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Alright, so I wrote up this rp sample aiming for about 5-8 paragraphs, but I ended up with over 30 paragraphs... anyone care to read? I'd like some feed-back.

The night air was cold as it brushed gently against her cheek, her long silvery locks floating on that chill breeze, one final remnant of winter. Her silvery-blue eyes, so much like lightning as it splits the night sky, were cold and distant as she surveyed the compound in front of her. Somewhere within those walls lay her target, somewhere within lay her key to salvation. Another breeze whipped past, blowing her mottled grey cloak to the side to reveal the short-spear she held in her hand, barely hidden beneath the folds of her cloak. Lifting the spear head up to her eyes, the woman's gaze reflected back in its burnished steel surface, but it was not only her own visage that she saw.

Standing behind the woman, she could see the reflection of a man, and yet he was more than a man. His own silver hair shone with a brilliance matched only by the pools of molten gold that were his eyes. His face, a face more beautiful than that of any man, wore a sad, tired expression, the face of one with no path to walk upon. "What reason do we have for coming to this place, girl? This work is beneath me, beneath you even. My time would be better spent searching out the others. We should be searching for my brothers and sisters, there are more important matters to attend to than the life of one man", spoke the man, his voice as smooth as velvet, though as strong and cold as steel.

Closing her eyes, images assaulted the woman's mind. Images of death and bloodshed... and of loved ones lost. Her grip tightening on the shaft of her spear, the woman's eyes snapped open, a fierceness to them that was not there before. "No... this man is different", spoke the woman, her voice soft despite the fire in her eyes, though there was a deadliness to the calm with which she spoke. Lowering the spear head, one final image of the man shaking his head, a look of piteous contempt, the look one would give to a child who cannot see a clear truth.

Walking forward with a natural grace and fluidity, the woman made her way slowly down the hill that she stood upon and towards the wall of the compound. Though the area was heavily forested, the land around the compound had been cleared of all trees and other flora, even the grass was kept no higher than ankle high. Stopping behind a tree, the woman watched as the patrols made their circuit about the perimeter, looking for any possible weakness in the fortresses' defenses. Shaking her head, the woman let out a small sigh, there would be no careful timing she could utilize, the patrols were to many, and even if she were able to kill one of the patrols, it would alert the rest of the guards to her presence when they did not pass their fellows.

Taking a deep breath, Hikaru recalled her training with the hunter shinobi of Kirigakure, how they had taught her to be a part of the shadows and move without making a sound. Slinking out from behind the tree, the woman pulled the hood of her cloak up to conceal herself all the more, while keeping the tip of her spear tucked in close beneath her cloak, lest the light of the moon reflect off of it. As she crept forward, using what little cover she could find to help conceal her movement, a shallow dip in the terrain, the passing shadow of a cloud, each step taken with a deliberate and calm focus. Finally she reached the shadow of the wall itself, and it was then that she knew she would make it, but before she could even think to begin scaling the wall, the crunch of approaching boots sounded in her ear.

Pressing herself up against the wall, the woman waited in silence as two men turned the corner, their lanterns spilling forth accursed light to banish the safety of darkness. As they passed within twenty feet of the woman, she could just make out their hushed whispers as they passed.

"I don't know how anyone could stand watching as that mad-man performs his 'experiments', you have a stronger stomach than I thought", said the man closest to woman, his lantern light revealing the tips of the tabi she wore on her feet.

"Do you think I enjoyed it? Thinking about it still sends chills up my spine, but when the man orders you to do something, you'd have to be a fool not to do so", replied the second man, shivering slightly, though whether it was from the memory or the cold it was hard to say. "If I never have to see that room again, it will be..."

As the last whispered word faded into silence, the woman turned towards the wall, and focusing chakra into the soles of her feet, began to walk up the side. As she neared the top of the wall, she could see the light of a torch spilling over the edge, a torch that was undoubtedly being held by an unsuspecting guard. Taking a firm grasp of her spear, the woman waited just a few minutes more before rushing forward over the lip of the wall. The guards face broke into a mix of shock and fear, his mouth opening to let out a cry for help, but he was not fast enough. Lashing out with her spear, the deadly tip pierced through the back of the man's throat just as he began to open his mouth, a gurgling sound all that could be heard as his cry was choked off by his own blood.

Lowering the man's body slowly to the ground to avoid from making any unnecessary noise, the woman passed her hand quickly over the man's fearful eyes, closing them for the last time. Taking up the man's torch, the woman placed her hand on the wall and began pumping chakra through her arm. With a crackling sound, a small column of ice began to reach up from the wall towards the torch in the woman's hand, the power of her blood coming to bear. Using the ice column as a temporary sconce, the woman hoped it would buy her some time, as far away as the other guards were, it would be difficult for them to see that the torch was no longer being held by a man.

Looking over the side of the wall into the compound, the woman was surprised to note that the inside of the compound seemed poorly guarded, with only a few patrols moving about. Are they so confident in their outer defenses?, thought the woman to herself as she surveyed the area to find the best route towards the manor in the middle of the courtyard. Shaking her head, the woman stepped onto the ledge and began scaling down the side of the wall, whether it was a trap or simple over-confidence, it did not matter, she had no choice but to proceed.

Moving quickly across the courtyard, the woman made it to the building with no interference. Crouching beneath a window, the sound of laughter poured out into the night. Peering carefully over the edge and into the room within, the woman saw men and women both sitting at a long table filled with food. It was a party of sorts, and at the head of the table sat a wealthy looking man, a contemptuous sneer on his face. At the sight of the man, the woman's jaw clenched as she gnashed her teeth together, her grip tightening around the shaft of her spear until her knuckles were white. But she was not here for this man.

Shaking her head, the woman moved towards a door she saw about ten feet away. Her body still pressed against the wall of the manor, she slowly slid the door open, just enough for her to see inside. The long hallway was dark, light passing through the rice paper door which lead to the dining room the only illumination. Sliding the door open the rest of the way, the woman slunk into the hallway pressing herself into a corner before closing the door once more. After waiting a few moments to make sure no one had heard her, the woman moved down the hall, walking from toe to heel to make as little noise as possible. If her suspicions were correct, her target would be on one of the lowest levels of the building.

At every door she passed, the woman stopped to peer inside, hoping to find a flight of stairs, but there was nothing. Approaching the final door, the woman opened it slowly, holding her breath as the door slid open. But it was nothing more than an office, a large table in the middle of the room cluttered with scrolls and maps, with an equally cluttered desk sitting on the other side of the room. The woman let out a small sigh as she began to close the door, but suddenly the dull roar of laughter that had poured out of the dining room grew notably louder. Looking over her shoulder, the woman could see people stepping out of the room, stumbling from too much drink. Without a moment's hesitation, the woman stepped into the office and then quickly and quietly slid the door closed behind her.

Backing further into the room, the woman kept her eyes on the door, her spear at the ready if she needed to defend herself. Backing into the large table in the center of the room, the woman was surprised when one of her feet began to sink into the ground. Turning around quickly, the woman heard a clicking sound coming from somewhere under the table, and suddenly the floor beneath the table began to rise and move to the side, revealing a flight of stairs. It seemed that fate was on her side this night. Taking one final glance over her shoulder, the woman stepped forward into the darkness that lay at the bottom of the stairs.

Though the lighting was poor, the woman could still see well enough not to trip over herself, and she couldn't risk someone seeing the light of a torch. And so she descended further into darkness, each step taking her further into the belly of the beast, and with each step she grew closer to her target. As she continued down, the woman could see faint light at the bottom of the stairs the, flickering flames of torches. Taking a few more steps, the woman stopped and waited, listening for the sound of anyone that might be waiting for her, but there was still only the sound of her own breathing.

Taking the first few steps into the light, the woman held up a hand to shield her eyes from the sudden light of the torches that stood in sconces on either side of the entry-way. After her eyes had adjusted to the light somewhat, the woman lowered her hand, and immediately regretted it. Eyes widening in shock and horror, the woman could do nothing but stare in shocked silence at what she saw. Men and women lay on the ground, their bodies emaciated and hideous, all of them scarred, and many bleeding openly. More than one was missing an arm or leg.

Swallowing back bile, the woman pulled one of the torches from the wall and stepped further into the room, her eyes searching the faces of these poor souls. As she approached the prisoners drew back, fearful whimpers escaping their lips as they tried in vain to press themselves into the walls. As she moved further into the room, the woman noted that each prisoner was riddled with what looked like puncture wounds, as if they had been stabbed repeatedly with senbon. As she moved further in, a low moan caught her attention, a voice she was sure she recognized. Turning towards the source of the moan, the woman walked quickly towards it, the pitiful men and women scrambling to get out of her way.

As she reached the back of the room, her torchlight fell upon muscles that still held muscle. Continuing forward, the woman sucked in a breath at the sight of the man before her. His arms were chained above his head, the only prisoner she had seen thus far that had been restrained in any way. Blood trickled from similar puncture wounds to those on the other prisoners, though the well toned muscles of his torso and arms marked him as a new inhabitant of this hell-hole. Taking another step forward, the woman could see that his dark blue hair was matted and dirty, and from the looks of it moist with sweat. Kneeling beside the man, the woman brushed the hair from the man's face and lifted his head up so that she could see him.

The man's once handsome face had been pummeled until it was barely recognizable, with a long scar slashing across his face from his cheek to just over above his eyebrow. But it was unmistakably the man that she was looking for. The man's good eye fluttered open for a moment, and after having a moment to focus, recognition lighted his eye. Standing at her full height, the woman lifted her spear over her head and stared down at the man, her eyes fully of pity.

In a flash she lashed out with her spear, and a resounding crack sounded as her spear tip smashed into the chains which held the man, easily snapping one of the links which held it together. As the man began to slump forward, the woman fell to her knees, dropping her spear and catching the man before he could hit the ground. Lifting his head to look the woman in the eye, a single tear began to roll down his cheek. "Hiraku... you came... for me", the man rasped, straining to speak.

"Hush now, Kane. I'm going to get you out of here, it will be alright," Hiraku said, her voice soft and comforting as she pressed his head into her shoulder, stroking his head soothingly, "I'm going to get you out of here, brother, but we have to hurry, I don't know how long it will be before they realize that someone has broken in."

"Oh... I don't think it will be long at all my young lady", called a voice from the darkness, a voice full of contempt to match the sneer that Hiraku knew would be clear on his face. The sound of boots walking across the floor and the shuffle of the other prisoners as they moved to get away from the man that had come into their presence. Chuckling lightly to himself the man said in jovial tone, "You know I was quite surprised you were able to make it this far and only kill one man, rather disappointing really. I do love a bit of bloodshed. But oh well."

As the man's foot-steps grew closer, Hiraku's whole body stiffened, muscles readying themselves to jump into action. Three steps away. Hiraku glanced at her spear, it was within arms reach, but she would have to be quick. Two steps away. Kane was shaking as the man drew closer, fear clear on his face, this man had done this to him, but soon he wouldn't have suffer any more. One step away. The man behind her had hurt all these people, he took Kane and tortured him, broke his will and that of all the others around her. But now it was his turn to suffer!

"AAHHH!", Hiraku roared as she released Kane and grabbed her spear. In the same motion, she spun to her feet and turned to face the man. Her silvery hued eyes were aflame as she lashed out at the loathsome man, her aim true as her spear tip flew to meet the man's black heart. But mere inches from the man's chest, the spear tip stopped in its tracks, as if Hiraku had stuck an impenetrable wall. Eyes widening, Hiraku didn't even notice the knife before it was plunged into her arm.

Crying out in pain, Hiraku stumbled back, her spear clattering to the floor. Clutching her arm, Hiraku felt as if it were on fire where the knife had stabbed her. "My, my, well wasn't that a rather heroic attempt, albeit a futile one. I'm sure you've already noticed that there was more to my knife than simple steel. It's quite an interesting toxin that's entered your bloodstream now, would you like to here about it? Of course you would! Well you see, it is a poison of my own design, derived from the venom of a local snake, the White Scaled Cobra, though the locals simply refer to it as the White Death. It is said to be able to kill a healthy man in under an hour, and it is one of the most painful hours of one can experience. But don't you worry, you see I've modified the venom so that there is all the pain that one would normally feel, but prolongs the process so that it can take well over five hours! Plenty of time for us to have some fun, and don't you worry your pretty little head, I'll be sure to let your brother watch."

Eyes widening suddenly, Hiraku could feel it as the venom began to spread throughout her arm, making its way slowly towards her heart. Falling to one knee, she cried out in agony as she clutched at her arm, the man merely laughed as he took a step closer, a sadistic smile on his face. A lull in the pain gave her a moment to breathe as her head fell limply, golden locks tumbling about her head to hide her face. As the man took another step towards her, Hiraku began chuckling, as if hearing a joke that only she knew the punch-line to. Stopping the man looked down at her quizzically, "My, my, I didn't expect to break her mind this quickly, that's half the fun gone already."

"Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head sir, I'm far from mad. You said this venom spreads through the blood, yes? Well, that's really too bad for you then isn't it," Hiraku said behind the curtain of hair which hid her face, still chuckling lightly to herself. Head snapping up to look the man in the eyes, Hiraku's eyes were no longer the silvery pools they were before, they had turned a deep blood red. The man's eyes opened in shock, and even fear, taking an involuntary step back as Hiraku roared, "BECAUSE BLOOD IS MY TERRITORY!"

Rising suddenly to her feet, Hiraku pulled her hand from the wound where the man had stabbed her, but as she removed her hand she took blood with her. Rushing forward the blood took on the form of a short spear, as Hiraku lashed out at her opponent, her spear of blood little more than a sanguine colored blur. The man's face now truly held fear as he tried to fight back, but it was all he could do just to defend himself. A quick thrust forward, parried aside by the man's knife. A feint to his shin, the true strike going for his coratid, barely dodged.

Stumbling backwards, the man didn't see the shell of a man on the ground behind him, and suddenly he was falling backwards. Seeing an opening, Hiraku lunged for the man's throat, letting out a guttural roar as she thrust her spear forward. The man's eyes suddenly changed from fear, to anger, to defiance, all in the span of the few seconds it took for Hiraku's spear to move back and then thrust forward, only to be stopped by that same invisible wall as before, only to be thrown back, stopping Hiraku in her tracks. With a quick flip the man righted himself, but it was no longer fear that painted his features, but anger. With a cry of rage, the man slashed at one of the prisoners by his feet, causing them to cry out in pain as the poison crept into their system.

"I'll have your head on a spit for this girl! How dare you try and strike me! And not once, but twice! I won't stand for this insolence!", the man raged, a quick flick of the wrist causing another knife to appear in his hand. As the man stood there fuming, Hiraku rose to her feet, a strange smile playing on her face. Holding her free hand out, blood began to move from her wound to her open palm, pooling their and shifting, elongating. Then in an instant, Hiraku held not one but two blood-spears.

"You know... I'm not sure how you're keeping my spears from tasting your blood, but I can assure you that I will find a way past your defenses. I will see your blood splashed across the walls! AHHHH!", and without a moments hesitation, Hiraku rushed forward, her spears a blur as she stabbed and parried, feinted and dodged. The song of steel meeting steel resounded in the room as both Hiraku and this man fought to see the others blood stain their blade. It was a dance of death, and only one of the participants would live to hear the final note of the song.

Once again the man found himself on the defensive as Hiraku's spears weaved about him. He could no longer parry every blow, the shield which protected him the only thing which stood between him and death. Pressing the attack, Hiraku would not give the man an opportunity to shift the flow of battle, and as her spears lunged at the man she noted that each hit seemed to get closer and closer. Two inches from striking the man's gut, one inch from plunging into the man's eyes, half an inch from stabbing the man in the throat.

Roaring, Hiraku lunged for the man's head, his knife too slow to stop her, and her spear scratched the man's cheek, a fine red line appearing on his face. With the sight of blood, Hiraku felt invigorated, her spears weaving in and out in patterns too fast for the man to follow. Suddenly fear was present in the man's eyes once more as Hiraku's spears continued to draw red lines all over his body. A cut on his shoulder, a nick on his side, a slash at his thigh. Falling backwards the man scrambled across the ground to get away, only to find his back to a wall.

Seeing the opportunity she needed, Hiraku thrust her spears toward the man's heart, letting out one final cry of rage. As she thrust forward however she suddenly stopped, a pounding in her head stopping her dead in her tracks. Dropping the spears of blood they fell to the ground only to lose their solidity and become pools of blood. Falling to her knees a sudden fit of coughing overcame Hiraku. Lifting a hand away from her mouth, Hiraku's vision became blurred as she saw that blood covered her hand. Not now, please not now, just a few moments longer, that's all that I ask. Please just a few more minutes!, Hiraku protested in her mind.

As Hiraku lay there, the man rose shakily to his feet, his hands balled into fists as he looked down at Hiraku, his face a mask of rage."You b***h!", the man screamed as his boot crashed into Hiraku's face, knocking her back several feet, blood spewing forth as she landed heavily on her back. Still coughing up blood, Hiraku struggled to her knees, her whole body shaking. Walking towards her, the man grabbed a handful of Hiraku's hair as he pulled her to her feet, whispering into her ear, "Death is far too good for you, you little b***h! I'm going to make sure you suffer enough for a thousand lifetimes! You will watch as I break your brother, as I make him beg for your whore of a mother to save him. And many years after he is dead, you will still be suffering by my hand, you will know only pain, and hunger, and DESPAIR!"

With that, the man slammed Hiraku's face into the stone floor with a sickening crack as her nose was shattered. Rising to his feet, the man began to kick her unconscious body viciously, each blow making another sickening crack as he broke her ribs. One rib. Hiraku's body was completely limp, a helpless target against this assault. Two ribs. The second kick put her on her back, her battered face oblivious to what was happening. Three ribs. A silvery aura begins to form about her body, but the man is too enraged to see anything but the red haze in front of his eyes. His foot comes in to break yet another one of Hiraku's ribs, but suddenly her hand snaps to catch the blow, her eyes still closed. The man's eyes widen in confusion, then fear as Hiraku's own eyes open appearing as two glowing pools of molten silver.

With a simple twist of her wrist, the man's ankle suddenly snaps, a cry of pain escaping his lips. Rising slowly to her feet, Hiraku looked at the man that was now writhing on the ground with a look of utter contempt. Looking down at her hand, blood began to pool from the many wounds on her body forming a sphere of blood floating above her hand. Looking back at the man, that contemptuous look now mixed with a small degree of pity, the look one would give to a child who cannot see a clear truth. "What would a fool like you know of pain? What could you know of despair? You will know soon enough I think, your suffering will be tenfold that which you have caused. The gates of hell await you, and their you will suffer until the end of times, human. Are you prepared to suffer for your sins?", spoke a voice that was not entirely Hiraku's

Looking up in horror at the body of Hiraku, the man could only manage one word, "Demon!"

A small smile spreading across her face, the body of Hiraku simply chuckled, "not quite." With that, Bishamonten lifted the blood sphere to point it at the man, dozens of tendrils of blood bursting forth to impale the pitiable man.

NUR is such fail at this point. Alicia bring back banned members to try and revive the guild and promoting them to crew, and tossing out crew with no care for their personal problems. Refusing to step down as captain when asked to by the crew (who she just booted when they said that).

Anywho I hope you get it. When I made it the idea behind it was to use tiger claws to slash at the opponent and make them spill as much blood as possible, to slow them down. The final version was to keep them at range so they would never get close to do damage and the longer the battle took the more blood they lost until they were so weak death was the only option.

I later made a few customs for that S rank where i send my blood up the opponents wounds and can ether rip them apart from the inside, or make them my puppet. Which you can have if you get it : D good luck

@Kage: I understand what you mean, but I personally hate doing stuff like that. I personally don't believe that it shows any kind of rp skill if you look at a list of jutsus and then simply copy and paste the name of a jutsu into your rp sample; I am fully aware that I didn't use any actual jutsus, because doing so wouldn't have really made the quality of the writing any better.

And I was trying to address her illness near the end, when she starts coughing up blood, that's what I figured the effects would be, aside from a pale complexion and perhaps a few other physical signs, I thought it would be something like tuberculosis.

I don't know I suppose it is simply a difference in writing styles, but I just don't like to use already very well defined abilities in an rp sample, I'd much rather toy with the more free-form abilities to show that I have an understanding of how those work since those are the kinds of things that are most often abused.

@BB: I actually don't really get the whole tiger claw thing, the biggest draw for the Kyuuha was the blood manipulation because I thought it sounded pretty damn epic. But yeah, I'd love to take a look at those custom jutsus, assuming I get it that is.

Do either of you know the Fall is Inevitable, btw, she's the other person who is applying. I read her rp sample, and while it is pretty long (and apparently she is not yet done), it felt more like a list of bullet points than an actual story to me. From what I saw, her writing style is "First this thing happened, and then this other thing happened, and so my character used this jutsu". I don't know, I feel like mine is better, but my opinion is fairly biased. If you've read her app, or know her as an rp-er, do you think my application will be good enough to beat her, or should I not get my hopes up?

@Greg: lol, it's just an rp sample, it takes more than being a decent writer to be a guild captain... though admittedly I really need to buckle down and get some serious work done for POTS

@Ronnel: Alright, well that makes me feel better, I'm glad that I wasn't just biased since we're competing for the Kyuha. After I finished writing mine, I went back and read his sample and I literally said to myself, "If I don't get that angel, I'm gonna be pissed", though that was mostly because it literally took me like... 7 hours to write the damn thing... crying I wish I could write more quickly