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Tags: Writing, Write, Poetry, Novels, Stories 

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thomlina

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 7:05 pm


i will post my short storys here and my attepts at poetry. feel free to comment. i hope you can find one you like. i will post some later. good bye. biggrin
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 7:24 pm


Gareth's story

My name is Gareth. in your world I’m just a doll but, in this world I’m daughter of the chief of the plains people. I live in a small tepee, always on the move. never staying in the same spot long. We follow the buffalo herd. Were ever they go we go. A starge thing happened a year ago. I was taken into a whole new world, I was in modern time. I will tell you of this adventure.
I was riding my horse then, suddenly I went thouth time and space I was in a dark room .there was a boy no older then I holding a stick pointed starint at me. I asked who are you ? He just stared at me like he couldn’t here or understand me. he than said many words I couldn’t understand. then he raised his stick and said what sounded likeseeunstanuo. Than, a bright light came from the end of his stick. Than he said, hello my name is Amos Marten and your name is Gareth. Am I correct ?

Yes I said. You are the dather of the famous tribe leader tetetan. Amos said. How do you know all this ? He didn’t answer . Than a starge man walked into the dark room. Good job Amos. she is here and can understand everything we say. Than he turned to me and said. Hello you are now my prisoner and you can not escape. No one knows you are here. You will not escape so don’t even try. This room is now yours you will stay here until I call for you. Do you understand?

Yes sir I said. Come Amos leave our prisoner be the man said. Amos looked back at me with a look that said I am sorry he made me do it.

With that they left and I was alone…..to be continued

thomlina

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DesertRoseFallen
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 1:08 am


Well it is original which is good, a few comments to make:

- Always check your puncuation such as Capital Letters
- Check through your spelling such as 'starge man walked into the dark room'
- You may also wish to add speech marks to show the reader where the speech is supposed to be.

These will improve the writing a great deal. 3nodding
PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 3:38 pm


thank you i will edit this story thank you again biggrin


when i wrote this story.....i have a doll named Garth and she was on my desk when i wrote this short story. also i'd just finished the harry potter books and was thinking of them.

thomlina

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