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heart Arrivals, Acceptance, and Dreams. heart

+August 10th


+...Today was the day of arrivals. The new, the old... and, strangely enough, the old all felt new as well- retaining its comfortable, familiar nature, but with the interesting, exciting sheen of something you didn't expect- or, at least, didn't see before. ...There's something to be said for change. Even if it's something you fear, fear the arrival of the unknown- it's something neccessary, almost- because the human spirit desires and feeds off that change. As does the skullmonkey spirit. I think it's one of those things that binds us, and makes it so possible for us to live together as family. We hold on to each other because we know that the rest of the world will change around us, and there has to be something to keep, a safehouse against the storm- even if the thunder and lightning excites us.

Tobias came home today. Or, at least, for his mother's sake, I HOPE he's come 'home' for a while. When he's gone, she misses him so much, but tries, at the same time, to let go. ...I try not to make long ministrations about someone else's children... so I'll stop, now. Suffice it to say, I hope, for both of their sake- that they see each other in all the 'life' that's swirling around them. (Forgive me- it's early in the morning, and the pretension comes out ^_~...)

I was at the SMhq when it happened- he came home, I mean. I'd just driven over to pick up Tawn and Tam- and I couldn't find them anywhere. I was beginning to get irritated (the feeling just before fear- although it never got that far, thank gods...), and was walking through the building, calling for them. I ran into a newly-grown up Hany, which surprised me- I hadn't known that she'd grown into such a lovely SM. ...I have to remember to call her mother tomorrow...

Anyway, she heard a sound out front, and I followed her through to the front of the building. I thought it might be one of the kids, HOPEFULLY coming straight in to apologize to me for making me worry (even if I wasn't worried yet, they didn't need to know that for me to make them feel guilty ^_~)... but it was something entirely different. And unexpected. That, certainly. It was a tan Tobias, talking to a very excited Mauli. He said hello to me, and we talked for a very brief while, before Quiet came out, and we left the two of them outside, alone, to talk.

I went back to looking for the kids... it was at THIS point that, normally, I would have become a bit frantic and calling people from every corner of the hq to help in the search for them... except I was too occupied thinking of Tobias, and Quiet, and what his homecoming would mean to both of them. It was then that they came back in, and Quiet sidled up to me. She asked if she could talk to me for a moment, and of course I said yes. I don't know what I was expecting... but certainly not what she said.

She had Toby's worn knapsack in her arms- which didn't seem strange to me, oddly enough. But after she pulled me aside, she said that Toby'd brought something home with him... and that's when she opened up the bag flap- and brought out a little...orange infant, with white and green paws, and a little white flower at her ear. ...She said that he'd picked her up somewhere in the islands, and that she couldn't speak any English- and not much of whatever her own language was, either. And that she wanted... me, to take care of her.

"Do you have room in that house of yours for one more?" ...I remember that sentence, more than any other. That's when I thought... it's complete. My home feels complete- not just because of the completion of the renovations...but also because it feels right, now. It's like there was a hole before- one I didn't even know existed, that might have been born when Tam grew into a child. Or maybe it's as old as when an infant Tawn left my arms for the first time. ... I know I sound horridly sentimental- and, to admit to a fault- I am. I think both of them are wonderful- and I wouldn't wish on them eternal youth anymore than Quiet would wish Tobias to have no wings. He'd be closer to her...at least in a physical sense- but she'd know he'd be unhappy.

I'm sure the sentimentalism will disappear when the realization that I have another little infant to take care of really hits. For tonight, I've put her in the basinet, sitting by my bed. ...In the same place her brother and sister were, once. Same basinet, as well. But after tonight's calm, quiet sleep, Milla... for that's what I've decided to call her, as I have no idea whether or not she had a name, before... will have to become accustomed to a bustling household. There's no way to 'rewind' to the time of Tawn’s youth, when it was just him, and me... and Sk, and the days were filled with just the three of us. ...Which reminds me- I was wondering if Sk would latch on to this newcomer, as he did with Tam- but apparently the two of them were just meant to be- and the fact that she was a skullmonkey had nothing to do with it. When the group of us walked into the door tonight (Tawn and Tam showed up right after Quiet gave me Milla, and we headed home then...), Sk was sitting on the bottom step of the stairs, licking his paw. When he asked "What's the orange thing?", I got down on one knee to let him see her more closely. She just blinked at him and cocked her head- almost like a little owl. ...He sniffed and looked up at me, and said "You've got to stop bringing home whatever fluff ball you get attached to, you know."

He didn't say it with any malice- just his regular, sarcastic remark in response to anything I do or say. Then he jumped up the stairs and called for Tam to 'hurry it up so I can go to bed'. (He's gotten firmly into the habit of sleeping in her room, with her.) ...I guess the two of them were always meant to be friends. Milla will undoubtedly join the category of the rest of us- "family"... that's still included in the practical joking and teasing. It's nice to know that he's accepted her- and that the rest of the family has, too. It makes her feel more... real, and not like some little dream placed into my arms, that could disappear at any moment. For now, I think I'll stay awake, looking at her. If it is a dream, I want it to last... as long as possible.

heart The Kids heart

+August 20th


+I know, I know- I've been neglecting writing again. But it's one of those situations where things build up and build up- and you hardly have time to sit down and even ask yourself if you're happy or not. ...But I am. I really am- even if I am stretched like a rubber band across a fat kid's knees.... I'm having the time of my life. Even if it is frayed in four different directions. (I would say three- but these days, Sk has been making enough of a hassle of himself to be considered one of the 'stretching' points.)

To start with the Milla news would probably be an appropriate thing, considering this is her log. ...Well, she's completely gotten used to the house, by now- I can put her on the ground and say I'm going into the kitchen, and she'll crawl ahead of me to beat me there. ...Which also segues into two more developments- the babbling has started to take the form of actual speech, and she understands much more, now- and she also LOVES to be active. Go go go, she always has to be DOING something. ...Which would remind me of Tawn, except he didn't have her... I guess it would be drive. If I took him outside he'd run around- and there, of course, is the infamous 'Airborne Ranger' table incident- but Milla always seems to know what she wants to do. If I set her down, she's just not crawling for the heck of it- she has a destination in her little orange head. Which also means, as a mother, she's quite a handful to keep up with.

She still talks all the time, like I said- and I feel really badly that I haven't had time to bring her down to the SMhq- I just know that she'd get along with everyone, and that anyone who doesn't mind incessant chatter (and, if they've met me and can stand it, they probably could handle it. XD...) would just want to grab her up and take her home with them. It's not fair that she should be stuck in the house just because everything is... double hectic.

Not that she's stayed in the house. Like I said- she had her doctors appointment- I've taken her and Tam to the park, and we've gone to a museum that had Lokta paper on display, because I wanted to see if they had duplicates in the gift shop. (I sent some of my Lokta stationary to Laur, and she just fell in love with the handmade paper- and I've been trying to find her a set of her own.) ...I don't know how much of the museum was 'absorbed' by the girls (especially Milla, who sat in her stroller and clapped the whole time...) but there were exhibits they liked- Tam bought postcards of the paintings she liked in the gift shop- and it gives me an idea of what to buy her for Christmas- I know a nice art shop downtown, and I could get her something really fabulous for her room. ...If she's not moved out by then. (Although then, she could take it to her house.)

...Yees, talking casual about children moving out. Well, I figure I better get used to it, because everything of Tawn’s is packed or ready to be packed. He'll be gone in a matter of days, as soon as he's got the thumbs to open the doorknob. And I'm happy for him. ....I really am.


....

I just have one thing to say, though. ...I hope Milla becomes a child soon. So that room doesn't stay empty. ...Otherwise, it will feel all the more empty.

exclaim Milla's Turn exclaim

=+July 28th

+I'm in school! Mom signed me up for elementary school, and I went and played tag at recess with my new friends. They are younger than I am, but we're all kids, and we played tag, and I fell in the lake! Ms. Pove said it was okay, and let me go into the kitchen in the Hq to clean off before I went back to class. I met someone named Hariel, and she has a flower backpack- and you know how much I like flowers! And she's a really good artist- we had to draw a picture of our families, and hers was really good.

I love school!