Tears could barely hold back as the male hyena padded away from the two, black and even darker black, hyenas. His face was blank with sadness, and he could hardly believe of the decision he was making. After meeting the pup Tsotsi, Letladika had realized all he wanted to do was get him away from Sauda. That tore Letladika into two; he could actually hear as his heart cracked like glass. It was the second time. A fatal blow he believed he might not recover from.
All he wanted to do was tell her how he feel. Tell her that he wanted to be with her until the life finally drained from his body. Tell her... He shook his head, murmuring reassuring words to himself. Why he didn't turn back; he didn't know. He was picking between walking forever until he finally collapsed in exhaustion and hunger. Or, turn around and face Sauda and Tsotsi.
But he couldn't face a pup, tell him how it was. Letladika would never tell anyone that, never. He was too kind hearted when it came to being a meany. Through his almost broken exterior, the male let out a sigh, padding a few more steps before he stopped. Thoughts and questions swirled through his head. He had to restrain himself from letting out a raw scream of pain. Flinching violently, he started running. Running as fast as he could.
He'd get away.
He'd keep going.
He'd promise to never stop.
The only thing that ran through his mind was the mystical voice of Sauda. Her beautiful face, her...
Sauda was in total panic. Having just ran out after Tsotsi, she couldn't find him anywhere. Tears had already started down her face, where'd she gone wrong? Was she a bad parent? Well he wasn't really hers, but that didn't stop her from thinking it. She continued to walk, slowly know. "Tsotsi..... Letladika" She said in a sob. She had to find Letladika. He'd help her find him, plus she had to tell him why the pup didn't like him. Even though she still wasn't so sure.
"Letladika?" She said in a higher voice. She'd never find him out here. She didn't even know what way he went. Or what way Tsotsi went. It happened almost too fast it seemed. Everything was going so prefect for her, and then it just was destroyed in one day. She should have asked Tsotsi. Maybe brought them somewhere else then having Letladika come to their place. She was an idiot. "Stupid.... I'm so Stupid" She said to herself. Not playing attention to where she was walking anymore. It was no use... They were both long gone. She was alone again.
He heard her, he literally heard her. His ears perked cautiously on top his head, drenching in the words she was saying. His name- Tsotsi's name- Letladika flinched away, tears dripping off his cheeks. She didn't deserve him. She needed to find someone else, like Chipo did. His heart was breaking once more, and he felt a shiver run down his spine. Look what he had done, everything was a mess, and everyone was coming out of the battle broken hearted. All he wanted to do was wander over to her, comfort her, tell her it was okay. Though he was far enough from her, and if he had any intentions of sneaking up on her he would fail.
Like she had surprised him, that first day. How she had made his mood change so fast. He could have ended his life if it wasn't for her. He knew he loved her, but it was just the problem of telling her. If he didn't now, everything would repeat it's self.
"Sauda," His voice was barely unable to hear, his head lowering. He had stopped running away, and now contemplated what he was going to do. His mind was screaming at him furiously. "Turn around, go back!" It said, screaming at him for what he was doing. This was wrong what he was doing, yet the hyena felt it was right. Sauda had Tsotsi, right?
Then why was she calling his name too?
Did he runaway as soon as Letladika had left?
Pain roared over him, he flinched away. "What had a done?" He almost yelled, remembering he wasn't ready to let his voice reach her.
Sauda was about to give up. Why.... Why was this happen to her? Did she do something to upset the gods? Did she deserve not to be happy? She started quietly sobbing, but didn't realize it quite yet. Everything was blurry from the tears that were in her eyes and rolling down her face. A headache started to present itself. "Tsotsi...... Letladika." She said. Now stopping and sitting down.
It was hopeless to continue to look for them. They both were long gone. Though, she though Letladika was going to come back. He had to... She needed him. Or at least she needed someone. Anyone to tell her it was going to be ok. She never remembered so much pain that filled her heart... None at all. Not even the fact she didn't know who her family was, or where they were.
He only watched, afraid of what her reaction might be if he revealed himself. A pain in his heart was growing distant as he watched the black hyena. Sauda. Crying. Letladika had never seen the hyena cry, ever. He never expected, nor ever wanted to see her crying, or sobbing. His teeth gritted painfully and his paws moved without warning while he fought to control his legs. They moved in the direction of Sauda, and before he could blink his eyes, his was by her side.
Now he knew he couldn't run. If he ran, she would hear him. And he defiantly wasn't going to cause her more pain. His eyes landed gently on her form, and without warning he rubbed his cheek on her back. "Sauda," He murmured gently, trying to comfort her without causing any shock. But he knew he might've caused some shock, or not. He didn't care.
He didn't. She leaned into him and knew exactly who it was by his smell. She didn't need to open her eyes and look at him. "Tsotsi.... He ran away...." She told him. Tears rolled down her face still. Not sure what to do. She was a horrible mother. "I donno what I did... He freaked out on me." She went on. "Said something about letting males around, and how I was stupid." She sighed and sniffled, then finally looked at him with red swollen eyes.
"I thought I'd never find you." She told him. " Thought perhaps you left too, but that's stupid, why would you?" She told him she had no clue that he really thought about leaving. It would have ruined her if he left too. "I just.... donno what to do. We have to find him..."
His heart, once more, broke in two. Tsotsi. He was a troubled youngster, he had to admit. Something from his past had caused something to lead on to that, and when he met the black juvenile, he noticed immediately signs of hatred towards him. He felt regret, too, for leaving when he shouldn't have. Maybe if he hadn't come into Sauda life, nor Tsotsi's, this would have never happened? Both them would have lived peacefully without any concern towards the male hyena, and he would have continued, even in pain of what the past had done to him.
He remained on the question, surprising welling from his eyes. What was he thinking? He would be dead right now if not for meeting Sauda, she did, after all, bring the happiness that left his eyes when Chipo fell for another.
"We can look now, if you want," He was ill-hearted towards the juvenile, but all he wanted to do was make Sauda happy, and if she was happy, he'd be happy. If they found Tsotsi, he hoped the black hyena would be happy too.
She sniffled and nodded. "That'd be best. I feel guilty. He's out there all alone. He's so young and helpless." She said. Though he wasn't really helpless. He'd been living fine without her before she came, but better when she came she thought at least. She hoped he could forgive her for all the mistakes she had done that caused him to run away. She never would have done anything wrong if she knew. If only she knew. She'd have let them get to know each other before having to invite Letladika over. What was she thinking?
"I have to apologize to him. Maybe he'll forgive me." She didn't know where to start looking though. He was probably miles away by now. "We have to look fast, he's been gone for a while now." She told the other. She wish she had been able to stop him before he left... but had froze as she watched him leave.
He barely held back a sigh as he brushed his muzzle towards her cheek. This was one thing he despised, seeing her sad. All he wanted was to see her happy, and though a frown was spread across his tan face, he nodded slowly. "Why don't we split up?" The idea suddenly seemed bad. With Sauda's break down, he was afraid to leave her. What would happen if she happened to come upon a hostile animal, and he wasn't there? The thought sent shivers down his spine, he defiantly wasn't going to leave her.
"Well, I'd... prefer to go with you, Sauda," and a nod of his head, once more, the hyena watched her with gentle eyes. He wanted to find Tsotsi, despite how much the young hyena might hate him. If he got to know him, maybe they'd become friends in the end?
He hoped.
"Do you think we can find him faster if we split up, I think he just went one way." she said, not sure what to really say on it. She didn't want to be alone, yet she wanted to find Tsotsi fast, and get this over with. Her to apologize, and make it up the the little guy. What else could she do? Where would he be? She looked at Letladika. "What if we don't find him?" She asked in a weak voice. She could hardly think of it, but knew that Tsotsi would be well to handle himself, but she still couldn't think of such a young hyena all by himself.
Letladika nodded slowly, "I think we can find him faster if we split up." Heart tearing in two. He knew this feeling once, knew it... more than once. Oh, he hated this feeling. Hated the dread. "We'll find him," He hoped so, he hoped so. "We'll find him. Like you said, he couldn't have gone far. He couldn't have gone far." For once he was starting to go into hysterics. Tsotsi was just a juvenile, and he also could accidentally hurt himself- then help wouldn't be near. He could...
Letladika hoped not.
She nodded, even though she wanted to stay close to Letladika. "We'll meet back at my den." She told him. She didn't know where to look first, or when to end it. Well, she knew one way to go, and that was the direction he ran out from. "We'll start from going straight out from where he ran out of the den?" Her eyes were redish, but her tears were gone. Her voice still had a hint that she cried. "which way do you want.... to er... go?"
As Sauda felt he felt, as he didn't want to leave her side no matter what the consequences. Though he knew he would have to depart to search Tsotsi out the same as her, he still felt the horrible heartache as he turned his feet towards the other direction. His head flicked in the western side, the determination he felt earlier slowly deteriorating, and slowly he felt like crying. He wasn't going to let her see though, as Letladika wasn't going to upset her further.
"I'll go this way," murmured the male, staring off into the distance as he started off towards that way, almost crying out in a prayer that the juvenile hyena would come back home.
"Be careful, please." She told him. She didn't want to lose him too. It would end all happiness she could possibly have. At least, thats how it felt right now. It was all her fault. All of it. Why did she do this? She never took a thought in anything before doing it. "I'll... Go this way then... In a hour or so we should meet back up at my den." She told him before he went his way.
She started on her own way. Hoping that they'd find him. If only she was in a pack, they'd find the little lad faster that way. More they hyena's they had to help, then more hope they'd have in finding Tsotsi. She held back more tears. She couldn't afford to cry right now. It blurred her vision and that was not what she needed right now.
"I will, don't worry." Letladika promised her as he parted ways, sending her one more glance as he let out a sigh. He didn't want to leave her, but it was essential if he wanted to find her. As he padded away, determined to find Tsotsi, the same empty pit he felt recently started forming. His face became chalk white as his eyes were wide while he searched the savannah, calling the juvenile's name sometimes.
He still, despite losing the hope slowly, wanted to find him. Anything to make Sauda happy. But, no sign of him was found. Nothing. He was gone.
Sauda couldn't find him either. How far could a little pup go? It was frightening to think of. What if someone else picked him up. Hopefully he found someone else to be around. At least he was with someone who'd take care of him much better then she did.
She felt warm wet tears move from her eyes to the bottom of her chin. She couldn't help but cry. It was her fault, all of it. She was so stupid and naive she didn't even know what Tsotsi wanted. All hope was lost for now, she started heading back for her den. Maybe, just maybe he'd come back. Maybe he just needed space.
END
