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LillianSaire
Captain

PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 11:02 pm


This is for a generic school RP, it is in my signature. The idea is that if it gets big, Barton town people might see my BPLB siggy thing since the school thing is big there. It would also show how a decent RP could still have their favorite simple setting.

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Username: LillianSaire
Name: Abigail May Delacour
Age: 18
Species: Human
Appearance: Her dark hair can barely brush against her shoulders, but she often puts it up with extensions when she isn't home. When down, the cut is jagged and angry; a product of her own doing. She began chopping her own hair when she found it used to hold her head, but only cares to cut it after the fact, in a fit of anger usually. Her eyes are blue, but at a glance usually appear to be a dark grey. Her face is flawless, relative to her body, but is speckled with scars from picking at acne. Her nose is dotted with blackheads and her eyebrows don't quite like up. Along her jaw line, on her right, is a thin, 2-inch-long scar that even she forgets about. She pierced her own left ear, which was done poorly enough to scar around the hole; the top of the ear is flat, as if it was sliced. Dangling from the ear is an origami thing, usually a tiny crane, butterfly or rabbit, attached to a hook by a bit of thread.
. . . . . . Abigail lacks defined muscle tone, although she has tried to fix that problem; she lacks the motivation when she has a moment to go somewhere safe and work on it. She is short for her age, at 4' 8", but because of the circumstances of her childhood it is possible that she may grow. She either wears long sleeves, long gloves, or detached sleeves-mostly her doing. They hide the unhealed wounds, and the ones that had scared. She uses folded-in-half tape, yarn, rope, or ribbon if she can get her hands on it, to tie the sleeves up, and she does so so tightly they can't come loose; it is a wonder she can use her hands, or even get them off. She has taken to ripped-sleeve outfits due to the opportunity to show off some skin, that of her unmarred shoulders and upper arms; this too is why she tends to wear low-collared or ripped-collared shirts.
. . . . . . However, she won't wear a halter-top. On her back the two main points are two large scars between her shoulder-blades and spine. Secondly, one might look away long enough to see smaller marks. She has a penchant for short skirts, but because of the white lines the dot her legs she always wears leggings or tights like appear to show some of her skin. Her ankles and feet are the worst, from trying to kick at the threat. She wears what appear to be hand-me-down hiking boots, no matter the season, the better to run with. In her left boot is a slit she uses to store a kitchen knife she stole from a friend's house, and in the other is a hunting knife with sheath that she stole from another friend's house to replace the other stolen kitchen knife that... was removed from her possession.
History: Abagail's father was abusive, but she knew nothing else. Her mother wasn't the type that sat by and cried while doing nothing; she was the one that would show he sweet darling Abbie how to cook, only to take her own frustrations out on her daughter. Her father harmed her mother, out of sight of her when she was young - but then it escalated. Then her mother would take it out on her. It wasn't difficult to hide, a bruise here or there was normal for a toddler, even a few scratches (like from a fingernail) or a bandage that hid a burn or knife wound. Her mother had to dress her at that age, so it was easy to choose the right outfit. Sure people would question sleeves in the summer, but they protect against sunburn, or just aim for the torso for a few months. Starting school, still had her mother picking out clothes; a little bit of 'man up' and other ways to train a boy and Abbie wouldn't say a thing about a boo-boo. It helped that her older brother, by 2 years, saw the world that same way too; crying and tattling is for babies and it is stupid to show off scars, they are proof that you messed up.
. . . . . . Her parents had a third child when she was 3, and the cycle didn't stop. One change may have been the excuse that it was unladylike to show off scars, though. Abbie was 9 when DFS (Department of Family Services) came and took her and her brother away. Her little sister, then 6, had fallen from a jungle gym and broken her arm; screaming so much that her mother had to take her to the hospital because another parent had already called. There the doctors reported the other injuries, including previously fractured ribs. Her brother was sent to one home, Abigail and her sister to another.
. . . . . . Abigail would pressure her little sister into doing things such as stealing gum from a store, making a mess, breaking things, even into drinking cleaner. To enforce her superiority she would twist her sister's arm behind her until she screamed, punch her, not let her sleep on some nights, and it even got so bad that she cut her sister with a broken piece of glass. She blamed her sister for being the reason why she was taken from her home, and her family. It took a year and a half before they moved Abigail to a new home, 8 months after the school counselors that were set up to meet with each girl weekly found out through the younger girl.
. . . . . . The next house was a loving couple, Abigail never learned what species they were. They liked to experiment on Abbie: spells, potions,sometimes just flat out torture techniques, they refrained from anything like a major mutation because they were rather fond of this child. Hot wax was a punishment for not sitting still during them, even though moving hurt even before that. The testing progressed to the extent that wax, nor a red-hot fire-poker did anything; so then they would use existing or make new cuts, and pour salted grapefruit juice over them. Occasionally she would scream during these treatments, and would receive a bar of soap in the mouth for the effort. The neighbors never called the authorities, they assumed that the parents would deal with any issues and that Abigail was just another difficult foster kid that was a handful. One night, after the two parents had been on a hunt during the day, tied the girl to a table in the basement and tied a cloth around her mouth to prevent her from being able to scream. They took the wings they had taken from an angel or demon, Abigail couldn't see, and used a combination of magic and sewing to attach them to her back. She eventually passed out. When she came to she was untied, and alone. She ripped the wings out in a blind, screaming rage and stormed upstairs. The next morning she was going to school again. It took a month before the wounds became infected enough to bleed during class. The nurse reported the abuse, but the girl would still have to be sent home and advised to take Abigail to the hospital, it wasn't life-threatening yet. The teacher took the girl home. A two months later, and mostly healed, the authorities arrest the teacher and put Abigail back with her foster parents. It is a week before Abigail shows up back at school; that day she takes a bathroom break and cuts both wrists the cuts were shallow and hesitant, but when she shows up at the nurse's office it is messy enough that they call an ambulance before they notice how shallow the cuts are. Her parents try to sign her out but at the nurse's recommendation the hospital refuses until DFS clears them. They cleared the house and parent interview, and were about to leave from the interview with Abigail until she finally put enough trust into the system to admit the abuses. Thankfully, DFS can't ignore this in this situation, with hospital staff finding pretend new bruises and burns just to help her get out.
. . . . . . She stayed in a group home for 3 months before they find her a new place, where someone is willing to take the abused, psychopathic, suicidal, pity-case. This time it is a decent home, again, and no sister to get her removed. Now 15 and some, issues from her birth family have bubbled to the surface, and years of abuse and neglect, even from the system aimed at protecting her, have created more than enough problems to ruin this for her in a short amount of time. But her new parents were kind, and determined. They had done similar, but simpler teenagers before, and Abigail was lucking that the others had gone to college or sent to their real parents; otherwise they wouldn't have accepted Abigail, because she had a history of harming siblings. When she felt they were sickly nice, fake, or made rules that angered her, she would go off. It was the first 4 months that were the worst; she had finally decided to not take crap when she was finally in a situation that allowed her to blow up, at least to some extent. It was here that her technopathy was first observed; when she threw a tantrum in the kitchen and the toaster threw itself at the refrigerator, the microwave spit sparks, and the lightbulb grew brighter, then burst. However, her temper became marginally controllable about 4 months in, on her 16th birthday. It was the first time she could recall a birthday that was given any consideration; the first foster home had so many kids there was just one group birthday in Summer, and in her first home it was touch and go, especially as time passed. She gradually calmed, and even made friends, although the word seemed hollow to her. It was around this time she started carrying knives, she had tried before, but either her parents were abusive and restrictive, or with these parents they knew to restrict her access; with the ability to enter other homes and be welcomed enough to wonder, she gained access to them. She also saw that if she acted just right, and dressed just right, that she could manipulate the boys; the girls around her taught her their ways too. When she was 17, although they might have started sooner, her foster parents approached her about going to Diavol. Before she could form an opinion, it was found that the state would only allow her to be in a public school until she was out of the system, at 18; and even then she would have to pay her own way unless it was a state university. The remaining year was a lot of therapy, since she stopped threatening to injure someone for the suggestion of going shortly before turning 17, and gentle teaching by her foster parents. At 18 they applied for admission to Daivol and received a full scholarship.
Why I came to this school: Abigail entered this school to be free of the state system, to enter a completely different environment, to train an ability she has little interest in, and to be somewhere that can handle her violent outbursts without calling the police.
Personality: She is cold, and distant. It is difficult for her to make a personal connection and even past ones to her bother, sister, real parents, new foster parents, and even friends don't feel real and part of reality. They shatter like melting ice if she is without contact for long enough. She is afraid, but turns that to hatred and a reason to distance herself from others. She is prone to violent outbursts when upset and it could even be something small that sets her off. Years of the foster parents that experimented on her enforced habits of pushing classmates away and making them uninterested in inviting her for things. Compassion is not something she has even known; she doesn't feel towards others in pain, because if she got through hers, then why would others need help. The ability to regret was lost through years of punishment regardless of her actions. Despite her efforts she is easily manipulated and controlled.
Other: She really doesn't care about her technopathy. Oh, and just a heads up, calling her Abbie, or Abbie May will get you hurt; it is what her Mother, and the non-human foster parents liked to call her. She is signed up for Mechanics, History, Literature, and Biology.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 9:25 pm


Holy mackerel, that's long. You may want to break up the longest bits into more paragraphs for ease of reading.

I'll give as much input as possible once I've read through it. But I won't read through it until after my finals are in. That way, I won't get lost in thought (it is unfamiliar territory, you know) and end up not completing my assignment.

1wolffan

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:41 am


I admit...that character doesn't seem like one you would want to mess with. XD

Hmmmm, I liked the detailed description of her looks. It made imainging what she looked like easier than if you just used the picture.

But, just like wolf said, the bio would be easier to read if you separted the paragraphs. That way, it doesn't make it like a continous one paragraph deal, even though it isn't literaly one long paragraph. sweatdrop
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:15 am


It is in 'paragraphs' or, more acurately, sentence groupings. Do you mean that there should be a blank line between each instead of the new line between them at exists now?

LillianSaire
Captain


1wolffan

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:50 pm


That would be most helpful. If you only use a single line break on a paragraph, you should tab in the first line of the paragraphs. If you don't want to tab in the paragraphs, then double-linebreak between them instead. You could do both, but that's unnecessary, and looks a little sloppy to boot. At least that's what all my English/Writing teachers ever taught me.

There were a few parts where I didn't understand what you were trying to say, due to a few typos.

She definitely has a troubled past. I'll go into more details when I get back from work tonight. For now, suffice it to say that she is well-described, and well-historied. It should be rather easy for you to get into RPing as this character. It seems that the more effort someone puts into a character, the more fun it is for them to 'be' that character. And you've put quite a bit of effort into Abigail .
PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 9:09 pm


Better?

I like her, but it is different from the general idea I began with. I may consider removing the technopathy and putting her in another RP, but it's been a long time since I've used a character not made specifically for an RP.

LillianSaire
Captain


1wolffan

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 9:23 pm


That definitely made it easier to read.

Well, you may not have to remove the technopathy, but you may want to rename it, or explain it to a greater extent.

If I had to make a suggestion, I'd suggest that you only stick with two or three prominent scars instead of having her riddled with tons of them.

Currently, I get a 'villain' vibe from her description. Many people enjoy a story when they love to hate the bad guy (or girl), but of they end up hating that they hate the villain, then they might fell guilty for hating them, or just go elsewhere for their story. Having some sympathy is good, but outright making you sorry for them is another.

I love how detailed your description is for her. She really comes alive in your imagination when you read about her. That makes for an interesting read, and may even convince the other RPers in her story to keep up to date with their characters, just to see where you go with her.
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 9:01 am


What he said on the tabbing and such. It looks much easier to read now.

I do have to agree with the scars. It is actually somewhat cliche for the bad guys or the tough guys to be riddled with scars. Not that cliches are a bad thing. You don't want your character full of cliches you know? However, if the amount of scars is important, then keep it as is. Sometimes, cliches can be important. 3nodding

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LillianSaire
Captain

PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:22 am


She's actually not intended as a villain, I made her for that school RP I made in Barton. (She's got a strangely similar past, which was unintended, so I'm likely to scrap one of the two characters.)
I was thinking that she'd be the annoying broken kid that stirred up trouble and drama.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 8:21 pm


I like that idea. Just a trouble-maker. Those exist in many stories. They're usually pretty neutral, but they do love causing them some some trouble. wink

Thank you for sharing her with us Lilly.

1wolffan

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