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Okay, so here is my testimony about my life and when I became a Christian. =]

All my life I have been raised Christian. I went to church, was baptized and confirmed. But really, that didn't 'mean anything to me. I believed in God, but never really accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.

My mom and dad separated when I was four years old. I have two brothers, one who is three years younger than me, and one that is six years younger than me. My mom and dad finally divorced shortly after my youngest brother Colby was born.

Around my fourth grade year of Elementary school, my mom started dating this guy named Dave. He was okay at first and we got along. But after a while we didn't. He started abusing my brothers and I verbally, emotionally, and mentally.

My sixth grade year of middle school, my dad re-married to my wonderful step mom Julie. And she had a daughter named Courtney. She was a sweetheart too. My dad had a motorcycle and that summer got into an accident and shattered his right elbow into over 1000 pieces. And the doctor put him on pain pills which he got addicted too.

My mom re-married my seventh grade year of middle school to Dave. None of my brothers nor I was in agreement with that. But we knew we couldn't stop it from happening.

Over the summer between my seventh grade year and eighth grade year my dad was super addicted to the pills. And tried committing suicide. But my step mom stopped him and got a divorce with him afterward. My father's addicting to narcotics kept getting worse and worse. And eventually my eighth grade year November 11, 2003 he died. He tired to get help for two weeks, but then he relapse. And he had a massive heart attack. I miss him so much. My dad and I were so close.

After all that happened, my life went down hill. My step dad's abuse got worse. He knew, not that my dad was gone, that I had no where to run so he could do as he wanted to me and my brothers. Physically abusing my youngest brother a few times.

Because of all this happening I totally rejected God and Jesus Christ. I told myself if there was a God he wouldn't let this kind of thing happen to me. And if there was a God, why would he let this happen to me?

Freshman year of highschool I was diagnosed with Bipolar, OCD, PSTD (post traumatic stress disorder), Insomnia, and Depression, on top of what I already had which was ADD borderline ADHD.

All throughout my life I had literally no friends. I was always made fun of. I was quiet so I always let people bully me and walk all over me.

During my sophomore year of high school I started to make some friends. But they were the wrong friends to hangout with. They were always full of lies, and dishonesty, untrustworthy, and drama-filled. If anything went wrong I was always the one to be blamed for it. They made fun of me and my disorders, and called me ditzy and a whore all the time.

I lost my virginity when I was 16 years old. And after that started going on a sex binge, having sex with a lot of people. I knew it was wrong, but I wanted some time of comfort and to me I found that in sex. Eventually because of my friends I was hanging out with I started doing drugs and cutting. I also tried to attempt suicide once by overdosing on pain medication. I just didn't want to live anymore. I didn't see any hope for myself. But obviously I was unsuccessful. And now I'm glad I was.

So after that, I was so deep in depression I didn't know what to do. I was constantly cutting my wrists and my inner thighs with anything sharp I could get my hands on. I was a mess. And at the time I still had the feeling of hopelessness.

At the end of my sophomore year I was raped multiple times by my boyfriend at the time. We are no longer together. That was a dark and scary time for me. =[

Finally my junior year of high school started and everything was okay at first. But I never stopped cutting. It was only getting worse and worse and the cuts were getting more frequent and deeper. It was awful. At the end of my junior year I met this amazing guy whom I dated. His name is Jakob. And we went through a lot together. But I am no longer with him. We were together for two years.

Anyway, my senior year of high school, I was in a youth group called Campus Life. And they re-introduced me to God. So I decided I guess I could give it another try. So I did. And we went on retreats and did a lot of fun stuff and prayed together. And it was so much fun!! I talked to my youth leader Miss.Gail about my situation about how I was still cutting and having suicidal thought. And then one day at a retreat we went too, I gave my life to Christ. Hoping that things will get better like she said they would.

Now, ever since then my life has been amazing!!! I started cutting less, and I no longer have suicidal thoughts. I stopped drinking for the most part and I completely stopped doing drugs. I still cut from time to time, but I pray about it and I'm hoping one day I will stop completely. But when I try to stop I keep relapsing. But I know that God will help me in the end. Along with my new and amazing boyfriend. His name is Beau and he is helping me sooo much with everything. He accepts me for me with all my disorders, and he helps me cope with them. =D I love him so very much. God has blessed me with a great boyfriend. =D

Anyway, if anyone wants to know anything else or have any questions just comment or send me a message and I will reply to them as soon as possible.

Thanks so much for reading. God Bless you always.

~Nessie~

I am always amazed at the things God can do in our lives. I'll be praying for you Nessie!

3nodding oh yeah thank God for His mercy and His grace like you am bipolar and everything that comes with that but i could never cut myself but i sure could somebody else easy but Jesus stepped in before i end up totally crazy and dead or in prison for life I so Love GOD with out him we are nothing but with Him WE ARE MORE THEN CONCOURSE THROUGH THE BLOOD OF JESUS ! Am going to believe with you that GOD will bring healing to you ! look i just want to go on but i think i said to much all ready bye stay strong!!!

I'll be praying for you too! Praise God that He drew you back to Him!!

P.S. Your testimony gives me hope for a friend of mine. Thank You!
smile