Welcome to Gaia! ::

I AM CANADIAN
(clears Thoat)
(the canadian one is actually a commercial and is all true!)

Hey...
I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister, not a President.
I speak English & French, NOT American.
and I pronounce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'.
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.

A TOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUNCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!!
CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY! AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!

MY NAME IS JOE!! AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!!


I AM ITALIAN

Ciao...
I'm not a construction worker, a brick layer or a school janitor.
I don't live in a basement, or eat pasta every night.
And I don't drive a Camaro.
And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Woodbridge,
Although I'm certain they're very, very hairy people.

I drink wine...not beer. I don't use utensils for pizza.
I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
And its pronounced ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the worldcup.
Gelato IS ice cream, Biscotti ARE cookies,
Antonio Columbro IS the best of the tenors,
And it's Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta!!

Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear,
The FIRST nation of soccer, And the BEST part of Europe!!
My name is Guiseppe !!!
AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I AM PAKISTANI

Allo,
I'm not a cab driver, a 7-11 clerk or a gas attendant.
I don't go to fleamarkets, or worshipelephants, or eat with my hands.
And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Rundle,
Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.

I eat roti....not pita. I don't only shower once a week,
I believe in discounts, not full price.
And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist siege.
A turban IS an article of clothing.
Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods
Curry is a VERY tasty dish,
and it IS pronounced Gaun-dee,not Gun-dee ,GAUN-dee!!

Pakistan IS a third world country,
The first nation of Cricket
And the BEST part of the middle east!!
My name is Raheem!
AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!

I AM CHINESE!

Wai...
I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat.
I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog. I don't drive a souped-up Civic.
And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from Beddingt Heights
Although I'm certain they're very rice... I mean nice people.

I use chopsticks, not a fork. I rarely drive on the sidewalk.
I believe in giving cash, not gifts
And I pronounce it HELLO, not HARRO.
I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a massacre,
Dim sum IS brunch, Gwai-Los ARE white folk
Jet Li can kick Van Damme's a** anyday.
And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa

China is the LARGEST country in Asia
The FIRST nation of PING-PONG,
And the BEST remaining COMMUNIST COUNTRY!!
My name is FUNG!!!
AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and finally........



I AM AMERICAN

Wassup...
I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked.
And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive very well.
I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg,
although I'm pretty sure they were American.

I drink beer, not water, I am outspoken, not opinionated,
Guns settle disputes, not discussions.
Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing,
And it's pronounced RUFF, not ROOF.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, unless I go somewhere.
Burger King IS fine dining. Washing after peeing is for LOSERS,
Twinkies and Moon Pies ARE GOOD for breakfast,
I have a SHED, NOT a GARAGE, and WWF ACTION IS REAL!

The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the ONLY country in the world,
The FIRST nation of IGNORANCE,
And the BEST part of SOUTH AMERICA!!
MY NAME IS JIM-BOB, I am married to my sister,
AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!

A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter
and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to
him.

The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts
a conversation.

American: "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In America,
we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to
Canada." The American has a smirk on his face.

The Canadian listens in silence.

The American persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Canadian: "Of Course."

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then
we put all the peels, seeds,and left overs in containers,
recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to
Canada."

The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big
smirk.

Canadian: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?"

American: "We throw them away, of course."

Canadian: "We don't. In Canada, we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them
to America."

So we've got d**k Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, and George W. Bush all in their private jet. As they're talking, d**k looks out the window as they pass over a city, and says, 'You know, if I dropped a $100 bill out that window, I could make a person very happy.'

So Condoleezza says, 'Yeah? Well I could drop ten $10 bills and make 10 people very happy.'

Bush laughs and says, 'Oh yeah? Well I could drop a HUNDRED $1 bills and make 100 people very happy.'

Meanwhile in the cockpit, the pilot whispers to the stewardess; 'Oh yeah? Well I could drop those three out the window and make 56,000,000 people very happy.'