Welcome to Gaia! ::

I'm new to the guild, but I had a yugioh rp going with other friends outside of gaia, who liked my character. The rp died due to lack of maitenance, but i decided to bring back my character and try her out here, in a new rp. I'm not the best at this, and after reading some of these guides I'm afraid that she might become a Mary-Sue. Some outside opinions would be appreciated before I make a total a** of myself.

NOTE: I meant original Yugioh, no bike-riding here. gonk
NOTE: My old rp's timeline corresponded with the timeline of the series. Outside of the 3 characters I had (2 of them minor), nothing else (event-wise) changed dramatically.
So the explanation might be long but I've been working on her for 7 years.

(Character Bio in next post)

I'm from the Character Reviews thread (that would have been a quicker way to catch my attention). I'll look over your character here, but it sometimes takes me a while to read through all the text. I'll either edit this post when I'm done, or just post another one afterwords.

PS: Love your DDR item. I raided one of my mules' bank accounts to buy one right away.

I'm not entirely familiar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! universe, but last time I checked, it was normal for their characters to be a bit...unusual. If you're worried about making a character so unique that it drops into Mary Sue territory, I think you're safe, considering the nature of Seto Kaiba, Yugi Mutou, and even Joey Wheeler. Your background story certainly seems like something that would come out of Yu-Gi-Oh!.

One thing I noticed in the show is that characters seem to use cards and themes that pertain to their interests. Kaiba uses powerful dragon-types because he is a powerful "Dragon" type (I'm not linking to TvTropes, I refuse to send you on a Wiki Walk! talk2hand ). Joey Wheeler uses a combination of gambling cards and monsters that could essentially be called "underdogs", like Time Wizard, because he's a duelist that takes chances. Yugi starts off with his grandfather's deck, but eventually it evolves into a combination of powerful monsters and the likes of the Gadgets and Magnet Warriors, reflecting both his own childlike nature and the powerful nature of the pharaoh.

If you want her to have an operatic singing voice, and all the skills of an opera singer, as well as skills as a duelist, that is perfectly acceptable in this universe, considering almost everyone in Yu-Gi-Oh! seems to play the game at some skill level or another. But instead of having a deck focusing "on a Fire Princess healing strategy", perhaps a deck that (like Wolf suggested) uses cards that pertain to your career as an opera singer. Mako Tsunami, the fisherman, runs a deck full of fish, for example. I don't know if the RP you planned to use this for allows you to create your own cards, or if there are already cards that would suit your purpose available.

On the Rebellious Princess note, it almost seems like you're bordering on Tsundere as well. Whether or not both of those traits are helpful or a hindrance is completely dependent on the role player, however. I would love to see a more cleaned up version of this profile, with the "In short" storyline expanded.

I just hope I'm not missing something, considering of how little I know about the show. Feel free to slap me across the face if I overstepped somewhere. xd

NEW EDIT as of 8/25:

Name: Akira Mutou-Yurinova
Age: 19 Gender: Female
Nationality: half Russian, half Japanese
General Appearance: 5"8" tall, pale white skin, light grey eyes, curly dark indigo hair down past her thighs, with a little antennae on the top. Very buxom, curvy, around 130 lbs. Extremely beautiful.


Background: Yugi's older half-sister, who spent most of her childhood in between Russia and America. The b*****d child of a Russian woman and Yugi's father (who remain absent after the first year of her life.) Akira's mother, Katerina Yurinova is the older sister of Cecilia, 9 years older than her and similar in appearance. From the both of them does she develop a love for singing and fine arts.

Akira's mother had raised her by herself for about 12 years, then died of a natural cause, the same mysterious cause that Cecilia dies of. In her will it has stated that Akira would be raised by her aunt. Of course, Cecilia marries and then dies, and Akira spends the rest of her life with her uncle Pegasus up until she's about 19 and meets Yugi and co during Duelist kingdom. Akira is the only living heir to Industrial Illusions, and due to Pegasus's refusal to remarry and have children, is forced to stay with him against her will.


Storyline: Sugoroku knew about his firstborn grandchild but assumed her dead, so no one in her Japanese family ever bothered to look for her. Akira never bothered to think about her Japanese family until finding out, through Pegasus capturing Sugorku's soul, that she had a grandfather and a younger brother. Now her sole desire is to meet them, at least once, before Yugi's soul is taken away. She tries, several times to escape Castle Pegasus but gets recaptured by Kemo every time. After a brief trip to the Shadow Realm as punnishment, coutesy of uncle Pegasus, she quits and resigns to her fate as his prisonner. She also tries to free Mokuba but that plan went a** up in the air as well. She eventually gets to leave with her brother when he defeats Pegasus and starts her life anew in Japan, living and working at Sugoroku's Game store and making a living in Duel Monsters tournaments. Her dreams of being a famed opera singer have yet to produce any results, however.


Deck: being the niece of Pegasus, she has very few cards that are custom-made for her. Mostly female-monster deck, with emphasis on musical cards. Her skill rating is a 8/10, much better than Wheeler's but still loses her share of duels. Enough skill to make a living off of, and to earn some respect from an a-hole named Kaiba.

Personality: Introspective and mostly calm, with the occasional random outburst, usually triggered by Yugi or one of his dumb friends. She's mature, but doesn't seem so due to being a bit of a passive smartass and quietly sarcastic. She has a moderate but noticable Russian accent and at the beginning, struggles with the Japanese language. She's reluctant to be an heiress but doesn't shun it completely, as she's doted on by her uncle and likes having money more than not. Personal dress style is a cross between gothic lolita and some Victorian and French influences. She's a little ashamed and embarrased of her womanly body, but Pegasus dresses her up in ways that would seem otherwise. She's also very paranoid and distrustful of people in powerful positions.


Likes: The arts, her personal space, her best friend Chise (another oc), Mokuba, inside jokes, dolls, intelligent people, Tea-bashing, and opera.

Dislikes: Tea, people who are control freaks, stupid, or egotistical, being forced to sing in front of Pegasus, Kemo and the other castle guards, and being threatened to be sent to the Shadow Realm. She absoulte hates the Millenium Eye, as it is a major invasion of her privacy.

Skills: Decent duelist, and a diva-in-training.

Strengths: She's intelligent, but no Einstein. Her deck is quite a decent one. Being raised by Pegasus (of all people) she can understand criminal minds. Pretty, but knows when not to push it. Her modesty sets her apart from other attractive women *cough Mai cough*.

Weaknesses: Are mostly personality flaws. She not prone to being a complete b***h unless provoked. Bitter and resentful over her upbringing and her mother's death to the point where it sometimes makes her angsty and unpleasant to be around. Paranoid, and physically weak due to being sheltered. Rebellious nature towards Pegasus and the castle guards, although warranted in her case.


Relationships with other characters:
Pegasus: Loves him because he was kind to her when he shouldn't have been. He took her in when there was no one else. She calls him "Uncle Maxi" out of affection and the fact that its very rude to call your uncle by their last name only. However, she gets in trouble many times because of Pegasus invading her mind and not liking what he sees. She grew to hate the side of him that obssessed over her aunt and desired the Millenium items. She has alot of resentment towards him for keeping her captive, but after she moves to Japan, forgives him and keeps in touch with him frequently. She's never going back to Castle Pegasus, though.

Kemo: He is her personal guard up until he is reassigned to watch over Mokuba. He frequently hits on her and she HATES it. Croquet, and the other castle guards are not in her favor, but they sure like her. gonk

Yugi: Totally disappointed that her brother is the lamest and most vanilla person out there. She's completely weired out by his Yami and the fact that the Millenium items ******** her life she avoids Yami. They don't fight, but their personalities are so conflicting that communication between them is a rarity. Yugi absolutely loves her, on the other hand, being the vanilla person that he is.

Sugoroku: Respects and gets along with her grandfather.

Yugi's friends: Hates 'em. Hates 'em all. Except Bakura, whom her best friend swore to marry and Akira has sworn to tolerate him.

Kaiba: Despite her hatred for big egos, and his hatred for women, they get along. They have a mutual respect for each other and its a complicated relationship that could turn into a friendship, or even romance except that Kaiba is not the dating type, and Akira has no desire to push that. Because them dating would be very awkward.

Mokuba: Akira befriended him during his time as Pegasus's prisoner, and thinks of him as a little brother. He undaunted by her solemn and bitchy moments, because he's so used to his brother. They absolutely adore each other, and Mokuba has made several suggestions to Akira to date his brother but she never took him seriously.

Cecilia and Katerina Yurinova: Loved them so dearly that it tore her apart when they died. From them did her love of music grow until it became an obssession for singing opera that nearly consumed her. Broods over their deaths constantly, and it wasn't helping that Pegasus had a picture of Cecilia in every room.

Chise Noise: (An OC) In short, a little green haired sprite thats Akira's best friend. In her final year of high school, Chise frequents her grandfather's shop and so they became fast friends, though her hanging around the Game shop was more about stalking Bakura than buying cards. They share many inside jokes, awkward girl on girl moments and spend many of their time together, bashing Tea and drawing pictures. Chise is the near opposite of Akira, cheerful and friendly, but secretly, a nympho with an insane desire to marry Bakura and convert him to her wicked ways. And Akira is perfectly okay with that. xd



END OF EDIT.

Ah, you're welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I feel more acomplished now. It still would help if more people read it though. And I haven't role played in a while so I need some practice. Do you know if there's a Yugioh rp anywhere still going or should I make a new one?

Ok, will do when I get the chance. I noticed the author's notes, too, and was wondering if that was ok. Apparently not.

As for her appeance, I'm pretty sure the word "adamant" means that I wouldn't change her appearance, and I don't think i will, but the dictionary has failed me before...sorry if that cause any confusion.

"Adamant about changing her appearance" means you're determined to change it.
"Adamant about her appearance" Means you are determined to leave it.

You have the right adjective, but it modifies the wrong word, and can get a little confusing. But now that we know what you meant, we can all stop comforting you about how the appearance is fine as is, and doesn't need changing. wink

You've got a good thing going here. Keep working on it, and it will only get better. That's what happened to my writing since joining this guild. I thought I was good (I was a good writer, but not a good storyteller). As I spend more time in this guild, my descriptions continue to improve, as does my style, and my storytelling in general.

I mean look at me; I don't RP hardly at all (except in the cafe from time to time), but everyone refers people to me when they need reviews and such. I feel kind of important now; and that's a good feeling.