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 Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:49 pm
Things not to say to a police officer:
-- I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
-- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving.
-- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!
-- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
-- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
-- You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband.
-- The question is -- do YOU know why you pulled me over?
-- I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me.
-- If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude.
-- It wasn't my fault -- when I reached down to roll this joint, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged under the brake pedal.
-- That's a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum?
-- If I'd known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!
More Driving Jokes ยป
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 5:54 pm
another drunk driving joke:
I swear to drunk I'm not god!
and:
what's the officer, problem? ((or something like that))
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 8:38 pm
How about this one?
-- I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
My personal Fav! :
-- Aren't you one of the Village People?
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 9:27 pm
Here's one my friend uses every time he goes drag racing. He's usually pulled over seven or eight times between the race and home, and I'm always in the car behind him with my boyfriend. Every time my friend gets pulled over, we pull over behind him. When the cop gets to my friend's car, my friend is sitting there, coffee and a bag of donuts in hand. He grins and says, "Ya smelled 'em, didn't ya?" The cop takes them and waves my friend off, while trying not to laugh. Like I said, this usually happens at least seven times, so my friend has coffee and donuts for ten cops, ready and waiting in the passenger's seat. And, every time, my boyfriend and I are falling over laughing while the cop just tells us, "Make sure you bail him out of jail if he gets Officer Martinez. We'd hate to see our midnight snack runner get busted for trying to bribe that guy." We nod and go on our way. And, luckily, we've never had to bail my friend out.
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:20 pm
Fae of Eternal Damnation Here's one my friend uses every time he goes drag racing. He's usually pulled over seven or eight times between the race and home, and I'm always in the car behind him with my boyfriend. Every time my friend gets pulled over, we pull over behind him. When the cop gets to my friend's car, my friend is sitting there, coffee and a bag of donuts in hand. He grins and says, "Ya smelled 'em, didn't ya?" The cop takes them and waves my friend off, while trying not to laugh. Like I said, this usually happens at least seven times, so my friend has coffee and donuts for ten cops, ready and waiting in the passenger's seat. And, every time, my boyfriend and I are falling over laughing while the cop just tells us, "Make sure you bail him out of jail if he gets Officer Martinez. We'd hate to see our midnight snack runner get busted for trying to bribe that guy." We nod go on our way. And, luckily, we've never had to bail my friend out. no way, that is the shyt. your friend sounds way cool. xD i'd love to see that in action.
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:22 pm
so i was running away yell, "the lobsters are loose again!" and that's how i got syphilis the second time. then i found ten dollars! biggrin
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:28 pm
There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard. Only another fist.
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 pm
A blond cop pulls over a another blond chick over for speeding. The Cop asks her "Can you Show me your license? " The Blond chick replies " Whats a license? " The Cop says " Its a small thing with your picture on it " The blond says " Oh! I have one of those." as she takes out a mirror and shows it to the cop. The cop says " Oh sorry officer I would have pulled you over if I had known you were a cop. "
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Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 8:49 am
A 21 year old girl is like a good carpenter.
No wood is ever wasted.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Nothing he aint comin!
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Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 8:55 am
i swear to dunk i'm not god
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Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 7:10 pm
Serenla the cat another drunk driving joke: I swear to drunk I'm not god! and: what's the officer, problem? ((or something like that)) and Take me drunk I'm home again.
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Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:23 pm
i sware to drunk im not god (lol im board XD)
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:06 am
OMG! am I on Cops? Hi Gaia! This punk's stoppin me!
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 5:01 am
A drunk staggers down the street with his car keys in his hand, staggering from one parked car to another until he is finally stopped by a policeman who asks "What's the problem, buddy?". The drunk replies "Someone stole my car! *hic*".
"Where did you last see it?". "It was right here on the end of my car key ..." the drunk says. Sensing a pointless conversation about to start, the policeman suggests that the drunk just catch a taxi and go home. Turning to leave, he pauses and mentions to the drunk "Did you happen to notice your fly is open?". Looking down at his fly, the drunk exclaims "Omigod occifer! Someone stole my girlfriend, too!"
rofl
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 6:34 am
*breaks the drunk combo*
A scientist, a salesmen and a politician are driving along the countryside, and decide to spend the night in a small inn.
"I only have two free beds, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," says the innkeeper. The scientist volunteers to do so and makes his way out to the yard. A short time later, when the others have settled into their beds. the scientist knocks on the door.
"There's a cow in the barn. I'm Hindu, and it is against my religion to sleep next to a sacred animal." So the salesmen says "I'll go sleep out there instead." He gathers up his blankets and heads outside.
A few seconds later, he returns. saying "There's a pig in the barn. I'm Jewish and it would offend me to sleep next to an unclean animal."
So the politician is sent to the barn. A minute later, there is knocking again, only this time much louder. The scientist and the salesmen open the door to see that it's the cow and the pig.
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