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 Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 2:47 pm
So, I have a friend from school who lives pretty far away from me right now. We always got along great, but I know she's one who's really bad at dealing with her problems.
So right now, our only means of communication if texting and Facebook chat, and we usually talk every day. The only problem is, she never does anything but complain when she talks to me.
She did this a lot when we were in school, but then it was easier to deal with because I saw her pretty often and we could talk out things face to face, plus we'd talk about happier things. Now that our opportunities are limited, all she talks about is her problems.
Don't get me wrong, I really wish I could help her out better. but right now, there's really not much I can do...and it really is starting to bother me that we don't talk about anything else. And she does help me out with my problems if I ask her, but I usually don't.
So I guess I'm asking what's the best way to deal with someone like this? She says that I'm the only one she can talk to about some stuff, but she also tends to only be responsive when I tell her what she wants to hear. For example, the other day I told her that it might have been a bad choice to stay out with her boyfriend until 4 in the morning (she didn't understand why her parents were mad at her); after I told her this, she stopped responding to me.
Really, I don't even know if I'm trying to ask you guys for advice or anything. I guess I just want to know if I should feel bad for being a little annoyed, because she's kind of starting to bring me down.
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 6:29 pm
I'm going through this with my best friend too.
I basically told her that I'm sick of being afraid to give my opinion or advice, especially when it's not what she wants to hear.
She replied by saying that I never understand her problems properly and that I always say things that offend her. Now, she knows that I have problem explaining myself and she never even lets me finish a sentence. It basically ended with her being all, "STFU. IDC ABOUT YOU. ME ME ME. YOU SERVE ME."
After that I basically ignore whenever she complains and only reply when we talk about neutral things.
I don't really know if this helped, but just sharing a similar experience.
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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 9:11 am
No, it does help to know that someone else is going through the same thing, and that it bothers them too. XD;
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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 3:38 pm
I have friends like this too. I agree, it's really difficult to know what to do. Lately, I've been getting so annoyed that I just snark the s**t out of whatever inane thing they want to complain about. It's not the best thing to do, but at least I don't have to hear about stupid things anymore. The downside is, if they're having actual problems, they probably won't come to me, which is a depressing though.
But seriously, I can only hear about how pissed off my friend was over her mom buying her a $600 prom dress so many times. Gee, I'm sorry your mom is such an oppressive force in your life...? Or like, them getting in trouble over doing something genuinely shitty to their parents. It's like, well, I'm sorry that when you hurt the people closest to you, they don't like it very much.
Yeah, I don't have any good advice for you either. xD I'm just happy most of these people are going to different colleges, and the college I'm going to is so big I won't see them probably.
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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 4:47 pm
Haha yeah. This particular friend's parents are really strict, but the other night her phone died and she was out with her boyfriend until 4 am. And then she was really confused as to why they were so mad. XD;
And with her, it's not even that she really doesn't have problems but more like...somehow everything becomes a legitimate problem. I can tell that she's going through a lot, but I think she brings a lot of it on herself.
Like one night, she was in a bad mood and started doing self-pitying s**t to her boyfriend like "oh i'm such a burden i don't know why you want to be with meeeeee" and then was really upset when they got into a fight over this. UGH I DON'T UNDERSTAND. D:
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Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 4:10 pm
Okay so luckily things are getting better...now that more people she knows are out of school, she has people to hang around. So we can talk without her complaining. : D
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