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 Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 6:18 pm
 It was unfair.
As long as Feilea could remember, it had always been impossible to reach her father. Always, always she lived in Evelyn's shadow, even when she didn't know who Evelyn was... but as much as it had destroyed her to lose Connor and the only mother she had ever known, it had destroyed her more to watch her beloved father withdraw so far into himself that she feared no one would ever be able to reach him again. In some twisted way, though, the situation had almost given her hope- maybe, if she were the one to reach him in his despair, his rare moment of need- he would come to see her in a new light, as the daughter that had always loved him and only desired to be loved in return.
But that... that mare... she had stolen away everything Feilea had hoped for, dreamed of. Effortlessly. Day by day, Kureno's eyes grew softer- he didn't realize it, of course, but Fei could see it all, with eyes that spoke more words than her mouth would ever allow- only for the kind angeni that had shown him there was still light in the world.
Feilea hated her. Loathed her. Despised her for taking away the only person she had left- and yet, with every fiber of her being, she wanted to be who she was.
In the beginning, she had thought that Kureno valued strength above all else. It became her personal mission to prove herself worthy- to prove herself strong enough in his eyes. After a time, it became clear that though she was physically capable, she lacked strength in character- the strength to stand up and demand what she thought herself deserving of. Her determination, however, had never faltered- not until now. Now, when it was more clear than ever that her father would never regard her as the daughter that would follow him to the ends of the earth and back- when it was never more of a reality that her place at his side had been stolen away from her.
Tears were shameful, meaningless. They would not help her, change her cruel reality, or bring back her wayward father- but still they fell, and she stared into the dark night sky, helpless to stop them. It wouldn't change anything, she reminded herself... but here, amongst the trees and stars, where no one could see or hear her shame, she let them fall, silently.
Only the wind answered her pain.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:18 am
 The night air was peaceful and silent
So why was it that on a peaceful night where any fine Stallion would peacefully sleep that Zheadeos was not sleeping so peacefully. He was laying on the ground next to a tree that shaded the night shining sky from view his legs tucked up under him, his head resting on the soft and cool grass however behind his eyelids his eyes danced.
A soft moan escaped as Zhea opened his eyes to peer into the dark cove the trees shaded housed him in. He frowned lifting his head and shaking it softly trying to wake his drowsy mind. He'd been awoke by some benine urge a feeling of sorts, a calling that he'd heed. He yawned but rose from the soft grassy ground, his eyes not fully adjusted to the darkness revealed to him a shadowy version of the area he'd decided to rest in. He'd heed the calling.
Groggily he started forward trusting the forest not to cave in on him. They were connected in a small way. He and the forest.
Last time this urge, this calling had drawn him to his most recent mare friend Ciro. That was when he'd learned things about families that he'd not understood at all and quiet honestly baffled him. He had come to terms that some Stallions would leave mares for it was there nature but he did not forgive them. No they were wrong not to overcome their desire to turn away and leave. They should have raised a family and not passed on without a passing glance. It was sickening to know that others did that in their nature or not.
No mare would just turn away from a family, least none that he knew. Ah Family a small smile toyed as Zhea's mouth as he continued making his way though the forest. He had a family his mother and father and siblings. He would visit them soon. He had many fond memories with his family. Running off to gather Berries for Mom and dad with his siblings, eating their fill before they sought to take branches home. Morning drinks from the stream with his father. Learning from his loving mother and her kind ways. He'd be just like his dad, he'd have a family and they'd live on the plains near the forest and his parents.
A yawn slipped out once more from Zheadeos as he made his way from the trees into a clearing. The light from the night sky glittered the landscape with a soft silver light, bright for Zhea who'd been traveling in the dark and shaded forest. Up ahead was a mare. Compelled forward he continued forward to approach the mare. "Are you alright miss?" A quiet sincerity laced it ways through his soft voice. He only hoped it wasn't too soft and that she'd hear him prior to him reaching her and startling her.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:55 am
Weak. Tears, self-pity, loneliness... they were all a product of weakness. And as strong as Feilea wished herself to be, she could not simply cast away these things- yet another downfall in the eyes of her father.
Perhaps she was simply unloveable. She had only begun to accept the idea of allowing Evelyn into her life, to let her be the mother to her that Connor so adored- but she had turned her back on them at the drop of a hat. Was it her own fault? Did she contribute to driving the final stake into her and her father's ever-withering relationship?
Angrily, she stomped a hoof into the soft grass, teeth gritting and golden eyes clenching shut against the onslaught of tears. She was so sick and tired of being alone, forced to watch the only family she had drift further and further away from her with each passing day. Was she not trying hard enough? Still not strong enough? Not courageous enough? What more was there left to do?
Her ears flicked back suddenly at the sound of approaching footfalls, abruptly swallowing her tears and attempting to stand up straighter. She shook her ebon' forelocks loose, allowing them to fall over her eyes as they always did- better, at least, that she save face before whoever did approach. They did not need to see her tears. Feilea needed no more excuses for anyone else to call her weak.
At his soft words, his seemingly concerned inquiry, she almost scoffed. All right? Hardly. And what did he care, anyway? It wasn't as if she'd have anything to offer for his kindness- if she even took it as kindness. Still, though, she said nothing, simply looking out into the glittering sky with a dying light in her eyes, lashes fluttering slightly at the moisture stubbornly clinging to them. In truth, she wasn't as cold or dismissive as her father, but it didn't mean she was particularly welcoming, either.
Briefly, she cast him a glance through the veil of onyx forelocks, taking note of his distinctive antlers and straight-backed posture, but not allowing her gaze to linger before she looked away again. A cerynei... she had never actually laid eyes upon one before, but it did not dazzle her, or draw any undue attention upon the strange characteristics. Still, she felt his unwavering gaze upon her back, and feathered wings fluttered a bit and fidgeted uneasily beneath its weight.
She did not speak. Offering the truth- that of course she wasn't all right- would only invite more questions... and it wasn't worth her breath to outright lie.
She disliked lying. She disliked saying anything that did not carry meaning.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 1:24 pm
The silence between them stretched after Zheadeos had asked her his question. The calling urge had brought him her because when he entered the clearing the call ebbed away and sorta left. The felt an urge to help this mare he'd been drawn to her. He frowned when still she did not answer. He scuffed at the ground softly with one of his fore hooves leaving small grooves in the ground.
Was she mad, had she been crying. She'd been standing in the clearing looking up into the night sky, had she been fine and he was drawn to her for some other reason? Questions rolled through Zhea's head as he studied the mare. He was closer to her now and he stopped where he was leaving a reasonable distance between him and her. Hey eyes were shaded by dark locks that resembled the night sky on the night of no moon. "Can you talk?" His voice was none the less still quiet. Traces of his sleep had worn away with his traveling through the night but he'd not talked for awhile prior to this meeting and he was wishing to avoid his voice cracking if he spoke up. Beside he reasoned that there was no need to wake the creatures of the area with a loud voice. If she couldn't talk that would explain why she didn't answer though she could be shy. She could be mute. She could have a been taught not to talk to strangers. Any number of possible reasons laced through his mind as he thought about it.
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