Welcome to Gaia! ::

(('Tis a Petrarchan sonnet.))

Remember the place we're happy with time?
We were strong and wrong'd and chalantly young.
Remember the sunset, the wings, the wine?
We livened the joy and we drank when sung.

Existing in hearts that lived in all days
When life was no matter nor was a bore.
Revel in the actions and timeless ways
As we always had; as we did before.

Dancing, singing, leaping on the rooftops
Dancing, singing, sincerely looking down
Twirling around and feeling the raindrops
With all a-laughing and with falling sound.

No matter what gale, storm, or winds had came,
We have always danced; we have always sang.

You portrayed a someber rememberance very strongly through this poem. Your use of the sonnet structure, internal slant rhyme, alliteration and asyndeton all worked very well together. It was very craftily done and I can tell that you sent time on it.

The story flowed seamlessly from one point to the next and conjured a story very accurately for such a short use of words.

I loved it and I'm haveing trouble finding something I didn't like in this poem, let alone something you could do differently next time.

Perhaps the last two lines. I can't quite tell if I love them, or if they're misplaced. Personally, they convey to me a sense of forboding. In the past, nothing has stopped them, so maybe something is going to happen to stop them, else they're working their way through tough times. However, that doesn't really play into the sense of whimsical lovers. This could either be saying that they are physicaly in a real world, but living in a wonderful fantasy world, or it could be giving a false impression.

I like to think of it as the former, but if you were trying to convey something else, you could change the last two lines.