Welcome to Gaia! ::

“I call bullshit!” Andeon roared, throwing both hands into the air while his face turned a shade of red comparable to his hair, “I. CALL. BULLSHIT!”

It was no secret that the pins at Ted's were rigged. It was also no secret that knowledge of such a fact meant <******** all when Andeon Boskovic watched his bright pink bowling ball collide dead-center. The pins tumbled, and he had been halfway through the victory dance (which looked rather similar to the dance from Napoleon Dynamite), when one of the pins spun back up to a standing position. It was a feat that defied logic, defied physics, and happened only when a pin was heavily weighted. Any regular knew this, expected this. However, Andeon Boskovic – fresh out of Barren Pines and the Destiny City hospital – did not.

“This is a grave injustice!” He was grabbing another ball now, hurtling it down the lane with enough force to dent the floor when it landed. Andeon was many things, but a superior bowler was not one of them. The ball arced up far too high, came down with a loud thud, and then rolled off into the gutter. His scowl was comical under the black lights, a row of brightly illuminated teeth beneath lips that were pulled back into a snarl. Even through his rose-colored glasses, this all looked like bullshit.

This went on for fifteen minutes, with Andeon continually throwing ball after ball, occasionally getting what should have been a strike. It took only three of these should-have-been-victories for Andeon to begin the long, slippery march down the bowling lane. There was one pin standing. One pin between him and his well-deserved moment of triumph. He slipped, slid, and was scrambling to his feet again.

Meanwhile, one of the teens from the lane over was running to the front counter to alert Madison that they had “another one”.

On Andeon's “Things To Do Before I Die” list, laying face-up beneath a nacho cheese dispenser while it poured that glorious yellow-orange mixture down his throat claimed the number three spot. However, he was far too preoccupied at the moment to try and woo Madison into fulfilling this lifelong goal. He was currently wrestling with the offending pin, both hands wrapped around its neck with a white-knuckled stranglehold. If bowling pins could breath, this one would not be able to do so.

Madison's words brought him out of his fury, calming the raging Pink Hulk. Andeon pressed a foot against the wall and kicked off, sliding back down the greased lanes on the flat of his back, bowling pin in hand. He would slide to a halt a few feet from the girl with the commanding presence, cute features all twisted into a half-angry, half-sad pout.

“I'm keeping this,” he muttered, clutching the pin to his chest, “This is my trophy. I won it in combat and I shall not be deprived of my spoils. There are no w- is that nacho cheese all over your arm?”

There were many things Andeon wanted to do right then. He wanted to explain that he did not wear thongs. They were called banana hammocks, and they cradled the family jewels quite nicely, thank you. Also, they were not tiger print. Tiger print was tacky, and Andeon was not a tacky person. They were solids, some neon, and occasional with the Autobots logo on the front; the result of a full day spent with iron-on transfers and a pile of plainly colored underpants. He had the burn scars to prove it, thank you.

At least, he did before he had died horribly in a fire and then been resurrected, died again, spent a few weeks as a decapitated head, and was then revived as some kind of super-powered Barveheart. Of course, that never made for a good opening line.

All of this, however, fell by the side of the tracks when it came to Andeon's train of thought. God, in all of the infinite glory that Andeon held no belief in, had presented him with a woman thoroughly covered in nacho cheese. He did not fully hear her words, something about trading a bowling pin for nacho cheese. Really, that was all he needed to hear. Andeon stood quickly and tossed the pin over his shoulder, careless as to who or what it hit. He was far too busy grabbing Madison's cheese covered hand and attempting to lick the full length of her arm.

It didn't matter if the cheese was fresh or not. Even combined with the salty tang of skin sweat (ew), it was delicious. Andeon released Maddy's arm when requested, but did not apologize. There were two reasons for this. First, he was not sorry. Not at all. Second, the sheer amount of nacho cheese in his mouth had practically glued his mouth shut. He spent the entire time while Maddy filled the nacho cheese machine working at it with his tongue, trying to swallow it bit by bit.

Unless someone somewhere was currently eating a big pile of solid pig fat, Andeon Boskovic had just broken the record for most heart-unhealthy meal of all time. The moment when Madison handed him that cup was indeed a moment to remember. It was like winning his very first MTV Music Award, and not even Kanye West could take the glory of it away. He snatched a long, bright-red Slurpee straw from the snack stand and plunged it into the warm, gooey mess. It took some serious sucking power, but Andeon was able to slurp up the cheese.

“MATT, CAN I BORROW SHAR- hey!” Andeon was being dragged off to the nearest lane by his newfound friend. Well, more than a friend. Madison had provided him with an entire cup full of fresh, delicious nacho cheese. This gave her near-deity status. She was Madison, Greek Goddess of Cheese. Well, Nameless Bowling Chick, Greek Goddess of Cheese.

“Fine,” Andeon said, taking another slurp of cheese, “But if I bowl above a fifty I get a refill on my cheese. And you marry me so that I own half of all cheese by state law.”

“Yeah, well I'm a ******** super hero,” Andeon said with a grin. At least, that's what he meant to say. What he actually said was indiscernible, because he had a mouth full of nacho cheese and his teeth were currently still clamped down on the straw.

“You work at a bowling alley. That's like... Michael Jackson asking me to beat him in a dance-off. Which I so ******** could.” With that, Andeon had accepted her challenge. He left her side for a moment to go fetch the bright pink bowling ball; it had been a gag gift from a friend with way too much money to blow on silly gifts. He spent several minutes arguing with some unfortunate teenager who had picked up the ball from the return machine. It ended with Andeon yanking the ball away, hugging it to his chest, and giving the girl the middle finger as he walked away.

When he returned to Maddie, he snatched his cheese cup from its place on the counter, “Let's do this.”