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 Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 7:54 pm
I need help with an important decision. My family is going through a rough divorce, and I need to decide wether or not to testify in court against my ex-stepdad. Being the complete @$$ that he is, he is trying to get everything...the house, my little half-sisters, etc. I have been told that he already believes that all this stuff is his, and that he will just screw my siblings and mother up the butt by taking it all and not giving a damn what happens to us.
On one hand, I came home one day to find...well, stuff. Not disturbing stuff, but stuff that will help my mother win the case. On the other hand, I definitely do NOT want to talk to my stepdad, especially now that I'm not sure he's sane. I also don't like the very idea of testifying, even though it'll just be the judge, my mom's lawyers, and my stepdad in the room. (the very idea is...unpleasant...in my imagination)
I really need help with this one, do I help (note, HELP) save my family? or do I (for sure) save myself.
and trust me, having the stepdad win would NOT be a good thing...damn now I want to do it
...I'M SO WEAK crying crying crying
(note, I'm 15...and I think I'm mildly depressed now)
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Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 8:13 pm
This really sounds like a decision you have to make on your own... All I can offer is this:
What will you regret more: testifying, or staying quiet?
sweatdrop Sorry, I wish I could help more; life is rarely made up of easy "yes" or "no" decisions. Keep us posted!
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Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 9:37 pm
Jeayla This really sounds like a decision you have to make on your own... All I can offer is this: What will you regret more: testifying, or staying quiet? sweatdrop Sorry, I wish I could help more; life is rarely made up of easy "yes" or "no" decisions. Keep us posted! I agree! I know that for myself personally, I would do it. You are eventually going to have to face your Dad in one way or another before you can move on from what he has done. I know that the situation is very raw for you right now and time will always make things easier to do, but unfortunately you don't have time right now. Again though, this is a desision only you can make, but know that there are people that care for you however things go!
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 4:30 am
Awww honey, you know there are ways for them to hear you without you having to actually be visible or having to see your step dad? You can testify by video link, or you could testify behind a screen...
Just say the word and they'll try to make you as comfortable as possible!
But yeah, I'd say testify. It's like - if you don't protest, you're abetting, right? You can't sit down and let it happen, no matter how scary it might be.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 5:34 am
o_o Now that I think about it I didn't testify for my parents' divorce myself...
If there's nothing going to benefit you from helping your stepdad win, there's no point in it.
You're just going to have to stand up against him. No point walking into a tunnel when you know its a dead end.
Don't let fear or hesitation shake your resolve. If you side your stepdad, eventually he's going to take everything and... well, basically either way, you can't 'save yourself'.
Since it's going to be this way, might as well go out with a bang, take your dad down like the @$$ he is.
If you're afraid of what he'll do to you, you can always show the stuff to your mom or a lawyer and ask them to testify in place of you.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 5:40 am
Again, I point out the existence of alternatives - testifying behind a screen and testifying by video link. There may be others, but those I am 100% sure of.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:52 am
Lorika Again, I point out the existence of alternatives - testifying behind a screen and testifying by video link. There may be others, but those I am 100% sure of.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 7:00 am
Well... again, there are ways to protect him. I'm sure if he expressed his concerns something would be done.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 7:59 am
Very true...through telling the things he can tell a restraining order can be put on the dad and they can have extra security at the hearing, along with the precautions that Lorika was speaking of.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 9:07 am
I agree with you guys.
Mab, you have to do what is best for yourself and your family in the long run I beleive....like Lorika and Feline said, the court will take every possible mesure to protect you....I would request protections and DEFINATELY a restraining order.....
Then again it is your decision and if you are really really scared I know it must be really hard >.< its just what life is about unfourtunatly sad
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:01 pm
Thanks for the help everyone, I thought about it myself, and it boiled to:
If I flipped a coin, with heads being do it and tails being don't, would I trust that judgement? If it were tails, I'd be like, 'but then again...' and if it were heads it would be 'meh...I guess'
The only problem, we already have a restraining order against him, and my mom has seen signs that he has broken it. I'm more worried about the all-too-common verbal abuse that will probably ensue...
I've made my decision. I'm gonna do it, and to hell with the consequences
I'll add to this once it plays out
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:03 pm
*clapclapclapclapclap!*
We're behind you all the way!!
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:29 pm
the hearing is on Wed. and that should be the only one I need to go to.
...isn't it strange how you always laugh at yourself panicking before an important decision, then you look back and its like, 'ya know, that was nothin'...I'm hoping that this is going to be like one of those things
And to everybody who helped me make this difficult decision, I sincerely thank you and wish that you needn't not fear the unknowns
((wow...whoda thought I could get sappy?...oh well))
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:42 pm
Wish I had seen this sooner, but I believe you made the right choice.
We're always here to support you, through advice or to listen.
I, myself have been through two divorces, the first one being my parents and the next being my dad and current ex-step mother.
I didn't have to testify either time, so I have respect for you.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:49 pm
Isn't it amazing how people do that? I've been through two divorces myself, the first being back when I was 4-6...the only problem I have with that is that I go to my dads on the weekend. He's an amazing guy and all, but the only internet device there is his work computer crying
...well, 3 if you count my unofficially-a-stepmom leaving a while back. that was pretty uneventful
and I'd never say this to anybody's face, but I love my parents
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