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 Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:58 pm
I have been told (by a person whom i respect very much [so please dont think ill of them!], who is not a lolita and who will remain unknown) that it will probably be in my best intrest to quit being a lolita when i am officially allowed to date (which is when im in collage) so that i will not crush my dreams of getting married. Before you scream that it is not so, please hear me out. I've have long since dreamed of getting married one day,even before i knew what it entailed, and being a stay-at-home-mom. Nowadays MOST men would be initaially turned of by lolita (my opinion) and deep down i fear the person who told me this is correct. I dont want to think about quitting lolita, espscially as i have just begun, or have to. So tell me are any of you fellow lolitas getting married soon, or are dating someone who apperciates/likes lolita and you for who you are? How did you meet? What is your status? Dating? Already married? Engaged? Or just some expressions to give me hope , beacause i do believe that maybe there will be somebody who will like me (or anybody else) for who i am or they are, lolita or not.
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Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:23 pm
I am dating someone who initially was weirded out by lolita, but has since then grown to appreciate it and enjoy it along with me. He puts up with my rants, compliments me when I have a particularly cute coordinate, and takes pride in the fact that I'm gutsy enough to wear it regardless of what others may think. He brags about his "cute girlfriend" and her "awesome clothes" to his coworkers, and has gone so far as to ask me to wear it around him. He knows it makes me happy, so even if he didn't like it, I don't think he'd protest.
We've been dating nearly a year now, by the way.
Also, this topic has been discussed a few times in the guild, so you might want to hunt for the other threads for more answers, but the general consensus is that if someone is turned off from dating you simply due to the nature of your hobbies, you might want to look for someone else. Clothing can change, tastes can change; the person underneath the frills is what's important, and if they can't see that, why the hell would you want to attach yourself to them for life?
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Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 5:04 pm
The one thing in this entire post that surprised me was that you're not allowed to date until college. Is this true? How old are you now? I'd be infuriated with my parents and they set an age limit on me (it was 16) and I was still angry about it.
I'm dating a great guy, and have been for two+ years. We met in college when I was a Freshman, and he was a Junior. He's into steampunk and the like, but doesn't partake in it, so he thinks it's wonderful that I actually go out of my way to dress in the styles I love. He's always showing me (and my sewing skills) off when I wear things I've made. He does insist that I also have nicer cocktail dresses and party dresses along with the Lolita stuff which I'm fine with, too. Everything depends on knowing when it is appropriate to wear it, and when it isn't.
I also agree with spuntino.
Hobbies are hobbies. If a guy loves you for who you are, then clothing and hobbies shouldn't be a major issue. (of course, unless you are involved in an unhealthy way, ie. obsessed, go into debt because of it)
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Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 5:41 pm
Fiance does not mind at all, and he's what you might consider a "normal" dresser. He's even willing to wear some steampunk and dandy.
I think finding someone who appreciates your aesthetic tastes and your desires for a future is incredibly important, and highly likely! As long as you are a good person (and even if you're not, evil finds love too, strangely enough) you shouldn't have to worry about guys not liking you because you are into a niche hobby. So are tons of people. So what if most guys don't like this or that. You probably won't like most guys. There are billions of people out there. There's bound to be a ton of guys who would love you just the way you are. And they're right, why attach yourself to someone forever who didn't like you for you anyway?
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Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 5:48 pm
C a t h a r s i s The one thing in this entire post that surprised me was that you're not allowed to date until college. Is this true? How old are you now? I'd be infuriated with my parents and they set an age limit on me (it was 16) and I was still angry about it. I'm dating a great guy, and have been for two+ years. We met in college when I was a Freshman, and he was a Junior. He's into steampunk and the like, but doesn't partake in it, so he thinks it's wonderful that I actually go out of my way to dress in the styles I love. He's always showing me (and my sewing skills) off when I wear things I've made. He does insist that I also have nicer cocktail dresses and party dresses along with the Lolita stuff which I'm fine with, too. Everything depends on knowing when it is appropriate to wear it, and when it isn't. I also agree with spuntino. Hobbies are hobbies. If a guy loves you for who you are, then clothing and hobbies shouldn't be a major issue. (of course, unless you are involved in an unhealthy way, ie. obsessed, go into debt because of it) yes its true... im almost 15 though (one more month!)
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:35 am
I actually got the most attention from guys when I started dressing in classic and gothic lolita... A lot of guys really liked the innocence and femininity of it, and would gladly hold my hand and call me their sweet doll and stuff...but I'm a lesbian, haha;; Most girls love it, of course. I'm currently engaged to someone who loves the style and dresses in boystyle all the time ; u ; ♥
Ssso I wouldn't say lolita has affected my love life in a bad way. It only depends on the people you want to attract. Most guys who are into the style are a little dorky and nerdy, but that's not neccessarily a bad thing! Finding someone who accepts your interests and opinions is what's most important... I think I would feel a little sad if my partner dictated my wardrobe.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 9:50 am
I had pretty much the same experiance as Jeevanman - i went from being one of the guys to "Your a girl!" But also, like Jeevanman, i like girls, so it wasn't so much of an issue. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and we both love the style and try and coordinate our outfits most of the time.
At 15, i don't think that its something you should be worried about. Personally, i'm a take-each-issue-as-it-comes-up sort of a person. It was always my philosophy to have friends, and when love shows up, i'll know it, and it will be good, i don't need to look for it. If you love lolita, wear lolita. Make friends who understand your love of lolita. If you find some guy who's absolutly perfect, but dislikes lolita to the point that its an issue with your relationship, is he really perfect? This is stuff you'll have to figure out on your own, and i would think it would be hard to do that until your faced with the situation.
edit: Also, in re-reading your post, if that's how you normally talk and think, i think lolita really represents you, so if they have a problem with dating/marrying a lady, poo to them. xp Just make sure that as you grow up, your lolita still looks age-appropriate, and find somebody who appreciates a lady.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:01 pm
My fiance is a typical dorky video game loving asian dude, and he met me in lolita. At first im sure he thought i was wierd but the more he hung out with me the more he liked itl.
Now he thinks its pretty sexy xd
were getting married in early 2013, so you can get married and be lolita. Just find the right guy.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 10:33 pm
I'm not dating anyone right now, but there is a guy I work with that loves how girls look in lolita (and hime as well). He likes it when girls dress feminine (dresses or cutesy tops, bows or flowers in their hair, ect), but not revealing. He told me it saddens him a bit that a lot of girls don't dress like that anymore.
Plus, a lot of my male friends think lolita looks fine and wouldn't dislike a girl for wearing it. In fact they said it makes the girl more interesting since she doesn't dress like everyone else.
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Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:35 pm
kochi~mochi I had pretty much the same experiance as Jeevanman - i went from being one of the guys to "Your a girl!" But also, like Jeevanman, i like girls, so it wasn't so much of an issue. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and we both love the style and try and coordinate our outfits most of the time. At 15, i don't think that its something you should be worried about. Personally, i'm a take-each-issue-as-it-comes-up sort of a person. It was always my philosophy to have friends, and when love shows up, i'll know it, and it will be good, i don't need to look for it. If you love lolita, wear lolita. Make friends who understand your love of lolita. If you find some guy who's absolutly perfect, but dislikes lolita to the point that its an issue with your relationship, is he really perfect? This is stuff you'll have to figure out on your own, and i would think it would be hard to do that until your faced with the situation. edit: Also, in re-reading your post, if that's how you normally talk and think, i think lolita really represents you, so if they have a problem with dating/marrying a lady, poo to them. xp Just make sure that as you grow up, your lolita still looks age-appropriate, and find somebody who appreciates a lady. awww thank you!
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Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 7:59 pm
My boyfriend doesn't mind lolita at all.
The only thing he doesn't like is when I internet-window-shop in his presence. Which I shouldn't do.
But he accepts it and thinks it's cool I don't dress like everyone else.
But he's a jeans-and-teeshirt kinda guy. So he's sorta 'normal'
But he likes steampunk too~
So I dunno.
It's not impossible to find someone who accepts the frills. It's just finding someone who accepts you
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Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:19 am
 
I think there's plenty of guys that don't mind, or actually like lolita. o.o Probably just not young, mainstream guys. >_> Probably more goths, people in other japanese street styles, people who really like anime and cosplay and such maybe ? And uhh...if you're into it, middle aged men, lmfao. (I'm not into that, I'm 19) but I get alot of middle aged men asking for my photo/staring at me/complimenting me. (I think it's a tad creepy)
My boyfriend doesn't mind lolita, infact he likes some of the styles, but he really likes classic lolita, but I don't dress in classic yet, and he still tells me I look lovely ^__^
Though he does dress in Gothic Aristocrat. o uo -loves how he dresses-
I'm sure you will find someone !
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Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 5:11 pm
My boyfriend likes when I dress gothic or lolita. He likes those out there styles. Although he is the type of person who is kinda of a lolicon, and so you shoudlnt base your relationships on mine. He also likes when I dress sluttly, and likes the fake innocence thing ( which woudl be the other lolita now..).
But, you dont want someone who will tell you how what you like is not for you, or doesnt want you to do it. Whether it is lolita, or anything like video games or reading. Would you date someone who said that you couldnt ever watch tv? Go on the computer? Your partner shoudlnt dictate your life.
Really, you are only going to attract certain people while wearing loli. wearing loli alone, you are more liekly to find someone if youa rent OTT sweet, and a little more grown up. But, if you meet people through other things you like, or thorugh friends, and let your personality shine, not your outfit, you will find someone.
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Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:02 pm
I'm actually dating a guy who loves my loli-ness. ha ha.
(actually he's doing an art for me of me in a loli dress! XD)
but anyways, he likes it and offers buying me loli once and a while... i say no cuz it would make me feel bad... even though he went off and bought me a skirt from hot topic (yes i know, blah blah hot topic... it has LOTS of lace and bows on it and i use it for my casuals...) and he bought me knee socks there too... they have laces and bows on um. ^_^ he spoils me...
but he really likes it and i'm taking him to a loli meetup in 2 weeks.
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Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 10:12 pm
My girlfriend isn't THRILLED about my lolita, but she deals with it because she knows it makes me happy and she likes to see me happy.
She DEFINABLY didn't like my Hello Kitty kigurumi, she makes fun of it all the time.
Alicia's first lolita meet up experience was not the best, it was a crowded cherry blossom meet with almost no one that I knew, and it was not a very good meet up to be her first. And there's no way I'm getting her to dress up with me. T.T
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