Welcome to Gaia! ::

i seem to come here to vent a lot, but i feel people more my age would somehow understand? I put this here because I'm not looking for advice. And I'm just venting bout some major heartbreak issues so serious talk seemed to fit best.

its valentines day... YAY! Its never really bothered me if i didnt have someone on valentines day. I think it's fun to celebrate but it's never been something i was like Oh I dont have someone I'm pathetic.

But this year it's hard on me. Because this time last year I was just starting to fall inlove with someone, and I remember exactly how I spent it. And its more the memories of last year on this day that hurts so bad. Because I just wanted to make more memories with that person on this day year after year. And now the memory this year...is just me.

You know I just wonder sometimes people say there is someone for everyone. But what if that someone for you leaves you? Or what if you really just are meant to be alone.

I've lived this life believing i would fall inlove and I would have the most amazing marriage in the world. And I truly believe in my heart and soul I am here for love. I am here for a family. And what if i was wrong about all that? What if I'm just never going to find that?

What if I'm the problem in relationships? Maybe I'm just not loveable. I have tried so hard to even matter to my own mother, and that has failed. If I cant make my own mother love me..who will? it seems like a simple thing.."oh you're just lonely" this isn't a one day deal..this is my life and some may call it foolish but love is important to me. Who I marry is important to me...being with someone is important to me.

im sorry you haven't yet experienced what its like to love someone. I sometimes wish I never felt it ever. And then maybe this wouldn't be so hard. But there you are as proof it isn't any easier. I just feel like it's just not meant for me. I'm never going to get it right.*hugs tightly back* im sure ull find someone

Hoy. How to start.. Okay, first of all, I feel that I'm in a privileged position to relate to the both of you.

To Princess: I also just experienced my first lonely Valentine's, and I agree, it's tough. The question is do you still feel as bad now, 2 days later, as you did when you first started this thread? It's only natural to feel depressed on this day, and I know you acknowledged that, but it bears repeating. If you're better now, then maybe you know you just needed to vent, like you said. If not, then hold that thought.

To catlover: I can also relate to you because I was nearly your age before I had found my first love. You're right it's not easy, sometimes you just wanna go mad, do destructive things. I've been there, I know. I hope that knowing that someone else has shared your experience helps give me credulity, because what I'm about to say, you've probably heard before, but it just doesn't sink in the same as when someone who can relate says it to you. Again, I know from experience.

Disclaimer: What I'm about to say is based on some assumptions that may or may not be off-base. But from the previous posts in this thread, I think I'm justified in making said assumptions.

To everyone: It's not all about finding the other person. Stop focusing on that, that's not what's important and you know it. It's about feeling confident enough about yourself and who you are alone, that you can be happy regardless. Stop expecting love, and start loving yourselves.

Besides, imagine yourself happy and energetic, full of confidence. Then imagine yourself as you were when you here typing up these posts, full of self-pity and depression. Who do you think a member of the opposite sex would rather be with?

Do you know what the alternative is if you don't start loving yourself first? Then you'll end up like me, fooling yourself into loving the first person that comes along and shows you some affection. That person might be right for you, but the chances are nigh absolute zero. Then you spend an untold number of years with him/her, wasting your time, your money, and your life with that person, instead of the person you should be with.

Or WORSE, you could get MARRIED to someone you've fooled yourself into loving. I could think of nothing more tragic.

I paid 4 years into that freakin' lesson. Was a hard one to learn, and I'm only just recently getting over her. Please, for the love of all that is good in this world, don't be me. Go start exercising, join some sort of club, make some friends, do something that makes you feel good about yourself, anything. Just don't sell yourself short. Be confident and be selective about who you really want to spend your life with.

But then again, what do I know? Maybe I'm just bitter. No, in fact, I KNOW I'm bitter. So if I've spoken too frankly, I apologize. I don't really have the right. But I'm not deleting this post because I believe in what I'm saying, even though you guys probably won't hear me out. I don't blame you.