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Reply Poetry
my poem please tell me what you really think (:

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little_miss_lex

PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 4:39 pm


It felt like fire running through her vains
thunder in her head
and lightning in her heart
her cheeks stung
it was mad
M.
A.
D.
mad
not just a feeling
but a statement
PostPosted: Sun Apr 11, 2010 6:55 pm


it is very good and you have potential talent....nothing more to say but well done please write some more

Zane Gray 305


marleyann

PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 7:00 pm


little_miss_lex
It felt like fire running through her vains
thunder in her head
and lightning in her heart
her cheeks stung
it was mad
M.
A.
D.
mad
not just a feeling
but a statement


It seems kind of abrupt. The stanza separation is a bit weird. If you were to add more, the piece would probably improve. Where you said it was 'mad'...that sounded awkward. Maybe say it was 'madness'. 'Not just a feeling, but a statement' that didn't make much sense. What do you mean a statement? Perhaps you could word that 'state of mind'?

Keep writing.
PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 9:10 pm


I can see that you are a potentially great writer. You should keep writing.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 7:48 am


That is some true talent right there.
Keep writing poems.
PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 6:45 pm


Writing is key. Keep at it. A spelling mistake in there, vains should be veins. I like where you were going with the stanza seperation but I do think it would have been executed better if used in a longer poem in its own stanza and repetatively. Other than that it is pretty good and you do have potential.

The_Scarlet_Lark


waterwitch24

PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 11:39 am


little_miss_lex
It felt like fire running through her vains
thunder in her head
and lightning in her heart
her cheeks stung
it was mad
M.
A.
D.
mad
not just a feeling
but a statement


Good potential i like it blaugh except that the MAD thing is kind of akward for me at least and to that you could improve if you lengthened it. but really good smile
PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 11:49 pm


This is interesting. I agree with the others about the M.A.D. thing. It is awkward but I do see potential in this poem. I would like to see more poems in the future. smile

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 6:06 am


little_miss_lex
It felt like fire running through her vains veins,
Thunder in her head
And lightning in her heart,
Her cheeks stung.
It was Madness.

Madness.
Not just a feeling,
But a statement.


Keep in mind, mad(ness) means numerous things. It can mean euphoria, carelessness, insanity, anger, etc. You may want to consider using a thesaurus to find a word that better suits the meaning you're going for.
Remember that grammar and punctuation are still very important in a poem. You should generally punctuate the first letter of every line, and in this poem, you ought to consider punctuating mad(ness) in the fifth line to emphasis the word as a statement. You didn't include punctuation at all, except in M.A.D., which frankly, didn't add anything to the poem.
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Poetry

 
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