Welcome to Gaia! ::

im like freakin out, idk what to do, im having my best friends child how the hell am i supposed to tell him

im just like scared and i just dont know what to do

You knew where babies came from. You knew where STDs came from. If you weren't prepared to handle pregnancy and/or STDs, you shouldn't have been having unprotected sex. It really is that simple. So you're just going to have to man up and face the consequences of your actions. And right now that means talking and thinking. The longer you wait the worse it will probably be.

Just so you know, your options are raising the baby, giving the baby up for adoption, or having an abortion.

Raising a child properly takes a lot. It takes time, patience, and money. You'll a need enough room in your home for another person. You'll have to see an ob-gyn often and take prenatal vitamins every day. You should do a lot of research. You should ideally have health insurance. You should ideally actually want to bring a child into your life. You should have a safe and stable home life for a child. You would not be able to do drugs, smoke, or drink at all during pregnancy and breastfeeding. So I'm guessing that raising a child is not an option for you at this point in life.

Adoption means having the baby but not keeping it. You wouldn't need much, if any, money but you would still need to eat right, see an ob-gyn often, avoid all illegal drugs, not smoke, avoid even being in the same room with anyone who is smoking, and stay away from alcohol. You'd also probably need to involve a lawyer. And it may mean missing some school. So that doesn't really sound like an option for you either given what you've told us about your drug use and home life in other threads.

Abortion means killing the baby. That's not a pretty description, but it's the truth. And sadly, it might be the best option for some people. And I am guessing it would be the best option for you seeing as how you're not old enough to raise a child, you mentioned before that you don't want to stop doing drugs and even if you did your mother does them around you, staying in school would probably be best, etc.

But it is your decision to make with your doctor, partner, and family. If you have any questions about those three options, let us know. No matter which of your three options you decide on, you're going to need to schedule an ob-gyn appointment immediately. Let her know that you need birth control as soon as you are not pregnant anymore. Hopefully you learned just how serious unprotected sex can be, so hopefully you won't do it again.

Abortion is not an option for me, i will not do that

well i told james and he wants to keep it, so im just gonna have to try as hard as i can to stay clean for 9 months
i haven't told mom yet, hopefully she will take it alittle better and all since she had me as a teenager

Wanting to keep a baby and actually being able to keep a raise a child are two very different things. So make sure he understands that and is making a logical choice rather than just an emotional one.

Pregnancy and parenthood are huge responsibilities. "Trying as hard as you can to stay clean" isn't good enough. You flat out have to stay clean. You have no choice because even one small slip up can be enough to kill a baby or give him serious developmental problems. If you truly want to be a parent then even a single gamble with your baby's life is unacceptable.

And that goes for your mom and friends too. Second-hand and even third-hand smoke (when smoke sticks to a person's hair or clothes), can be enough to give a baby problems. So they won't be able to smoke at all either unless they do it away from your house and shower and change clothes before coming anywhere near you. Remember, if you can smell something, you're breathing it in.

And don't forget that's all true even after he is out of your body as well. People will not be able to smoke in the house or have smoke on their clothes if they want to go anywhere near the baby. You won't be able to have any drugs or alcohol in your system while you breastfeed.

You'll also have to see an ob-gyn often, get tested for STDs and other infections, research birthing techniques, research breastfeeding, look into what baby stuff costs (diapers, wipes, cribs, etc.), make sure another person can fit into your home (babies won't stay babies forever and will need their own room before very long), get health insurance/look into local clinics (someone has to pay for the checkups and delivery).

Aren't you 15, drinking, on drugs, having unprotected sex, and now pregnant? No offense, but that isn't exactly fine. That's actually really bad. In fact, it's so bad that you could get taken away and your mom could actually get criminal charges. And you want to bring a baby into that?

Make sure you're thinking this through. I could be way off base here, but so far it sounds like your home is not appropriate for a baby and that you're only having this baby because you don't like abortion yet you also don't feel like using protection. And that's not exactly a good reason to bring a baby into your life. If you don't like abortion at least consider adoption.

I've been having sex for over ten years. I have some pretty heated moments. I have had some moments where I was so turned on I wasn't thinking straight. But I still used birth control.

That's because most hormonal methods allow you to be spontaneous in that they don't need to be remembered and thought about every time you have sex. They only need to be remembered anywhere from once a day to once every three months depending on what exactly what form you get. I got on hormonal birth control as soon as I became sexually active.

So being in the heat of the moment is absolutely no excuse for not having birth control. If you knew you had gone without condoms a couple of times in the heat of the moment, then you should have gotten a hormonal method a long time ago. Heck, even if you used condoms flawlessly, you still should have been on a hormonal method just in case. The fact that you didn't bother getting on it means you were probably not mature enough to be having sex in the first place.


It's great that you two are happy and that you get along so well. But you have to keep in mind that babies need a heck of a lot more than that. It's not fair to deny your baby all those things. Keeping a baby when you have nothing to offer that baby means you're thinking more about what you want and less about what that baby needs and deserves. And that's not fair.

So you would rather have the baby grow up in a bad environment just for the sake of knowing his parents?


Why? He got a teenager pregnant and didn't even stick around after. That doesn't really sound like the kind of guy you should be wanting in your life.


Yes, most adopted people do wonder about their parents. But that's not a bad thing. We all wonder about things whether we're adopted or not. It's normal to wonder about things since we can't know everything.


Why would he wish he could grow up with people who didn't want him/couldn't care for him when he'd be growing up with a stable and mature couple who did want him and could care for him? That doesn't even make sense. It sounds like you're placing way too much emphasis on biology, as if birth parents were some magical mystical beings and children would be so much happier to live in squalor with them rather than to live a good life with a decent couple who are just not related by blood. And that's not a healthy way to think about families. Your family should made up of the people who raise you and love you, not just the people who are related to you.


Yes, love is one part of being a good parent. But you can't just go into it with nothing but love. Babies cannot live on thrive on nothing but love.

Not to mention that it still doesn't sound like you're doing this out of love. It sounds like your reasoning now is that you want the baby to know his parents because you're unhappy about not knowing your father. Even though your baby would be so much better off, healthier, and happier with a mature adult couple. So that's not love. That's selfishness. If you actually loved that baby you would want him to have everything he needed and deserved, even if it meant not having him in your life.