Post your funny quotes! Be it from books, stories, poems, whatever!

Ok my first one is from a xxxholic fanfiction:
"So I figure now that that's settled we should do it.", Domeki said out of the blue.
"W-W-What!", Watanuki stuttered, face turning red, "I don't think I'm ready for that!"
"Really? That's usually how these things go. First the two people definitely have to do… this and that…", Domeki mused then trailed off with a faraway look in his eyes, oblivious to Watanuki's crimson face.
"This and… that?", Watanuki squeaked, face a flaming red.
"uh huh.", Domeki confirmed, still not paying attention to Watanuki, "And then you do THAT, and then that other thing."
"Okay I don't where you're getting these ideas, buster, but I'm simply not ready to do that with you!", Watanuki protested, finally sticking up for himself.
Domeki looked a bit confused, "Oh, sorry. I thought you wouldn't mind planning our date, getting to know one another, and spending time together."
~ Wolf Beil