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 Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:50 am
NOTE THAT THE CRIT ON THIS MAY NOT MAKE SENSE AS I HAVE MADE A LOT OF CHANGES AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM Name: Caroline
Nicknames: Carol. Call her that.
Gender: Female
Age: 13
Faction/Race Undead - Mummy
Personality: Carol is not particularly nice. She doesn't mind that she's not nice, because she's the best. She just is. Back-chatting, tantrums and rude remarks are just every day life. She doesn't try to be rude, it's just a natural thing. She also doesn't quite get how she was a girl scout. Who in their right mind... Anyway. Carol likes to judge books by their cover. She also likes to judge people dressed as books by their cover. She also likes to judge people generally. Her mind is just a big frowny face. Her face is also a big frowny face.
Carol tries to be nice. There's no point being disliked, is there? She'll be all nice to you and then just insult you without noticing.
"Oh hey, I like your hair. Distracts from your ugly face."
However, if you can look past that, Carol could be quite nice. Could be. She's willing to do anything and if she genuinely likes you (doesn't just want to use you) she can be awfully useful. Being bottom on the food chain is a bit hard for her, too.
She would probably get along best with people like her, powerful and mean. She can take take insults with very little pain as she can insult you back very easily.
Carol isn't secretly insecure and only wanting acceptance. No, she's the opposite. She's like a indestructible safe of secureness. She's so secure that even if you had the code to the safe, it would not unlock. Because it's broken or something, idk.
She's also a very active mummy. She needs to be in where the action is happening. She's rarely tired and is always ready to hate on you, gurl. She is surprisingly well-tempered and logical, like a slice of banana. Please ignore that metaphor, I couldn't think of a good one.
OH OH OH I THOUGHT OF A GOOD COMPARISON; You know how in movies there's like the protagonist and the mean girl that everyone hates but somehow is super cool? Yeah, Carol is that mean girl. Because she's mean and stuff. Yeah.
Shut up you know it's a good comparison. >:(
Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Carol assured herself that it would be for the better, and she would learn many skills that she could use as a mummy. Also she wants to laugh at those who fail.
FEAR: Carol can dazzle her opponents with a giant beetle made out of bandages. The beetle does a swaying dance (it is controlled using a charm) The enemy becomes very interested in the beetle and while they are staring at it she crushes different parts of their body with her mutated arm. The charm wears off in about 30 seconds - a minute.
However she is not very good at this and cannot do it two thirds of the time, usually conjuring a beetle-sized beetle and tripping over it's bandages while reaching to crush them.
The beetle is not able to attack (it is harmless), but maybe it may get a life of it's own as Carol's magic progresses...
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 4:48 am
Physical Description
Eye Colour: Green
Hair Colour/Style: Medium-length, messy, very dark brown, almost black.
Skin Colour: -Pale skin due to lack of blood
- Short and small
Clothing Style/Colours:
a girl scout costume and bandages
feel free to do whatever lololol
Extra: bandage covers one eye
oh yea and a limb is missing
feel free to add blood if you like
References: see post 1
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:33 pm
Quick thing I'm going to point out: Think of 'FEAR' as an ability on a pokemon card or something that is a stat booster. How does your 'FEAR' work when it's something that will likely rely on a dice-rolling system?
Another thing to remember is that the undead should have no memories of the 'human world' for IC plot reasons. One also cannot enter halloween town unless they 'sneak' in, have a passport, or are brought in by a reaper.
Other than those two things, things are looking pretty good! (And the art of your girl is cute to boot! C: <3 )
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:03 pm
demon_pachabel Quick thing I'm going to point out: Think of 'FEAR' as an ability on a pokemon card or something that is a stat booster. How does your 'FEAR' work when it's something that will likely rely on a dice-rolling system? Another thing to remember is that the undead should have no memories of the 'human world' for IC plot reasons. One also cannot enter halloween town unless they 'sneak' in, have a passport, or are brought in by a reaper. Other than those two things, things are looking pretty good! (And the art of your girl is cute to boot! C: <3 )
thank you for the critique! I think i'll change my fear to have something to do with the mutated arm haha~
Ohh, I misunderstood the undead having a human life beforehand. I'll edit the ending of the story. Is it ok for her to have her personality a bit influenced by her former life?
Thank you!
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:45 pm
childs menu Personality: Carol is easily irritated and will not put up with people that treat her as a child. Calling her 'hon, sweetheart, darling' or anything along those lines will end badly, usually with her long hand crushing your neck. But treating her like a mature being will get you everywhere. She loves having an adrenalin rush and will help people get things they want. She doesn't ask for anything in return, just adventure. Coming from the early fifties, Carol is very naive about the aspects of modern life. Carol is happy to have a conversation but has learned to really get to know somebody before trusting them completely. She's not completely heartless (her killer forgot to take that thing out) and she'll respond to feelings, noticing if she's hurt someone's, and will respond depending on the situation. She's got the base of a human, with a bit of bandage added on. I fixed a couple of spelling/grammar errors. :O I like the base for her - naive but wants to be treated like an adult. Has a soft spot for other people's feelings. I'd like to see you elaborate on her naivete! Also, is she violent? She seems to be, in that if you treat her like a child, she'll want to/will kill you. Is she prone to temper tantrums? Why does she like to be called mature so much? She's very interesting - I'd like to learn more about her!
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:27 pm
Lucifer Force childs menu Personality: Carol is easily irritated and will not put up with people that treat her as a child. Calling her 'hon, sweetheart, darling' or anything along those lines will end badly, usually with her long hand crushing your neck. But treating her like a mature being will get you everywhere. She loves having an adrenalin rush and will help people get things they want. She doesn't ask for anything in return, just adventure. Coming from the early fifties, Carol is very naive about the aspects of modern life. Carol is happy to have a conversation but has learned to really get to know somebody before trusting them completely. She's not completely heartless (her killer forgot to take that thing out) and she'll respond to feelings, noticing if she's hurt someone's, and will respond depending on the situation. She's got the base of a human, with a bit of bandage added on. I fixed a couple of spelling/grammar errors. :O I like the base for her - naive but wants to be treated like an adult. Has a soft spot for other people's feelings. I'd like to see you elaborate on her naivete! Also, is she violent? She seems to be, in that if you treat her like a child, she'll want to/will kill you. Is she prone to temper tantrums? Why does she like to be called mature so much? She's very interesting - I'd like to learn more about her!
Thank you very much for helping with the paragraph and critiquing me.
I added some information that may explain her dislike of being treated like a child.
Thank you again <:
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 12:37 am
I think she's ready
Oh boy I am excited~~
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:39 am
She bashes their neck in with her fear? That would surely kill the person and I'm pretty sure we aren't allowed to kill anyone!
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:54 am
Meeki She bashes their neck in with her fear? That would surely kill the person and I'm pretty sure we aren't allowed to kill anyone!
ohh
good point
I'll change it to crushing different parts of the body
not completely
but maybe as she gets older she can really crush people
or something...
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:34 pm
A beetle made of bandages?
What if she actually could summon a big beetle thing as a power to attack her enemies while still being attached to her arm by the bandages?
And she could, like, trip people with the bandage leash thing?
And what if she couldn't always get the beetle to do what she wanted? Like, she wants it to attack the person, but it instead decides to poke a pumpkin or something.
Just spouting ideas, because her FEAR confused me a bit.
Also the mutant arm... Why?
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:14 pm
DraconicFeline A beetle made of bandages? What if she actually could summon a big beetle thing as a power to attack her enemies while still being attached to her arm by the bandages? And she could, like, trip people with the bandage leash thing? And what if she couldn't always get the beetle to do what she wanted? Like, she wants it to attack the person, but it instead decides to poke a pumpkin or something. Just spouting ideas, because her FEAR confused me a bit. Also the mutant arm... Why?
Thanks for the critique!
You have many good ideas, however, the beetle is more of an illusion then the weapon itself
maybe later on she may learn to control the beetle but for the time being it is simply a magical object~
I'll keep those ideas in mind, however because they are very good <:
I suppose the mutant arm just...happened as part of her turning into a mummy. I quite like the idea of the arm because it serves as a substitute for her stub arm.
thank you again!
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Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 2:23 pm
Cute character. :3
The only thing I'm really curious about, is how the enemy become interested in the beetle. Is it like a charm, or spell? And if so how long does it last?
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Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:59 pm
LividPeas Cute character. :3
The only thing I'm really curious about, is how the enemy become interested in the beetle. Is it like a charm, or spell? And if so how long does it last?
thank you!
I think the beetle does a sort of swaying dance, like a charm I suppose.
I'll add how long it lasts <:
thank you !!
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