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[Q] Bryn Walcott [Stamp pls] Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover

PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:12 am


T.o.C
01. T.o.C
02. Personality
03. Physical Desc
04. Home Life
05. Senshi
06. Extra
PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:14 am


Personality


Name: Bryn Walcott

Nicknames:

Age: 23

Birthday: October 31st

Sign: Scorpio

Blood Type: O-

Fav. Food: Sushi

Hated Food: Meats other than seafood

Job: Photographer’s Assistant

Hobbies: Photography - Bryn loves to take pictures of anything and anyone. She takes her camera just about everywhere, always ready to take a snapshot. She likes to switch between traditional and digital film depending on the situation. Bryn enjoys photography so much that after she graduated college she decided to make it her career and is currently training under a professional photographer.

Scrapbooking - When Bryn started taking pictures of everything she very quickly ended up with shoeboxes full of pictures. Being only eight years old she wasn’t really sure what to do with them, but then her parents bought her an empty scrapbook for her birthday. Very quickly the little girl was hooked. Now twenty-three she has an entire bookcase filled of scrapbooks filled with her pictures.

Rock Climbing - Everyone needs exercise and Bryn enjoys getting hers in a less conventional manner. She started rock climbing at the local gym and eventually progressed to climbing actual rock faces. She prefers being out in nature and the feel of real stone under her hands. Not to mention the amazing shots she can get from the top of a cliff. She goes hiking quite often to scout out new places to climb, the more challenging the better.

Gemstone: Beryl

Virtues: Friendly – Bryn is super friendly. She wants to be everybody’s friend, and won’t hesitate to approach someone if they seem like they’re feeling down. She's even been known to make friends with Destiny City's resident homeless population, sitting and having chats with them. Most people think they're crazy and sometimes dangerous, but Bryn knows that not all of them are like that. She’s also been called a chatty Cathy, talking people’s ears off in an attempt to make friends, which doesn't always work. Half the time it just annoys the other person until they leave. While she's grown apart from some of her school friends, and friends that she doesn't see everyday, she does try to keep in contact. Even if it's just sending them a Christmas and Birthday card every year with a little letter inside updating them on how her life is going.

Playful – Bryn loves games, she also loves to play around. She’s very touchy feely, and is always jumping and hanging on people. She was raised in a family of huggers, so that's how she's learned to show affection. She also enjoys rubbing against people, playing with their hair, or generally any other activity that involves being close. Oh, and don’t ever tell her you’re ticklish, she’ll exploit that to the fullest. Luckily she's super ticklish, so getting revenge on her is pretty easy.

Empathetic – Did your grandmother that raised you your whole life die? Bryn knows how you feel! Well, actually, she doesn’t, but she can imagine. The girl is good at understanding and mimicking others emotions. She likes to feel what others are feeling so she can better console or celebrate with them. Sometimes this backfires and she ends up bawling her eyes out with someone she just met. Also, she spends so much time mimicking other people's emotions that she sometimes loses herself.

Flaws: Melodramatic – Bryn is loud. She gesticulates when she talks, and everything she does, and everything that happens to her is a Big Thing. She doesn’t realize that sometimes she needs to quiet down and use her inside voice, or that she really doesn't need to make such a big deal over losing a glove. Her overly dramatic reactions to life's experiences can grate on people after a while. You can only watch her cry over a broken heel so many times without wanting to smack her. She also blows events out of proportion, birthday parties turn into extravaganzas, and a quick meal turns into dinner and a movie and a night on the town.

Impulsive – The impulse counter in stores was made for Bryn. If she sees something she likes she’ll grab it and buy it without thinking about whether or not she can afford it, that's why God made credit cards, right? Her impulsiveness also applies to her daily actions. If she gets an idea she runs with it, especially if it’s a crazy idea. Her mother taught her not to constrain her 'creative genius' and to follow it wherever it went. Bryn will be the first to tell you that it doesn't always lead somewhere good, but it's always a fun ride.

Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger – Bryn's always looking for the next best thing. She goes through phones like candy, and her wardrobe gets updated with the change of the seasons. She’s a material girl in a material world and she only wants the best, even if it's hell on her bank account. Her spending habits have gotten her in trouble in the past and she has the crappy credit score to prove it.

She’s not a cheap date, or a cheap friend really, liking to get big fancy things. Especially shiny fancy things. Not that she expects her friends to buy her shiny fancy things, but she can't help but be disappointed if she gets something plain for her birthday. This doesn't always impress her friends, especially if they put a lot of thought into it rather than money.

Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover


Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover

PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:16 am


Physical Description


User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:17 am


Family/Home/Job


Family:
  • Nathan Walcott (55) – Father, he works as an accountant for some of the bigger businesses in Destiny City.
  • Isabella Walcott (50) – Mother, owns Destiny City Daises, a small flower shop.
  • Jacob Walcott (25) – Brother


Home: Bryn lives in medium sized two bedroom, two bathroom apartment with one roommate.

Job: Bryn works as a photographer's assistant. They mostly cover weddings and birthdays, but occasionally other large events as well.

Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover


Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover

PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:19 am


((Old senshi idea that I don't want to lose the info for, disregard when stamping Bryn pls, she's just a plain old civ))

Senshi


Senshi: Sailor Ithaka, senshi of Invisibility

Fuku Colour: Invisible 8D Not really, I was thinking muted colours, or pale pastels maybe

Fuku: Totes up to Natsu

Challenge: It's time for you to disappear! OR Vanish.

Attack #1 (for senshi)
NAME: Now you see me, now you don’t!
[What it does] Makes one person, either herself or someone else, mostly invisible. To Sailor Ithaka the individual that’s invisible shows up with a faint glow around them.

[Effects on someone else] If Sailor Ithaka focuses her attention on an individual they become invisible to everyone but Sailor Ithaka, that means they wouldn’t be able to see their hands or legs which could be problematic. Also if they move faster than a creeping walk they’ll flicker in and out of visibility, a bit of a leg or a lock of hair showing for a second before disappearing. The faster they move the faster they flicker, if the individual’s running they’ll become nearly visible. If someone throws paint, a blanket, or some other opaque substance over the individual they’ll be outlined revealing their position.

[Effects on Sailor Ithaka] If Sailor Ithaka focuses her attention on herself she becomes completely invisible to everyone but herself. Making herself invisible has the same cons as making someone else invisible, except that she can see herself.

[Timing] The effect last for up to 30 seconds, but can be interrupted if Sailor Ithaka is distracted, loses sight of her target, or is physically struck. She can repeat the effect three times per battle.

Attack #1.5: (For Super Senshi power up)
NAME: Now you see us, now you don’t!
[What it does] Sailor Ithaka is now able to make groups of up to three people/objects invisible at the same time. These people can move around up to a brisk walk before they begin to flicker, and if they move at a run they don’t flicker as much as they did previously. Opaque substances still will reveal an invisible person’s/object’s location.

[Timing] The effect lasts for up to a minute, it can be interrupted if Sailor Ithaka is distracted, loses sight of her target, or is physically struck. She can repeat the effect twice per battle.

Attack #2: (for Eternal and beyond for senshi)
NAME:
[What it does] Sailor Ithaka is able to make one object or person completely invisible to everyone but her. The person/object can move without flickering, if it’s a person that’s invisible they still cannot see themselves. If she makes an object invisible anything that goes inside the object also becomes invisible, e.g. if she makes a box invisible and then you put a kitten inside the box you’ll no longer be able to see the kitten. Opaque substances will still reveal the subject’s location. Sailor Ithaka is only able to make one thing completely invisible at a time.

[Limitations] Anything up to SUV size she can make invisible without adverse side effects, if she tries to make something bigger invisible she'll pass out and the attack won't work. If the thing she makes invisible is hit with an attack (physical or magical) it becomes visible once again.

[Timing] She can only perform this attack once per battle. The effect lasts two minutes, it can be interrupted if Sailor Ithaka loses sight of her target, or is physically struck.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:20 am


Extra

Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover


LadyNozomi

PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 4:26 pm


I love the free running ability, I assume its a bit like Parkour then? I've heard the names interchangeable for both. Where does she like to run though? Does Bradley prefer rooftops, ground level, does she move up and down between them?

For the Sleep walking hobby: How does she video herself? Does she strap a wireless camera around her head? Because a stationary camera wouldn't pick up her driving around the block. Has she ever gotten hurt while sleep walking? And how long has she been doing this?

As far as the other hobbies, the only one that kind've sticks out to me currently is the fashion hobby? I know its furthering a stereotype, but all the other hobbies very much scream 'tomboy' to me. Is there a reason why she's drawn to fashion? Does she like to dress up all the time, or does she do it for special occasions? What is her own personal style (is she sporty chic all the time, or does it move into high fashion?)


You briefly mention that she makes clothes? I feel like that should certainly be addressed somewhere else as well, or maybe fleshing it out a bit more?

Also, you say that she often buys things without thinking, and has a preference for expensive things. How does she budget her money then? I know you say that she works fulltime, but Hollystar, like most clothing stores, probably only pays minimum wage, or close to it (unless you are adding in a commission aspect?)- so how much of her paycheck does she spend? Does it get her into trouble sometimes when paying bills?

As far as the senshi things go:

The attacks certainly seem ineresting, though for the power up I would say maybe change the timing a little? Like, if she hides 3 people/objects, she can hold it for less time than just one? So maybe if she just hides herself it would be a full minute, but three people would reduce the time a bit.

And also...for her eternal attack- does the attack still stay in effect while she's henshin'd down? I'm fairly sure it was somewhere that attacks couldn't have super long lasting magical effects. I'm not 100% positive on this, but it might be something that you want to look into to.


I know most of this crit is in the form of questions, I hope you dont mind! xD
PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 4:51 pm


I remember her! She sounds appealing!

Her abilities sound terrible in the best way possible. I wouldn't've thought inivisibility'd be effective for offense, but the being invisible to themselves thing makes it work.

Also, for impulsive, she just buys random stuff, right? She doesn't shoplift? I want to make sure I understood that right.

Tenko72

Benevolent Genius

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Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover

PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 7:18 pm


@Nozomi~ Oh, no I love questions! Makes me think more :3 I'm going to go over your crit again in a bit when I'm not so sore xD Thank you for the crit! <3 I can already tell it's really helpful.

@Tenko~ Yeah, she buys random stuff not shop lifts, though I suppose I could play with that. I'll have to ponder! Thanks for the crit :3
PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:08 pm


Alright I've fleshed out all her flaws/virtues and hobbies, and also added another limitation on her Eternal attack. :>

Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover


shibrogane

Stellar Lightbringer

PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 7:23 pm


Homie. Homie. You are turning your Final Smash into an attack she is never, ever going to use. Maybe instead of making the aftereffects last longer than the battle (because they probably shouldn't) just say "THE BIGGEST THING SHE CAN TURN INVISIBLE IS (THING). SHE CAN USE IT ONCE PER DAY BUT TWICE EXHAUSTS HER."

I mean, I'm not a stamper but I'm kind of tilting my head at a senshi attack, especially at eternal stage, that so absolutely wipes out your senshi's ability to fight for anything longer than a night or two.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 11:44 pm


Hmm, that's a good point. I think I was just so worried about making it OP that I put crazy limitations on it. I'll play with it some, thanks!

Marsh the Sex Panda

Dapper Lover


Akina Tokuwa

PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 1:56 am


ON THE CIVILIAN:

PUSHING THE LIMIT reads like a virtue or potentially flaw. I would remove it from hobbies, leaving FREE RUNNING on its own. You touch on elements of FREE RUNNING in her flaws so I would either include it in there or get rid of it entirely.

Quote:
Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger – Bradley’s always looking for the next best thing. She goes through phones like candy, and her wardrobe gets updated with the change of the seasons. She’s a material girl in a material world and she only wants the best. Luckily this doesn't apply as much to social relationships, just physical possessions. She also only wants to be the best, she’ll take a story and inflate it with a bunch of epicness and intrigue. Which would be awesome, if all that epicness were actually true. She doesn’t consider it lying so much as padding, it’s not like the whole thing was a lie, just most of it. Most of her friends have come to realize that you can't always trust that Bradley has done half the things she's said she's done. Which is a shame because she really has done a lot of things that are pretty cool, but no one believes her.


This bolded line takes a huge element of the failure out of this. Her hyperactive, friendly, but on-to-the-next-one attitude would suggest, to me, that she can be a little fair weather when it comes to friends. I think that you should acknowledge that this does affect her relationships. It doesn't have to be in a massive destructive way, but I would take out this backdoor where she has this material, never-satisfied personality that does not affect anything other than her belongings. That gives her off the hook too easily.

ON THE SENSHI:

Right now, Ithaka's first stage brushes close up to Sailor Leto, Senshi of Camouflage and her powers. You guys definitely have individual nuances to the powers, and they are really only similar in the first stage. I just wanted to make sure you were aware of the powers of her character. I personally do not see a conflict with them though.

Her eternal attack should have a time limit like the others, as opposed to lasting until she powers down. Otherwise, the powers have a great set-up.
PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2011 10:41 am


Le Disclaimer: You've asked for criticism and so I am going to go through and really tear at the quest. Some of the things I express below will be my opinion, which you can take or leave!

ON THE CIVILIAN:

It seems like FASHION is a huge part of his civilian side. My only warning to you is, from reading quests, I can only assume that 70% of the people in Destiny City are fashionistas of some sort. (Myself included -- Fallon is supposed to be a snappy dresser!) A lot of people list this as a hobby, even though I think you do a really nice job describing it for Bradley. It's more of an FYI!

FREE RUNNING is definitely interesting. It is one of those hobbies that people sometimes assign that makes their character seem larger than life. There is nothing wrong with this, but when I read quests, I tend to prickle at things that seem unrealistic. Bradley is a secret ninja who sneaks up to rooftops just for the thrill of jumping from one to the other! But, in truth, it would be craaaazy hard for a civilian to do this -- not to mention the fact that it is totally illegal. If I was just stamping, I'd overlook this, but I do think it is probably a little unrealistic. I would tone it down. This is like that magical trait that will innately make her a better senshi right from the start: she knows the city like the back of her hand and is awesome at flipping off of buildings ALREADY, woo! We all do this, I think, to some extent, but right now, I would recommend toning down how awesome she is at this to make it feel a little more real.

SLEEP WALKING is hard for me. One on hand, it is hilarious and awesome. On the other, it runs into a few realism problems for me. If she is doing the kind of sleepwalking where she drives, then it would be extremely dangerous. You say that she intentionally chooses not to take a prescription, but because this is such an unusual thing, there has to be a downside. Right now, in that hobby, it is all positive. I would try to tone this down a bit, or give it a little more balance. Choosing to sleep in a helmet every night is most definitely a choice, and I'd like to see the ramifications of this very odd hobby pop up somewhere in her profile.

The virtues are well-written. I especially enjoy how you describe her creativity. FRIENDLY is one of those traits that is on every other profile, but you do a nice job describing it. If it is intrinsic to the character you want to play, then I'd stick with it. I like EMPATHETIC a lot too.

MELODRAMATIC has a bit of a positive tilt to it. If it was a stamping situation, it would be fine, but for criticism, I think you should go more indepth about the BAD things associated with her tendency to blow things out of proportion. Right now, you really only touch on it explicitly briefly and then otherwise just describe how gung-ho she is about most things, which ends up sounding positive.

It might be interesting to give her a problem with spending money. You say she is impulsive and has a tendency to do things beyond her means -- so why shouldn't that expand to her finances? You give her a backdoor that says she is careful not to get too out of control, but her profile reads like exactly the kind of girl who WOULD get out of control and be very irresponsible with money. I mean, this is a girl who purchased a camera that records her all night, every night of her life -- that's not cheap. I think you're missing out on what could be a pivotal struggle for her and recommend you considering it when you go to revise.

Regarding her BIGGER, BETTER, FASTER, STRONGER flaw:

Quote:
She cycles through friends the same way she goes through everything else.


VERSUS


Quote:
Once she gets close to someone she’s their friend for life, and will do pretty much anything for them.


You say in her virtues that she is very friendly and makes friendships that last a lifetime -- but then, in the flaws, you say that she cycles through friends like jeans. I do think these two things can coexist, but you need to finesse it more. Maybe Bradley is the kind of girl who has 4000 friends, but she is fair weather with them, flitting in and out of their life with increasing rapidity. This would likely cause lots of problems for her, or denegrate friendships. People might not put a lot of faith or stock in her because they have no idea if she is going to want to hang out with them from one week to the next. She can't be both an AMAZING friend and a wishy-washy friend. I think you need to fix this when you revise.

Quote:
Bradley will try anything twice; once to get over the shock value, and again to see if she actually likes it. She loves to get an adrenaline rush, so if she can do something crazy and something new at the same time that’s even better. She has no fear of getting herself hurt, it happens, she heals and then gets back to doing crazy things. She’s great if you’re ever playing a game of Truth or Dare, she’ll do any dare you can throw at her.


That is the first half of your flaw DAREDEVIL -- but that description would be for a virtue. The FLAW here is that she is probably going to die in a flaming car while attempting to break the landspeed record for vehicles powered by hopes, dreams, and fireworks, but in this passage, you really only focus on how she is quick to try anything, has no fear, and doesn't really linger on the fact that she gets hurt. Those are all good things to her, not flaws.

Quote:
Bradley also loves risks. She loves to take risks, and the adrenaline rush that she gets when she’s in a potentially dangerous situation. If there’s a risky way to do something and a safe way she will always take the risky way. She does this even when she's with people, not thinking about the fact that maybe they can't keep up with her, or even want to go the risky way. This puts her in sticky situations, and gets her hurt half the time. The girl doesn’t seem to learn from her mistakes either, continuing to endanger her safety, and occasionally the safety of those that are around her. She can sometimes be controlled by her closest friends, but other than that she's a bit of a madcap.


This is the second half of that flaw. I still maintain that you really need to rewrite it to point out how this flaw is probably the one that will get her killed one day! I also think you should elaborate more on the fact that her dangerous actions often extend to her friends because she encourages them to be as reckless as she is. Has this ended badly? Did she lose friends because of this?

I underlined the sentence above that I think is the heart of this flaw. I just think you need to go back and make it the centerpiece of this description, as opposed to a single thought right at the end. The bolded section feels like a bit of a backdoor -- SHE IS ALWAYS LIKE THIS, oh except when someone she cares about talks her out of it. I don't think you need to delete it. I would just be more specific that 9 times out of 10 she will still do the stupid thing.

ON THE SENSHI:

I would change her eternal attack to define it per battle. So maybe she can do it once per battle instead of per day. Also -- three minutes is a really long time to turn a person invisible in a combat situation. I would only stamp this if an invisible person cannot attack at ALL while invisible. If they touch another person, the invisibility fades, something like that. You'd need to add that in. Also, how would someone stop her from casting this attack? There needs to be a clear way that she a) targets whoever she is casting it on and b) can be stopped from a successful cast. You'll have to add those in (as well as a name for the eternal attack) before this can be stamped.

Akina Tokuwa


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2012 10:44 am


First off, apologies that your quest seems to have been overlooked!

Second: This is mostly good to go, however, there are still some things from Akina's crit that I feel still need to be addressed. Namely, I'd like to see more of an impact from her crazy spending habits [she's got all the latest and greatest toys, she is constantly buying new clothing, etc. etc. Is she always late on rent? How's her credit? What do her parents think? Do they bail her out?], and I'd also like to see some more realism in her Sleep Walking. Most people happen to find it terrifying, and really, if she's wandering the streets of DC in her sleep, it's incredibly dangerous.
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