Character Name: Saykiro Age: 15 Sexual Orientation: Straight Craft/Rank: Beastcraft Apprentice(healer)/Candidate History: Saykiro’s family has always been in the Beastcraft, and it was only normal for him to follow them in the craft. He was the youngest of the boys in the family. His family moved to the Trine Weyr right before he was born and they haven’t moved since. His family is nothing special, other than being all beastcrafters. Growing up as the baby, he had to work it a little easier, but still worked just as hard as the rest of the family. When he was about 5 turns, he had a knack for knowing which animals were close to being put down. He watched the herds, learning the signs of what was healthy and normal with his father. Saykiro spent a lot of time in the herds while his father would barter for new blood to be brought into their herd. He has kept his oldest brother from buying some runners that were unhealthy. They couldn’t tell from just looking at them, but Saykiro was able to watch them interact with some of the others. That was one of the few lucky times he saved the family problems in breeding the upcoming breeding season. Some times the sick would walk up to him, almost like they were asking him to free them of the pain or suffering. Each one he does his best to end it quickly for them.
Description: Saykiro stands at 5’7 with short spiky brown hair and sky blue eyes. His body is lean and most think of him as thin, but it is all muscle. He prefers to wear sleeveless or vest tops, so his arms are tan from his time in the sun. During the summer his hair gets light brown and the winter it gets dark. He has a faded scar on his right forearm where a runner caught him at 10 turns. His face is getting that chiseled look, strong jaw, high cheek bones. His eyes have an older look, like he has seen too much for his age. Personality: He is happy and loyal to his friends and family. Quick to anger if he sees animals mistreated. He has been in many fights over mistreated animals. After the last fight, when he was 13, his father sent him to the fields away from others. When he is around large groups of people, he becomes shy and stays in the background. Most people don't notice that he is there, until he speaks up or laughs. His voice is always calm sounding, even when he is upset. He defends what he feels is right, even if he is the only one. He has fought his own brothers for a friend they picked on because he felt his brothers were in the wrong.
Other:
I know there is more to add, but any help with what is there would be greatly appreciated.
Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 1:14 am
Howdy! It's much easier for me to comment now that you've got this baby posted up in here, so let's go section by section, shall we? =)
Craft: It's good to see more Beastcrafters, especially those who are in healing! there's a chance he'd work hand in hand with many other branches of this craft, since healing is quite important.
History: At fifteen turns, he wouldn't be allowed to kill the animals. He'd still be an Junior Apprentice (at the very least) if he were official, but since you've made no mention of his family sending him off to a Crafthall to become a proper apprentice, he wouldn't have a rank at all and therefore most certainly wouldn't be allowed to kill an animal.
Description: I'm not really sure about the whole 'sky blue' portion of having eye color. I know we all like to use good words to describe hues, but we also have to remember what is and isn't naturally possible. Light blue would work quite well here, and is more plausible.
You'll need to explain in his history more about him getting kicked in the arm by a runner. Such injuries usually leave more then just a scar, and I'd like to know how/why he got hurt.
I love the strong chin bit, though....at 15, 5'7" might be a bit too tall for his age. Perhaps a few inches shorter, to leave room for future growth? The Pernese aren't by nature a very tall people.
Personality: I'd really love to see you expand on this and flesh him out a bit more. Dragon are matched based on personality compatibility, so often the more you give us the better! Here a few things I noticed though -
- violence If he was so violent that he had to be taken away from the other children his age, why would they allow him to be a Candidate? The Weyr frowns upon excessive and (what they see as) unneeded violence. He'd certainly not be 'sent to the fields' if he had a problem with his actions, as he'd most likely be used to do very unpleasant jobs around the Weyr that didn't involve only the beasts.
- quiet While it's good to be quiet, how does this affect him in groups? You say he's shy around crowds, so how many people at a time can he handle?
- loyalty Please expand on this a bit more. Just how loyal is he? You've mentioned that he's willing to fight his own family to defend a friend he believes to be right, but just how extreme is he willing to go? Does his loyalty ever conflict with itself?
- the baby As the youngest of the family and given a bit more leeway than the others, how did this affect him? Did it give his brothers more spite towards him, thus making him work harder? Did he grow to be a little spoiled?
- flaws/strengths I really don't see any of these here, other then perhaps loyalty for a strength? Being quiet isn't really much of a personality flaw or a strength, more like a general character trait.
Other notes: It's not really recommended to decide what other characters feel about/how they will react to your character. While I understand what you're trying to get across in your description and personality you make it seem as though that's the general expectation of him, even though you've used the word 'most'.
Now do remember, it's Skie who ultimately gives you the thumbs up or thumbs down, but taking the advice of others is always a good thing!
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SilverShieldwolf
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Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 3:43 pm
Thanks Rown. I will work on that some more. I had forgotten so much about Pern, thank you for the input. Now I can really go back and rearrange him
Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 9:48 pm
You're very welcome! It would help to put the edits in a different color, like red, so that way it's easier to tell what you've changed =)
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Posted: Mon May 17, 2010 5:27 pm
Character Name: Saykiro Age: 15 turns Sexual Orientation: Straight Craft/Rank: Beastcraft Apprentice(healer)/Candidate History: Saykiro’s family has always been in the Beastcraft, and it was only normal for him to follow them in the craft. He was the youngest of the family,all boys, and his mother spoils him, while the rest of the guys tease him. The teasing made him work harder and he kept away from his mother. He does bring flowers when the others aren’t watching. His family moved to the Trine Weyr right before he was born and they haven’t moved since. His family is nothing special, other than being full of beastcrafters. When he was about 5 turns, he had a knack for knowing which animals were close to being put down. He watched the herds, learning the signs of what was healthy and normal with his father. Saykiro spent a lot of time in the herds while his father would barter for new blood to be brought into their herd. Saykiro has kept his oldest brother from buying some runners that were unhealthy. They couldn’t tell from just looking at them, but Saykiro was able to watch them interact with some of the others. That was one of the few lucky times he saved the family problems in breeding that season. The day before his 9th turn, his father finally talked to his mother about sending him to the Crafthold. The next day after that talk, his father took him to the Craft. He would soon learn that his family did not show him much of what he needed to know as a Beastcrafter Healer. At 10 Turns, he got first hand training with the Healers, since he was there for his arm.
Description: Saykiro stands at 5’4 with short spiky brown hair and light blue eyes. His body is lean for his age. He prefers to wear sleeveless or vest tops, so his arms are tan from his time in the sun. During the summer his hair gets light brown and the winter it gets dark. He has a faded scar on his right forearm where a runner caught him at 10 turns. He was there for a birthing and got to close, if it wasn’t for the Journeyman being there to pull him back faster, Saykiro would have lost either the use of his arm or the lower part of his arm. The female runner was scared, her first birthing and the crowd was bothering her and Saykiro figured he could calm her. He didn’t see her bunching her haunches to kick out at him, as he was looking at her face more than her back.
Personality: He is happy and loyal to his friends and family.He has fought one of his brothers out of loyalty with a friend. It was a quick and slightly painless fight, it hurt his pride more than his body because his brother kicked his rear to the ground, but he earned their respect. Quick to anger if he sees animals mistreated. He has started many verbal fights over mistreated animals, by calling the owners/handlers idiots and. He was normally told to stand down by his father and then the Journeymen and Masters at the Crafthall. Once away from the person, he would ask what he did wrong. In large groups of people, except during his training, he tends to stay in the background. He watches the others reactions and feels his own as information is given. He feels comfortable around 7 or 8 others, too many more and he gets quiet. He feels like they are judging him when he talks and that makes him nervous. He also talks softer when there are more people around, so it’s harder to hear what he has said. Other: His first memory of a dragon was a blue, he was about 6 at the time.
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