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 Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:02 am
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Name: Sienna Karen Graie
Nickname:
Age: 18
Birthday: August 19
Sign: Leo
Gemstone: peridot
Blood Type: AB+
Fav. Food: peanut butter banana sandwich (yum)
Hated Food: Oatmeal (Yuk)
School: Crystal Academy
•·.·´¯`·.·• •·.·´¯`·.·•´ Hobbies: •·.·´¯`·.·• •·.·´¯`·.·•´
Reading - Reading helps her to escape everyday life. Sienna can usually be seen with a book in her hands. Sienna thinks of books as a magical world that makes her temporarily forget her cares. They give her a time to relax and breath. The ability to enter a new world and forget the one she's in is an relaxing experince to her. Sienna likes to live that characters life and makes me feel better about myself as well, I just invision herself as the character. Besides a book doesn't talk back, or put her down. She hates Sci-fi books and perfers romance books. Her favorite romance books are ones with pirates in them. Her current favorite book is Treasure Island.
Sewing - She started getting into sewing and stitching when she first entered the arts and crafts store with her mom when she was little and had joined there free lessons. It started with making pillows, then moved up to sewing little charms and plushes. Then sewing together outfits together. Sienna wanted to be different from everyone in school so she sewed an pattern on her school uniform. No one knows its there unless they look real closely. She really likes sewing Lolita outfits. It something that pleases her. She is also known for sewing crafts for her friends. Sienna adores Wa Lolita and Sailor Lolita outfits. It's not hard to imagine what you may get for your birthday or Christmas. Besides hanging out at the bookstore or Library she can be spotted at the local fabric store.
Charity - Sienna finds Happiness in charity. Sienna likes to get out and do things to better the community. From cleaning the park, to helping at the soup kitchen. Sienna can be found every major holiday feeding the homeless. Sienna has always felt sympathetic for those less furtnate than her. Knowing that she can help someone in need and doing something worthwhile in her community gives a great peace of mind. When ask why she does Charity work Sienna says "There are hungry people in the world who needs to be fed. There are lonely people in the world who need someone to befriend them. There are elderly people who need someone to comfort them. I can relate to some of them. I want someone to befriend me and comfort me if I was in their position. Treat others how you want them to treat them
•·.·´¯`·.·• •·.·´¯`·.·•´ Virtues: •·.·´¯`·.·• •·.·´¯`·.·•´
Humble - Even through she comes from a rich family Sienna doesn't show it. She is not one to flaunt her wealth. She would rather had no money, would rather live in a small house. She even stop wearing the expansive clothes her mom buys her. (even through it put a bigger rift between her and her mom.)
Listener- When not asking people a million questions about their life Sienna can be a good listener, someone to lend their ear to. She's also good at keeping secrets, just because she gets in other people business don't mean that she would ever tell anyone what she finds out. Who would she tell besides the characters in her books?
Even if she won't want to speak up very much to offer a large amount of verbal support to accompany it.
Self-confident:: Attica knows that she is different, and she is not afraid to admit it. She takes their insults or expressions of disappointment with a steeled facial expression, refusing to give into their peer-pressure and insistence. She knows where she stands with her kind, and she simply does not care. She is proud to be loving, quiet, and a down-right coward, and she will not lie about it. She takes everything in-stride, and is never whole-heartedly offended by any insult, simply because she is grounded in knowing who she is, and why she is so different.
•·.·´¯`·.·• •·.·´¯`·.·•´ Flaws: •·.·´¯`·.·• •·.·´¯`·.·•´
Nosey - With her friendly personality and wanting to reach out to and befriend everyone, Sienna doesn't know what the word privacy means. She will come and invade your personal space. It sometimes leads to poking her nose in where it...might not particularly belong. There is no pushing her away. She really likes to be in other people's business because the truth of it all is that she finds other people's life more exciting than hers. Be ready to be drilled with questions. Sienna will want to know how a persons day went from the moment they woke up to the moment they go to bed. She would want every detail. It can be quite nervering. Some people don't want to be her friend because of this. . |
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Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:28 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:29 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:30 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:56 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:02 pm
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Hi, Phero! Welcome to INOM! If it's alright with you I'm going to go over Amalthea/Sienna and see what might help you out.
Just going from your basic trait writeup, I'm getting a basic feel for Sienna, but a lot of your traits for her are really generalized and I'm not getting a great idea of how they impact her, just that she's got them. The basic personality type is looking really fun - I really like her sewing hobby, and how it ties into her senshi powers but also how it makes her unique. Does it interact with any of her other traits? Does she frequently sew gifts for her friends or for the poor?
It seems to me that her "Charity" virtue is more of a hobby, the way you've described it. The virtue would be the underlying personality trait that causes her to enjoy doing such, such as "Generous" or "Giving," or even something like "Selfless." The actual act of doing charity work is a hobby, but something like being grateful for what she has and feeling compelled to help the less fortunate, and whatever kind of spiritual or personal reasoning behind it, would be a virtue.
I'd love to know more about her creative and loyal virtues. For example, why doesn't her creativity extend to her schoolwork? Is she artistically creative, or is she also good at thinking out of the box? Considerations like these can really take a trait to the next level. As for loyal, is her loyalty passive or active? Is she the kind of friend who will comfort you when something goes wrong, or the kind of friend who will stand up for you in a fight? Does her "charity" virtue (or what you rewrite it into) interact with her loyalty? Is she the kind of friend who gives perfect gifts because she just knows you that well? And does she trust quickly and make friends easily, or is she the kind of friend who takes a long time to feel secure but once she does, she's there for life? (Is she like super glue, or more like cement?)
With her flaws, same song second verse as with the virtues - I'd love to know more about these. "That's Private" is looking good, but it's perhaps misnamed. "That's Private" as a trait name seems to imply that she's a closed-off person, when in fact she's the opposite - she has no sense of personal space. Think about renaming this something that fits how nosy she is.
Something else to think about is... she's so quick to want to get all up in other people's business, but how does Sienna react to others wanting to know about her? Does she open up really easily and tell people too much, too fast, including things they might not want to know? Or is her desire to know everything about everyone some means of deflecting questions away from herself? You might want to think about giving her another flaw, just to balance her out a bit, and swinging her towards either one of these extremes might be an interesting place to start. I'm not saying you have to, and you shouldn't feel pressured, but I just think it might be something interesting for you to think about.
I'd love to know more about Sienna? Sienna... Hello... and how inconvenient it really is. It's a good start and a nice opposite to "Creative," but can you build it out more and show us some more evidence of her obliviousness? What kinds of inconvenient times? Is she more prone to drift off in one place than another? What sorts of trouble does she get into as a result? Do her grades suffer? Is she clumsy? Just things to think about.
What are "Bedroom eyes" ? Does she look sleepy?
For your senshi concept, did you know that your Super Sailor attack is supposed to be an upgrade of your Sailor attack, and then your Eternal attack is an entirely new attack?
For "Silk Worm Wrap," I like the basic idea of using silk fibers to bind an enemy - Silk is one of the strongest natural fibers, so this could really slow someone down! I'm not sure that the downfall of having the silk worms turn on her is really the best thing you can do here, though. For example, silk loses twenty percent of its strength when it gets wet - maybe the attack is severely weakened by the presence of water? You should also think about the duration - how long do enemies stay bound for?
For "Silky Veil," I'm not entirely sure what you're aiming for. How does the silky veil connect to sending the enemies flying? An attack will generally be offense - ie, the part where she sends her enemy flying or defense, like the part where she summons a thick fog. Maybe pick one part of the attack and expand on it?
I wish you had some reference or inspiration images - Senshi of Silk would look so amazing!
Anyways, I think you've got a good outline for Sienna, and going back over and fleshing her out is going to make her into a really nice character. I think Silk is a really solid power sphere and you've got a good shot at making this work.
And just as a general note, maybe go over her profile and check your spelling and grammar? Use the full forms of words, not abbreviations, and look for places where you've got things that are spelled right but they're the wrong word, which spellcheck won't catch.
Good luck with this quest, happy revising, and welcome to the shop!
-Silv <3
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:35 am
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:36 am
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Hey, Pherocious~ If you haven't already, I would highly recommend you read over the Quester's Handbook found in the guild. It has a lot of useful tips on how to build your character, including info on what we want to see from virtues and flaws.
I would also recommend running this through a spelling and grammar check if possible. The profile is readable, but there are some mistakes here and there.
CIV SIDE:
In general:
You need a lot more information on all of your traits in order to make Sienna a more tangible and believable character. One or two short sentences usually isn't enough to give us a good grasp of her personality: your goal should be to have a short paragraph describing the what, how, and why of each characteristic.
When looking at virtues and flaws, it's going to be a good bet to address the following questions in each of your descriptions:
1. How does this trait affect your character's thoughts or emotions? If your character is Nosy, what inspires her to be that way? Does she just feel entitled to knowing everything that's going on with everybody? Or does she honestly feel like she's being a good friend by prying so much because she think it'll enable her to help her friends more?
2. How does this trait affect your character's behavior? Now that she has these thoughts, how does she act on them? How far does she go with being nosy? Is it limited to drilling her friends with questions about things that are really none of her business, or will she go so far as to rummage through someone's personal belongings when she thinks they're not looking?
3. How does this trait reflect on OTHER characters? In other words, what might this do for her reputation? Are Sienna's friends less willing to come to her with their problems because she's more interested in getting the details than she is in helping? This isn't as necessary as the first two, but it still helps to include it.
If you do the above with each of Sienna's traits and incorporate the answers into your descriptions, you'll end up with a LOT more information on her personality! In addition, using this approach to think about your character might end up giving you ideas for more traits.
Hobbies:
The notes you have listed in italics for each hobby should be incorporated directly into the description instead. Those are all very good things to know because they tell us a lot about her personality.
The fact that she likes Reading because it gives her a private romantic escape is a very good piece of information, and I'd expand on that.
In the same way, I really like how she uses her Sewing abilities to put little hidden personal touches on her clothes -- that's something very unique to Sienna. It's something I haven't really seen in other character profiles, so it helps her stand out to have that there.
Charity needs more information! What do you mean when you say she finds happiness in charity? Some people might do charity work so they can feel better about themselves (e.g. have 'proof' that they're a good and generous person). Other people get genuine satisfaction out of seeing a park free of litter or knowing they were able to make life easier for a family. I'd like to see you be more specific on why she likes doing charity work: stating that it just makes her happy doesn't tell me much!
Virtues:
Please try and give more information on these! It makes sense that she'd be Creative with sewing, but this trait needs to be able to apply to her life in general and not just that specific hobby in order to count. Think about how she can apply her creativity and how this makes her likable or admirable.
I'm also going to warn you that Loyal is an extremely common trait in RP communities in general, since being loyal to your friends is a pretty common expectation in the real world. That in mind, including this as a trait doesn't help her stand out very much. I think you should find a trait that's more unique to Sienna, since the point of virtues and flaws is to set her apart from her peers in ways that are admirable (for virtues) or un-admirable (for flaws).
For example, if she likes sewing crafts for her friends and doing charity work, is it possible that she's Generous?
Flaws:
Let's take a look at her Nosy flaw:
Quote: With her friendly personality and wanting to reach out to and befriend everyone, Sienna doesn't know what the word privacy means. She will come and invade your personal space. It sometimes leads to poking her nose in where it...might not particularly belong. There is no pushing her away. While she likes to be up in peoples business she does not like for the tables to be turned. While she loves to stick her nose in other peoples business she really doesn't like giving out any info on her. And will actually get mad at someone for prying in her business.
The bolded part seems more like a second trait than a part of this one! Maybe this is a Defensive flaw you can expand on? The first two sentences of this description also basically say the same thing, so I'd remove one of them.
For "Sienna... hello..." you say she daydreams a lot because she's thinking about romantic fantasies... so, she's an Escapist? Again, we need more on why she does this and how it affects her behavior. Why does she prefer the fantasy world to the real world? Does she get disappointed or upset when real people or events don't live up to fantasy-derived expectations?
Senshi side:
Silk Worm Wrap seems like an alright concept for a Sailor Scout attack. You could also just have her summon magical silk threads without needing the worms if you like! However, you need a bit more information for the attack to be stamp-worthy.
Do the threads fade after a while, or does the target have to break out of them? Do they immobilize, or only slow the opponent down a little?
I think to make this a solid-base level attack, they should only slow down the opponent a bit and make it a little difficult for them to move. This can last for maybe 20~30 seconds, or an opponent would be able to break out of them with enough struggle. A higher level opponent would probably have an easier time escaping!
The Super Scout attack is supposed to be a power-up of her first attack, not an entirely new one! So, you should upgrade Silk Worm/Thread Wrap to make it more powerful somehow -- for example, she could be able to fire threads at up to three targets, and the the threads could be stronger and wrap more tightly around her enemies. Remember that you still need a duration time!
Silken Blindfold seems... a bit underwhelming for an Eternal attack. The Eternal attack more or less counts as your senshi's ultimate attack -- they're channeling their power sphere to its highest potential! So, try and think of something that fits her power level at this stage -- maybe she can summon a bigger silk nest that can trap and slow down multiple opponents?
All of your senshi attacks should include the following in your description:
Execution -- what does it look like when she casts it?
Effect -- What does the attack do?
Use Limits -- how long does it last? How many times can it be used?
Power Limits -- How can it be avoided or escaped?
Range -- how many targets can it hit? If it's an area of effect, how big is the area?
It might help to look at the journals of existing senshi to get a feel of what's appropriate for all these parameters. You should also try to make something that's fun to write, so you can enjoy battle RPs when you do them!
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:25 am
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:46 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 6:01 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:47 am
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