Welcome to Gaia! ::

Yay! Well since most of the Life Issue people I spoke to tonight are incompitant, ill-literate, and just plain full of crap, I decided to bring my toic to the profesionals. It might take forever, but at least I won't get an answer like, "Du get a fone. -o-!!!11``2323~~"

[Yeah, Grey isn't in a good mood, necessarily.]

I usually make my opinion of OLRs quite well known, but if you haven't heard, the usually lead to trouble. See, one main issue is that you start viewing it as a real relationship. This causes you (or the other person) to become slightly possessive of the other, which in turn opens a whole can of nasties. Say, for instance, she becomes attached to you. Now you're expected to be online most every night, which limits the other things you could be doing. But...it's not like you're actually spending time with her. No, you're really just growing closer to your monitor, or worse, making love to it. So, you're stuck in this relationship, and you stay in it because you "don't want to hurt her." This is fine and dandy, except that you still have no idea what she's really like. Every one gives off a better (or in rare cases, worse) persona online than they are in real life. If you take the chance to meet her, there's a possibility that she's the same person offline as she is online, but every year people do get heartbroken/killed meeting others online. I don't know, it's your call, but these are a few reasons why I have been, and will always be, against OLRs.

You're burning bridges.

I think it's possible to fall in love with a person over a matter of weeks, but then again, the only way to test it is if you wait it out. I personally have no problem with dating online. Often, getting to know a person without actually seeing them first eliminates (to a certain degree) shallowness and liking them only for their outward appearance.

Though I do agree with Soleq, I also think it's okay to continue the relationship. If it does last for a good length of time (say around six months) and you still find she acts the same without any slip ups, I think it's fair to say that that's a roughly accurate picture of who she is in real life.

I'd also argue that when meeting people in real life, you do not always see who they really are. You are more prone to hide in real life than online. However, it is true that when you're online you tend to hide your faults more often, because it's easy for me to go back and edit this before I press the submit button. It's highly unlikely, however, that your true personality will not be revealed in the time span of around six months.

Enjoy the happy times while they last, but know that all good things come to an end. And in a relationship, once the glamour is gone, the only thing left is to fall back on a friendship. If you had no friendship, then there will be nothing left for you with her.

I think you should ask her for her address and phone number. I did that with one of my friends from gaia, and have actually sent him a Christmas card and such. If she lives quite far away, phone cards are a good investment. That way your parents won't have to worry about the phone bill. Again, I went out and bought two ten dollar phone cards and sent one to my friend, just in case. It's always nice to hear a person's voice when you're talking to them. Webcams are also nice since it sometimes feels as though you're actually with them.

I do believe that it is possible to fall in love over the internet, but I also believe that since love lasts forever, it's only test is time.

I'm not going to tell you that all online relationships fail, because that's an unfair assessment. You can't really say that all of one or another works or doesn't work. For example, a high school teacher friend met her husband online.

These relationships all depend on the people involved,

a) how devoted they both are to the relationship,
b) how open and honest they are with one another,
c) how willing they are to make an effort to communicate.

First of all, if you really want to pursue a long-distance relationship, you have to be very sure that both people involved want to really commit, that they view each othr as real people with real emotions, and that they are honest with one another about their feelings on a constant basis. If you want it to work like a normal relationship, both parties have to treat it like one.

If both of you treat it like any other relationship, who's to say it won't work like one?

You both also have to recognize, however, that these kinds of relationships sometimes have more hardships involved. It's hard to convey tone over the internet. You might not always be able to talk to one another readily. You won't have a tangible bodily connection. It requires a lot of dedication and patience. When the two of you can't chat, you have to be able to rely on email, for example. Sometimes you could go a week without speaking.

As for other ways to keep in touch, my girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship; she lives halfway across the country, a timezone away. We talk over AIM a lot, but there are periods where we can't always do that. In those cases, we use email, or leave messages through other sites (like deviantart or here). We also have phone conversations once in awhile -- I understand that this isn't easy or even possible what with phone plans and such. Phone cards are great investments for long distance relationships, or if one person has a phone plan that allows to call the other person, it's their job to initiate calls. Good old-fashioned letters and packages are also great, even if they take longer to get somewhere. Handwriting, doodles, even things like the kind of paper or ink or the way it smells, are far more personal than anything electronic. (Think of it this way; in older wars, people built relationships on paper letters.) Using a computer mic to record and send your voice -- even if it's just short little messages, or you singing a song she likes -- mean a lot. Sending photos helps make it more personal, and webcams and such are good if you have one. If not, did you know they make disposable camcorders now? They burn everything directly to a DVD.

So, there are tons of ways to make it work -- if you really want to make it work.

For a lot of people, it's easier, better, and/or safer for them to forgo it and pursue something closer, or wait for something closer to come up.

But, if you really think you love this person, and you still want to do this after the list of things it could require, more power to you honey. Go for it, it can work.

WOw your... me, like a month ago. my advice is if you love her tell her comunication is always a challnge, for the phone if your worried about your (or her) parents finding out use pre paid phone cards they dont show up on the bill. if you can communitcate by webcomfancing then do so. And my most important advice is not to worry about what peaple say (srry to thoughs who have had bad experinces sweatdrop ) Online and long distance relationships can work, trust me I know, you just have to be alot more patient and communicate alot more then in a "normal" relationship. Good luck to you.

BTW: I met my love here too and we are very happy together, and very deeply in love.

CANT FALL IN LOVE ON THE COMPUTER?!!!!!!

ok here leme tell you my story.
when I was 11 i met this guy, in a harry potter chat room.(im 18 now)

ok...i fell for his bestfriend lol at first.four years of my life i was in love with tys...on and off though cause i had real life stuff going on and so did he. anyways over time i got closer to tys's bestfriend adam..the guy who i originally met......and....well over time i fell for him insted lol....then....even more time past...... blah blah JUMPS ABOUT Two years, ok. after two years of phone cards and pain of missing eachother. Oh btw did im ention I live in atlanta georgia..he lives in canada. o.0 OK!


well finally i met him at his senior prom. when i was 16...ok...jump about two more years lol and were engaged.

so yea, ok you cant fall in love over the internet? Bulllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll shitiakie mushrooms.lol


anyways, if your happy, go with it. but its gunna be massivly hard.

but yea, get a phone..if ur old enough meet at a mall or something lol. IDk..i always support going with it online. but be carefull.