Sorry it took me a bit to get to this.
I like that you give quite a bit of detail, but some of the detail isn't necessary. You say that the grass is green, but it's nighttime and the moon is out, not a lot of color can be seen. And is there any reason why you keep emphasizing that the first character is black?
Quote:
His black ears pricked as he listened for something, anything. Although the only sounds that filled his ears were the gentle lowing of the trees and the stillness of night.
The word although in the second sentence seems out of place to me. It's almost like having a big BUT pause and then forgetting that important information that comes after the but.
Personally, I would have said a low growl, because a bark is usually used for a command or an emergency, but a growl is quieter and causes less attention.
Quote:
With a flick of his tail, the group padded into the silent clearing.
I assume that you mean the first character we meet, but you didn't really specify.
Pull the search time out just a little. Let them follow their senses trying to pinpoint the source of the blood before the smallest wails. Give us a little bit of suspense to draw us into the story.
Is Willow in the form of a girl of a wolf? Because you say that the others had gathered around a large shape, but then go on to describe a young female (that had earlier been called a small pup). You also make it sound like she's a wolf up until her description.
You mentioned that the main wolf's eyes were silver twice. Is it an important piece of information for the story, or could you do with saying they were silver just once?
(I loved the last sentence of that paragraph btw
smile )
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He howled until he felt the breath leaving his lungs.
In human terms would this be scream at someone til you have to finally take another breath, or scream to the point you can't talk the next day? Maybe specify that sentence just a bit to avoid confusion.
Quote:
The black wolf lifted his head fro her side and listened, but all he heard was the wind.
minor spelling error
smile The main character goes chasing after his wife, does the rest of the pack follow? It seems a little odd that they wouldn't.
Quote:
With a nudge of his nose, Flare stepped back to let her mate get a look.
this sentence is a little odd, but I guess that it works.
Quote:
Staring up at the black wolf, with wide brown eyes, was a baby girl.
wasn't the child just screaming? I can only think of Tarzan as being the only kid to scream and then suddenly see an animal and laugh at it.
Quote:
The wolf raised his head and called for Willow and Starshine.
I thought Willow just died? Now I'm kind of confused.
Quote:
I’ll protect her, as long as my name is Silver. I promise!
I would
italicize this because it is one of Silver's direct thoughts.
The third paragraph has quite a bit going on in it and I think you could break it into at least two smaller paragraphs.
Starshine is a girl? Sorry I thought it was a guy, that was a bit of a shock.
Quote:
Silver led the way; glancing back at time to make sure his mate was on his tail.
from time to time or at times would make a little more sense.
I would start a paragraph at His eyes slowly closed and then spend the next paragraph finding a home instead of a little akwardly cutting that into two parts.
Quote:
Farms were often at the edge of towns so the danger of being found was much less.
was much less then what?
Is the guard dog in the house? I first thought it was outside, but then it would have done something to the wolf and the baby.
Sad day, the wolves aren't going to stay to make sure that the kid actually gets accepted or if the farmer's are evil enough to abandon the child?
Unless your story is going to begin with spoon feeding a child and watching its growth every second of ever minute (give or take a couple hours for sleeping), then I would add the farmer's reactions and accepting the child into their home (if they do) to the prologue. With the child accepted into the home, you can skip ahead however long you want to when the kid is more grown up with out adding an akward intro to the first chapter.