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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 7:16 pm
It had been a rough week.
On the long list of “s**t That Sucks About Being A Bodiless Zombie”, right beneath not getting to eat people, being bowled down a hill, and not being able to properly reenact Thriller, was the inability to move anywhere. It was no small nuisance, but it was one which Andeon's head had managed to solve after a great deal of dragging himself around with his teeth. He rolled through the hallways on one of the small plastic rollerboards stored away in the gym shed, pushing himself along with half of a yardstick clamped between his teeth.
“Fuffing foopid,” he grumbled around the twelve-inch notch, twisting the half of his neck that he still possessed to scoot himself further down the hall. While Hero was on hawklike watch over the small group, it hadn't been difficult for him to slip out of the gym. After all, what did he have to fear? Being shot? Being maimed? Dying? Andeon laughed through clenched teeth at the very thought, ignoring the sick squick as the yard stick was planted into a disembodied arm. It was difficult to navigate through the halls without running into some kind of limb or vital organ. Still, he was getting pretty damn good at rowing himself along like some sort of ******** up gondolier.
“Rophin', rophin', rophin' on ta ripherrr~”
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:02 pm
As far as zombie life went, Mackenzie had had it pretty easy. She hadn't really done much as a zombie besides wander the halls of the practically-empty school, nibbling on the corpses of students that looked fresh. She had gone out to see what the commotion by the shed had been, but that was really the only 'action' she'd seen since her death, and she'd come out of it with a minor head wound. Nevermind that her brains were kinda squished a little, she didn't need them anymore anyway. So besides the gaping hole in her neck and a half-crushed skull, she was pretty much no worse for wear than she had been when she was alive. She was still dirty, but she didn't feel much of anything emotion-wise anymore, so that was a plus. Kinda? And despite dying, what, three times now, she was still 'alive' -- that was kind of neat... ish.
Overall, she couldn't complain. She was certainly doing better than some.
One downside to being a zombie, she had found, was the fact that you were always bored. Or at least, that how it was for her. Barren Pines had become just that: very, very barren. No one roamed the halls of the forsaken school -- she was lucky if she found a zombie to talk to. She certainly couldn't talk to anyone living. No, she had seen how well THAT had worked when Kirin had put a brick through her skull. Overall she found being a zombie a rather dull existence, especially when you were the only one around.
Sitting in the darkened hallway in the school as she was then, Micky pondered this quietly to herself, fingering a rather blackened harmonica she had found, bringing it to her lips. She heard but she didn't hear the sound of the muffled song being sung down the hall, consciously unaware but unconsciously her fingers were moving the harmonica to match the tune.
'Wait a second...'
Reaching out with a speed that could only be attributed to her zombified nature, Mack reached out, snatching the head off the board by the hair, the skateboard skidding down the hall a few feet before coming to a stop. The head was immediately dragged to eye-level, hanging a few inches from her own, green eyes staring with mild scrutiny at Andeon's head.
"No way..."
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Interesting Conversationalist
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:56 pm
“HEY. HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING. I WILL BITE YOUR THUMBS OFF AND THUS REVOKE YOUR STATUS AS AN INTELLIGENT MAMMAL.”
Andeon was screaming the second her fingers tangled in his hair, which was now done in a few gorgeous braids thanks to a certain Zodiac princess. He squirmed as much as any head could squirm, which meant that he swayed lightly from the roots of his hair. Eyes were clenched tightly shut, voice echoing through the empty hall.
“I WILL BRING THE MIGHT OF MY MOLARS DOWN UPON YOUR FLEXORS AND-”
Andeon's voice cut off abruptly as those green eyes snapped open wide, locking on the face of his attacker. The eyes staring back at him were familiar, albeit different. Skin that had previously been flush with life was now slightly green, once vibrant eyes now as bloodshot and glazed as his own. There was a terrible hole in the neck that Andeon so often wanted to choke, and a large dent in the skull, just to the side of the forehead that he so often had kissed.
Mackenzie.
The name rang out like an alarm in his mind. Mackenzie. Dead, reanimated, battered, and beaten, but Mackenzie nevertheless! Andeon's face was split by a wide grin.
“You're never going to win the Hottest Dyke competition looking like that.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 10:10 pm
It was him. Oh god in heaven, it was really him.
"I gave that contest up to you a long time ago," She replied, looking a little dumbstruck despite the obvious tease in her voice, "What happened to your hair?"
The question was more of a rhetorical one than an actual question, Mack still reeling from the discovery of the gondoliering head. Andeon. He was alive... he was decapitated and a zombie but he was alive. Somewhere in the back of her mind the little human part of her that was still resisting the flesh-eating part was sobbing hysterically in a way she couldn't anymore. Despite being dead, somehow she managed to conjure up some tears in the corners of her eyes, tinted pink with blood, but tears none the less. Taking the head in both hands, she looked him over, still looking shocked and amazed and conflicted, brushing the pads of her thumbs over the bullet hole in his skull.
"... I could kiss you, you stupid bugger."
Shaking him a little, more for her own frustration than his, she pulled the decapitated head forward, kissing him square on the lips with a resounding smack before slouching down further, just staring at him.
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Interesting Conversationalist
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 10:44 pm
“I wouldn't recommend it, my breath probably smells like donkey a** with a side of p-” Andeon did not finish, because Mackenzie was quite suddenly kissing his decapitated head in what might have been the most stomach-churning display to any outsider who might have been unfortunate enough to be viewing it. In fact, if there was an Oscar for Sickest Kiss, then Andeon would finally have a chance to present that speech that he had rehearsed in the mirror so many times. However, this was not the type of kiss that said 'I want to take you out back and ******** you silly.' This was the type of kiss that expressed a flood of relief and gratitude and an overwhelming sense of joy that most people would never, ever understand.
There was just something about living through hell with someone and then shooting them in the head that bound two people together in a very special way. He didn't know why those last few days had brought the two of them so close, but Andeon knew that if it was at all possible, he would never, ever let Mackenzie O'Connell out of his sight ever again.
“Mackie,” he said as she pulled back to stare at him, “I gotta tell you, your breath smells like d**k.” He paused for a moment, for dramatic effect.
“And I have never been that happy to be so close to anything associated with d**k.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 11:09 pm
"You're a ******** jerk, you know that?" She replied, scrunching up her face and shaking the head a little, grinning at the fact that he couldn't do anything about it, "But at least we know it's not YOUR d**k, huh?" Despite the jokes, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that Mackenzie O'Connell was beside herself. Even despite the dullness of death that had glazed over her, her eyes were brighter than they had been since the day she had shot him, lackluster expression and attitude suddenly dissipating. It was like she was her old self again. Had Andeon had a body, the two probably would have been alternating between hugging and punching each other. As it was, Micky just continued to stare at the head in her hands, the overjoyed expression slowly falling from her face, a sad, regretful smile turning the corners of her lips.
"What happened? I thought... I took care of you."
She was almost afraid to ask. It had not been the 'taking care of' that either of them would have liked, and despite zombification, having Andeon's head in her hands brought a wave of guilt and anguish back to her. As relieved as she was to see him, Mack was horrified at the prospect that Andeon may have still suffered a horrific fate at the hands of that blue-haired b***h and her zombie minions. Had they eaten the rest of his body? Torn him limb from limb? She didn't really want to think about it.
"You know, what's funny is it looks like a girl played with your head, but it's not the head you probably wanted," She half-joked, sorely tempted to swing him around by his hair.
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Interesting Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 10:19 pm
“That is an absurd accusation and I will not tolerate being referred to as such,” Andeon said, forcing himself into a well-practice expression of utmost seriousness. His brows furrowed, the corners of his lips drawing inward as he pursed them into a thin line. This was his serious face, and it looked absolutely absurd with no body attached.
“Yeah, well, when I find the other one I sure as hell don't plan on asking her to braid it,” he said, seriousness replaced by a roll of his eyes and a look of mock terror. Andeon was apparently quite a fan of faking expressions, even if they looked invariably stupid. His stared up at Mackenzie with that stupid look, the expression fading slowly as he took in the sadness of her expression. He could only imagine what the memory of his death had been like from her perspective. For him it had been a quick, painless escape from a much more painful termination. For her, well, he couldn't even begin to relate.
“You did take care of me, you silly cooze,” Andeon gave her a wide grin. He was probably the only zombie whose teeth were stained red with only his own blood. Having no stomach made the trademark zombie hunger a non-issue, and having no body meant that eating people just for the fun of it (a fate which would have befallen Sue if Andeon still had ownership of his legs) an impossibility. “You were strong, Mackadoodle. Stronger than I could have been. You saved me... you know that, don't you?”
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:06 pm
Andeon's serious expression did not at all fit him, and it brought an amused look from the zombie girl, her eyebrows raised. She knew it couldn't last long -- while she knew Andeon could be serious, (see: Team Tallahassee... sometimes,) in this situation it was more than absurd. It was downright hilarious. The roll of his eyes was much more his style, and she responded with a teasing 'tsk.'
"No, of course you wouldn't. You would woo her with your charming, wily ways."
Clutching a hand to her heart, Mack threw her head back in a dramatic pose, straightening a few seconds later to sneer at him playfully. Just like the old days, huh? It wasn't meant to last, however. The playful expression quickly turned to one of distance, their conversation turning to one she herself orchestrated, although she wished she hadn't. 'No, stay upbeat, just a little longer. Lets go back to what we use to be, before all this.'
"You're a zombie -- that's not saving, that's damnation if I ever believed there was a god," She said this with a coldness that was veryvery un-Mack-like, her expressive green eyes colder than death. The human part of her was writhing in agony in the back of her mind, but the zombie part of her was dead to it all, and it showed in her lack of expression beyond the stony expression on her face. "I shot you. I killed you. Not them. Me. The end."
'Please forgive me. I should have tried harder.'
Letting out an unnecessary sigh, (zombies didn't really have any use for breathing, but it was a habit,) Micky returned the grin, slightly forced but a grin none the less, and she tossed the head in the air once, catching him with both hands and getting up, placing him on her palm like a scene from Hamlet.
"You know, you can't play Blackglass anymore, but I'll bet you'd do awesome in Hamlet. 'Alas, poor Yorrick! I knew him well Horatio.' So what's a head like you doing in a place like this, anywho? And how did you even get over here in your state?" She glanced at his skateboard, grinning again, her question answered, "And why does this remind me of that skateboarding dog on youtube."
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Interesting Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 7:08 pm
“A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy!” Andeon continued the line; it was all too fitting. He stared down at that forced smile, the curve of her lips expressing an emotion that he could not find in those bright green irises. He could see himself reflected there, pale and green and looking nothing at all like the arrogant, attractive young man who had so often terrorized the ladies of Barren Pines. His cheeks were hollow, his eyes sunken and ringed with an unhealthy shade of greenish-grey.
Andeon Boskovic looked exactly like one might imagine a decapitate zombie head with a gunshot wound to look. Not to mention, all that green clashed terribly with his hair.
“Are you calling me a dog, Mackenzie O'Connell, because them be fightin' words.” Andeon said, wiggling his head from side to side to replace the preferred (but impossible) gesture of circling his fists and bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet.
“Give yourself some credit, you dumb b***h,” he said, pausing for a moment for a well-placed roll of his eyes, “On my list of 'Ways I'd Like to Die,' being shot in the head is miles above getting ripped into pieces. I mean, granted, it's not the preferred death of suffocating between a sandwich of Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman, but it's definitely better than the available alternatives.”
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Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 10:03 pm
"A man after my own heart!" She replied, looking amused and positively thrilled (as thrilled as a green, decaying zombie could) that Andeon could recite the next words of the play. Staring back at him from where he was on her palm, she didn't notice the way he was looking at himself in her eyes, appraising the damage that zombie-hood had wrought. Time had not been gentle with either of them. But staring back into those equally pale green eyes, Mackenzie couldn't bring herself to care. Whether it was because seeing her comrad had boosted her moral and returned her spirit, or whether she really was lapsing into mindless-zombie-mode, it was impossible to tell. Regardless, her haggard, sunken expression had lifted immeasurably, the dimmest of glows back in her eyes. Not a spark, per se, but just a hint of what had been there before.
"I would never do such a thing," She teased, watching him wiggle his head in the most un-threatening motion she had seen in a while, only beaten by Fluffy in general, "It's much more satisfying to call you other names, like d**k, p***k, whore, slut, skank, t**t, twit, b*****d, b***h... although technically that last one qualifies, doesn't it..." She let her voice drift off, thinking about it for a second before shrugging, the muscles fragments in her neck twitching where they didn't fully connect to her skull. She did, however, look quite a bit less distant, now that the topic was somewhat lighter, a characteristically good-natured grin plastered on her zombie face. Andeon was 'alive' and they were bantering again -- all was right in the world again.
Placing the Andeon-head back on the skateboard, Mack sat on the board behind him, kicking off with her feet every once in a while, heading down the hallway again. No place really to go, nothing to do, except enjoy the company of the severed head sitting (hilariously) between her legs. Mackenzie could have shuffled them to hell and she wouldn't have minded, at this point.
"Oh Andeon, dear, sweet, misguided Andeon... still the same perverted a*****e you were before. Suffocating between Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman... psh, Jennifer Aniston and Scarlett Johansson all the way man."
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Interesting Conversationalist
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 7:26 pm
“'Let's get one thing straight here,” Andeon began as they zoomed off down the hall. There was something oddly...normal about the experience, despite the fact that they were wheeling down a hallway slick with blood and littered with bits and pieces of human bodies, “I may be a p***k, a whore, a slut, a skank, a t**t, a twit, and a b*****d, but I am in no way a b***h or a d**k.” If Andeon could tick these names off on his finger as he'd listed them, he would. Instead, he continued on, “I have a d**k.”
Pause.
“Well, had. I still do, somewhere around here. Unless a zombie's eaten it...” his voice trailed off, momentarily replaced only by the scraping of the rollerboard wheels against the linoleum. When it returned, it was at least an octave higher and thick with fear. “Oh dear God, Mackenzie.” The severity of the situation was told by his use of her actual name, “What if a zombie has eaten it? What if a zombie has eaten my d**k?” He wheezed through the last word, as though on the verge of hyperventilating. “What if the coast guard saves us and we all survive and we come back and I get brought back dickless. Life just isn't worth living without a d**k. I would be.. Captain Dickless.
Dickless McNoNuts.
A d**k-free sandwich on whole-wheat p***y bread.
I would.. I would be... Captain Testicless!”
By this point, Andeon was practically hyperventilating. He twisted around on the stub of his neck, nudging at her thigh with his nose.
“Turn around, woman. We have to go find my d**k.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:42 pm
Mack grinned broadly, devilishly, obviously infinitely amused by what he had to say, knowing before it even came what he was going to say. And she didn't even have to respond it. He KNEW. She could barely hold back her amusement at that point, because she knew he knew. She only wished she could have had the satisfaction of saying it, but instead she let it slide, settling for the fact that it was still hilarious. 'No, you really, really don't.'
She was about to retort when suddenly he spoke again, and the tone of his voice startled her enough that she screeched to a halt, her boots skidding a little in the gunk that was zombie blood and flesh, grabbing Andeon's head to make sure he didn't fly off. "What, what is it?" She replied, grabbing him by the braids, prepared to use him as a weapon (from what, she wasn't exactly sure -- they were already zombies, what worse fate could befall them?) It wasn't until she realized what he was talking about that the weight of his words hit her, sinking in to her brick-squished brain. For a moment she stared at him.
And then she laughed. Hysterically.
"Captain Dickless!" Micky choked out, trying not to cry bloodied tears, bending over the rollerboard, her forehead resting on the top of Andeon's head as she beat the ground with her fist, "Andeon... Andeon you're... you're boned man... that's where all your blood is!"
Sitting up, she stifled her laughter with one slightly-decaying hand, trying to keep a straight face and losing horribly as the severed head had a panic attack. Waving at him dismissively at his urgency, she wiped her eyes with a ripped sleeve, grinning down at him in a way that could only mean trouble for the poor pink-haired head.
"Alright, alright, keep your pants on... (snortgiggle) oh wait..."
Scooting around in an awkward half-circle, (only made more awkward by the body parts that kept getting caught in the wheels,) Micky turned them around, beginning to scoot them back towards they came.
"So... Sir c**k-a-doodle-don't..." Oh dear god this was going to be a hilarious trip, "Where was the last place you saw your little joystick~? It shouldn't be too hard to find, right~?"
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Interesting Conversationalist
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:28 pm
“SO HELP ME GOD MACKENZIE O'CONNELL I WILL BRING THE WRATH OF PERCY JACKSON AND ALL OF THE OLYMPIANS DOWN UPON THEE!” Andeon shouted, doing his best to sound threatening. Of course, it was a difficult feat when you were struggling just to get your voice to stop breaking like a boy going through puberty.
Then again, it was impressive to sound like a boy going through puberty when you didn't have a d**k.
Under an onslaught of sarcasm and innuendo, Andeon found it difficult to stay mad. Or even frantic, really. One thing that Andeon could always count on was that Mackenzie could always find a way to make things feel alright. Even when they were leagues away from being so. Whether than involved puking on his socks, shooting him in the head, or just cracking jokes about the fact that his p***s might have been forever devoured by some kind of p***s-chomping undead, Mackenzie made things better. He regretted that they hadn't come to know one another until after the school had claimed the lives of those they'd loved, driving them to the point of forced contact.
If there was anything to be thankful for, anything at all to act as some ******** up silver lining, it was Mackenzie.
Andeon took a moment to go down his mental list of the students he suspected of being gay, comparing them to the list of known zombies. Ultimately, he concluded that it must have been Benny. Surely if anyone was both dead and gay and likely to eat Andeon's p***s, it was Benny. Benny was too fruity, and Andeon had seen the way he'd looked at him during lunch. He had seen those sideways glances in English class, those lustful stares as he passed in the hall! All those years of lusting after Andeon's sausage links...
He briefly regretted not shooting him a few more times when he'd had the chance.
“The last place I saw it was in your mother,” Andeon muttered, resting his cheek against her leg. “Where I died. With the rest of my body. Let's go.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 11:36 pm
"I'd like to see you try, Captain Headless Head," She retorted with a grin, snickering again, turning a corner with a little scuffle of her boots, obligatory screeching car noises echoing in the dead quiet.
Rolling through the muck, Mack could not have been happier. Even as they got closer to Andeon's death site, the zombified BP student didn't lose her grin, although it dimmed just a hair as she started to recognize the hallway, the familiar surroundings a mildly terrifying memory for the girl. But the memory had faded since zombie-hood had taken over, and so the two carried on as if there were nothing particularly interesting about it, beyond the fact that it might be home to Andeon's body, and therefore, his d**k.
"What're you even planning on doing with it, once you find it?" She wondered aloud, bouncing two strands of his hair like reins, "It's not like we can re-attach you. Hey, maybe we can superglue your d**k to the top of your head! Or mayb--..."
All at once, Mackenzie froze, her glazed, yellowing eyes peering into the darkness. There, where they had left it, was Andeon's body, surprisingly untouched for the type of school Barren Pines had become. But it wasn't the body which had caused Micky to come to a complete stop mid-scoot, but a certain facehugger who had dutifully never left the body's side. It was Snuzzles who had caught her attention, deadened eyes staring soullessly at the crab-like creature.
"Oh HELL no."
Leaping up, Mack was already half-sprinting towards the body, the rollarboard spinning backward in complete 360 circles, most likely with Andeon's head still on it.
"You will eat that body over my double-dead corpse you overgrown son of a cockroach!"
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Interesting Conversationalist
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 11:54 pm
If Andeon had a stomach, he would have puked.
The world spun around him at dizzying speed, until the motion of the rollerboard flung his head away like a kid on a too-fast merry-go-round. With a sickly squick, the flesh of his neck peeled off of the plastic, and Andeon became nothing but a pink-braided blur. It bounced hard off of the wall, rolled back towards his own body, and landed face-down in the most convenient of places; his very own crotch.
“I founf mah fick,” Andeon's muffled voice came from the body, his head wedged uncomfortably between his cold, dead legs. With a face full of Transformers boxers, it took him a moment to realize what was going on. He hears Mackenzie shouting, and then heard a very familiar, desperate screeeeee!.
If Andeon's heart was not already cold and still, it would have stopped. It would have stopped, and then abruptly exploded with joy.
“SNUFFLETH! MAPHENPHIE NOPH!” Came a joyous, muffled shout. The little headcrab, who had reared up onto his back four legs, the rest waving about in the air in a defensive stance, suddenly fell to all... dozen or so legs. That voice.. that pink hair! It was his Andeon! His Andeon was awake! Awake at last! Snuzzles gave a tiny hop, scampering over the body it had so dutifully guarded. It scampered down over a bloody stomach and wedged two legs under the head, heaving it up with strength that the tiny frame did not appear to possess.
Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Snuzzles latched onto Andeon's face, wrapping his dozens of legs around the pink-braided head and clicking happily, hugging as though he would never, ever let go. Meanwhile, likely to Mackenzie's surprise, Andeon was laughing.
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