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 Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:45 pm
 Jessamine inhaled sharply while taking in the scents of the pre-dawn air. The morning was quiet, so much so that she knew something was amiss. Or perhaps it was the uneasy feeling in her belly that made her so on edge. There was...something. It was not the hunger, for she had not felt it in the time she was in Devicius' company.
This was a blessing and a curse as well. The stallion she felt so much for seemed able to chase away her unnatural cravings, but it was like a blackness hanging over her head. It could return at any time and she was always on edge, waiting. The cleaver was in a well concealed place in her haven. Most nights she spent with Devicius, roaming the wooded area they both currently inhabited. The time she was not with him was spent in her grotto, resting and waiting. Feeding occasionally when the lust seemed to even slightly rise up so that she would not disappoint him with her dirty secret.
A twig snapped in the brush and she tensed, expecting the bloodlust to surge forward and demand that she pursue the small creature that was undoubtedly already fleeing the scene. It seemed to hum within her for a brief moment before curling up once again in the back of her mind, for some reason still sated despite that she had not fed in well over a week.
She yearned to tell Devicius of her secret, to let him see all of herself and be judged. It was this judgment that she also feared however. To see his face contort in disgust would tear at her just as the loss of her knife had upon first meeting him. It was a conundrum, and one that she tried not to think about.
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Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 12:49 pm
 Devicius emerged from within the trees that ringed his love's secret grotto, feeling that it was time he visited her. She had seemed strange lately, like she was trying to hide something in those alluring red eyes of hers... It didn't exactly unnerve him, but curiosity peaked, and he wished to find out what bothered her so. As her love and life, he felt obligated to sooth her if anything was troubling her, but had to find the source of the problem to start with.
He spotted Jessamine just within, and walked smoothly up to her, his wings fluttering in greeting. "Beautiful Jessamine! I am happy to see you once again!" he nickered, a smile upon his bright features. He walked up to her and nuzzled her cheek, but noticed a small tension in her muscles. Drawing back, he studied her, but tried to keep concern from his features. Her perfect white coat was spotless at usual, the gleaming silken mane falling perfectly on her neck. The deep purple of her laces drew his eye, made his heart flutter within his chest. But he did not want to reveal his desires if she was unhappy.
"Lovely as always, Jess. How do you fare?" He would not ask her outright if she was ill or upset, but instead wanted her to speak freely of her own will. Such was the trust of lovers.
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Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 7:07 pm
Jessamine didn't even twitch when Devicius suddenly appeared. Inside however, she was worried. Had it been him to make the noise in the brush? What if...what if she had attacked him? Would she ever forgive herself, more importantly would he ever forgive her?
She shook herself lightly as if to throw away the thoughts. Nothing had happened and nothing would.
"I am well." she replied, "I have been feeling a little - odd, lately, but I don't think it is anything to be concerned over."
That was another thing. It had been many months since they had first met and she had felt something recently, almost like something moving inside of her. She was carefully not thinking about what that might mean.
Instead of continuing to worry however, she followed Devicius when he moved back and rubbed her cheek against his neck affectionately.
"It is good to see you, Dev. I have missed you." she whispered.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2010 6:29 pm
Devicius leaned into her touch, suddenly reassured. Since when had he reason to doubt her? She had been true to him as a lover should, had never lied or spurned him or held him responsible for false deeds. With that thought came a wave of his own shame, for he still had not told her of his lecherous past, of all the mares he had wooed only to leave them in the middle of a dark night. But something had clicked with Jess... he would never do the same to her...
Or so he believed.
"Odd? I hope you are not catching sickness!" he teased, then realized that her tone was less than happy. Still, he swept uneasiness from his mind. "I've missed you too, Jess."
He curled a wing about her, lovingly looking at her pristine coat. With the glance, however, came a raised eyebrow. Something did look a little strange... since when had her frilly lacing stretch so tightly over her stomach? Perhaps she had been eating more than usual lately?
He had no idea of the real truth, and instead joked, "My goodness, Jess! Have I been bringing too many apples for you?" He chuckled, not realizing his obliviousness.
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Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:21 am
She pressed herself closer to him as he draped a wing over her. It was times like these that made her feel it was safe to reveal to him her secrets. Could she?
"I am sure I'll be fine. It's just a strange feeling..." she trailed off as a warm feeling spread through her at his concern.
Jess froze for half a second at his teasing before laughing nervously along with him.
"Are you calling me fat?" she growled teasingly.
His words however, echoed in her mind. It made her face the thing she had been trying desperately to ignore. She definitely wasn't eating anymore than usual, if anything she was eating less with the decrease in urges lately. She was pregnant.
There was no other choice. She HAD to tell him her secrets if she was going to have his children.
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Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:38 pm
Devicius should have felt guilty for saying such a thing to her, but for some reason, it only raised that partially uneasy feeling within him. Her voice was teasing and sincere enough, but underlying it was a tone of subdued anger and concern. Something was going on... he just didn't know what. Did he dare drive her further, risk her love? They had never fought, and he didn't want to make her feel bad over what could be nothing. Still... he eyed her stomach with a spark of wariness in his eyes.
"No... no, my dear. I'd never call you fat," he murmured as his eyes roamed the rest of her body. Everything else was just as it should be, thin, tone, and elegant. Except for the belly...
Realization set in.
"Jess..." he whispered, tension lining his voice. "What's going on? Something's... different." No, he didn't want to say it. He couldn't say it... never in his life had his actions resulted in what this could be... surely she couldn't be...
...pregnant?
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Posted: Sun Jan 16, 2011 8:54 pm
At Devicius' scrutiny, she began to panic. Had she cleaned herself up sufficiently from her last kill? Was there a spot she missed? She tried to surreptitiously examine herself without seeming to do so but could see nothing. However, it was about time she revealed herself to him anyway.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized that if she really was going to be having his children she couldn't keep any secrets from him anymore. In a rare display of resolve, she began to drift towards the tree near which her most prized possession was concealed.
"Devicius, love, you are correct. There is something about me that you don't know." she ducked behind the tree, returning with her cleaver in her mouth.
She deftly threw it point first into the ground so that it stood between them, "I..." she paused, suddenly unable to finish. It was far too late now however, she had already shown him the knife.
"This is - my knife. I have a...small problem. I need...I have this, craving. It is only once in a while these days but...you need to know about it before I tell you my other secret. I...need to hunt." she let it all tumble out in a wave of pauses and mumbles.
When the secret was out, she waited. She didn't dare look at him while her darkest secret hung in the air like a heavy veil. A slight tremor shook through her as she prayed to whatever deity was out there that he would still accept her.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 8:47 pm
Devicius' jaw dropped open, seemingly to the ground. This was not what he had expected... no, not at all. His mind whirled in all directions as his body stood stock-still, bright eyes attached to the evil looking cleaver on the ground in front of him. What was that reddish tint to the slick metal? Was that... BLOOD?
He could have accepted a pregnancy. He told himself he could have, though he would have still been angry and felt helpless. Things happened, a pregnancy could have been expected, if unwanted, with the way they met so often. He would have found a way to accept foals, maybe even find a better home for them. Brush them off. But this... this was a whole new revelation. This was not natural.
The wave of emotion swept through him, threatening to throw him overboard. He completely forgot his own deceptions and focused only on one thing: her impurity. He had thought her angel-like, untouched, unscathed in body and soul and completely pure. She possessed the beauty of an angel, that was for sure, but now it felt more like the seductive beauty of a demon. She held no semblance of a Kalona, had no other signs that would depict her as a meat-eating breed, and yet here stood the evidence along with a confession. This secret... it was tainted. Unholy. And as he was Angeni, he had a duty to keep his holiness, no matter how twisted. His heart felt as if it had been ripped from his chest.
"Jess..." he managed to croak, trying to find words. He loved her, he wanted to love her. But he could not love this monster, who took blood that she did not need, only to enjoy it and for no other reason. It was wrong, against his pure nature. He couldn't... he wouldn't accept it!
"I trusted you! You were a goddess, a beauty beyond thought! And I gave everything I had to you, gave up so much just to love you... and you curse me with this!" The words stung his tongue, but he could not stall them. "You are not even a meat-eater! You do this... for fun?! It's... it's... disgusting!" His wings flapped angrily, sending a whoosh of air in her direction, unsettling her perfectly waved hair.
He didn't even realize that he was weeping.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:17 pm
She watched as Devicius seemed to freeze for a second, fixated on the knife. As soon as she had brought it out she knew it had been a mistake, or perhaps it had been a mistake to continue on in the manner they had and not tell him the truth much sooner. Jessamine bowed her head, waiting for judgment, praying the outcome would not break her heart as well as her love's.
She gazed at him through her forelock as emotions flitted across his face. This was as open as she'd ever seen him. As if her fate didn't hinge on this one moment, she was oddly calm. Until the verdict that is.
Jessamine flinched back as if struck. His words bore into her heart like daggers. If only she could change herself...the cravings, if only they would go away forever! The harsh wind created by his beautiful wings pulled at her hair and she backed away from him.
She whimpered, "I can't help it. Devicius, my love, please!"
At the sight of his tears, she realized that she was crying as well. It was almost as if she could see it, the fairy tale she had been living for the last months was crumbling like a fragile dream. She took a few steps towards him, cautiously.
"There is...something else." she whispered brokenly, desperately latching onto the hope of keeping him by her side with the news of the pregnancy.
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 9:35 am
Devicius also backed away, feeling both further anger and guilt at his own words. He had never been so harsh, not even to his one night stands in the past. But he felt hurt... he felt as if the one thing that had been right in his life had just been ripped away from him, like a piece of sweets from a foal. He had given up his lecherous doings for this seemingly perfect mare, a mare that he had loved... but then again, she had done the same for him, apparently. But he could not accept it, just could not. His very soul, no matter how twisted, would not accept a being who had no need to eat meat and yet killed others just to taste their blood and experience the one moment of bloodlust.
"Jessamine. I cannot accept this. I cannot. It is against my beliefs, no matter how sparse they are! It is wrong, can you not see?!" Her shook his head, trying to clear the tears from his cheeks, but they continued to fall. His sides shook uncontrollably.
His head raised at her further words. What else did she have to say to him? He could not accept her, no matter what. He had to leave... had to get away from her. It was best for both of them, for he could never love her again.
Never.
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Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:19 pm
She hung her head at his words, ashamed of her inability to control herself, "I try...I try so hard! It's been getting better lately, easier to control...please."
Jessamine had tears still slowly leaking from her eyes, the cleaver still between them gleamed dully. It drew her eye and she stared at it, wishing it away with all her might. Knowing that what she had revealed could not be taken back.
She thought about the children in her belly and a hope blossomed. Perhaps...he would stay with her if he knew.
"If you can't accept me then at least stay...for our children." her voice broke halfway through and her head rose, desperately seeking eye contact.
It felt like her world was shattering into a million tiny pieces and everything was taking on a surreal quality. Her limbs were growing heavy with exhaustion from all the emotions raging through her and around the clearing. If only she had never told him!
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:55 pm
"Jess... Jess..." he whispered, his voice caught somewhere between sorrow and anger. He knew she had tried, wanted to say it was okay, that he would stay with her. He couldn't stand to see her cry. But he couldn't stay with her--his Angeni roots would see to that. He had to leave, to clean himself of this impurity. And his own impurity.
And then she confirmed his first fear. CHILDREN.
Devicius' head perked up, though his eyes were unforgiving. "Children! I can not have children! Not with you! Not... not ever!" He knew that he could never be a responsible father. He just couldn't. His own past would see to that.
He shook his head slowly, once again backing away. "I'm sorry Jess. I can't stay, I can't. I've gone too far, and I can never return. Not for anything. Not even for... for the twisted lives that grow within you. They will never have a father in me!"
The he hung his head, tears flowing down his usually flawless face, plastering his bangs to his cheeks. "You don't know the other reason Jess. You see... I've been hiding a secret too." He looked back up, swallowing nervously, and stuttered, "I... I've been with others. Many others. Mares, I mean. It was my nature before you. And some fortunate magic kept me from loving them, or producing offspring that would grow to hate me. But I'm drawn to beauty. I was only a lecherous soul before you... perhaps I never changed." He shook his head, as if berating himself. But it had to be said--she had to know this, at least.
"I thought I loved you Jess. But now I know that it was a lie. And I shall never love again!" He stomped once again, anger, sadness, desperation, guilt, every emotion flowing through him. He had to leave... had to get away from the darkness! Perhaps he would leave the world altogether, return to his ethereal form in the heavens. There was nothing here for him now.
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:07 pm
She shook her head as he tore away her last hope and managed to dig the knife deeper into her heart with every word he spoke. What was she going to do? She couldn't raise children, not by herself. Who would help her if not him? Jessamine began to tremble at the thought, she didn't know anyone else, not really. Her time spent with him had surely withered any small acquaintances she had made down to nothing. Months it had been since she spoke to anyone except him, and now she wouldn't even have him.
She would be alone. Worse, she would be alone with foals to feed and protect and...nurture. Her mind wandered unbidden down a new road, would she be able to be a mother herself? A new fear bloomed in her chest.
Jessamine looked at her lover as he told his own secret. Others? Of course, this was not a surprise. One as alluring and suave as he would have had his pick of a mare. "Of course there were others, you are everything a mare could ever want."
She had sometimes wondered what he had done before she met him but it wasn't a subject they often spoke of. Now she knew why. Despite having the suspicion in the back of her mind, it was just one more thing to pile on top of her, the last it would seem as her knees buckled. She trembled with the force of holding in her emotions.
"Just go," she mumbled in a strained voice, "we're done. I do love you though...I have ever since I met you that night. I'm sorry that I can't be someone you can love in return."
She wanted to die, it felt like something inside of her was breaking and it hurt worse than anything she had ever felt, "I'm going to leave this place, and go far away. Just forget about me like you clearly want to."
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Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 9:57 am
Dev hung his head, eyes squeezing shut. Her soft recognition was even worse than her stressed pleas and cries--even though a pit of hate had settled in his heart, he still felt some of the love that had once blossomed, and hated to think of the lives he was ruining. But he couldn't stay with her, couldn't lose his resolve now. No matter what, he would never be able to truly love and trust her again, and thus their relationship was void.
"I will never truly forget you Jess. Our times together and this last meeting will see to that." He sighed, his sides heaving, not knowing what else to do or say. It was truly over, their time was done. And even though he might have children one day... he still could not bear the thought of them. He would never be their father.
"I'm sorry Jessamine. Despite my anger, I truly hope that you will find light someday. Farewell..." he murmured, still not looking at her. He started to walk away, wings drooping... paying no heed to what she might do next.
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Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:20 pm
As she lay on the ground, her head bowed as if to hide herself from further pain, something shifted within her. All of the sadness and heartbreak turned abruptly to rage.
"I don't need your words. Clearly everything was a mistake. I should have never let myself get involved with someone." she bit out angrily at his retreating form.
It was as if he wasn't suffering enough, she needed him to feel the pain she did. She was on her feet in a split second and chasing after him. The weariness was replaced with pure adrenaline and she bent quickly, grasping her knife in her teeth. In another second she had reached him, plowing into him from the side she attempted to knock him flat while lashing out at him with her cleaver.
As she attacked her mind was becoming hazy with her rage and a feeling of hatred roiled in her gut. Making him hurt was the only thing on her mind.
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