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[Q] Sailor Cyrene - Senshi of Implosions Goto Page: 1 2 3 [>] [»|]

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Jolie Mariella

PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:02 pm


UPDATED 8/2/2014! I'm back baby!
Completely re-did the civilian portion, edited the Senshi portion a little.

Name: Norma Fauste

Nickname: Fauste

Age: 17

Birthday: October 30th

Sign: Scorpio

Gemstone:  Opal

Blood Type: B

Fav. Food: Pringles (esp. sour cream and onion)

Hated Food: Bananas

School:  St Magdalena's Seminary

Hobbies: 

Tae Kwon Do – Norma first started Tae Kwon Do at the age of 10 when her mother enrolled her in the hopes of giving the girl an outlet for all her pent-up aggression. It worked for awhile, but eventually backfired when the girl unleashed her new skills on a boy that had been teasing her at school. Her mother pulled her from the classes after that incident, but now that she's been shipped off to St. Magdelena's, Norma works odd jobs to pay for her Tae Kwon Do classes in Destiny City without her mother's knowledge. She attends as much as possible and has actually taken on teaching the lower belts in exchange for paying less in class fees. She has since become a second degree black-belt.

Violin/Fiddle – Norma inherited her grandfather's violin when she was quite young, before her parents divorced. The old man was quite fond of playing Irish folk music, and his granddaughter took his preferences as her own as she grew in age and skill. She can play in both styles, though, violin or fiddle. Folk music just happens to bring back happy memories for Norma. She plays regularly to keep her skills sharp, and even plays for events and parties to make extra cash outside of school.

Virtues:

Hard Working – Norma hates being assigned chores, but if she agrees to do something, then it will damn well get done! This particularly applies when helping out a friend. She will go all out, all cylinders firing until the job is finished, often leaving anyone working with her in the dust.

Assertive – Always straightforward and to the point, Norma isn't a hard person to understand. She will never let anyone walk over her, and when she wants something, she won't balk at making it happen. This works out well for any of her friends as she can be easily convinced to turn her impressive willpower towards helping them out of any bind.

Intelligent – Norma has never done particularly well in school due to lack of interest, but it doesn't take book smarts to be intelligent. She grasps new concepts quickly if they catch her attention, and is generally able to put this new information into practice or into a plan with minimal effort.

Flaws:

Explosive Temper – Norma's natural assertiveness can turn to outright aggression in the blink of an eye. This flaw is the primary reason that she was shipped off to St. Magdelena's in the first place by her mother, and it has lost her more than a few friends over the years. It doesn't take much to set Norma off, but like anyone else, she has her good days and her bad ones. It tends to be easier to set her off if she is tired, hungry, or in pain. Unfortunately, when she flips, Norma doesn't just shout at you, she has a habit of lashing out physically as well. Her tolerance threshold has increased over the years, but it's still much lower than the average person's.

Irresponsible – Heavily influenced by her hair-trigger temper, Norma will often act without thinking. Her anger can make her lash out at people that she really shouldn't, such as friends and teachers. She doesn't do well with planning ahead, and often rushes head-first into battle without stopping to consider her own safety or collateral damage. She's a smart girl, so she knows better, but she has the unfortunate habit of throwing caution to the wind in the heat of battle or an argument.

Callous – Norma is not the most thoughtful person when it comes to what she says or does around others, even her friends. It's not that she doesn't care, so much as that she's not very observant of how others might be feeling. Most of the time she doesn't care about this particular flaw, but she does regret it when she winds up hurting one of her few friends with her careless words.


PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Large and gray, lending her a much more innocent look than she really deserves. When she's on the verge of exploding, they narrow ominously.

Hair: Dark brown, nearly black in color, and falls to just below her shoulder blades. She has side-swept bangs and a white-blonde streak toward the front of her hair that she has convinced her teachers is natural, but is actually the result of religiously applied peroxide. She thinks it makes her look bad-a**.

Face: Face is heart-shaped with a slightly square chin. Her nose is small and pert, and her pale skin is covered in beauty marks.

Clothes: N/A

~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Senshi:  Sailor Cyrene, Senshi of Implosions (133 Cyrene asteroid)

Challenge:  I'll drag you in and beat you down!

Fuku Colour:
Main Color: Black
Secondary Color: Gray

Fuku: This is just a rough of what I would like. Honestly I'd love some artist input!

Collar – Plain black with a white stripe
Bow – On her butt
Bodice -- swimsuit-type bodice
Sleeves – no sleeves
Brooch – shape of an X
Bottoms – a gray or black skirt, possibly one that is gauzy and maybe a bit tattered?
Tiara – Silver Tiara with a white stone
Choker – Classic choker, plain black
Shoes – Knee-high lace-up boots in black
Gloves – Elbow length fingerless gloves (white or black? Maybe gray?)
Accessories – silver nose stud, and a silver X earring on each earlobe

Attacks: 
Sailor Scout Attack:  Dying Star Strike
Sailor Cyrene's fist (or other body part, whatever she plans on hitting you with) glows like a star as she runs forward and punches/kicks the enemy. Wherever she hits will feel as though it is collapsing in on itself, like a dying star does when it implodes and becomes a black hole. Strike makes one feel that they have taken internal damage if she lands a solid hit (especially if it is in the stomach/chest area). The hit won't cause any actual damage, but it hurts like heck. Can be used three times per battle.

Super Sailor Scout Attack:  Star Implosion
Same as the first, but stronger. This attack can also be used against enemy attacks. For example, an enemy fires off an energy blast, she calls out the attack name and her fist glows and intercepts the blast. The power of the other attack will collapse in on itself and then vanish, negating it (Unless the incoming attack is more powerful. Star Implosion will lessen the impact of an enemy attack that is more powerful than it is, but the enemy attack will still hit her). Can cause severe damage to magical weapons as well (will drain some of their power, though not damage the weapon itself beyond what damage her own physical strength could do). Can be used twice per battle.

Eternal Sailor Attack:  Void Implosion
Sailor Cyrene raises her hands above her head and lowers them in a circle before bringing them into fists in front of her chest, knuckles touching; a sphere of energy forms around her as she does this (this part of the attack takes about 3sec). She shouts the attack name and the bubble explodes, sucking in air and shooting out shining shards of power in all directions. These shards cut (primarily superficial but painful, like a papercut), but inflict mostly blunt trauma to a person, and range in size from fist to needle. The more shards a person is hit with, and the closer to the epicenter of the blast they are, the harder the impact. A person within arm's length of Cyrene can expect to be blown off their feet, which a high quantity of deeper cuts, while someone at the edge would most likely be hit by only a few shards that would make them stumble and sustain a few scratches. Because the shards themselves are made of power, not actual physical material, they will not become lodged in a person or cause piercing damage.
Void Implosion can be used twice per battle max, and second time will be half as powerful. If someone were to hit the bubble before she intentionally releases the attack (would have to be hit with enough force to break glass) then it will explode prematurely, damaging Cyrene as well as anyone in the blast radius.
This attack is dangerous to everyone in the vicinity (has a blast radius of 10 ft. max), including team mates. This would be a move she would only use if she was either on her own, or knew her team mates could get to cover/out of the blast radius in time.
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:04 pm


Popping in real fast--Time is a taken sphere (Pluto). So you won't be allowed to have her. Sorry!

shibrogane

Stellar Lightbringer


Jolie Mariella

PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:07 pm


oh darn! Ok, I'll think of a different sphere then, thanks for letting me know right off ^__^
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:36 pm


Hi! It's me. I don't think dynamite works as a sphere either--it was invented in the 1860s, so it wasn't around circa 1000, which is sort of the cut off date for senshi spheres!

sorry to be a killjoy again, I'll come around again to look at your profile when it's not under construction anymore <3

shibrogane

Stellar Lightbringer


Jolie Mariella

PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 6:39 am


*head desk*
Okay, thanks for letting me know!
*ponders*
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 6:14 am


Ok, all done I think! Crit would be appreciated!

Jolie Mariella


Daekie

Stellar Wildcat

23,475 Points
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PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 7:15 am


Needs attack 1b, which is a powerup of attack 1. Attack two seems more like an explosion than an implosion, would suggest changing that.
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 7:36 am


well, the second attack is inspired by a cathode ray tube implosion. Cathode ray tubes are those things that are in tv's and what not and are like lightbulbs, but have a vacuum inside, so if they break, they implode. The force of the implosion is so great that evertything rebounds back out and sends glass everywhere, which is why they're so dangerous.

I will add a power-up for the first attack though, I didn't realize there was supposed to be two, most people don't see to o_O

Jolie Mariella


litian

Spacey Kitten

20,750 Points
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PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 7:40 am


Okay here's my attempt to crit.

I'll split into parts.

1. The Student

- Is there any reason why Norma's not really a fan of vegetables? (This one's just for my curiosity)

- How has the loss of Norma's mother affected Norma?
I can see how it's affected her father and what has resulted from it - her father burying himself in his work & Norma staying out late/ holing herself up in her room, but I don't get a picture of how this has affected Norma.
Also has this fed into her virtues and flaws any - for example her 'violent' flaw?

- The way the observant virtue was written, didn't quite work for me as after reading the previous two virtues I had an impression of someone, who at first glance seems quiet but really isn't then got hit with the 'Norma is a quiet person for the most part' in the observant virtue.

- Out of curiosity for lothargic, did you mean lethargic? Since I think I read it as that. If yes then I wasn't sure was quite the right word - I kind of see someone who's lethargic as being sluggish and find it hard to wake up, rather than being lazy.

- Also for her violent flaw, has Norma had to take any anger management classes for her anger? Did her school ask that she do so or anything.

I'll have a look at the senshi part properly in a minute, although one thing that came to mind is that she'll need an attack 1b for her Super Senshi power up.

Hope some of the above helps - it's a few things that has come to mind
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 8:03 am


Okay Part 2 - Senshi Stuff

For senshi attack
How much damage would be caused to the person hit with it? Curious because I think the senshi attack is supposed to be a weak attack. I like the idea of it making an item collapse in on itself but am curious - is there any limit on the size of the item? For example would a small item would collapse completely in on itself, while at the senshi stage a large item would only partially collapse or something like that?

For super senshi attack
Collapsing a building, even a small building is really powerful - I don't if an attack that powerful is allowed - so I'd check that out maybe. If it is allowed I'm assuming that Cyrene is most likely not going to be popular with the police or the general public.
Also would this attack also be able to be used 3 times a day? Curious about that as given how powerful it comes across, three times seems a little much

Eternal
Not much crit I can think off since don't know anything about cathode rays. A few things that came to mind were:

- how easy would it be to avoid this? Is there a time delay before the glass bubble explodes and if so how much?

- would this attack also hurt allies as well as enemies

- what would the blast radius be

------------------
Hope some/ all of this is of some use to you smile Critting's not my strongest point xd
Also as mentioned in thread, I'd love a return crit on Athene (link's in the siggy)

litian

Spacey Kitten

20,750 Points
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  • Magical Girl 50
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Jolie Mariella

PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 8:23 am


Thanks for the crit! You brought up some important points I didn't think of addressing @_@
I'll go ahead and put my 'UC' sign back up til I've addressed everything you brought up ^_^
Thanks again, and I'll crit back now!
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 1:50 pm


Okay, edited! Open for crit again!

Jolie Mariella


lolla lee lou

PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 2:06 pm


I very much like Norma. The only thing in particular that I warn against is making her too violent. I know it's a huge part of her character, and that's fine, but I would be cautious to not completely define her by that. Right now, it's fine; it's just something to watch as you develop her further.

Also, does she have a tender side? Another thing I'd really like to know regards her relationships. Does she involve herself in romantic relationships? Does she make friends easily or with difficulty? When she makes a friend, does she keep them or is she fickle? Does she ever let her guard down?

Finally, would she tend to rebel as a senshi? It seems like she'd have trouble sticking to rules. This one is mostly for my own curiosity and interest. XD

These are all really minor things; I looked at past critiques, and you've done a great job filling in the character holes. Good job!
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 3:16 pm


Thanks for the crit! I added a section to address the things you brought up. They were all good points but I wasn't really sure what they'd go under, so i put them under 'personality sidenotes'. And no worries, I'll make sure she doesn't get too violent. Thanks again!

Jolie Mariella


Jolie Mariella

PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 5:01 am


Ok, put all the information on the 'official' form biggrin
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