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 Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 6:44 pm
Roleplay between ;; Count Kaosu && n e v e r l a n d - - xx ( Kaosu & Trystan Chevalier )
Location: The Ocean.
Time: Afternoon.
Weather: Dreary and grey skied. Light drizzles.
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Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 6:46 pm
There was a whisper of something soft against his neck. Lips, fingertips, skin. It worked its way up and down like a ghost, over and over, over and over again. Something stirred inside of him. Warmth, passion. He felt the need to stop breathing, as if it would make time stop with it. But then the car jerked to a stop and the lingering feel of intimate ghosts vanished. Trystan was alone. With a cold feel riding up his back at the idea that he'd once again been thinking about him, and that he'd once again almost gotten himself into a car crash of all things, the half blood crossly stepped on the gas. A bit too hard. The car revved forward like a cheetah. But the speed felt good, and Trystan tilted his head back and hummed. Thoughts turned to blurs, and blurs disappeared. He was going ninety miles an hour, to a place where he could finally give his mind some peace and quiet.
Crux had protested soundly against the idea of letting Trystan go somewhere alone. Especially in a car. Especially after everything that had happened. The idea that instead of asking, he'd ordered the essentic to obey made some part of Trystan writhe with guilt. Stupid, he berated himself, theres nothing to be guilty for. Pressing his lips together, he slowed the car and made a turn. He parked as quickly as he could, feeling like the confined space was suddenly too much. It was a newer model of the car he'd owned before he crashed it. Distinctly different then his baby Vida though. This one he'd named Clara in the back of his mind, where humor still lay. Too many memories sat untouched in the old one, even though he'd left it repaired and unused back at the manor. He should have just let it fall over a cliff. A bemused part of his mind said, with you along with it. He shook off the feeling and opened his mouth, closing his eyes.
The heavy scent of the sea washed over him.
The sound of gulls cried overhead. The city was so different compared to this. The world spun in vivd slow motion around him as he enjoyed the taste of salt bathed his tongue. The sound of waves startled him into awake. Overhead, the sky was cast grey and threatened dampening showers. Large, intimidating rock structures jutted out of the water a few miles out, and Trystan admired their resilience to years of being berated by the steady attacks of the sea. Taking a leap, Trystan landed on the sand and padded forward. The smooth grains slipped and shifted under him. He felt at home here. He felt free here. The world was within his grasp now. His mind was calm. The pain wasn't as unbearable anymore. Why hadn't he come here sooner? Perhaps he'd been scared. Trystan drank in the silence and the shrill of the roaring sea. He wanted to stay here forever, just wrapped in the endless expanse that knew no bounds, no emotions, no pain. It made him slip into a happy sort of daze. Not the one that made you smile, but the one that sometimes reassured you that everything would be alright. Time healed everything. His skeptical mind didn't believe it for a second, but the young adult demon didn't care to berate himself for his childish like antics.
With a sigh, Trystan kicked off the converse shoes he'd slipped into and rolled the tight work-worn jeans he'd put on. His ankles and knees exposed, he dipped a foot into the stinging cold surf. Instead of flinching, he sat until it numbed him, the tingling sensation dragging back memories from his childhood. Run away. A small voice said as he began to walk down the stretch of beach, his feet wading through the cold sting of the water. It smelled like salt, but the shifting sand beneath his feet relaxed and consoled him. You dont want to remember. Run away. He told the voice to shut up. And then his mind brought back memories of the carnival. His heart raced as he remembered words. "What makes you happy? Annoyed? Embarrassed?" Trystan willed it all to go away. He did not need this. A heavy wave smashed into his ankles, making him teeter. It woke him up, it stole him away. His mind went back to the sea. His eyes settled on the horizon. The crest of white waves. Maybe if he wandered long enough into the surf, it would steal away every emotion he'd ever felt. Trystan sighed for thinking stupidly. If that could happen, he'd wish that it could also steal things like memories.
Minutes passed into silence, and Trystan didn't realize the chill had made him so cold. His exposed skin shuddered. He'd opted for a loose tank top, stupid enough to believe he was immune to the cold. Silver scars lit up the expanse of his arms and neck, and one large one sauntered over the exposed part of his chest. Mindlessly, he traced one with a finger, not letting him get into his mind as he had easily enough a few months prior. The black haired mutt didn't realize a rather precarious looking wave until it had knocked into his ankles. Feeling his mind seize up, Trystan let himself fall over into his a**, grunting out as he did. His mind swam through blurs for a moment - he'd been caught up in his thoughts. His hands had pushed out behind him to catch hold of himself. The surf sprayed around him, soaking his jeans and splattering against his arms and face.
Blinking away the sting, Trystan made to get up. But something kept him rooted in place. He was cold, and he was alone. And he hated himself for it, because he knew that he shouldn't feel this way. He wished he didn't feel this way. Everywhere he looked, he was greeted with unnecessary pity, and he felt like screaming until his throat was sore. It was all his fault too. He wanted to scream and rave at him until he was hoarse and mute and terrified of what he would get in return. He wanted to tell him that the world was ******** ruined now that he'd left it, and that he hated him and couldn't stand the sight of him, and that no matter what he did, the other would not leave his mind. It was all his fault, it was all his fault, it was all his... Trystan sank a painful canine into his lip. A breaking point, Crux would say, when he shattered. He didn't like hearing the disappointment in his tone when he finally thought the other was over him.
"This is all your fault." He said out loud to the waves as they knocked into him again, soaking him to the core. The numb felt good. It made the physical pain weaken. There was no vehemency in his tone. It felt more like a fact leaving his lips for the first time. He savored the words and wished he was saying them to his face. Sighing, Trystan bent his neck back, and stared up at the clouds above. He was cold, and he was alone.
And more then anything, he wished that he wasn't. He wished that he wasn't.
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Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:39 pm
Kaosu hated fire, did he not? Then why did the flames ignited by his encounter with Rhian feel so good?
Although he would never admit it, he knew the answer. Ever since he had set foot outside of that pent house for the last time, something inside of him had been missing. It felt like a gaping hole, strangling him from within. He had a wire crossed. He could not sleep. He could not settle down in one place. He could not readjust to his normal lifestyle. Instead the half demon spent his days, then weeks, then months almost obsessed with filling that void. Keep moving. Keep running. As long as his focus remained on the road, he would not think of anything else. He would charge on straight ahead, not daring to look back. If he got lost, it did not matter. If he got in trouble, it was exciting. If he got lonely, there was always someone lonelier than he to pick up off the streets. He managed to survive and forget Trystan by living coldly and allowing himself to go numb.
Of course, if you stay out in a chill too long, you’re bound to get sick.
That was it, wasn’t it? What had been missing. That was why this renewed hatred of Essentics revitalized him. Kaosu no longer had to remain numb. He could feel. Anger and loathing were better than nothing. Anger and loathing gave him purpose. Direction. Yet, that mere bartender's embrace had smoldered them all into nothing. Living in such comfort… he had found it hard to maintain his ambition. He lost his need for violence and revenge. Trystan had replaced them entirely. Trystan had become his new passion. Little by little his chaotic world, like a passing comet dragged into orbit, had been drawn in towards Tryst until his thoughts had revolved only around him. That kid had distracted him. That kid was the reason he had been pulled off course –forgotten his dreams.
Essentics. Love. Thanks to Kaji, Kao saw them in the same light. They left him vulnerable. They left him powerless, unable to control himself. They distracted him from what was truly important. Therefore, he would live without them both. He would revive his goal of finding Banning. He would hunt the guy down, single handedly if he had to, and for a second time in his life wipe the abominations from their place in this world. And at the same time he would find his place in the world. And that place was not here. Nor alone in the wilderness. Nor in the tame, boring apartment of some spoiled rich kid.
”That kid…” Kao purred to himself, his voice breathy and almost a whisper. Tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket, he turned down a road. In his haste to put as much distance between himself and the new Essentic mother as possible, almost fearful of how he might react to her and her child, he had traveled restlessly. Now he found himself again in a nameless town. Not particularly concerned about where he was headed, he hardly noticed as the pavement he treaded slowly dissolved into sand. It was at times like this, when he was alone and idle, that his memories dragged him to places he’d rather not go. Where he really was ceased to matter.
That kid. Time had slowly rotted his memories of much of those two months, but his heart still clung to small details. Lemons. Beaches. The phantom sensation of his touch that always sent shivers up his spine. Such recollections filled him with both longing and antipathy. That kid. It had been a good thing Kao had left him. Their relationship was not only harmful for Trystan, as he once thought, but for himself as well. He could see that now. If he had stayed with his lover, he would have changed; decayed. Domesticated. He had been led astray by the temptation of contentment, when he should really be fighting towards his future. Tryst was an obstacle who existed to mislead him. Only an obstacle.
Then why? Why did he still feel like he was bleeding whenever he was alone? Why could he not stand to sleep without someone next to him? Why did his pulse continue to quicken whenever he dared let his thoughts wander back to that pool deck in the rain?
As he left behind civilization and descended across the sandy shore, a hushed, nearby roar caught his attention. All at once his senses reawakened. He smelled salt and water. The rhythmic crashing of waves filled the air, like the steady breath of some interminably calm god. Some dull spark that might have been curiosity stirred within him, and Kao headed in the direction of the water. He had never seen the ocean before. If he were going to start anew, why not discover something new in the process? When the massive sea drew within his sights, he could not help but pause. It was nothing like he had anticipated. He had seen lakes, ponds, maybe, but this was on an entirely different scale. The sight was overwhelming. Grey clouds swallowed an endless sky. The horizon rolled on forever. It seemed so… limitless. For some reason such a powerful sight disturbed the redhead, and he involuntarily shrunk away.
Kao was extremely glad he had backed off when he spotted movement on the ground. Immediately he froze, panic and disbelief welling up in him all at once. There was a soaked figure shivering alone near the waves, here in the middle of nowhere. Trystan. For a very long while, he could not accept what his eyes told him. No, this was a hallucination. This was some ghost conjured up to tempt him. He was surely dreaming. No matter how he tried to deny it, Trystan’s form did not fade. It was real. Tryst really was there, right in front of him. The red head did not know what to do with him self. Relief, wariness, shock, and even that annoying twinge that made him happy to see Tryst no matter the circumstances swept through him all at once. Of all these crippling emotions, fear dominated the most. How would Tryst react? How would HE react? What would happen? What would he say? Would he have the nerve to leave Trystan behind again?
He did not want to find out. His first instinct was to bolt like the coward he was. However, some indescribable force rooted him in place. Conflicted, he finally spoke, unsure as to whether his ex had detected him or not. “I should have known…” he said curtly, his tone even but his voice uneasily quiet. ”I should have known you'd be in a place like this.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:16 pm
Its cold, his mind hissed. Its cold, get out you stupid mutt.
Trystan didn't budge from his frozen state in the icy surf, his mind ignorant to the idea of pain. He wanted to stay here forever. It was nice, it was really nice, being numb to everything. It felt as if his entire body had slowed to a stop, and only the quiet sound of breathing alerted him of life. But then he listened closely, and the swell inside of his chest was enough to jump start his mind back into waking. The rhythmic heartbeat was steady and slow, unlike the past few months when the dull beat was going so fast he barely had time to breath. He wasn't sure how long he'd been there, sitting on the beach, unaware of thoughts, actions, emotions. In the back of his head, a small voice wondered if he really was a masochist. Here he was, in a place where the temperature plummeted to an icy level, sitting in the water with nothing but a tank top and jeans. He chuckled wryly to himself, slightly startled by the clear, resonating sound of his voice. It rang out, and made his ears realize they were working. When was the last time he'd done that? Trystan fidgeted, as if it was a sin and brought a hand out of the cold water. Beads of liquid slid off the pale skin. It hadn't been like that before. Trystan flipped his wrist over, staring down at it. The silver scars brought back memories.
Before, he'd gone to great lengths to make sure he didn't scar. Now he couldn't even get a wound without him in his head, preaching about inexperienced kids and flashy things. His fingers absently slid over the silver etches on his neck. The cold of his fingers crashed with what was left of his bodies heat. The shivers running up and down his spine only increased. Worlds away, he could hear the ocean crashing up against the large, daunting rocks in the middle of the grey blue sea. Gulls continued to cry from above, pushing against the wind as it picked up and blew them back. It also swept through the strands of fine black hair. Carrying the taste and scent of salt, it brushed past Trystan as if trying to wake him up. A throaty hum left the half demon. What was he doing here? What was he doing out in the middle of nowhere? Up until now, he'd distracted himself with the company of others. Whether it was violent or not, it didn't matter. It was still a distraction. His world had consisted of memories and the need to forget. Pain and the immense relief that it brought when it wiped out any other sensible thought in his brain. So why the hell was he here, in the middle of nowhere, alone, and remembering?
The crash of waves and the sight of the distant horizon reminded him.
The sea roared in his ears, but the wind carried with it the sound of footsteps and discontentment. He didn't want to be disturbed. Who would come here on such a blustery day anyways? Trystan glanced up at the grey clouds rolling in from far away. It almost looked as if they were carrying the prospect of light, ghost drizzles. An inaudible sigh escaped him. Pain erupted in his chest at the idea of interacting with someone like this. Soaked and in a state where his mind wasn't even where it should have been. Trystan considered bee lining for his car - pretending he hadn't heard whoever it was. Feeling his muscles tense and spasm at the chill of the water and the order to move, Trystan rose to his feet. His entire lower body was soaked, and salty. Water droplets ran from his arms and legs. His hair was sprayed with heavy doses of the salt tang as well and making a face to himself, Trystan shook his hair out, raising both hands to push the bangs away from his face, even though that only helped in adding more damp to the ebony locks.
“I should have known…"
Trystan froze. His body went rigid. His heart plummeted. This is an illusion, his mind screamed, you're dreaming, you're dreaming!
”I should have known you'd be in a place like this.”
He turned, and his eyes locked on the one person he wanted to both run to and run away from. He could hear something beating painfully inside of him. Adrenaline soaked his core, but his feet were frozen where they'd been put. Salt water lashed out, trying to wake him up. It felt like months, maybe years before his mind would return to its normal state. Kaosu looked the same as ever, but Trystan couldn't help but feel like running and hiding himself. Slick, silver scars criss crossed over his neck - by far the most attention grabbing of the differences from himself months prior. Suddenly, a shudder knocked into him hard, waking up his mind. He felt the tension in his body almost painfully, and gritted his teeth. His skin crawled with goosebumps, panic, relief, warmth, cold, and anger - absolute, pure rage - filling his core. He could not understand the knot of fear suddenly growing. Kaosu was there, he was real. Oh god, he was real. After months and months of convincing himself that the demon was nothing more then a memory, he was suddenly there, and more alive then ever. Trystan felt like suffocating. No. He felt like suffocating Kaosu. For not telling him. For leaving. For....
Everything. His mind said. For everything he's ever done.
He wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn't find the words. Suddenly, overwhelming anger crashed into his conscious mind. "What the hell are you doing here, Kaosu? I thought you'd left." He said. It was harsher then he'd meant it - almost to the point of cruel cold. But the emotion that ran deep behind the words were visible. Hurt, anger, anguish, longing. Longing. Trystan wanted to throw that emotion out a window and watch it crash and burn. Stepping forward with more assurance then he thought he had, the half breed escaped the salty tang of the sea to get a better look at Kao. He forced himself to stop a few feet away. He didn't realize that his eyes were smoldering with anger and pain. The air felt heavy and thick with tension, unsaid words, and something more. After a few moments of silence, Trystan scowled. "You could have at least said goodbye." The bitter words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to close his mind around what he was saying. But now they hung in the air as well, and Trystan felt himself nursing a indescribable burning sensation spreading throughout his body. He would have turned, would have run until his lungs were on fire and he couldn't breath.
But like Kaosu, he was rooted in place. This was not supposed to happen. No, not at all.
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Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 9:37 pm
Kaosu concentrated on the rhythmic waves of the sea, trying to slow the rhythm of his racing heart.
Despite the events of the last year, he remained fairly competent when it came to containing his emotions. His stoic façade never wavered. He always remained reasonable and logical. His self control was perfect, right? Then why had it failed him so much lately? Why had his experience with Rhian so easily pushed him over the edge? Why did he feel so determined to crush Banning’s world? Most of all, why could he not even bring himself to speak to a man he knew so well? There was only one explanation. His armor had cracked. It had rusted during his stay with Trystan, weakening so that it was now as fragile as paper. That was dangerous. His paper thin composure would never stand against the blaze of panic burning through his system with every step Trystan took.
What the hell are you doing here, Kaosu? The redhead desperately searched for that answer himself. He did not belong here. He had no businesses in such a peaceful, serene location. The ocean was his opposite. It was powerful. It was consistent. It was calm. Oh god, how he wished he possessed just one of those traits. Instead, he was doomed to smolder and spark, completely helpless against the tempest of guilt and uncertainty swelling in his chest. Somehow, despite everything, he forced himself to reply, ”What? I can’t visit a beach? It’s not like I knew you were around.” After all, had he known that precious fact, he would not have come anywhere near the place. He would have fled as far as his legs and wits could carry him. How perverse -that the one person he cared about was also the one person he feared.
And he feared Trystan with good reason. For a moment, his ex seemed almost as conflicted as he felt. For a moment, Kao dared to hope that Tryst would not bring anything painful up. Perhaps anger was all he would have to endure. He was wrong. You could have at least said goodbye. Kao could not help but look away at this statement, a part of him deep down shuddering. No, that was not true. There was no way he could have said goodbye. Had he stuck around long enough to try, that dangerous longing he nursed for the other would have roped him in. He could no more have said goodbye to Tryst than he could have said goodbye to his brother. It had simply been… beyond him. Impossible. The predator, for all of his cockiness, in the end was nothing more than a coward.
For a long while, Kaosu was thankful for the crashing of the water and the cawing of gulls overhead. Were it not for them, utter silence would have reigned. The half-demon had no idea how to respond. He had never dealt with something like this before. His extensive list of life experiences was completely void of information about break ups and romance. When his flame with Kaji had ended, she had disappeared from his life permanently. She had died. She could not come back. He had somehow expected his relationship with Tryst to work the same way. He was quite the fool; he had never even fathomed he would encounter him again, especially not by sheer chance.
No. He could not be weak now. He had to keep his resolve. He had to keep Trystan away. One way or another, he would survive this conversation.
Kao remained frozen in place, which was extremely appropriate considering he was slowly, one by one, freezing the emotions ravaging his brain. Interacting with Trystan for him was like an addiction. The more he allowed himself to tolerate it, the more his guard would slip. That touch, that voice, those eyes… they would draw him in until he forgot where he was, who he was, or why he cared. But not if he could remain numb. That numbness had saved him over the last year, and it could still save him now. ”Goodbye?” he repeated flatly, forcing a dry, weak laugh. ”Why would I have said goodbye? Goodbye insinuates a sad parting. Something I might regret.”
His demeanor was quickly transforming from numb to cold.
”Why would I have bothered saying goodbye to you?” he continued incredulously. That’s right, Kaosu. Drive him away. ”All you were to me was a means to an end.” Like with Bane, the Hunter had picked up a habit of making little speeches when he committed torture. Somehow this seemed incredibly appropriate now. ”I was in trouble. I was being hunted. I needed protection. You were rich. You were there. You were easy.” His desperation enabled him to keep going, picking up confidence. He managed to smirk. ”I got what I wanted from you. I got free board, free sex, and absolute security for two months. Now that I’m back on my feet, though, I don’t have any reason to stick around.”
Kao had always been a liar. He had always been quite the renegade. Dishonesty came naturally to him… yet every cruel word he spoke stung him deeper and deeper. He could only imagine what they were doing to Tryst. He did not want to think about that. It was sick, wasn’t it? One of the most sadistic things he had ever done. He understood that he had hurt Tryst before, but that had been unintentional. Inevitable. To do it deliberately was in an entirely different kind of evil. The sheer twisted nature of it all translated into something dark and stomach-wrenching. Unable to stop, the Lafraunte at last willed himself to move.
Almost high on that strange, ugly new emotion of his, Kao drew so close to Tryst that he could touch him. He raised his hand, putting a finger to Tryst’s chin. ”So,” he purred, leaning in close. He grinned like a fox.
”Get lost, you stupid kid.
ooc| OTL Faaail. Sorry for the short, choppy post. I was, uh, distracted while writing it? [/kicks MSN RPs]
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 2:22 am
Dont panic. Breathe.
If only it was that easy. Trystan didn't think breathing had ever been harder in his entire life. If he wasn't so used to controlling himself, he probably would have started hyperventilating. God damn it, of all the places he could have met with Kaosu, of all the times, it had to be when he least expected it. Somehow, the dark haired gun for hire had expected their reunion to be different. Different, if ever at all. After the man had left, Trystan had almost thrown up his hands and considered never seeing him again in his life. His mind had been so set on that that the very idea of him showing up again was foreign to Trystan's half-manic mind. In the back of his head, questions raced to finish lines without answers. Why was Kaosu here? Why was it so hard for him to speak? Why couldn't he even bring himself to look at the other man? Why, why, why. The word burned itself into Trystan's brain like poison and the half demon almost flinched at the word as it appeared over and over again. Stop it, he wanted to scream to his mind, stop asking me things I cant answer!
Frozen in place, Trystan finally gathered the courage to look Kaosu directly in the eye. Something beat in his heart, an old warm feeling from a past he'd long since tried to forget. But another, more astounding emotion began to build in his gut. White hot anger spilled over him like molten lava, making him shudder and bite his lip so hard it bled. The canine sunk into the soft flesh until the metallic tang brought his senses back at full blast. His feet were rooted to the place, but in the midst of wanting to run forward and hug Kaosu just because he was there and alive, he also wanted to shake him, punch him, scream at him. Words caught in his throat, and he slowly began to realize that perhaps seeing the other again was even more painful then the blinding emotions he'd endured on the first morning after.
When Kaosu spoke again, Trystan flinched. The words hit hard and made their mark. Of course Kaosu was only here because he hadn't known he was around. His mind chided him angrily for any hope he might have had. As he looked at Kaosu again, forming a weak glare at the reply, he couldn't help but become painfully aware of just how different he might have looked. Suddenly he wanted to run and climb under a rock. His feet still didn't budge though, and he was left to the perfect hell that Kaosu always brought him into. "You're right." He found himself replying without meaning to. "That makes sense." The words burned his throat. He berated himself again for not being able to look Kaosu of all people in the eye when he addressed him. But he couldn't - his entire body refused to, shook at the thought of it. If he looked at Kaosu again, the tearing sensation would begin. The white hot anger that made him want to jump the other, and the swell of agonizing relief that he was just there.
Seconds passed like hours, and the roar of the waves seemed even louder then before. The salt breeze brushed past Trystan's charcoal bangs, and stung his eyes relentlessly. The world slowly came to a stop along with all other sound when Kaosu started to speak again. Something burned in him, but this time it was different from anger. Fear? Pain? The words came as stinging shouts in his head. He stayed still through Kaosu's entire speech, his entire body painfully numb. I dont have any reason to stick around. Trystan flinched, as if physically stricken by the words. And suddenly it all came back. A swell of pain in his chest, an emotion that was both burning and freezing. The sudden realization of the words and the increasing pain came in white hot bursts, until Trystan wasn't sure he could stop shaking if he tried. He felt like he was suffocating, but something in the back of his mind forced him to breathe. His mind wasn't sure what emotion to be overwhelmed by first. Kaosu's words continued to ring painfully in his ears. His mind began to put together the pieces of it all.
Used, used, used. The shrill voice in the back of his head cried with laughter and taunts. You were just used. You thought you were important? Trystan was glad that his mind was incapable of forming thoughts to cry, or else he would have been doubled over. He was vaguely aware of his cheeks flushing a slight red in anger and embarrassment at the words. He was too lost in the dangerous voice in the back of his head to care. Run! The sensible part of his mind screeched in panic. And he wanted to. God how he wanted to. He wanted to run as far as he could, until his lungs gave out, until he was on his knees gasping for air. But another part of him yelled coward and told him to stay. His knees felt like buckling, but he couldn't let them. Not here. Not now. Finally, the world came back to him with a powerful force when He felt fingers on his chin. His face was lifted so he could see a grinning face, flashing eyes, and a person he thought he'd known once upon a time.
Something heart wrenching drove into him, crashing into his system, angrily berating his mind.
"Get lost, you stupid kid."
Something splintered and broke.
His hand lashed out, and the he angrily slapped the hand away. His feet forced him back. He couldn't be close. Couldn't handle it. His scars burned with memories and his throat felt like it was on fire. Everything he'd been through because of this man - everything had been one sided. I want to kill him! His mind raged, and heat filled his stomach, scalding and threatening to explode. I want to kill that ungrateful, stupid b*****d! But the worst part was that Trystan knew that he could never bring himself to do that. He could never bring himself to hate Kaosu, even if what he felt right now was splitting him apart with no remorse. He couldn't bring himself to words for a few minutes, and he was shamefully aware of how stricken he must have looked. But then something forced him to reply without meaning to. "How dare you - " He finally spat out. The venom in the words was almost so shockingly clear it hurt. His voice rose. "Means to an end?" He coughed up a bitter laugh. It made his vision blurry for a moment before he settled it onto Kaosu, his eyes glazed with some sort of untamed anger. "Easy? Yeah, I was easy, Kaosu! So easy, so ******** easy. I trusted you, you sick, selfish b*****d, thats why," Trystan choked over his words for a second. He couldn't stop now. He couldn't stop. Never stop.
"Trusted you, cared about you, gave a damn about you. Well its nice that you're finally telling me in person the reason you left and that you didn't care at all." Breathe, baby, breath, his mother would have told him. And he did. "You're right, you dont have any reason to stick around anymore. Whats a stupid kid to the likes of you? Other then free ******** and free board? It was the life wasn't it? Having some idiot love you until you decide its time to run off again - " Trystan wrapped his arms around his middle, shuddering as another pain lashed out in his gut and chest, almost worse then taking a bullet. "I should have known," He choked out in between fury and the foreign twist in his gut. If he'd thought he'd felt heartbroken before, he obviously didn't know to expect this now. In the back of his head, memories flashed of a different time, a different place. Except back then, he'd been in Kaosu's position. And he'd been lying. Now he knew what it felt like. And his mind searched desperately for a reason not to give up and scream. "I should have known that all of this was just a joke. I cant believe I - I gave that all to you," Trystan kept going, because if he didn't, he was sure that he would break in an even more unpleasant manner. "Even myself, even those words, even those feelings."
Something in him kept screaming to stop. But he continued. It was like he couldn't stop, no matter what he did. "Its nice to know that it was all for nothing," He went on to say, and he didn't even realize his hands had gone to trace the burning scars on his neck. "Its nice to know that all of this was for a one sided feeling that I didn't even realize until you were gone." He grinned like the heartbroken creature he was. Sanity was lost temporarily, his mind was replacing itself with foreign memories and blinding feelings. "But at least you're here now - nice enough to tell me what it was all about. And I even crashed my car over you, you goddamn b*****d." Something in the back of his head laughed. That his car was important enough to be brought into his rant was almost comical. Panting a bit, Trystan felt a loss of words for a moment overcome him, and then he realized that he wanted to run more then anything now that he had given Kaosu his entire mind on a platter. But he would not be the first to leave. And he wasn't done with him yet.
The anger that had simmered down throughout his rant suddenly flared up again. It forced him to step forward, forced him to come closer to Kaosu then he'd ever wanted to. His eyes flared with fury, and even his anger couldn't hide his fear. "So hey, Kaosu, why dont you get lost?" His voice rose. "After all, it was so easy for you to do it last time. Why dont you get out of here, and stop all of this?" His voice lowered and he faltered, exhaustion from the emotional overload burying itself deep into him. He felt out of breath and furious, but at the same time, numb and cold. He didn't realize how close he was to Kaosu until he felt the others warmth against his skin. He shied away almost instantly with a flinch. "You have better things to do then hang around with a stupid, rich kid."
And then he felt his shoulders slump. His mind caught up with him, still screaming that he needed to get away. But something kept him rooted in spot. Maybe whatever had driven him into yelling at Kaosu would provoke him to run soon. But splintering apart again was hard, especially when you had to force yourself back together in front of the person who made it all happen in the first place. The ocean roared in the distance. Even its lonely expanse could not compare to the distance that Trystan felt had been placed between Kaosu and him.
ooc! OTL FAILLLL x ____x; sorry for the lame post and the bad rant OTL; three in the morning writing, WOO x wx; /kicks MSN RPs for being distracting too
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