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 Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:55 pm
So far, I have two stories on my FanFiction account: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1666170/
Obviously, you don't have to read both.
Any feedback for either is very much appreciated. heart
Please and thank you~
Edit: If you have an account on there, just send in a review.
If not, you know what to do.
(Heh, that rhymed.)
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Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:08 pm
*clicks link and reads summaries*
Hmmm. . . . My Mary-sue senses are tingling!
Must not click! Do not want!!! gonk
Let me go get something hard to drink just in case, I'll get back to you with my review (If i survive the Sue-ness).
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Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:07 pm
Oh, gawd, you can already tell that much just from reading the summaries? gonk
I knew it. crying
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Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:49 am
Ya, I could tell all that from your summaries xd I read a LOT of books and fan-fictions. A LOT. over 15 years of riffling through hundreds of thousands of books and stories to find gems has given me quite the talent in judging the contents of the books/stories through covers and summaries.
*A couple bottles of rum later*
Eye of the Phoenix: This story has great grammar and structure. It flows quite nicely and is easy to read. BUT Kimoyo is a "scene stealer" Mary-Sue. Powerful, unique, and the story revolves around her. This would be ok if she was the main character of your own original fiction but in fan-fiction, they just don't fit.
Forgotten Note: The Bracelet: Your character is better in this one but the story itself is a bit fragmented and just doesn't flow quite right. The pace of the plot feels both slow and hectic, like it's rushing to go nowhere. There are also several sentences where you are describing things and the description feels like you kept changing your mind half-way through:
In the dull daylight of mid-September with a fully-clouded silver sky could only be seen a man and his cigarette, the smoke of it easily blending with the fog.
No matter how many times I read that sentence, it just doesn't flow right.
The best OCs are the ones that can blend into the background. The majority of people read fan-fiction to see the canon characters in new scenarios, not new characters. So the less focus you put on OCs the better. If you REALLY want to write a story with an OC as the main character, keep them as "normal" as possible and they will be popular and accepted by all! The most popular OC centered fics I've seen, are the ones where the story is told from the OC's POV but is not necessarily about them.
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Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 12:02 pm
Wow...
Well, thank you so much!
I really agree with everything you said for the most part.
You've truly enlightened me. cry
I'll try with my greatest efforts to make them the best of their potential.
I really do have great expectations for these stories.
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Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 4:49 pm
I spent most of my day yesterday and today revising both of my fics, so if any of you have the time, please give your best critique on either of them!
As always, please and thank you. n_n
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