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November of 2009 my life went into a complete catastrophe. I was dating a Canadian girl, I’m American, and so we hardly got to see each other. Heck, I sold most of the things under my name to pay for a ticket to see her. Nonetheless we dated for almost 2 years and during that time she had me at the brink of shooting up my school she made me so angry. I would spend most of my time with her, I didn’t see my local friends for 6 months because I spent so much time with her and when I did see them she got mad at me for not being with her! For 2 months until our break up she would keep me up til 3 AM to talk to her and then I’d have to wake up at 6AM for school.

While all this s**t went on she joined a guild with my international friends who I saw all the time. Well when she joined in (This was early in our relationship by the way) she got really close to my friends and eventually she started using my friendships with them against me. Telling them lies about, spreading rumors and pretending I abused her. My friends were hostages in my relationship!

Finally on November I had enough, I was tired of being cheated on, lied to, having my friends slowly turn against me and I finally told the girl it was over. Well, after I broke up with her she got mad and vied revenge against me and framed me for raping her and thus making all my international friends stab me in the back. Yes, I wish kidding you, I got framed because I broke up with her! And after we dated? Yeah I tried to coexist with her and pay no mind to her but she kept pouring crap out and lying about me and soon all my friends treated me differently because off her lies. In the midst of all this I had a few people to talk to and one was a girl that recently joined our little group. Nobody liked her at all but I enjoyed her presence, we got really close because I didn’t have anyone else to talk to when my local friends were gone and eventually I asked the girl out. To my surprise, It was my ex! She made an alias to stalk me after our relationship! So after that was found out I completely left Gaia for a long time until just recently.

After I left Gaia I just stayed with my local friends and soon after that crap with my ex I had a falling out with them so now I was almost friendless. I still wasn’t getting a lot of sleep with all the stress. But if it was one thing I had to like, it was a girl I met at my tech school. She would hang out with some of my acquaintances and I decided to talk to her. She was cute, funny, artistic, smart, and high spirited. I’ll call her ‘J’

at any rate we became best friends and i started developing feelings for her. She lives in a town that isn't the best neighborhood to be in. At any rate we started talking ALL the time, we only saw each other 15 minutes during tech school so we called each other after school and we'd talk for hours; laughing, sharing stories, helping each other through problems. Seemed like it was only natural and when she tearfully broke up with her boyfriend who pretty much ignored her most of the time i was the only one who was there for her.

We used to RP and draw each other pictures all the time. We bonded and seemed inseparable. We hung out a few times with each other and we had a great time, saw movies and had dinner and the such. She'd even go as far as to lean and cuddle up to me as we sat on the benches of the mall. At any rate I told her at one point I loved her and she said there was someone else, I wanted her to be happy so i let her go on. When things got bad between her and the guy she liked to the point he was making her cry on an almost daily basis I stuck with her and eventually I told her he was no good for her and i'd treat her better. She said if he wasn't around she would take me...so i got rejected twice.

i didn't see the point of being subtle after I already told her so i wasn't too shy about how much she meant to me. Though I don't think I pushed it too much. At any rate she pursued the other guy while I just stuck by her side, her happiness was my primary concern even if it meant I wouldn't.

Eventually one night she came over to my place to hang out and such and she made a habit of making her place on my bed sitting on it or lying down on it. I paced a bit while talking to her trying to find something to entertain her and she finally said "(My Name) go ahead and sit down, you're making me nervous" so I sat next to and laid down next to her and we talked like we usually do. She wrapped herself around my arm at first before it started getting dark and then finally she laid her head on me to take a nap because she was tired from work.

Eventually she turned away from me and backed up into me so I wrapped around her and she took my hand, we ended up snuggling for quite a while as she rested and such. After she woke up we snuggled some more and she would talk to me. she was always kind of scared of the dark but this time she was perfectly comfortable thanks to me being there. She began crying talking about some of the past things she'd done and I comforted her through it all telling her she still meant thee same to me, everything. Eventually we looked into each others eyes for what seemed like hours before i placed my forehead on hers. She leaned in and kissed me a few times on the lips and I kissed her back and then we kissed together. I whispered to her "I love you" and she responded with "i love you too, (My name)" and we held each other til she had to go and she held onto my index finger thee whole way taking her home.

After that she completely avoided me, she never came to break, never responded to my texts, never Rp'd and the drawings soon became one way. Eventually sent me an angry response to a Pm on here saying she never wanted me to kiss her and that she only wanted me for our friendship and nothing more as well as other harsh things.

“Okay, yeah. I didn't want what happened to happen. YOU were supposed to be my best friend. YOU couldn't contain these feelings that I didn't want being there in the first place. I didn't want you to kiss me and tell me you loved me cause I just wanted you and your friendship. I didn't want you to like me more than a best friend and I told you I loved you because you were my best friend. I wanted to be able to rant to you about Sam or other things and couldn't due to it making you irritated or like you were alone. That wasn't fair to me. I don't wanna come to your house cause I don't want what happened to happen again. I wanted to be able to be close to you and it be nothing deeper. Yeah, I pushed myself away from you for the reasons I just stated. Sorry to be harsh but that's how I really feel about things. I miss you too but I want you as my friend, someone I can talk to about anything and you not get upset about it and go into this depressed mental state where you write saddening poems. Sorry...”

We hardly ever talked after that and the last week of school she showed up and was all friendly to me like she wanted to be friends. On the second to last day of school I told her bye in case I never saw her again, I thought it was over and she called bull s**t. At any rate I never heard from her until about August when she sent me a picture message of her RP character and then sent me a huge a** apology for everything. I told her all was well…no matter how much I wanted to hate her I just couldn’t, I couldn’t stop caring about her. She wanted me to make her feel like s**t for what she did to me and I kinda did but I emphasized that I forgave her.

Apparently the guy she liked, Sam just was trying to use her for sex. Every guy J dated pretty much did that to her. She always said I was the most amazing guy she met because I saw her for more then looks and I cared about her, herself.

After she apologized and we straightened things out we’ve been talking every month or so, it’s like we’re friends when we talk but she refuses to see me in person. Any time I ask her if she wants to hang out she just leaves and won’t talk to me for weeks.

I tried dating others but I’m not a very…likeable and good looking person. I’m kind of an a** on the outside until people get to know me. But yeah, all the dating mess aside I also got into a wreck and totaled the car I had while trying to get to school. I live out in the middle of nowhere so now that I don’t have a car I can’t get a job.

So yeah, I’m stranded, I have no idea where I’m going, and I can’t get J out of my mind. Everywhere I go I keep thinking I see her, No matter times I tell her how I feel she doesn’t give me a chance. I have no idea what to do anymore. I’m slowly losing the value of my own life, everything is collapsing around me and I feel there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

I find a new girl every now and then that I connect with but it always ends the same. They’re too young (I’ll be 19, almost 20, and they’re 14 or 13 for example) or they’re too old, they have kids, or they have mental illnesses, and the big one! They’re on another damn continent! This has happened 3 times now!

To think I’m Christian at that :/ But yeah, late 2009 til now has been hell for me I feel like there’s nothing I can do to turn my situation around. It’s going to be a while before my car is fixed and even if I did get a job what would be the point? I’ll be successful? What the hell does that ******** matter if I’m miserable as hell? I want to give up and just stop fighting it all. I can’t have J, no matter how much I love her I can’t win. It seems all I’m doing is fighting battles I can’t win.

Hell my mind even had to distort reality with a dissociative identity just to give me a battle I could win! I had to subconsciously lie to myself just to pretend I can win something, how pathetic is that? You can be honest about everything but then your mind lies to you without you knowing it and you end up having to see a psychiatrist. I just can’t win.

The way she thinks of you, the way I see it, is a very awkward position.

I've been in the same position as her, liking someone but not wanting to date them while being in some weird form of relationship with a boy that's crap for me. So when they (the liked but not date-able boy) start getting affectionate back, I can't think of anything to do but back off and avoid them. Then they get upset and react...well, the way you reacted. Confused as hell.

Sorry 'bout what happened with Canada...it's why I keep friends separate from boyfriends.

There's really not much to say but, sorry to hear that. The best you can do is just try to get over her.
We all have a knack for choosing precisely what is bad for us. She's bad for you, mate. That place in general is bad for you. But winning battles takes a mind set that you can win them.
Or at least, that's what I've been told. Hasn't worked that well for me yet, but works for others.