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 Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 8:52 am
This is probably the leading cause of my depression, and I want to aid this so It will stop... You may have seen this in the Life Issues boards..
*im a girl by the way neee x3 *
Me and my bf were talking all through the nite ((unfortunately its a long distance relationship)), chatting away the hours.
I have a big problem with self conciousness(sP?). Like the way I look, my weight, and all that good stuff. He knows I am self concious about myself, but he tells me that looks dont matter to him. He says I am beautiful, that I am pretty, and perfect for him. Sometimes I just dont feel it, and i tell him. He believes that I dont trust him or believe him when he says im beautiful. You see, I love him sooo much and I truelly trust him and believe him. But there are times when I cant look myself in the mirror. Sometimes I do, and I think I am pretty, but then.... other thoughts interfere and then I go back to telling myself that I am ugly. It comes from my depression to, of what my family used to say to me and the "friends" i had in middle school.
I am beginning to realize that that is the past and I should just drop it. But I still need help to make myself realize that I am pretty. My bf tells me that there is his REAL girlfriend locked up inside me, and that I am trying to get it out. But I need help on ways to get it out..
I am also not photogenic. He asks me for pictures.. and I just cant take them unless I feel somewhat pretty enough to do so.. and that is rare. It pains me to know I cant do everything I can for him, and thats when I tell him Im not a good girlfriend to him. Then he gets angry with me...
I want help so I can change the way I think about myself. He wants to help sooo bad, but like I said, we are in a long distance relationship. And I dont know anyone else that can help me.. I really dont want to see a doctor, because I will absolutely not approach my mother about it, because she would just give me a bitchfit -excuse my language- ...
I just want help, I want to change myself for me. I want to change myself for my boyfriend.
He says I have something called a "inferiority complex" .. something along those lines.
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 12:50 am
You sound so much like me, you're scaring me. sweatdrop blaugh Seriously. I've had self-esteem problems for the long time, and I'm REALLY self-conscious. Because I've had such a negative attitude about myself and my body, I have no idea what "healthy" is supposed to look like. People tell me I look thin, or that I'm supposed to have _____ on my body, and I stare at them like they're crazy. To me, it's fat - to them, it's normal and healthy.
So there are some things I'm wary about. I hate having my picture taken, with the exception of webcams because I can control the lighting in the room, and I can delete the picture if I don't like how it turns out. If my dad takes pictures with me in them (he used to be a journalist when he was younger, so he LOVES photography and taking pictures), I'm usually overly-critical of them, because I tend to not like how I look.
Don't tell yourself, or him, that you're a "bad girlfriend". My ex did that to me, and I HATED IT. Your boyfriend probably does too, since you said it made him angry. It makes my boyfriend angry too, so I don't say it to him anymore.
I'm still dealing with my issues, and I am very very grateful for my boyfriend's help. He's very emotionally and mentally supportive, and he's helped me to see myself in a new light. Although I'm still very self-conscious and have a low self-esteem and self-confidence, I have come a long way from the passive, pathetic person I used to be when I dated my ex and went through hell when he broke up with me.
Am I perfect? Far from it.
Am I trying to be better? Yes. There are days when I'm passive (when I'm tired, upset, sad or just moody, I tend to be more passive than normal), and on those days, I beat up on myself more. But again, it's something I'm trying to fix.
If I can suggest anything to tell your boyfriend, it would be to praise you when he can, and for him to mean it. Physical looks, attributes, things you're good or talented at, and so on. And this will take effort on your part too - if he says something positive to you, then you need to work to believe him. It's a 50/50 effort - he can only try to help so much. You won't start to change until you actually want to change yourself, and become a better person.
You could also suggest things that he could say/do to make you feel better - like ask him to write out a list of all of the things he likes about you, and send it to you. If you are allowed to call him, you could ask him to read it out to you over the phone.
If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. smile I understand my situation is a bit different from yours, since I'm not in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, but I still don't mind listening.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 8:36 pm
Nikolita You sound so much like me, you're scaring me. sweatdrop blaugh Seriously. I've had self-esteem problems for the long time, and I'm REALLY self-conscious. Because I've had such a negative attitude about myself and my body, I have no idea what "healthy" is supposed to look like. People tell me I look thin, or that I'm supposed to have _____ on my body, and I stare at them like they're crazy. To me, it's fat - to them, it's normal and healthy. So there are some things I'm wary about. I hate having my picture taken, with the exception of webcams because I can control the lighting in the room, and I can delete the picture if I don't like how it turns out. If my dad takes pictures with me in them (he used to be a journalist when he was younger, so he LOVES photography and taking pictures), I'm usually overly-critical of them, because I tend to not like how I look. Don't tell yourself, or him, that you're a "bad girlfriend". My ex did that to me, and I HATED IT. Your boyfriend probably does too, since you said it made him angry. It makes my boyfriend angry too, so I don't say it to him anymore. I'm still dealing with my issues, and I am very very grateful for my boyfriend's help. He's very emotionally and mentally supportive, and he's helped me to see myself in a new light. Although I'm still very self-conscious and have a low self-esteem and self-confidence, I have come a long way from the passive, pathetic person I used to be when I dated my ex and went through hell when he broke up with me. Am I perfect? Far from it. Am I trying to be better? Yes. There are days when I'm passive (when I'm tired, upset, sad or just moody, I tend to be more passive than normal), and on those days, I beat up on myself more. But again, it's something I'm trying to fix. If I can suggest anything to tell your boyfriend, it would be to praise you when he can, and for him to mean it. Physical looks, attributes, things you're good or talented at, and so on. And this will take effort on your part too - if he says something positive to you, then you need to work to believe him. It's a 50/50 effort - he can only try to help so much. You won't start to change until you actually want to change yourself, and become a better person. You could also suggest things that he could say/do to make you feel better - like ask him to write out a list of all of the things he likes about you, and send it to you. If you are allowed to call him, you could ask him to read it out to you over the phone. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. smile I understand my situation is a bit different from yours, since I'm not in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, but I still don't mind listening.
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Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 9:14 am
=)
Thank you for the great advice! I'll be sure to use it. n______n
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Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 2:06 pm
Find other things to focus on. Like a hooby or some other activity that will get you into some kind of flow. When you put your attention to something else that you like it may help you feel better (it works for me 3nodding )
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Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 11:48 pm
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. I believe that all girls are beautiful, and all guys are handsome. (although i'm not attracted to guys, all guys are handsome.) Some people just look more like famous people, and thats "beautiful / handsome" to most of the world. If your bf says your beautiful, pretty, etc. Then you are beautiful, pretty, etc. Just don't get arrogant about your looks, nobody should. And remember, nobody likes a "beatiful / handsome" b*tch / d*ck.
hope that helps. and good luck with your bf, hope your love lasts forever XD
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Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 6:37 pm
You sound like myself also.
xD;
I used to stand in front of my mirror in my prettiest dress/outfit and my make up on and look at myself, examining all the good things.
Look at yourself at different angles, and look at yourself, and truly think about why you think your fat or ugly.
And remember, a lot of guys don't like stick thin twigs.
As for your boyfriend, just thank him when he says your beautiful.
heart
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