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 Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:42 pm
School Kid Information Name: Dein (pronounced as "Dane") Porter
Nicknames: "De"? Nope, his name is short enough.
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Birthday: July 30th
Sign: Leo
School: Meadowview
Fav. Food: Rice Porridge (A dish with cooked white rice, mixed with milk, cinnamon and butter - A "manly" dish, he swears)
Hated Food: Meatloaf
Gemstone: Ruby
Hobbies:
DDR - Dance Dance Revolution!!!! No, really. Dein can spend hours staring at the uprising arrows and hitting them in succession. He's not a "master dancer" yet (hurhur), but he practices more than he does his homework. It's a good way to "stay in shape" (according to him) and take out his aggression through stomping.
Throwing Darts - He keeps darts and a dartboard (sometimes with someone's picture on it) and will leisurely toss the sharp metal edges deep into it, for fun. It keeps him amused and is relatively more quiet than stomping the floors at ungodly hours of the night. Most of the time he challenges his family or friends to a match of points. Whoever gets the most wins while the loser suffers some sort of loss. (i.e. Humiliation, Awkward Dares etc.)
Volleyball - In the court or on the beach, Dein loves to exert himself in getting a ball over a net. He is a member of the Meadowview team, not the best but a decent player. His favorite move is a spike and, due to his size, he revels in smacking the ball down near the front of the court, watching the other team have to scramble for it. It's his sport of choice and the main source of "outside" time that he gets.
Dethklok Syndrome - Br00000tal music is the love of his life. In that case, collecting CD's and going to concerts would be the girl he dragged with him. He's got a growing collection (much to the dismay of his father and brother) and he listens to it constantly. Don't mistake this though, he's very particular about his metal. Give him something not "brutal" and he'll throw it back at your face.
Virtues:
Sincere... guys can be that way too! - He might toss a CD you gave him, but he'll tell you EXACTLY why he did so to a genuine tee. He'll tell you what he's feeling, why he's feeling it and even go as far as to proving he's feeling a certain way. Not to say he is incapable of lying. (What's a white lie here or there?) But when it comes to himself, he won't shy away from saying or doing anything that is true to what he believes. He is a genuine person without deceit (as above, not FULLY without, no one is perfect) in all he does.
If I do this... then this will happen - What lies ahead? Dein thinks to the future for actions in the present. A trait he enjoys but doesn't assist in making fast decisions. Using a sense of foresight (not a psychic thing) he thinks over consequences and what they might entail. This can save him a lot of heartache when he can pinpoint what will lead to disaster. It might not always be correct, but Dein will think it over, and then over a few more times until he finds a conclusion he accepts (not necessarily likes).
Unlike most men, I like commitment - Whether to friends, sports, homework that he's decided to do or to a decision he's come to, Dein commits himself to it. If he decides to do his homework, he'll go to it and get it done. This creates a loyal friend in Dein and a good player to have on a team. He's not afraid to "go the distance" and prove he's out there to the end, knowing what outcome may await him.
Imaginative - Many days spent alone leads to many days soaking in his own imagination. When Dein talks a rainbow of random ideas pour out of his mouth, most of them being seen as without substance to others. He enjoys plotting new daydreams in his mind or writing down ideas for comics or books. He can string long stories on a whim and imagine new ways around a problem (even if they aren't possible). If you're looking for new ideas, he's the one to go to.
Flaws:
Limited Filter - Perhaps it's part of his sincere nature, but Dein can't help but say what he thinks. This can get him in deep with his peers. He may not be particularly cross when he vocalizes it, but certain things he says can do more than just sting. He'll be the one to tell a drunk guy he's too drunk to sing or a girl that those pants DO make you look fat. This has gotten him stuffed in lockers and smacked around a few good times. Sadly, this is because most people will know this as his truth.
Who hoards short-shorts? I do - Dein is not a fluffy, let's all share kind of guy. His possessions are his, period. At lunch he will scarf all of his food down just to make sure it all went to him. When something "free" comes up, he'll take several and make sure he keeps every last one of them for himself. His greed can take him even so far as to secretly hoard, hiding things in odd places to make sure his precccciiiioooous won't get taken or used by another. Chalk it up to growing up in a house with three other children or not, Dein carries his burden of greediness wherever he roams.
Emotional Walls - Dein's heart is surrounded by walls. Though he shows a little of his opinions through his outbursts, inner secrets won't make the conversation. Being in a home where his mother died and since his father wasn't a caring paternal figure, he wasn't taught and he didn't learn how to trust others with his deepest thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams... all that makes him him. He remains detached from others, purposely keeping his distance. This creates problems when making friends and relating to others. Dein would rather shut himself down and walk away than bother with relating at a deep emotional level.
Pop-culture challenged - One might ask him, "Dein, did you hear that Lady GaGa song?" and he would reply, "Who?". Dein lives in his own world with his metal CD's and DDR (Which is EXtreme, he never bought a new one.) One could say aside from new metal he lives under a rock. New fads, recent shows on the television, Dein likes to relax in his own way without such things. This alienates him from many of his peers, which comes from no common ground to stem a conversation from.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
(Note: His hair is not normally as well-kept as picture)
Body: Dein stands about 6'2'' with a muscle toned body. Due to his height it makes him seem lanky.
Eyes: A sky blue pierces out from them as they sit on his face, slightly slanted down to seem like they are in a serious tone all of the time.
Hair: If you put a cherry-red puffball on his head, no one would be able to tell the difference. His bright hair spikes out from the top of his head to create a sort of hedgehog-meets-mop style. His bangs fall down over his face with small spikes coming down, going either which way. Rather than large spikes, his hair takes on a "wind-blown" look. Messy, yet perfect. The hair comes down to his jawline but does not go past, it annoys him to keep it too long.
Face: Dein's face has no true prominent feature besides his bigger nose. His eyebrows slant close to his eyes and create an almost darkened, angry look. His chin is smaller and juts out only slightly straight in the middle of his face. (No Leno chin here!)
Fashion: Due to his love for the br0000t4l, his casual wear usually ends up with a faded, sometimes ripped, pair of dark jeans with some sort of metal band t-shirt (his favorite being an Emperor Shirt). On cold days he might dawn a plain black hoodie to keep himself warm. His shoes never change from simple black and white tennis. Brand names (unlike BAND names) are not brutal to him.
Family Information
Mother:
(deceased) Ashlie Porter - Dein's mother was extremely sickly for the last few years of her life (which was when Dein was in his pre-teen/early teen ages) and remained in bed with Dein at her side to assist her for her last months. She was a kind and caring soul often beaten down by her husband's lack of compassion towards her. She would constantly tell the children they could be better than they imagined. Before she died she instilled in Dein a sense of caring and keeping the promises he makes to everyone.
Father:
Bernard Porter - 48 - Bernard is a hard-a** and doesn't take lip from any of his peers, including his children. He is a full time construction worker being gone for what seems like days at a time. He is an avid smoker and his favorite past time is sitting in front of the television with cigarette in hand. When his wife got sick, he began to act differently towards her. He felt her to be "broken", more along the lines of "not the woman he married" so he barred himself from her. Through his neglecting affections he taught his children the importance of independence. He lives in the house of the family that was bought when he and Ashlie were married. At this time Dein and his brother Codi are the only two left in the house.
Brother:
Codi Porter - 19 - A good role model for Dein, Codi is a typical big brother, assisting him when he needs it and showing him what good there is to offer in the worst circumstances. He is a caring individual with a promising school career going for him at Sovereign Heights where he works tirelessly towards his General Education and a degree in Anthropology. When not at school he attempts to study and bond with his brother, but Codi does grow tiresome of Dein's outbursts and often has to put his foot down before Dein has to put a foot in his mouth.
Sisters:
Cassandra Porter - 25 - Long gone from the oppressive world of living with their father, Cassandra is a weather girl for a small-time local news station. She doesn't visit very often and is a career-monger, looking for the next opportunity to move to a job with more options. She is ambitious and cutthroat to get what she wants. One could say she took more from her father than her mother.
Meghan Porter - 21 - Currently living with her third (or fourth?) boyfriend, Meghan is a party girl scraping by on minimum wage by working for a thrift store. She is unlike her sister Cassandra and finds more satisfaction in spending money and living in the moment than working towards a more stable end. She loves to drink and go to parties, hitting up two or three a week to keep her satisfaction levels up. She drops by every so often to visit the boys, but her main source of contact is drunken phone calls. She is more caring than her sister but that is often outweighed by her need to party.
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:44 pm
Cavalier Information Cavalier: Aeneas, Cavalier of the Canyon
Challenge: "Against me, you will fall!" or "For the Prince!"
Weapon: Attritus. One of the standard rapiers with a cup hilt, shaped in a crescent sloping inward towards his left, running parallel with the hand which wields it. The hilt is intricately designed with dark stones of gray shimmering with a light blue, to symbolize both the clouds of thunder which he protects and the waters that often flow through Canyons. The blade itself has no special design. (These are just thoughts on design, Shaz has final say)
When bonded to a Senshi, Attritus takes on an effect of erosion*. It will cause extreme pain to the external senses by using forces similar to that of great wind, blasting sand or hard rain. The outside discomfort is great, feeling the pressures of harsh elements pressed against their skin. A side-effect of this is that it can numb an enemy of the next attack, giving them the advantage to counter.
Name: Aeneas (Vice-Captain)
Color Suggestions: Reddish-brown and River Blue OR Goldenrod and Deep Blue/Gray. (**see Uniform Ideas in Additional Information)
Interests:
Practice, practice, practice - Aeneas is dedicated to his training and will set out many hours a day to hone skills of his sword, skills of his teamwork and skills of the mind. Aeneas doesn't like to be surprised so he attempts to work until he can no longer, retaining every bit of muscle memory and facts to build his character further.
Exploration - One of the only things Aeneas can truly enjoy outside of his duties, his curious nature to see all he can see across as many lands as he can. Often he will wander around his own place of residence and even move to others to engage in wandering observation. It places him in a euphoric state to be visiting a new area, taking in all there is and learning new things of strange cultures. Aeneas is a man well traveled and aims to keep himself that way.
Competitive Sports - Since moving from the Black Moon Kingdom into the White he has taken up a love for competitive sports. Granted they are just that. Though everything needs to be a competition he rather enjoys himself when going against anyone. Soccer, Basketball, sports known and unknown to him. Whenever there is a court nearby he will be the one to make the challenge.
Serve Your Country - Hector is his Captain. Alexandros is his Prince. The Black Moon Court is his court. Aeneas is a vassal of the Black Moon Kingdom to be used as his Captain commands, as his Prince demands. (His "Unrelenting Fealty") To go against this is not possible. If all is down he will still be charging blindly into the fray. He will protect his Kingdom, serve his duty and love his Cavalier brethren. Aeneas knows no greater satisfaction in the universe.
Virtues:
You must not be afraid to tell a man what he needs to hear - Aeneas shows no fear when asserting his own opinion towards another Cavalier's (or for that matter, anyone's) decisions. Though often thought of by his peers as a nagging trait, Aeneas firmly believes that a man must told what he needs to hear, not what he wants. This can cause some conflict among him and the other Cavaliers, especially with his Captain, Hector. Stepping aside as a voice of reason he will tell you when he disagrees with a decision or remark. Though he takes great care in considering his peers, he cannot sit idly by and allow a decision that may end up with worse consequences be made.
Unrelenting Fealty - To his friends, to his Prince, to his Queen and to his kingdom. Aeneas has sworn an Oath to each and every member of the Black Moon Court to come to their aide, regardless of the circumstances. Even if he vocalizes his disagreement he cannot yield against his allegiance to justice, friendship and duty. The others can trust him never to sway out of line with the Court, as even in the face of death or if the rest have been slain, he will rise above and fulfill his strong convictions of devotion and loyalty.
Just another romantic - In this way not meaning only to love. Aeneas is a romantic by nature, showering those he cares for with gestures of admiration and platonic affection. He will be the pick-me up for those in need of it and will do so without expecting any such action to be done in return. He strongly believes that through this others can find comfort in themselves. Aeneas genuinely cares for these friends and even if no one else will show them that, he will.
Adventurous - (ADVENTURE!) Aeneas gets agitated easily when not out and about DOING something. He must always be doing something, even if it's something he hasn't tried before (save for being lazy...). Often he will leave with little notice to take on one of these adventures, but more than often finds his companions coming with him. Aeneas has an inner curiosity for new activities and can easily spend an entire day seeking one out (After practice!). This exposes a more thrill-seeking side to him.
Flaws:
An eye for an eye - A belief that when a man does wrong to you, you are justified in revenge. He may not agree to do it a certain way (see "needs to hear" virtue), but he does believe in vengeance, especially when the target is the Black Moon Kingdom. Aeneas will seek out for retribution, leading his sword to a battle for honor and principle. Bloody battles will come of this. Perhaps it is more of a primal nature in Aeneas, but to him there is no perfect exchange for violence except for equal or greater violence.
Push until you break - Aeneas fancies himself a hero, as claimed by his name. He doesn't believe in venturing only halfway so you can swim back and save yourself. A brash part of his personality, which he believes to serve him as a virtue but often leads to more chaos. He will descend back into the Earth as dust for anything he may be needed for, putting in more than what should be expected. To the breaking point and beyond, pushing far past his limits. He can lead himself to serious injury this way, if he doesn't die first. This is an obsession.
I am fine - He will not admit to the other Cavaliers or the Senshi when he is over his limit. Aeneas has a strong sense of self and won't allow the others to worry on his behalf. Often he will lie or take up a strong stance to keep wandering eyes from pinpointing a problem on him. As a flaw, this creates a sense of distrust when it is found out that he is in fact injured or fatigued. As he constantly pushes himself to the edge, it is a talent he's practiced. Dangerous as it is he still feels the same for it. The others must worry for themselves and their duty, not to his misfortune.
Lack of Subtlety - Everything is a big deal. Though poised and often spoke of as heavily capable, in all aspects of his life Aeneas lacks the art of being subtle. In his battles he will strike with such ferocity you won't know a man's face from his foot. In arguments, he will yell loudly to get his point across rather than speak at a manageable level. Even when he tells you what you need to hear, he will make sure you hear him loud and clear. When making plans they have to be elaborate. "Sneak into the back door" will become "sneak into the back door, do three flips, jump into the rafters and attack from above". Aeneas is dishing out compliments? "You're smart" is now "You have a radiant intelligence that brightens the world." Truly he is a man of "Go big or go home."
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:45 pm
Additional Information On...
Aeneas:
Looking up the name led me to the story of Aeneas, a great hero and king of Troy. In myth he was a demigod with Aphrodite as his godly mother. Knowing this information I shaped him as wanting to live up to such a name, trying to live honest and true to the name "hero" and mixing in other flaws and virtues to tie in to those stories.
Personality: I imagine as he is the Vice-Captain he would take on a more mature persona, having to assist directly under Hector in leading the Cavaliers. Aeneas is not afraid to talk to Hector and will voice his opinion over any decisions (See "...not be afraid..." above). Sometimes he will act as an external conscience to some of Hector's brash natures. Even through this, Aeneas can appreciate and agree on Hector's thoughts for "King and Country", following him into a fray regardless of any objection. Aeneas is to Hector as Jude Law is to Robert Downy Jr. They may clash over small things but at the end of the day are both furiously working to the same goal.
Aeneas embellishes his duties over the top and often suffers silently by his own actions. He is dutiful and compassionate to his peers, but rather brash on the exterior appearing as a frightening person to others who aren't aware that under that exterior lies a heart. He can be expressively emotional, a man capable of great love and greater anger. With his counterpart being Zeus, the parallel Jupiter, and his Captain being Hector, he has adopted a "Go big or go home" sort of attitude.
OOC NOTE: This comes from my personal beliefs as well. Zeus, being the big god in Greek mythology, Jupiter as the largest planet in the solar system and Aeneas as a hero of mythology that became a god, I felt he should have a "big" attitude to match them.
*Erosion: Canyons are often formed as a result of erosion. Wind and water over many year stretching a chasm wide and deep. The sword does the same to its enemies, eroding away at their flesh lightly. One attack may not due much, but several in succession is dangerous.
**Uniform Ideas: I'm not sure how flexible the uniforms can be with mixed color, but since he is the Canyon I was hoping maybe a pattern similar to settled sediment in different hues of a brown-red (like the above) all the way to a pale peach/orange. As canyons often have several types of settled soil creating their majestic walls, I believe his uniform would reflect that element. (An example of different layers of sediment.) The green-blue color is representing a river and I think would do better as an accent color with the canyon pattern and coloration being more prominent. I often see canyons as vibrant, with several well-meshing colors which please the eye.
Another idea is to have a lighter color (a light brown, orange or even yellow) with smaller intricate patterns with the light blue. This would be as a canyon from a bird's eye view, far above where the vibrant colors would not be as noticeable. I'm not sure on WHAT the pattern would be, perhaps something similar to the pattern on the armor or cloth on the men in this painting. This suggestion is going to the old myth of the Trojan Aeneas, adding in a little greek flair to his uniform.
These are merely ideas though, just tossing a few out. C: Final say is Shazari.
Views:
Dein on Aeneas - "Why so serious?" Dein thinks of Aeneas as formidable (OMG so br00000000t4l....), but often times tires of his attitude. Dein is only a teenager, he can't understand Aeneas' deep sense of devotion and loyalty he has towards his kingdom and his mission. Dein can truly appreciate the warrior within, but since he not used to a caring a loving home can't appreciate what Aeneas has for his Prince, Queen and the rest of the Court. Rather than try to learn, he often sections himself off and watches with an envious eye. Noting that Aeneas is a training holic he feels he should take a chill pill, a day off from the missions and training and learn to appreciate stepping back, making memories and not war. The thought that all work and no play applies here. Dein thinks it makes Aeneas a dull boy.
Aeneas on Dein - "Much growth is needed" Aeneas isn't used to a boy being so... detached would be the right word? He feels that Dein seeks to escape the realities of his world by clinging to his emotional walls and rather than put his imagination to the future he purposely holds himself back. Though Aeneas can appreciate his commitment for tasks at hand, he fails to see why he can't plan ahead and use this skills for a greater purpose. Aeneas feels a boy should have constructive hobbies and friends to build off of, rather than hiding behind his "brutal"ness he needs to move out and accept life for what it is. In his eyes, Dein needs to find something to commit to for eternity, move to a higher plane of living where you make every move matter. He doesn't like Dein's "chilling" methods. Idle hands and all that. Though, even he'd rather him be playing DDR than moping around the house listening to men scream about "pain".
Why the Canyon?
Canyons have been around for many a century, created from early times from erosion of wind and water. Deep chasms made by rivers that flow, the canyon itself becoming resistant and enduring. These traits thrive in Aeneas. As a Canyon, he has shaped and formed himself by bringing himself all the way down (erosion if you will) and then rebuilding back up to create a strong persona that will endure. Like the canyon, he runs deep and has many layers to create him, Aeneas is not only skin deep.
For Dein, it is quite different. He takes his emotional hangups and buries them down deep, shielding them from others. Just as the river in a canyon is hard to get down to, Dein is hard to pinpoint perfectly on. He is young in terms of his character development and like the canyon needs a wing to be shaped and molded under. In this case being Aeneas.
Together the two can learn from each other. The unchanging, ever-enduring Aeneas can teach Dein what devotion and having a set goal in life can do for a young man. On the other side, Dein can teach Aeneas about living life through making good memories rather than spending each day only working to better himself at fighting. I feel they would play well off of each other, as some of their traits coincide they would have common ground with room to grow.
Examples could be both their ability of devotion. Aeneas has always had a loyalty to his Kingdom and his Prince whereas the heaviest thing Dein commits to is short-term like homework, once it's done it's done. In this example Dein can learn how to find purpose in his commitment for something much larger than himself, whereas Aeneas can learn to commit to smaller projects, taking in satisfaction for a small job well done. Both sides of a similar trait but with both persona's able to learn from the others interpretation and use of it.
Dein as Aeneas: Dein has a personality that compliments the brash nature needed in a warrior. He is able to commit to things, be they activities or a sports, and will not give up until they are done. Dein is also genuine, a trait that stands out that even though he seems detached. In this way, others will know that what he tells them is coming from him. Without deceit, without tainting. Dein is Dein. Another quality of Dein is his imaginative thoughts. As they are not solely bound to "out of this world" Dein's ideas can often be helpful suggestions. For example, he is watching a basketball game watching his team get crushed. He randomly rants on his mind about a innovative move (which would probably involve passing the ball a lot in this case) to confuse the other team and get in a score. If something isn't working, he thinks of a way to get it to work. (Though it might sound ridiculous the first time he pitches the idea...)
A big help in the world for Dein is his love of "foresight". Thinking something about BEFORE he does it. What Dein can bring here is an outlook to what will happen after the mob of swords has gone forward, striking down enemies. Dein is a boy looking for more to life and can both assist Aeneas and learn from him.
Deeper Explanation of Dein/Aeneas: When making both Dein and Aeneas I had a goal to have coinciding traits and contrasting along with adding in a few randoms to make their personalities not the same, not a mirror image but rather retain some sort of uniqueness in each while taking these likenesses and opposing weaknesses into consideration. In small explanations are the flaws and virtues below: - Dein's virtues and flaws contrasted with Aeneas's -
Dein's "Sincerity" virtue goes hand in hand with Aeneas's "Tell a man what he needs" virtue. I did not want them to be the same, but have the same thought to be truthful in things that they do. This they both reach a level of agreeing on.
Dein's "Commitment" virtue is mirrored with Aeneas's "Unrelenting Fealty", though obviously not to the same degree. This was designed in the hope that they can learn from each others use of devotion. Another agreement that can be made.
Dein's "Foresight" virtue is partially a contradiction to Aeneas's "Lack of Subtlety" flaw. Contradicting is that Dein thinks everything through and will act accordingly whereas Aeneas always feels the need to complicate things unless his Prince or Captain interfere directly (he'll totally find a way to STILL complicate it). This can be an argued subject among them. They're not always going to get along...
Dein's "Greedy" flaw can be contradicted by Aeneas's "Romantic" virtue. Where Dein hates giving objects and sometimes emotions while Aeneas spreads them to those he cares for, showering gifts and praise. The two do not see eye to eye on this and have very strong feelings on it, causing much friction.
Dein's "Emotional Walls" flaw can be seen as similar to Aeneas's "I am fine" flaw. Both Dein and Aeneas have problems relating. In Dein's case it is his inner self, making boundaries from others whereas in Aeneas, he blocks his suffering off from others so they won't worry. Both don't really talk this one over...
Dein has a flaw and virtue which are both neither related to Aeneas's or contradicting to his. This is all Dein's persona. Dein's "Imaginative" virtue is his own, Aeneas appreciates and disapproves of it at the same time. Dein's "Pop-culture challenged" flaw is his own, Aeneas having that problem minimally as he seems to know more than Dein does (odd much?).
On the flip side, Aeneas holds three separate flaws which are not related or contradicting to Dein's. Aeneas's "Adventurous" virtue keeps him moving to new places, new people, something Dein may not appreciate but he doesn't hate it either. Gives him more of a chance to learn. The "eye for an eye" flaw relates to revenge which Dein doesn't have the emotion for, he'd rather people not see into himself like that... The "push until you break" is a weakness which only Aeneas has. Nothing is good enough until he has done more than his fair share, leading to emotional and physical suffering and scars. Dein rather doesn't like this. Commitment is one thing but doing it just because you can? Not something he can stand behind. They bicker over this many times with neither side yielding their opinion.
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:16 am
Rough Draft Up. This has limited information with only some flaws and virtues. I would appreciate any crits on the direction I'm taking so far with this Cavalier. Any suggestions would be wonderful. <3
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:07 am
I like the direction being taken here, but his Commitment and Fickle traits stick out like sore thumbs in the contradiction category. (From first glance, at least. I think you mean he takes a long time to make his decisions.)
Also, (just a question to clear up my thoughts) why do you think Dein went to Hillworth? I'm not saying you have to divulge, but I was trying to figure it out for myself. ^-^;;
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:11 pm
Thanks for the Crit Lemon!
I actually agree there, wasn't thinking about it until I read it over again. >___<;; I think I'll just take that out and add in other flaws.
As for Hillworth, I was moving towards his Sincerity almost having a flip side and the reason he can be sincere is due to a limited filter on his mind. Basically, he said the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person (One of those instances his thinking things over didn't come to exactly the place he had originally thought.) and ended up expelled from the Meadowview School District and then placed into Hillworth by his parents and the school board.
For the specifics of it, I plan to have him have a strange sense of humor and he said something to a substitute teacher which she felt insinuated that her life would be in danger. Upon her overreaction, he was promptly expelled due to her hysteria over the whole situation. As for what he said, it had something to do with a spork and guts which sounded to be threatening, but he'd rather not let on what it actually was.
If that reason has too many holes though I'm fine for him being at Meadowview. 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:29 pm
Just as a heads-up, I don't think that's a substantial enough reason to go to Hillworth: Hillworth is a correctional school for kids considered to be bad. I really cannot imagine a child being expelled for making an off-color joke to an authority figure, much less a pretty obviously ridiculous one. Reasons Hillworth boys have been sent to Hillworth: violence, drug use, arson.
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:42 pm
Sounds good. Thanks for the tip Coda!
*tweaks some more*
Meadowview it is! o w o
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:15 pm
I need some more good solid crit now. Cavaliers are new to me and I'm working my best to build to my image of one. If I am way off, please someone correct me. C:
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 6:10 pm
Cavalier stuff looks good to me. C: Although I got confused on the description of Abyss. By "sword" you mean "hilt", right?
And like I always do, I'd suggest maxing out on virtues and flaws if you can. xD Not needed, though.
This may just be me, but Dein's current virtues/flaws didn't give me a "childish" feeling, so I was surprised in the later sections that he was immature? Maybe add in a virtue/flaw explaining that.
The "Sincere... guys can be that way too!" quote also had me thrown off a bit. To me, sincere is being thoughtful and putting one's all into what they say (lsdksadf;a I don't know how to say it xD) rather than be willing to tell the truth even if it hurts.
I'm also a bit iffy on the description of his "Skeletons rockin' the closet" flaw. You say he has a tragic past, but you never mention it, which makes me go "Meh. :/" At least elaborate on it? I know one point would be focused on his uncaring father. Also focus more on how it affects his actions, perhaps?
Another optional thing, but maybe have a "Why Canyon?" section. I enjoyed doing that section for my Zoisite and Hermes quests. x3
Overall Dein is pretty good. Keep it up!
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 6:34 pm
Thanks Syu!
I think my ideas got jumbled around too much. Tried to do two ideas at once and it came off as contradicting. I shall remedy this. I was thinking of changing that particular flaw to "emotional wall". Would this make a little more sense?
For sincere, I meant it as he says exactly what he genuinely feels. What he says is not tainted and is purely what he means. I'll reword it so it's less muddy.
I will add and explain! C:
*thinks of other virtues and flaws to add*
Whenever I get to three it gets hard for me not to find contradictions on others that I have.
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 7:16 pm
Aeneas seems well rounded, and very well thought out. I feel the same about Dein, except for a few things I noticed all three times I read it through. (Do I sound like I'm obsessed....? ^^; )
I can see having little filter and being greedy making him childish, but for some reason, there seems to be a confusion to me about Dein's "If I do this.... this will happen" virtue. It seems like a half-flaw to me, and actually a pretty mature thing.
I say it seems like a half-flaw because he seems almost to take it to such an extreme it can be a bad thing. It even says he can be extremely pensive. I can tell it can help him a lot, to be able to think things through and get to a good decision about anything. However, if he over think something, it seems like he could easily talk himself out of the right decision. I guess that makes him more human, though, too. Also, it seems mature to be able to think those things through.
In a way, it seems like the "Sincere" and the "Limited Filter" seem almost like the same thing to me, although one is a virtue and one is a flaw.
I should mention, this is still new to me too, so if none of this makes sense please don't take it to heart. Take from this only what you think you need to.
Plus, just so you know, I love the way he is set up, and he sounds like a fun person to get to know, as long as you don't try to take any of his things and can figure out exactly what kinds of things to give him on his birthday that he won't toss out.
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 7:39 pm
Angelic!!!!!
Hm, it's supposed to lean more to a virtue, that he has a sense of foresight and doesn't leap before he looks. Perhaps my wording is a little muddled? I'll try re-writing it and seeing if that fixes it...
They do play off of each other, yes. He is sincere. Meaning that he is open and genuine without deceit. This is a factor that adds to his limited filter. The problem there is he might be sincere, but he has no self control on what he says. On the positive he will be like, "That makes you look great" when you ask and you know he'll mean it. On the flip, if someone mentions far off that they think their clothes make them look big, he'll say "Yes, they do" which is sincere, but not filtered. He says what comes to mind, even though he'd be aware of what consequences may lie in wait. He never grew up in a house where he learned "Don't say that in public".
I hope that makes sense.
Updates:
Added a "Why the Canyon?" section to the Additional Information for those interested.
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:42 pm
Hey Never!!!! ^^
Okay. When you explain it like that it makes a lot more sense. Sorry I got confused in there, and probably helped confuse you too.
I really like that you took Syu's advice and added the "Why the Canyon?" section, as it seems to give a bit more insight to both Dein and Aeneas. It also gives it a more defined reason for being the way it is.
You have a couple of strong characters here, good job.
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:54 pm
Thanks Angelic!
Thanks for making me think it over though... since it would appear that way.
Updates:
Added 1 new flaw and 1 new virtue to Aeneas.
Added 1 new flaw and 1 new virtue to Dein as well.
Looking for more in-depth crits! C:
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