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 Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 9:47 am
I have no idea how I feel about this. I'm a terrible judge at poetry, but I need to write a poem for my English course. So any and all criticisms and suggestions will be loved forever.
[Working Title] Shipwrecked
I see you there,
sun soaked,
wind blown,
smiling like Apollo in the spring.
It sickens me.
I am lost at sea,
salt crusted,
floundering,
tumbled in the foam whence Venus came.
I can not breath.
I am shipwrecked.
So I place my dripping clothes
Upon the Temple wall
as sacrifice.
Spare me from this fate.
I am a liberated woman,
like my mother,
like my grandmother.
Shackled by the chains of
The Unrequited
crucifies me.
I do not want it.
But You smile at me,
and I, caught by the riptide,
try to struggle,
to break free,
to deny these burning cheeks and
racing heart.
Yet there you are, below the waves
Smiling
Beckoning,
And so, treading water,
I let go,
and drown to meet you.
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Posted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 6:47 pm
You spelled breathe wrong.
Unless you meant to write it 'breath'?
Um, it was very good. I had to read it over a couple times, because I really wanted to read through the lines - because when I read that last stanza I was like wow.
So, if nothing else, the last stanza is very good. xD Haha, but no. The whole thing was great, really.
I don't know if there can really be 'bad poetry', since poetry can be whatever you want, unless you're trying to write a certain type of poetry. I'm pretty sure this was free verse, though.
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Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 10:53 am
egoxromantic You spelled breathe wrong. Unless you meant to write it 'breath'? Um, it was very good. I had to read it over a couple times, because I really wanted to read through the lines - because when I read that last stanza I was like wow. So, if nothing else, the last stanza is very good. xD Haha, but no. The whole thing was great, really. I don't know if there can really be 'bad poetry', since poetry can be whatever you want, unless you're trying to write a certain type of poetry. I'm pretty sure this was free verse, though. I'm glad you caught that. Yes, it should be breathe. I fixed it. I'm very glad you liked it though.
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