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magic, creatures, fantasy 

Tags: magic, creatures, fantasy, myths 

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AlyKitt_RyukaI with Ally Mirrera - [Total Score : 85/120]

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Scytheress

Dangerous Lover

PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 8:42 am


Your Plot:

It's a calm day in the urban city of Meirna. Business men bustle about the streets on their ways to meetings and tourists clog the intersections. You're but a local trying to get to your job and nothing seems to be going your way.
PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 3:40 pm


- Plot 6 - Ally Mirrera -
*approx. 1,376 words

-*-

"La merde, la merde, la merde, la merde(crap, crap, crap, crap)!" The sound of squealing tires could be heard as Ally peeled around the corner of a building in downtown Mierna, as she all but sped through the city in her midnight-black Lamborghini Murcielago(a recent birthday gift from her boyfriend, a strapping young silver-haired man), en route to the high-end hotel where her latest client - thanks to her connections as Mierna's official event planner - was staying.

Said latest client of hers was here in Mierna to plan the grandest celebration event that the city had ever seen in its many years. As event planner, Ally was assigned to act as a form of security(for lack of a better term) to whoever this person was. Today was her first meeting with her (supposed)mystery client, and being late to said meeting wasn't going to help the person's first impression of the young - but certainly abled - event planner. She couldn't help it if the batteries in her alarm clock 'conveniently' picked this morning to die on her.

After quite the lengthy ride - thanks to the congestion of the morning drive, thanks to tourists who had flocked to Mierna for the summer, coupled with the busniness-men of the city making it to their daily jobs - and a few choice words in French(directed at herself), Ally's Lamborghini - accompanied with the smoke from squealing tires as she pulled in - pulled into the canopied entry-way of the hotel, where they received guests.

The bell-hops looked, needless to say, flustered. "Uhmm, miss--"

"Relax, boys." She flashed her city I.D. "I'm s'posed t'be here; I'm just runnin' a bit late this morning."

The bell-hop that was closest to her car window blinked a few times, bending forward to get a closer look at the small piece of plastic. "Very well." He gestured towards the front doors of the hotel as Ally climbed out of her Labmo, giving him the keys.

"You ding this, I ding you." The glare she gave him could curl milk as she briskly walked through the front doors, which were automatic.

Nodding meekly, the (poor)bell-hop gulped. "Y-Yes ma'am." With that, he clambered into the sleek black car, then took great(to his extent) care to take it over to the valet parking.

-*-*-*-

"Je quiconque espère ceci n'est pas annule sur nous(I hope whoever this is doesn't cancel on us)..." Ally blew a few loose strands of jet-black hair from her face as she tapped her foot in an impatient manner against the floor of the elevator, arms crossed over her chest as she wacthed the digital number(s) continue to rise, showing which floor said elevator was passing. "Juste parce que mon réveille-matin a décidé de mourir sur moi ce matin(just 'coz my alarm clock decided to die on me this morning)..." She rolled her reddish-brown eyes, not finding the small bit of irony from this morning very amusing.

After a few more moments of muttering to herself in French - and breating herself in the afore-mentioned language -, she reached the floor where her latest client's room was situated. "Now..." She pulled a folded-up piece of faded blue paper from where it was tucked, under the part of fabric on her obi that was laid just above her stomach. "All I've gotta do is find Room 308, where this person is..." With that, she set off at a (slightly)brisk walk down the hallway of rooms...

-*-*-*-

"You're late, you know."

"I know." After closing the door behind her, Ally folded her arms in front of her, bowing(out of politeness). "My apologies; the traffic in Mierna today was almost unberable." She chose not to mention the fact that her alarm clock decided to die on her this morning.

Her mystery client - who was cloaked in the shadows(the room's lights weren't on) - sighed to themselves. "It can't be helped, I suppose." Judging by the timbre of their voice, Ally managed to surmise a guess that her mystery client was male. "Just make sure it doesn't happen again, miss." An almost ominous clicking sound could be heard, as the mystery-man tapped something against the surface of what she guessed was a desk or table. "Now, to business; about this celebratory event your city of Mierna is holding in a few months..."

"Right."


-*-*-*-

After a (certainly)lengthy meeting - the whole affair lasted well over two hours -, Ally was back in the elevator, heading back down to the ground floor of the hotel. In the said elevator, she was talking on the phone to her supervisor, who was a member of Mierna's well-established city council(said person worked directly under Mierna's mayor).

"So how did the meeting go, Mirrera?"

"About as well as I coulda hoped for." She sighed to herself. "I was running a bit late this morning, 'coz my alarm clock died on me." She paused, thinking back to the meeting for a moment or two. "Other than seeming a bit miffed at my tardiness, I think things with 'im went well."

"Well let's hope that your afore-mentioned tardiness won't backlash towards us," came the reply of her supervisor from the other end of the line. "We'll need the endorsements from his company if we're even gonna think about havin' this celebration in a few months."

"Understood, sir." Ally cast the gaze of her reddish-brown eyes upward, watching the digital numbers go down as she twirled a few strands of jet-black hair in her hand absent-mindedly. "I'll try not to dissapoint again."

"See that you do." There was a 'cllick!' on the other end, signaling the end of the call.

She sighed, closing her phone with one hand. "..." She rested her head against the back wall of the elevator, her eyes never leaving the digital floor indicator above the doors. First her alarm clock dying this morning, then the almost-obscene morning traffic, nearly being late for her meeting with one of the most powerful men linked to the city of Mierna...this wasn't really tuning into her day, now was it?

Of course, she still held a small hope that things would begin to pick up and go her way soon. These thoughts were almost immediately dashed when she exited the hotel, heading over to the valet area to pick up her Lamborghini.

-*-*-*-

"Whataya mean, you 'somehow' lost control of my car!?" Anger practically seething from every pore of her almost-petite, 5'10" frame, Ally used air qotes on 'somehow'. "I'll have you know that that car was a gift from my boyfriend!" She crossed her arms over her chest, turning her head sharply to the side with a 'hmph!'.

"O-Our apologies, ma'am." The unfortunate bell-hop that had incurred her wrath rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, letting out a nervous chuckle. "Perhaps this boyfriend of yours could get you a new ca--"

"He's out of town for at least the next two weeks, dammit!" Keeping her anger in check, both of Ally's arms were now hanging at her sides, her hands clenched into shaking fists. She wouldn't cause a scene here; if she did, she'd risk her job as the city's event planner. "Just..." She sighed, stretching out one of her hands(which was still shaking slightly). "...Just give me th'damn keys so I can get my stuff outta there, will ya?"

The bell-hop nodded meekly. "O-Of course." He timidly gave her the keys - adorned with small, red-and-black frog keychains - before darting back to the valet/bell-hop station.

"Ce travail suce quelquefois(this job sucks sometimes)..." Chewing the inside of her lower lip, Ally gathered the things in her car that weren't damaged in some way when the (idiotic little...)bell-hop lost control of her car. Her purse, a few folders...nothing more than that, really.

She looked up at the sky, purse slung over her shoulder(and folders gathered in her arms). 'At least it's decent weather out today...' She sighed again, all but marching towards the nearby bus-stop. 'Mon Dieu(my God), I hate takin' public buses...so sanglant(bloody)cramped...'


AlyKitt_RyukaI


Sexy Waffles

29,115 Points
  • Toy Drive Tycoon 400
  • Waffles! 25
  • OTP 200

Scytheress

Dangerous Lover

PostPosted: Sun Jan 16, 2011 8:31 am


Scytheress's judging of AlyKitt_RyukaI


Completion of Story - 4 (I would have loved to hear about the rest of her day. The poor thing!)

Creativity - 4

Vocabulary - 3 (Your use of words is good, but you have a lot of run-on sentences and improper punctuation use.)

Imagery - 2 (You describe the arcing looks to the city but never go into much detail.)

Character - 3

Clarity - 3 (Actions seemed a bit rushed and some details might have been lost with the odd use of punctuation.)

Expansion - 3

Awesomitude - 3 (Good story. I would have liked a bit more detail about this mystery client and perhaps a bit more background to your character.)


Total Points - 25
PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 6:23 pm


PrinceVampD's judging of AlyKit_RyukaI


Completion of Story - 4

Creativity - 4

Vocabulary - 3

Imagery - 3 (Some of it is good like up until after the meeting with the mystery guest but then starts to die down after that.)

Character - 4

Clarity - 4

Expansion - 3 ( I did like the racing through the street vs. like some joe schmo having to bus or walk to work)

Awesomitude - 3 (Agree with Scythe on this one. You probably could have gone into detail about the meeting. Have her nearly loose her job and then her car is like smashed. Maybe not by the bell hop but like some random s**t. massive bird pooping.. or an angry tourist taking otu frustrations on the nice car.)

Total Points - 28

Valkyrie Nightshade

5,550 Points
  • Signature Look 250
  • Money Never Sleeps 200
  • Person of Interest 200

The Original Jitterbug
Vice Captain

Dedicated Hunter

3,650 Points
  • Treasure Hunter 100
  • Dressed Up 200
  • Signature Look 250
PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:22 pm


The Original Jitterbug's judging of AlyKit_RyukaI


Completion of Story - 4

Creativity - 4

Vocabulary - 4

Imagery - 3

Character - 4

Clarity - 5

Expansion - 4

Awesomitude - 4

Total Points - 32
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