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 Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 4:09 pm
さくら はな
はる の こうせつ
これ き の え
Its a bit generic, and not that great, but I wanted my first attempt to be simple. Plus I was recently in DC and saw the cherry blossoms there, so it was a visual on my mind. Constructive criticism welcome ^.^
A rough translation(in white):
Cherry blossoms,
Spring's snowfall
This tree's painting
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 10:40 am
I like, I like. Veeeeerrryyyy nice. Keep it up, you should post more of your stuff.
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 1:24 pm
^.^
Thanks. I'm trying to write another longer poem now. I really want to try a story soon, but my grasp of grammar isn't so good. Not for sentences with multiple verbs etc.
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 2:22 pm
I think the last line should be この 木 の 絵 but I am reaaaally stupid when it comes to writing and poetry so I could be wrong.
It captures a nice feeling of the hanami and the twist at the end (the speaker being detached from the trees, only looking at a picture) makes it more interesting.
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 3:07 pm
Er..... I don't know that last kanji. What is it? redface
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 3:54 pm
Oh sorry. The kanji isn't so important. I just wrote "kono ki no e" with the kanji since I wasn't paying attention.
The difference is really just to be careful with 'kore' and 'kono'.
In this case you want to use Kono, referring to this object here (the picture).
I can't think of a good explaination as to why, but kore has a different vibe... like you might say "kore wa ki no e desu" (this is a picture of a tree) but if you want to say "this picture of a tree" you should say "kono ki no e".
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 12:47 am
as a small suggestion, the meaning of this poem would be deeper and or easier to understand for the reader if it were in kanji vs. hiragana. I def like it though. it reminds me of a haiku from the early 1900s I've read. *^_^*
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Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 12:03 pm
Very nice poem!
Great job~ ^_^
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Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 3:03 pm
Ellembri as a small suggestion, the meaning of this poem would be deeper and or easier to understand for the reader if it were in kanji vs. hiragana. I def like it though. it reminds me of a haiku from the early 1900s I've read. *^_^* I have trouble getting my comp to produce kanji lol. I'm sort of computer disabled. Next time I'll keep this in mind though, and try harder to get it to work.
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