|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 4:40 pm
This is a rant. If you don't feel like seeing me b***h, then don't ******** read it. I don't give a ********. None of you can help anyways.
I hate myself for not being important.
I hate myself for believing that everyone else is far more important and worthy than I am.
I hate myself for allowing everyone to walk all over me.
I hate myself for tolerating people treating me badly.
I had this friend who had the tendency of only acknowledging I existed whenever she had a problem with her boyfriend. In the end she blamed me for "not talking to her." I ******** tried. I texted her, IMed her, commented on things she posted. She never ******** responded.
I'm not your temporary psychiatrist.
I wish I had the courage to tell her what I'm feeling. But for now I'll just settle with deleting her from everything. It's a start?
I also ******** hate the fact that my "best friend" has become all buddy-buddy with a girl that I'm sorta friends with and he "hated" for several months. Now they talk all throughout English and don't say s**t to me.
And I'm letting everything happen.
Everything that has gone wrong in my life, has been my own fault. I'm trying to just get over it, to let everything go. I am a constant work-in-progress.
Without the progress. Because there never seems to be any.
I can't give up again. This is my last shot before I go batshit crazy and start punching people in the face whenever I get the urge (which is a lot).
I don't know what to do anymore.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:16 pm
I used to feel the same way. Hell, I still get the urge to randomly assault people (which I think I told you about!).
Of course, there's not much I can do, but I wish you the best of luck with "progressing". You can always talk to me if ya need it!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:03 am
I'll be no help, but I know how you feel.
The only time people really acknowledge my existence is when I'm yelling at them (which, lately, I've been doing a lot.) or when they think they've got a shot at getting in my pants.
My "best friend" only acknowledges me when we're alone or when he's not with his girlfriend, which is usually when he's all touchy-feely. I tell him to stop ******** with my head, and that he needs to pick me or his girlfriend, then he gets all sweet and s**t so I wont be mad at him. It always works, too.
And wow, this has made me want to rant.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:23 pm
Then rant away~
It's like, I'm giving up on life. And I don't want to. But at the same time, I obviously do because it's happening.
I have no energy or motivation to do homework or anything related to school.
I don't even have the energy to straighten my hair or anything.
My room is a disaster. My grades are slipping.
But I just don't care anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 7:56 pm
My best friend comes on to me all the time when we're alone and I can't say no to him. I've done some pretty shitty stuff and I've lied to his girlfriend when she's asked about it. I'm not proud of how I am, but I don't have the will to change it. Everyone tells me I'm weak, because I can't just say no.
I'm betraying the two people who raised me, because they lied to me about my dad. I'm going behind my mom's back even talking to my real dad. I'm going behind the man who raised me by meeting up with my real dad this weekend instead of going to see him.
My grades are slipping too, not badly but bad enough to make me feel bad and like I'm not good enough.
I feel like giving up, but that would be proving everyone right when they said I'm worthless. I think that's the only thing that gets me up in the morning; not my "friends", just the drive to prove everyone wrong.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 12:46 am
All I can really say right about now is to hold on. Bad s**t doesn't happen forever and the hopeless feeling will go away one way or another. For me, it went away after an insanely depressing moment that dragged on until it was no more, dispersing as it went.
It won't be the same for you all, I'm sure. It drags you under, it tells you what you want to hear but it all takes initiative. For Camille it might be a fear of losing someone she genuinely has interest in, someone who's obviously not happy with what he has or is just an outright douche. Shelley, you're obviously not comfortable with being left behind and (of course) being walked all over.
I'm not giving instructions or whatever, but hey, I'm trying to help. Shelley, I can't say much other than to keep holding on. As comfortable as it may feel you gotta fight to keep yourself above the water so-to-speak. There isn't much to do except put yourself out there. Start a conversation with your friend if you must and keep it going if you feel it start to slip. Drive yourself to do your schoolwork, the worst thing you can do is not try. Even if ya ******** up, it ain't the end of the world. Sanity stays with you only as long as you're willing to keep it.
Camille, I'd say the same for you. It takes initiative in your case, more-so than simple perseverance. You'll still have to fight to speak up but it's more about actually doing the speaking than just getting to the point. I.E. the action is more important than the build up. Tell him how you feel and if you're feeling gutsy, tell his girlfriend. Who cares if she hates you? If he hates you? He's been lying to someone who technically gave him her heart. Cheating is inexcusable in my book and rarely warrants a second chance unless you're a good judge of character. As for your parental situation, I'd have to learn more about it to even attempt to be of any help.
I hope it at least helps. Not like I said anything degrading. Not even sure it'll even help. I just went through my own dark tunnel and came out the other side with my life and head still in tact. There are still bumps on the road but nothing that simple willpower and grit can't handle.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
