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 Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2010 10:15 pm
It might seem like a silly thing (it often did to the patched juvenile) but there really were things Astar missed about those harsh times her family had endured in the rogue lands.
They all had friends now – which was good – and their bellies were almost always full – even better! – but somehow Astar felt like she’d lost something very precious that she’d never get back. For all the happiness and security that had been introduced by the everyday pride life to her little family, the young girl felt her family members, once so close due to the difficult conditions that were forced upon them, were now slowly straying apart. Zakai had his own friends now and didn’t spend as much time with his sisters as before and of course, she’d also made some friends of her own. So she worried even if this new life meant they didn't have to fight the hunger pangs during long painful nights or wait for their parents to come back from long - and somethings unfruitful - hunts.
That and Astar was worried she’d never fit in the pride. Could she really find a totem when she got older? What if she never did? What if they decided to kick her out and then she’d never see her family again and…
Astar sighed and shook those negative thoughts from her mind. She looked around, wondering where her sister was but decided to remain on the same spot watching the adults go about their work and lives in general, spotting the occasional totem here and there. It was quite fascinating really.
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Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:16 pm
If Astar harbored certain anxieties about their new life, Zakai was terrified -- but, for the purpose of his family, he had kept up appearances of strength. It was, after all, his duty to be a strong example for his sisters, and he had never yet let them down.
It wasn't that there was anything particularly frightening about his new life. He was eating regularly. He had friends now, for the first time ever. He was accepted.
But that, in itself, was terrifying to him -- because at any moment it could all come to an end, and the idea that this new life he was beginning to enjoy might tumble down around him made him incredibly uneasy.
And such uneasiness was uncharacteristic for the generally easy-going youth, a fact which made him a bit grumpier than usual. Add to that the fact that his youngest sister had become increasingly independent since joining the pride, planting the first seeds of doubt that Zakai might, for the second time in his life, be abandoned....
Well, at any rate, the young lion was in a less-than-excellent mood when he crossed the path of Astar, and he halted in his paw steps with uncertainty. He didn't particularly want to stop and say hello, for danger of spreading his infectiously bad mood...but at the same time, he knew better than to walk past her without a greeting. That would certainly get him in trouble with Mother if nothing else.
So, sighing heavily, Zakai altered his course, veering off the path to approach his adopted sister. With some effort, he mustered up a smile. "Hey sis."
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Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:01 pm
“Sis” was a good word. A very good word indeed especially at a moment like this. It implied closeness and affection and a bond the little lioness hoped would never be broken. She was smiling before she even turned her head.
Zakai’s new anxieties had indeed gone unnoticed at least as far Astar was concerned. From her point of view, her big brother truly was on the path to become one of the strongest lions around, both in mind and body. She wouldn’t dream of giving him weaknesses, even in her thoughts. Moving slowly, she met Zakai halfway and took a moment to admire the darker hairs that sprouted from his chest.
“Brother.” The patched lioness rubbed her neck on his side lightly, a soft purr rumbling in her chest, physical contact being her own little way of seeking some form of reassurance. “Your mane is getting bigger.”
She did notice that her brother’s smile looked somewhat strained though and after a little hesitation she continued in a more serious tone, backing up a couple of steps to get a good look at Zakai’s expression. “Is everything alright?”
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Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:12 am
He nuzzled her back, feeling immediately relieved and -- suddenly -- a little sheepish for his foul mood. What was he even so worried about?
Pulling away and lowering himself to his haunches, the adolescent offered a slightly embarrassed smile, his eyes clearing up from the uncertainty they had been dimmed with moments earlier. "Oh, it's nothing really," he said, eager now to dismiss his agitation. He extended a large paw -- a sure sign that he would grow to be a big, strong lion -- and playfully batted at Astar's shoulder. "Don't worry about me. How have you been?"
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Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:32 pm
The patched girl laughed as Zakai batted at her shoulder but didn’t hit back and instead just sat straighter than it should ever be allowed for such a young lioness. How was she feeling though? She wasn't sure how to properly express her state of mind at the moment.
“Happy, relieved… worried.” Belatedly, she realized she might’ve said something that would make her brother worry. It had been getting easier to reveal her anxieties now that they were the safe environment of the pride but the desire not to be a bother, a dead weight, a burden… it was still very much engraved into her very core. She paused looking him seriously in the eyes before looking away, opened her mouth to say something and then promptly closed it again.
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:36 am
His ears folded back, that sheepish smile fading just slightly from his maw. He glanced around, as though making sure nobody was listening in on them -- as though this was not the sort of conversation one would want overheard -- and looked back at his sister with softly intuitive eyes. "I think I know what you mean," he said, hesitantly. "It's...kind of weird, isn't it? Suddenly having nothing so many of our worries taken away, and yet...still worrying about so much?"
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:52 am
She saw her brother’s piercing gaze and felt as though he could read her mind with ease so it was a relief when he told her he understood. After taking a moment to consider that maybe Zakai had similar worries, the young patched girl smiled.
“Different worries, now.” She said simply, wondering how much of those worries she was willing to share. “Do you think we’re settling in alright? Do you think we’ll be able to find totems of our own?”
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:01 pm
Totems. His tail lashed, slightly agitated, despite himself. "I...don't know," he admitted, and that sheepish look had taken over his maw again. He labored over that, for a moment, and then brightened immediately, smile becoming wider. "Hey! You want to go look around, with me? We can help each other find one."
Was that cheating? Surely not, he thought -- not for siblings, who already knew each other so well. And it sounded way better than trying it alone, or taking along one of his new friends that he was still so uncertain about.
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:12 pm
A surprised look adorned her expression for a few moments before she finally showed signs of a reaction. That was just like Zakai. Here she was worried that they’d never find the creature that that’d complement them within the pride but not really doing anything about it – as if she expected it to just fall from the sky on her and say Hello, I’m supposed to be with you! – and her brother wanted to actually go look for it. It made sense, of course and it was definitely the smartest and most rational thing to do.
“Really? Now?” Astar got on her four paws again and looked a little excited. “Where do you think we should go? Closer to the border?” Could she actually find her totem today? That was a somewhat daunting prospect actually. But Zakai was older so maybe he’d find one first?
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Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 10:53 pm
He contemplated that. "Yeah..." he said, after a moment's hesitation. "Yes. Let's go to the border, and see what we can find. It'll be an adventure!" He grinned, then, and nudged his sister's shoulder.
Truth be told, he didn't even know what he was looking for much less how to go about finding it...but Zakai was quite sure they'd come across something.
Pleased with the prospect of an adventure, the cub began at once for the border.
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:31 am
“Okay, let’s go!” Astar said, quickly growing excited though her doubts were still very much present. “What do you think is out there? I mean… everyone seems to think that the type of totem says a lot about the lions they bond with… do you think we’ll find good ones? What if we get stuck with animals that have nothing to do with us?”
She wasn’t exactly sure of this totem thing worked. The young lioness hoped she would feel some sort of connection with some random creature – which sounded hard enough on its own – but how did she convince that animal to return with her to the pride? Was she supposed to convince it? Drag it back, hissing and biting? No, she couldn’t do that. But seriously, why would any animal want to get stuck with her anyway?
“Do you know what totem you want?” he pressed the issue more softly, slightly more subdued as she realized the same question could be turned right back on her.
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 12:40 pm
"I don't know," he said, honestly, and a little sheepishly. "Birds, maybe. Or jackals?" He considered this a moment, brow furrowed, and looked a little troubled. Then it disappeared from his features and he grinned. "But hey, if we don't find a totem, we can find lunch!"
Ahh, Zakai. Always looking on then, ah, bright side.
"I don't even know what I'm looking for," he admitted, sensing his sister's anxiety and rushing to share it, to make her feel better. "I guess whatever finds me. That's how this is supposed to work, right?" He sounded a little dubious.
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:38 pm
“I suppose…” the green-eyed girl said without much certainty.
“Birds are nice.” Astar agreed after one very long pause. Yes, she liked birds. “What do jackals mean…?”
She widened her pace in order to keep up with her brother and nudged him gently on the side as she trotted closely. This was so complicated. Were they supposed to wait until an animal felt comfortable enough around them in order to establish a connection? What if none ever came? What if they made the wrong choice? Would someone be judging their decision?
“There’s a girl who has a hyena. I don’t want a hyena. But I don’t think I want something the others will want to eat either.” One terrible thought suddenly struck her and she looked suddenly worried. “What if we accidently eat our totem?!”
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Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 8:49 am
"I don't know," he admitted. Truth be told, he wasn't even entirely sure what any of them meant. He was so bad at this! What kind of example was he setting for his poor sister? He should have done better research...
"But I don't think you have to worry about eating your totem. If you eat an animal you find, it probably wasn't meant to be your totem." He considered this a moment. "...and after you take it as yours, you shouldn't eat it. We're not going to get THAT hungry!"
He chuckled. Having Astar be nervous about the totem issue made him feel a hundred times better about his own insecurities.
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Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 12:00 am
Astar tensed a little when her brother chuckled, walking a little straighter with her head held a little higher that it could be considered comfortable. She knew he wasn’t making fun of her but the young girl couldn’t help but to be a little protective of her deepest worries when it was the first time she was speaking them aloud. Still, it wasn’t long before Astar surrendered and released the tension with one bright laugh of her own. Really… eating one’s totem was a bit ridiculous, wasn’t it?
“Oh well, I guess we’ll find something… eventually. You’ll have no trouble but I think I’ll manage somehow.” She spoke with a little more confidence now - head still held high -which was always a good way to ignore the fears that secretly troubled her until they build up like a river during a flood. She nudged her brother gently, a gesture meant not only to show affection but to soothe her deepest insecurities.
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