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OK here's the scoop, I'm going to write a story, and I want to hear feedback from all those that read it. Tell me what you think. Please! It will help me keep writing.





"Seu! Hey Seu!" A voice shouted down the corridor.
Seulyn turned to see who was calling her in such a way and smiled when she saw her brother, Raeul, and his friend, Kale, who had done the shouting.
she stopped walking so they could catch up. Still running, the boys' expressions were vastly different. Kale, looking rather happy about something or other, probably some mischief he had cooked up again, Her brother's, though, was looking much like it did when he had something to tell her that she wouldn't like.
Telling Seulyn bad news was usually like poking an already angry snake with a stick. And appearently the stick had been given to Raeul... Again. Seeing her brother's expression, Seulyn frowned slightly.
"Guess what?" Kale said with a wicked grin.
"What?" Seulyn asked, now no longer feeling up to his pranks.
He put out his lower lip in a fake pout, "You didn't guess."
Seulyn rolled her eyes, "Knowing you, I wouldn't want to guess."
Kale pretended to look offended, but couldn't keep up the charade for very long, "Well if you want to know you have to guess!" he said with a childish smile that verged on being imp-like.
Seulyn shook her head at him and turned her attention on her brother, "What is Mr. Riddle-Head going on about?"
Raeul gave Kale a look, "It's your turn to tell her, and stop playing around like that, you know she gets testy..."
Seulyn rolled her eyes again, "Just tell me, I don't care who does, and I promise I won't hurt you... too much."
Kale looked like he was having a ball, but Raeul knew his sister too well.
He took a breath and started, "You know that petition that the Humans sent to the king?"
Seulyn nodded, she had been one of the many people that didn't want the king to agree to it.
"Well..." Raeul didn't want to continue. He knew how his sister would react to the news.
"Oh just spit it out Raeul!"
"He agreed to it, and our troop was the one chosen to carry it out. We have the briefing session tomorrow." he let out in a rush

( mrgreen I'm glad you like it! The more comments I get, the more I want to write, feed back is always apreciated!)

Seulyn stared at her brother for a few seconds, letting the information that he had just given her sink in. "He WHAT?" She looked like she was going for something deadly, but instead ran her fingers through her strawberry blonde hair. She stopped and looked from her brother's open, but serious face, to his friend's mischievous one, "You'd better not be pulling my leg, because if you are..." she let the threat hang in the air.
Raeul shook his head, "You know I wouldn't joke about this to you." he gave a smirk of his own that nearly rivaled that of his friends, "I value my life too much."
She shook her head at him, "Oh you..." she groaned, then sighed, "What time tomorrow?"
Raeul grimaced again, and this time Kale supplied the information, "Tomorrow just before dawn." his nearly turquoise eyes sparkled as he watched for Seulyn's reaction.
Seulyn groaned, another thing that she detested, early mornings. First doing menial labor for humans, and she had to get up early to do it... this was just not her day.
She turned her attention on Kale and gave a wicked grin. For once his smile faltered as she walked towards him. He took an involuntary step back, then another until he ran into the opposite wall. She stopped when she reached him and poked him in the chest with one of her fingers.
"You," She said, "Are going to have fun on the march."
He had a confused look on his face, wondering what on earth she meant. He would have fun teasing her, that was a given, but the way she said that, and that grin... he was nervous about the coming march now.

(glad you like her...)



Seulyn, satisfied that she had thoroughly spooked Kale to the point that he wouldn't do anything overly annoying to her, turned her attention on her brother.
"You'll wake me up, won't you Ray?"
"Um... Sure Seu, but you won't bite my head off like you did last time will you?" he sounded a bit dubious, but in a teasing way.
Seulyn rolled her eyes and continued with the game, "No I'll just nibble on it a bit," she gave a little smirk, light lavender eyes sparkling, "There shouldn't be any lasting damage."
Raeul laughed, "Ok good, I'll see you later then."
Seulyn nodded absently, her thoughts already taken away to the preparations that she would need to make for this trip.
She knew she would need the normal things, clothes, food, weapons, but what all else, she would have to find out at the briefing.
So that meant that she had to at least be semi-conscious when she got there. So that meant, she realized with a sigh, no night time walks to look at the stars, no matter how bright and beautiful they were this time of year...

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nicely done!

I like conversations in a story, it keeps one reading... to much description tends to get lost on me.

Was there any particular reason why there's no more on this?
I would really like to read more.

I like your central figure, Seu... you seem to have found her shape.... I hope she won't start acting out of sorts later on... Kale and Raeul still seems to be just an after thought characters *hint hint* maybe you need to write just a little bit more on them? wink

Did it occur to you that your loaded with things to do???

anyway, I find the story interesting, so I'll keep a look-out on what will happen next... I'll try not to criticise too much.

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