told you. I should have told you everything. That I feel like I need something more than the Basterds could offer. That my brother is in hot water with my parents because he is helping sneak out at night. That while excited I got into DCU, really excited, are pushing for me to leave the city for college. That I was scared to death after the first Battle in Elysion because I didn't know what was going on with you and the others, but I was also surrounded by my bruised and bloodied teammates. Angry with the senshi for loosing to the negaverse in the second battle and terribly upset that I escaped completely without a scratch twice. I felt like I'd done nothing."
She stood and went over to the balcony rail standing next to her cousin. "I am sorry for not knowing and for not telling and for being the failure of senshidom that I was trying to avoid being. I think ..." she started but she did not know what to say.
"... I think we need a plan."
Extra whoa ... intensiveness is highly amusing
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:17 pm
For a stunned moment, Xavier said nothing. He opened his mouth to speak, multiple times, but then nothing came out.
They... were indeed angry for the very same reasons. Only slightly different angles, but the exact same reasons.
"I thought I was useless." He admitted. "I thought you had given up on me..." But she hadn't, hadn't she ?
He wouldn't be standing here if she hadn't.
"It's not your fault." He admitted. He still didn't dare to look at her. "What happened... I just take things like this really hard. When I feel someone has abandoned me."
It was perhaps the first time he'd said it out loud.
A part of him secretly wished he hadn't. It felt like showing a vulnerability, like leaving it wide open for others to prod at.
It was easier to just clam up and pretend it didn't exist. Always had been.
"You've made your decision." He said, softly. "I don't agree with the whole of it." They couldn't find strength if they kept fragmenting. "But it was your decision, and you felt it was the right choice to make. Im fine with that. This was never what I had any problem with."
"We need... A way to easily make others know we're in trouble. Not afterward, but while it happens." He shook his head. Sticking to pairs would help, but it wasn't always possible. "Some sort of distress signal, maybe ?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:37 pm
Lily blinked and shook her head. "Of course not," she said seriously, defensively even. "You useless, thats ... thats actually really funny coming from the senshi who makes my attack far more efficient. I would never give up on you. Never."
She sighed hearing the words that came from his mouth and so they came to the real issue, why Xavier was really upset. He felt like he had been abandoned and that wasn't true. She couldn't be a Basterd, but she'd would never abandon any other them.
"I wouldn't abandon you," she said give a small smile, "next time you feel like I have I want to coming knocking down my door demanding an explanation." She was joking, well sort of, but she did want to make it clear that communication was wanted and very much necessary.
She felt a bit better now, still on edge, a bit emotional and she knew when Xavier was gone she would crawl into her bed and sleep for days. If she was allowed to at any rate.
She lean on the balcony railing after Xavier spoke and thought about what he said her senshi phone summoned to her hand. She flicked it open and looked at it. For all the good it did, one had to summon it to use it and it was no good to you if you were on the verge of passing out, you had to focus on it to summon it.
"How do you suppose we get something like that. I mean our phone are suppose to be for that purpose, but when you think on it, they aren't very useful when you are in a battle of being chased my a youma, or whatever. Sometimes I think it is purposely obtuse."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 4:50 pm
"I don't know." He admitted. Mundane means... were largely out of the picture, for obvious reasons. One would have to remember to carry them, drop them before powering up... and not all had the luxury of not living with their parents.
"It's not perfect." He admitted, looking at her phone. "But if we can actually create databases with those things... Maybe there's also a way to make it send a signal to nearby senshi. I don't think there's a perfect solution other than always being in groups."
He liked this conversation better, and now he was fixating on it. It was much less sensitive, and while saying those words he could pretend nothing was wrong at all.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:11 pm
Lily sighed and shook her head looking up to sky again nodding and thinking on the phone that was in her hand. "Yeah your right being in groups is the best option, but in an of itself isn't very practical nor is it entire possible. A signal is the best option yes, but we don't have one."
Lily frowned her frustration rising, as she leaned over the railing her arms hanging her head no looking down at the the ground. "Why does being a senshi have to be so hard. I wonder if the negaversers have it this hard. I wonder if they have a definite way to let each other know they are trouble."
She huffed, "they stick together and follow orders well, Ive seen it. The uppers to the lowers, I think."
She looked to Xavier, "do you think there will come a day anytime soon where the senshi will be so organized, so banded together."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
