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Daekie

Stellar Wildcat

23,475 Points
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  • Demonic Associate 100
PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:29 pm


Senshi-Sailor Acubens, Senshi of Kitsunes
Name-Kalina Mika Modsain, younger sister of Siana Modsain.
Nicknames-Kali, Mik, Mika
Posting Color-dark red
Age-17
Birthday-July 22nd
Sign-Cancer/Leo. Kali was born at midnight, and because of this, she can have either sign...or so she says.
Gemstone-Ruby
Blood type-O
Fav. Food-Brined chicken. Delicious!
Hated Food-Ham/steak/bacon/etc. Made from animals (that aren't birds, because bird meat is okay: birds are stupid (this is how it is justified)).
School-Meadowview
Friends-Kali is the new kid. She was homeschooled for several years, and this is her first year in a real school.

HOBBIES
Mythology-Kali likes mythology.
No, let me rephrase that: Kali REALLY likes reading mythology.
Kali can often be seen with a mythology book for a specific culture, and almost never the same one twice. She's fascinated by it. Her favorite has to be Greek or Norse, simply because they're so fascinating; and she got into this from reading a book that she needed to read for homeschool.

Chopping-Kali has a gift for making fruit salad. And salad. And chopping up food. And cutting things evenly...
Basically, she likes making food, even when there's no need. She can't operate an oven; but there's no need for that when she can make really yummy salad!

Happy Cat Makes You Happy-Alana is obsessed with cats and not afraid to admit it. She has one cat at home, watches the AutoTune cats every day, likes to think that if she as an animal, she'd be a cat...
She likes finding out stuff about cats.
"Did you know that Siamese cats are the most vocal? And that traditional Siamese are preferred but modern Siamese are bred more often?"

Singing-Kali likes to sing, plain and simple. She prefers showtunes, mostly, but other genres aren't ignored. She doesn't plan to ever go professional, but she's decent at it.

VIRTUES
If I Knew Every Line-Kali is smart. Like gifted-smart! Her brain skills aren't in science or math, really, but more in logic/emotions and reading.
She usually puts this knowledge to work on finding out stuff about cats...but if she actually works at something intellectual, she finishes it fast!
Alana also has a really good mind for concepts. This partially explains her knowledge-she reads stuff and remembers the concept. She remembers what happened last time she faced off in a competition, and puts that memory to use.
Take note that she could, under no condition, ace school if she wanted-she does not do well in memorizing or math.

Independent-Kali will go her own way, and she will only ask for help if it's needed. She knows her own limits, is a bit prideful, but knows which way to go in life and how to go about it. She's never been raised to be spoiled, and her parents wanted her to know how life works-therefore, if everyone died, she could survive for months by herself.

Try Too Hard-If Kali decides that she needs to do something, expect it to be her best effort. She tries her best to do what she thinks she needs to do, and is always constant in her decisions.

FLAWS
It's All Your Fault-Alana detests boys. You, in her eyes (if you're male), are worth nothing and are a self-centered piece of trash.
Why she generalizes males is that the boys she's has experiences with in the past wanted her for nothing but her body.
So she basically goes psycho when she's about to lose to a boy in...just about anything, really. Combined with her non-quitting flaw, losing to a boy-in her mind-becomes trickery and slavery and BAD STUFF on the part of the boy. Which sorta makes her want to get revenge on the boy in question to 'win'.
She has this flaw because she had two boyfriends before, who only used her to get what they wanted (one dumped her when she wouldn't get into bed with him, the other only cared for her as a trophy). Alana now believes that every single boy is exactly like that, despite her dad's attempts to convince her that not all boys are cruel.

Impulsive-Kali lives life by the saying "Leap, than look later if you get the chance". She never goes into anything thinking it out, never preplans anything, never prepares for anything...
Weakness. Kali is just as likely to attempt to take a hit meant for someone else as she is to run away.

I'm Just Misunderstood-Kali thinks everyone's against her and mopes about it. She writes everything against her off to the fact that she's misunderstood and the universe hates her, so yes, she is mopey. And very blunt about it. She personally drags her self-esteem through the gutter every time she fails at something!
And when a boy beats her, she goes from shocked to outraged to mopey to READY-FOR-TRICKERY-SO-I-CAN-WIN.

I'm Not Dead Just Yet-Kali will not ever quit. This may sound like a good thing, but she's worked herself to the point of exhaustion several times. Basically, her opinion is "I won't give up because I must always win. Ever. And I won't die, because I can't die."
THIS IS A WEAKNESS. She will do everything and anything to win, including things that will leave her injured and scorned, as long as she makes it through on top!

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes-Crimson.
Hair-The shades shown in this picture. Her bangs are white. Hairstyle 226.
Face-Very, very feminine and delicate.
Body Type-She's pale, with a dash of freckles across her nose. A bit skinny, but not too much.
PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:30 pm


SAILOR ACUBENS (or Sailor Acu. She goes by Acu in the senshi form. Because Acubens is long and gives out far too many nicknames.)

CHALLENGE (bolded on cert)
Ever heard of foxfire? I'll be happy to watch you burn! I'm sailor Vul(pecula), Senshi of Kitsunes!

ATTACKS
1. Fox's Ghost-A Normal Attack
Kali is suddenly given an upgrade in smell, hearing, and sight. This shows itself because she gains fox ears and a tail for the duration of the attack. This lasts for two minutes.
1b. Fox's Cunning-A Super Attack
Not only does Kali get upgraded senses, she creates an illusion of herself! The illusion can't make sound. It vanishes when the attack runs out!

2. Foxfire Cloak-An Eternal Attack
Kali is covered in a fox-shaped cloak of fire (think One-Tailed Naruto) that she can barely control. This lasts for twenty seconds, and can be used twice a battle. It has multiple forms.
Form 1: "Foxfire Cloak: White Fox!" This form freezes items and makes anyone who touches it cold. The fire is white.
Form 2: "Foxfire Cloak: Red Fox!" This form makes people touching it hot and items burn. The fire is normally colored.
Form 3: "Foxfire Cloak: Kitsune!" This form gives off an intense killing intent (aka: makes any living creature touching it afraid of it). The fire is black.

FUKU
IDEAS:
Sleeve design., Off-the-shoulder design and the waist.
the design of the sleeves..
Off-the-shoulder kimono with really long and wide sleeves, one of those cloth belt thingies with a star symbol on a string around it, and a typical Senshi skirt. Her shoes are ballet shoes in white. with orange-red ribbons.
Colors: #cc002d is her primary, #f6621e her secondary.

Daekie

Stellar Wildcat

23,475 Points
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Cat Fancier 100
  • Demonic Associate 100

The Red Dame

Friendly Lunatic

9,550 Points
  • Hive Mind 200
  • Loiterer 100
  • Elocutionist 200
PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:03 am


Well, my crit is probably less balanced and more of pointing out problems, but here goes.

Your explanation for her hated food – “made from animals” – contradicts her favorite food, which you have listed as chicken.

You have good groundwork for her virtues and flaws, but they could all use some expansion. In general it helps to discuss the limits of each of them. Here’s some questions that could help you to think of how to expand upon her:

Acting = How did she get into acting? What experience does she have with acting? As a 14-year-old, what has she done to merit being paid?

Hard-working/Attentive = Is there a point at which Ari stops pushing herself? What happens if she doesn’t have enough time to accomplish what she wants/needs to do (it happens)? Does anything else in her life suffer when she’s devoting herself to a project, i.e. blowing off dates with friends?

Witty = What does Ari feel/do is someone doesn’t have the expected reaction to one of her comments? What if, for example, they laugh at a remark meant to be scathing/threatening? Is there nothing – surprises, bad news, a crush – that makes her tongue-tied?

Independent = At what point does Ari consider it necessary to ask for help? If she’s unwell, does she wait until her fingers are black and starting to rot before seeking help? If she’s doing poorly in a subject, if/when will she give up her hard-working and independent ways to get help? How does she react when someone tries to help her when she doesn’t need it, or at least when she hasn’t asked for it?

Spiteful = What if whatever the person has done to hurt Ari turns out to be the result of some sort of miscommunication? Would Ari try to hut whoever she thinks wronged her more then she was wronged in the first place? What lengths would she go to get back at someone (lying, framing, breaking minor/major laws, etc.)?

Impulsive = “Ari is just as likely to attempt to get herself killed in a battle,” makes Ari sound like she’s suicidal. Perhaps you mean she’s likely to take an attack meant for someone else? Also, running away and taking a hit for someone are kinda contradictory, as people that run away are usually cowards, or don’t care about others. How far does Ari follow her impulses? Would she randomly burst into song in public, or at inappropriate times (during tests, at a funeral, etc.)? Would she do drugs if one of her friends insisted it was fun and/or that a little wouldn’t hurt? Would she impulsively use her witty tongue against a superior, thus getting her into trouble?

Fickle = I think here you mean sensitive or easily offended, not fickle.

Now for a smaller side note. As a kid entering the school system after several years of home schooling, the personality you have for Ari means that it would be very difficult for her to make friends. I do think her personality is interesting – most of it fits together well – but I thought I’d point this out for future RP purposes.
PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 2:40 am


You don't appear to be basing her on foxes, but rather on kitsune? I think you need to stick to non fox-magic attacks, like using attributes or characteristics of normal foxes.

Also, we already have an Ariana and an Arianna in the shop, both of them nicknamed Ari.

kalindara


kotaline

Deathly Darling

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:42 am


Okay, first, you have a Cambodian last name, Sarun, but a girl that looks Anglo, pale, red haired, with freckles. Now, I know in INoM, looks are pretty much subjective, we have bluenettes, pinknettes, you name it, but I'm Asian/Irish myself, and I still look somewhat asian, even though my hair is brown and my eyes are hazel. What ethnicities are her parents? Is this reflected in her appearance? If not, is she adopted? Does she know anything about her Asian heritage if she's of mixed ethnicity? I don't really know much about mine, but I do take part in some family traditions and celebrations, and my father was never even really a big part of my life.

Secondly, why does she think it's okay to eat bird meat and not other kinds of meat? What makes birds different to her?

Also, the fuku ideas that you show are really very disparate. You say you want Acubens to have a normal/kimono/your other ideas fuku, but you have a -lot- of other ideas. I think you should try to narrow it into something more solid and unified.

Now onto the meat of my crit.

HOBBIES:

Mythology- You say she's fascinated with it, but you never say why. How did she get into it? What does she like about it specifically? Does she have a favourite culture? You should give us some more depth here.

Acting- Does she have a certain kind of character type she likes to act/genre she prefers? Did her parents convince her to act at first, and how did acting affect her education and free time?

I feel like you might want to give her another hobby to flesh her out more and provide more possible scenarios for RP. Are Mythology study and acting really all she enjoys doing regularly?

FLAWS AND VIRTUES:

Attentive/Hardworking and Impulsive clash. If she spends so much time working hard, and then just leaps before she looks, never preparing for anything, this is a contradiction. I find it hard to believe she can be dedicated to the point of neglecting eating if she makes decisions so rashly and never stopes to prepare for them.

Why is Kali so independent? She's homeschooled, and her parents seem to care about her well being a lot, which suggests a sheltered life to me, one where Kali is used, not only to being caed for, but to a very close family circle. How do you explain how she became independent then, when she was brought up in what would traditionally be a very sheltered lifestyle?

Kali's vindictiveness shown in witty/spiteful/and easily offended does not make her sound like she'd be fun to interact with. She sounds like she's so judgemental that if you even breathe wrong, you'll get on her bad side and open yourself up to all sorts of hell from her that cannot be repaired or patched over. You say that she has witty comebacks to cheer up her friends, but honestly, if she's the way she is now, I can't see her having very many friends at all. Why is she like this when it sounds like she grew up in a loving environment? What makes her so judgemental and untrusting? You say at the beginning of the school year, she'll forgive you, what changed to create this complete turnaround? And does she ever get in trouble for breaking school rules to get back at people? I assume that she can't get away with everything.

I also assume that her touchiness would get in the way of becoming an actual famous actress when she grew up. If she was subject to the kind of criticism the paparazzi can dish out, with no real way of getting back at them, I honestly see this character just mentally breaking down.

That's all for now! I hope I helped. <3
PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:25 pm


Thank you, kota! I ended up switching out most of her virtues/flaws for ones from my other quest, but I did use the crit.
And on the subject of Sarun: I actually just made it up, didn't know it was a real last name with a specific area attached to it.

Daekie

Stellar Wildcat

23,475 Points
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Cat Fancier 100
  • Demonic Associate 100

kotaline

Deathly Darling

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:40 pm


Ah, I'm glad! And really? That's such a weird coincidence! XD That's why I like to know the origin of the last names I use, it can really change the way a character appears to others. :'D <3
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