Welcome to Gaia! ::

I can't be the Haven Mod any more.
I can't be Crew one day.
I can't be a leader figure, or someone who tries to make things happen, or even someone who does 'important' things.

I forgot the only reason I joined this site was to role-play. And once I lost sight of that, apparently Gaia became a greater part of my life then I understood or realized. If only GRAVITE had happened sooner, when I truly had the time and the interest to follow it through until the very end. I miss being able to role-play, I miss being able to zone out in my character's world. But now every time I try, my mind get's clouded what all the responsibility I asked for; literally.

It's not like any of the things I do are asked of me, I've taken them on myself, and that's what makes this so difficult. But, for the same reasons I thought Gear should have stepped down from his old position as League Commander, I have to step away from mine. I can't do it any more. Gaia isn't a game to me at this point. It feels like work, and I can't stand it. I do enough work at College, and enough homework after school, I can't come here and do something that feels like more work.

I would say it's only a matter of time before I'm all freed up again, but that's really not the case. After College, I'll be starting my career, and my life, Jesse's life, will demand the attention I've kept from it for too long. I've spent a quarter of my 18 years alive on this site, and I have spent more time devoted to it then most of you here. I can't keep doing that. I can't devote myself to it anymore. Because frankly, I don't want to.

I going back to my Gaia roots. Back when I didn't get stressed out because of what I had to do on it, back when it used to be fun and when it was a game. It's doesn't feel like a game anymore, not the way I've been playing. I'm sorry if any of you can't understand, why would I ask for something I couldn't live up to, right? Because at the time I thought I could, and I didn't think College was going to be... well, College.

I'm sorry guys, I just can't do it any more. I won't go anywhere, some of the best role-players I know are in the League, but I would understand if you wanted me to leave.

Pssh, I completely understand this. And personally, I don't see why you should leave. I'm pretty sure that even with all that you've said, you'd still be more active than some other members of this guild. You've done nothing wrong either. So if you wish to leave, it's up to you. But I'm fairly sure I speak for everyone when I say you don't have to and that you're always welcomed here.

And I say I understand you because I already went through that phase. I had a RP guild, I was incredibly active in more than one RP; I had some small wedding business, I logged in just to see if a new item came out in order to make a profit, I sold art, etc. It was more like an obligation rather than a fun site. So one day, I just dropped it all. And I mean all. I went back to my roots where I RPed when I felt like it and not when I feared I'd be left out. And the only reason I still come to Gaia is either because I'm bored, because I have some spare time or, above all, to talk to a friend of mine...though she has MSN so...*Shrugs*

Nowadays, before doing anything here on Gaia, I think first "Well, will I be able to be as active as I'm expected to be or will my job(s)/school are gonna keep me busy?" Usually, the answer is yes. And I'll be darned if I put Gaia before school, my job(s) or my personal life again. As a matter of fact, this is why I try to just help out around the guild with what I'm told rather than to step up and carry on with a project by myself like you did. I just KNOW I won't have the time to do it because of my life. I'll still help around, yes, but only when I have some spare time.

Now, I only join an RP inside a guild because those move slower but surely. I'm able to keep up with them. Sure, Gaia has become a bit boring, up to the point where I can stay here an hour or two per day and I'll be done by then. But now I have more time to do more things, even if by 'more thing', I mean chill and watch TV.

So just do that; chill. Maybe join a RP thread from Barton if you wanna go back to your roots. Wander around Towns and meet new RPers. Take your time to get things sorted out and figure out what you wanna do here. Would you still be able to devote a few hours of your week to Gaia without ever thinking you have an obligation with someone? Or will you think of Gaia as an utter waste of time and a distraction? And the beauty of these choices is that there's no wrong answer.

Oh, and here's an advice about College: it starts out rough, but once you get the hang of it, it gets easier.

I can't say I know you as well as I know some people on this site, but I will say one thing about you. You have my respect. You fought hard to make the league the best it could be. Now you have the courage to say that you yourself don't want to treat this gaming site like a job, and step down.

I can't say I know what you're going through just yet, but I guarantee I will in about three to four weeks considering I start college myself in two weeks. I'll probably be lucky to get on and post one maybe two times a week, considering I have to spend most of the time I wont be devoting to school and school work to look for a job. Hopefully if I find a job I can help my parents maintain the college education.

Well, don't worry about it. You've always got a place among us.

Heh. Fungus Among us.

Strifer: It's difficult, man. And if you try to push yourself too far, you're only going to make yourself sick of it like I was getting. You have my respect too; you're honest and you say what you want to say, kinda like me except you're more nice about it xD

Honestly, I think I did a fairly good job with what I could, and I hope that all of our efforts, not just my own, in GRAVITE will pay off like we hope it will.

Not to completely change the topic of this thread, (which I seem to be doing a lot lately), but while all my friends are off being nervous about college, I remain calm. Why? Because even though I was able to sign up for my classes earlier than all the sophomores at my community college, and before most of the freshman, I decided to sign up for my classes about mid day instead of the instant the site was able to take my request. The result? I only got one of the General Ed classes I needed and wanted to take. The rest are just classes like beginning music theory, beginning guitar, and a class that will help me figure out what kind of job I want to do for the rest of my life.

[/rant] [/off topicness as well]

Do you know why RL comes first? Mostly, cuz that's how you pay for internet. But also, because when it does, this place becomes a Safe Haven for you, away from the frustration and irritation of daily life. That's why our members stick around for a long time, why whenever an old member returns, everyone who knows him greets him warmly, because here, we are safe among our own kind.

I guarantee, that if we were all to meet up IRL, it would be the sort of thing we'd tell our Grandkids. "Well, kiddo, back when the internet was still new, I was part of the Mercenary League. And this one time, back in twenty-eleven or twenty-twelve, we all pitched in, and pooled our resources, and met way out in Seattle, Washington. We got Hotel Rooms, went to local attractions, visited a few homes of our members in the area, and traveled all over the state. Everywhere we went, we all smiled and had a great time. We were loud and noisy when we could be, and quiet and respectful when we needed to be. We didn't refer to each other as 'Riley' or 'Jesse,' but by our usernames. We shared our problems, and helped eachother through them. We were the Mercenary League, and we were proud to say it. There must've been some 50 of us at the time. Now, of course, the League is much bigger. 50,000 active members, you and I included, my boy. I mean, 60 years with the best members the internet could offer will do that for a guild, keep it's members around and keep 'em happy. Heck, you can turn on the news and see something about us. But I tell you what, you can't beat that feeling, when you just can't help but smile."

Yeah. That's what I'll tell my Grandson one day, after the League is famous the world over. Yeah.

Yeah, I really think it's gonna happen. Don't stop my dreamin, man. Heck, join me in my dream, and maybe soon enough, it'll be a reality.

Man, ain't no one changing me. Hell, it's people trying to change me that makes me this way. But naw, man. I'm Wielder, and that's just that.

And wouldn't it? If one of us wins the Lottery, that needs to happen.

And that's what I keep telling you: We help you through your problems, not make them worse. You're one of us, and even though right now all we can do is talk, we'll talk all we can if it'll help one of our own.

You know what? This reminds me of a song... Even though it's technically about death...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK1lXSxZbHw&feature=related
Check it out.

I think the only reason I'm reminded of it is because it talks about such a joyful time before the end, and is overall a very happy song.