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 Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:03 pm
As Zane entered the fighting arena, he cracked his knuckles and his neck. It seemed to ease the tension that he had built up there over time. Stepping in the middle of the ring, he sighed as he saw that there was absolutely no one there. "Is there no one that will dare challenge me? This is kinda boring..." he stated as he merely looked up at the sky. The clouds overhead were nice and fluffy, he wished that he could be laying atop of one of them right now. But instead he was stuck here on teaching duty...he should have never stolen that New Naruto Mange from the Kage...
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:06 pm
Kira yawned, walking into the fighting arena. His white hair blew in the wind, slightly obscuring his vision. He was wearing a black undershirt, with his red and white jacket on, and his white and red scarf and ribbon like accessories. He was armed with only a knife, with brass knuckles attached. His knife was in a scabbard, on his waist.
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Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 7:53 pm
"Alright Kira..." Zane said as he simply placed his arms lazily in his pockets. "Try and hit me..." he told him as he spat on the ground to the right of him. He was going to take it easy on him until he showed some sort of proficiency.
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Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 5:49 pm
Kira nodded, charging Zane. He used an open palm strike aimed to the chest, using the Taijutsu style he learned, Pi Qua Quan. The attack was simply a light strike to measure the strength of his foe. He wanted to know what he was up against before he did sometihng stupid.
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Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 7:47 pm
A man stand in a large field wearing thick brown robes with a sword on his hip. A straw hat cover most of his features but a chiseled chin can still me seen. A gust of wind sweeps past bending the grass and carrying the smell of the man in your direction. As the husky smell of burnt wood chips and salt passes you the man speaks out saying "Why have you come?" His voice firm, unwavering and straight to the point.
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Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:13 pm
(( Hey Havik, do you once-over your posts before submiting them? >-> Also, you didn't give me any guidelines, so I hope this works. xD))
Mizax ran his fingers over the coarse texture of the rock he sat upon, his touch discovering small crevices, and holes that he wouldn't have been able to see when inspecting it with his eyes. However, it wasn't the lifeless object he sat on that interested him, it was the man before him, one donned in robes of brown, and who smelt of a worker near the sea. It was an entirely unpleasant aroma to himself, which he solved by sliding the cloth about his neck gently under his nose. The scent contained within was the cleanliness that was painstakingly brushed into it through hours of work, so that he could keep his appearance. Removing his prying hand from the rock, Mizax ran it through his unkempt navy blue hair, letting himself relax before replying to the rather neutral voice.
"Why have I come? For whatever reason those of the past come, although I may yet have my own unique reason, for which I may, or may not disclose. Although, perhaps, I shouldn't play word games with you, since you don't seem like the type to want to have fun. As for why I have came, I was told I could better myself here, but when looking at you, I possibly doubt that."
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Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 1:21 am
As the final words left the child's lips the man was gone, the grass around were he stood stayed tall and undisturbed, no dirt or dust swirling around. Then, no more than a second later the mans voice would be heard from several feet behind Mizax saying " I can teach a great many things. What are you here to learn?". If Mizax turned to the man's stern, husky voice, he would notice the sword that was once at his hip was now unsheathed and in his hand. Holding the blade loosely in his right hand the man contemplated on what the boy wanted to learn. The false superiority in Mizax tone made the man believe the kid was driven by power which meant he was here to fight. At the same time however the boy spoke well enough to be one seeking enlightenment, or education. Which ever the case maybe this was sure to be eventful afternoon.
Ooc: General ya, but just as I was starting to I got sucked into Irl. I was hoping to get a chance to go over proof read and edit before you posed but didn't get the chance.
As for your post I advise not doing the following:
Quote: As for why I have came, I was told I could better myself here, but when looking at you, I possibly doubt that.
Have is used for present tense. Exp. I have a piece of cake. I have been working out leave me alone women .ext. ext..
Came is a past tense term. Exp. I came here yesterday. Oh ya she came by right before you got here.
You don't really want to mix the to like that ya would of been better off with " I have come." or "I came". Also the last bit were you say "possibly doubt that." imo the words don't flow really well together. I would have gone with something like " I most certainly doubt that." or " I highly doubt." you could even go with something like " I see that being rather unlikely." The key to making posts fun to read is getting the words to flow together really well.
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Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 6:07 am
(( May I request that you please don't pick apart minor mistakes that could possibly be made when typing? xD ))
When the man before him had disappeared for that brief second, Mizax's mind went into overdrive, attempting to rationalize why he had disappeared so fast without any possible explanation. Had he been a figment of his imagination, an apparition created for his false hopes? Of course, that was entirely possible, for reasons he wouldn't disclose. However, when the voice appeared behind him, it took nearly all of his pride to keep him in place, to withhold a frightful reaction. Needless to say, he nearly jumped. Calmly though, keeping his composure in check, the male turned his head about, gazing at the man who was now behind him with his aureolin hues. That was his most proud feature, his piercing yellow eyes.
"While you may indeed be able to teach a great many things, there may yet be things that you cannot teach that I may require," Mizax said. Taking a moment to adjust himself he turned himself around on the stone, facing the direction of the speed demon before him. With a smile beginning to curl devilishly on his pale lips, he brought both of his arms up, and pulled back cloth sleeve on his right forearm, revealing a metal blade bound to it. "As you can see, I am a practitioner physical fighting, none of that weapon nonsense, although using gauntlets, and boots which have special properties isn't out of the question. Now I ask you in return, what can you teach?"
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Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 10:53 am
" A calm mind. "
The rock the boy sat on jolted.
" Peace of heart."
Suddenly the rock slid apart at the middle.
" And a steady blade."
As he finished speaking the rock crashed into the ground split in two, when examined the split would be clean and smooth as if cut threw by a blade. "But if you are to learn anything from me you will stop with the word play, address me with respect, and answer my question when I ask. Tell me what it is you want from me, now." The man spoke in a monotone and dull voice but power could be felt when he spoke. Chills would run threw Mizax's body as the words reverberated around him, the experience, the power, the sheer force of will this man had would unsettle anyone who didn't have complete control over there emotions.
I can't really not give you pointers on your posts when you are in Rp school.
Quote: Taking a moment to adjust himself he turned himself around on the stone,
Be sure not to use the same word so close together, again it's all about the flow and using the same word like this doesn't flow really well.
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Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 12:03 pm
(( It's hard being taught by someone who makes the same mistakes, y'know. Although, I'm mainly looking at grammar. To tell the truth, I just type up my posts and hit submit. There's no double-checking involved. xD ))
When the rock began to move, it unsettled Mizax. He barely even heard the man before him speak while trying to rationalize the movement of the rock. It began to bisect, something he wasn't familiar with happening out of nowhere, and when it had finally split, he stood, and stepped off of the rock, leaving behind its foolishness. Although, he couldn't help but give a second glance when the abiotic theatrics were done, and noticed the clean cut down the middle. There was no possible way the man before him could do such a thing. And so, he turned towards him, and began to play the game again.
"While all three of those things are fine and dandy, I'm not entirely accustomed to assuming a position of inferiority to someone whom I barely know. Respect is for those who have earned it, and all that you've done so far is be a brute, pardon my speech." He said, sliding both of his gloved hands into the pockets stitched into the jacket that he wore. "Sincerely, I wish what I had said earlier, what can you teach? If it had not been plainly obvious when I had pointed it out, I have no interest in swordplay, however powerful the steel of man may be in certain hands. What I want, if for you to be able to teach me something of the physical nature, and to not depend on your fancy sword to show your dominance."
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Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 1:00 pm
" Speak to me that way again and I will kill you." The man let the words hang in the air for a moment before saying " If you are to ignorant to see the difference in power here, if you are not smart enough to show someone you sought out for help respect then leave." the words came from the mans mouth fast and hard, he lived a long life, helped many warriors and this child found him looking for help and still regarded him with such little respect.
" I can teach many forms of taijutsu, but before you learn anything you must kneel before me, except me as your better, as your master, you must accept the fact you are inferior and show the respect that is given to a master from a student. If you can not do this you are not worthy of my time. If you can, I will make you strong." The mans hard voice softened and pride fill his words toward the end of his speech, he was ready to teach Mizax what ever he looked to learn. However the boy needed to accept this man as his master or there was nothing Jin could teach him.
My punctuation isn't always the best but my words flow well together which is what I was pointing out before. Also isn't it a bit hypocritical to ask me in a condescending way if I check over my posts to look for mistakes when the reason there are mistakes in your posts because you don't?
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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:34 pm
(( Urk, Havik, I don't think I'll be able to continue this class using this character, nor you with that character. Every fiber of my being dislikes the personality of your character, and Mizax, being my online persona, acts upon that. Can we have a reset? xD I simply cannot fulfill the request given with my character, because realistically, there is no visible difference in power to the two, because I wasn't given any guidelines. I would have gone for mutual respect if your guy wasn't such an unforgiving hardass, and gone for that whole "Lolkay, I'll teach you BUDDY." ))
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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 2:00 pm
A few things, one there is no mutual respect between the rpc's because they don't know each other. Your rpc came looking for some one to teach them, a teacher and teachers deserve respect. Your rpc showed he was weaker than Jin when he sought him for teaching, and then couldn't track his movements, that's a show of the difference in power if I ever saw one. If your rpc wasn't a disrespectful a** and simple answered Jin's questions then things would have gone differently.
I don't see the point in you being here tbh, your posting format is fine. You said the flow of your words was because you don't proof read. Why don't you tell me what your looking for then we can proceeded.
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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 2:13 pm
Actually, I suppose I was wrong when I stated that I needed the other category for role-playing. I'm really self-conscious about fighting, since I've rarely done it. There can be mutual respect between RPCs even if they don't know each other, and just because someone wishes to be taught, it doesn't mean they've automatically assumed an inferior position. Also, who's to say Mizax isn't the type of fighter who catches on through trial and error, instead of being fantastic instantly? He'd get used to the speed, and catch up with it.
Honestly, I don't see Mizax as being a disrespectful a**, just wordy.
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