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 Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 2:39 pm
 Senshi: Sailor Alshain, Senshi of Gryphons
Name: Hamish MacAllistar
Nicknames: Hammie, Ham-Ham, Hammer
Age: 17
Birthday: April 15th
Sign: Aries
Blood Type: AB
Fav. Food: Corned Beef Hash with Scrambled Eggs. IT IS THE FOOD OF THE GODS, 'KAY?
Hated Food: Clam Chowder. OH GOD THE SMELL. And the texture. And the rubbery fishy bits disguised as potatoes... *SOB*
School: Sovereign Heights
Hobbies:
Photography - Ever since he was small, Hamish was fascinated by the pictures in his dad's National Geographic. So much so that at the age of 8, he declared that he was going to be "just like those guys" when he grew up. And then, his parents gave him his first camera for his 9th birthday and he's never looked back. While nowhere near a professional level, Hamish's photos are close, capturing special moments, people and nature in a way that makes them seem natural rather than forced or posed. He's even had one or two unpaid gigs as a wedding photographer and managed to do well. However, when not being conscripted by well-meaning friends and family, Hamish tends to be drawn to two things. Natural events (ie. meteor showers or rain or even the falling of the leaves come Autumn) and Movement. And when Hamish says movement, he doesn't mean those people on the corner waving signs and screaming at each other. He means the way that cute girl over there swings her arms as she walks. Or the way that that short dude's coat ripples around him as he runs for the bus. Direct Hamish to an anthill and he'll start snapping away like a nutter, drawn in by the intricate ways the ants are hustling about.
If practice makes perfect, Hamish is well on his way to achieving that enviable state. He has albums and boxes full of photos as well as a box full of jump drives neatly stashed away in his closet. His digital camera never leaves his side.
Running - Rain or shine, Hamish is outside running. The rhythm of feet hitting pavement, the way it makes him feel free of the confines of everyday life, the delicious burning in his legs muscles as he goes for that extra mile. Hamish loves running and it is his chief form of physical exercise. It gets him out in the fresh air and doing something instead of just sitting on his a** playing video games and never seeing the sun.
Camping - Whether it be an overnighter or a 2 week trip, the mere mention of camping will have cause Hamish to light up like a Christmas Tree. And usually also send him tearing down to the nearest R.E.I. for tents, sleeping bags, beef jerky and bug repellant. There's just something about living out amongst nature for a short time, with nothing between you and it but a wall of thin fabric...
Renaissance Faires - Introduced to the 'Rennie' way of life by a cousin at the tender age of 13, it is strongly suspected that this is where Hamish's own code of chivalry was born. It was at his first Faire that he realized that IT WAS OKAY TO ACT LIKE A KNIGHT AND PLAY DRESSUP. And even the GROWNUPS were playing pretend! And no one looked down on anyone else. Granted, the bawdy songs and gypsy calls of "BEETCH BOY!" were a little over his head, but hey, he learned fast. And the swords. Did we mention the swords? Hamish was quite impressed by the sheer number of people selling, buying and carting around sharp, pointy things that would have normally gotten them arrested outside of the camp ground.
Hamish delights in dressing up as a bard or a knight, playing the part with an ease born of practice and real life convictions, and running through a large camp ground and bopping people over the head with a foam broadsword. He practically revels in the games of Courtly Love that abound at a Faire. And the fact that he gets to rescue the "Princess" from a "Dragon" or rescue a few wenches from the Wench Chain on a near clockwork basis doesn't hurt anything either.
His kilt is one of his most prized possessions. And he fully believes that while at Faire, it is imperative to go commando and allow the ladies the occasional "kilt check". After all, Rennie Ladies do love dem kilt checks!
Frankly, we're not certain that Hamish was meant for 21st Century life. The way he throws himself whole-heartedly into the Faire lifestyle makes us suspect that he was born a few centuries and a couple of continents off.
Gemstone: Bloodstone (Zodiac), Diamond (Birthstone)
Virtues:
Hey, Need a Shoulder? - Sometimes, everyone needs that strong shoulder to sit and cry into. And more often than not, Hamish can be found offering that shoulder. It doesn't matter if you're a complete stranger, if he sees you and there is obviously something wrong, he's going to stop to check on you, listen to your woes, buy you a cup of coffee afterward and make sure you get home okay. Male, female, adult or child, he can't stand seeing someone else hurting and if it looks like he can help, he will.
Easy Peasy, One Two Threesy! - There is no need to duck around the subject. Hamish is supremely confident in himself and his abilities. Oh sure, he might not always get something right, but he knows perseverence will help him to triumph. In his chosen field, such confidence without cockiness is a perk. After all, no one is going to really listen to a shy, fretful photog and no one ever wants to hire the jackass!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T! - Hamish generally likes everyone. Well, okay, not EVERYONE, but he'll still be civil and try to do the right thing and help them if they need it. Men are comrades in arms who should be helped because two heads are always better than one! Children must be helped, nurtured and protected as the innocents they are! Besides, children are the future, right? Protect the damn future, yo! And girls are delicate, lovely flowers that must be treated with respect and care at all times.
Just don't ever let Big Bertie hear him say that! She's one of the few females he knows who can wear a full suit of armor, swing a sword and still benchpress Hamish's a** is she takes it into her mind to do so. Any woman who can hide a ******** claymore in her bountiful cleavage and still curtsy, walk and do a jig is not a delicate flower! Well, okay, maybe she is. But she is an armor clad, delicate flower who will kick your a**!
In all seriousness, it all boils down to two things. Respect and Care. And Hamish wouldn't be Hamish if he didn't do his best to respect those he meets and show them some love and care.
Flaws:
Invasive - Privacy? Personal Space? What're those? Hamish may be an all around decent guy, but he has absolutely no concept of when to not stick his nose into other people's affairs. It's not just that he will go up to someone asking what's wrong. It's that he won't leave them alone when they show an unwillingness to talk. Someone heard a loud argument in an empty classroom? Hamish will run right over, barge in and proceed to grill the participants and then try to con them into a group hug. Threats of extreme violence against his person won't even dissuade him for getting all up in someone's face.
Ooooh! Something shiny! - Oh wow, this picture is gonna be awesome! I can't wait to show the teache... WHAT'S THAT? I HEAR CRYING! HAMISH TO THE RESCUE! Oh hey wait, my picture... huh. Okay, that's actually a neat if entirely unintended shot. To say Hamish is a wee bit flightly might be an understatement. He means well, he really does. But with so many interesting things going on around him, sometimes it's just hard for a guy to keep totally focused, you know? Hey, maybe that's why his pictures all look so natural. He can't stay focused long enough to actually attempt posing and composition.
Love me, Love me? - Hamish might be confident in himself and his abilities, but Hamish also has a deep rooted NEED to be liked by all and sundry. He needs people. And he needs to have people around. Oh sure, he'll trip through life blithely and enjoy himself, but if he feels that someone doesn't like him and they don't have an actual reason for their dislike (unlike little Suzie Hopkins down whose dress he once spilled a life frog), he will worry and pick at himself, wondering why that person hates him. In Hamish's eyes, he's got a whole heart full of love for everyone. So why can't everyone love him back? It's not that hard! And he's a really nice guy to boot! Come on! Please?
Can't We All Just Get Along? - Hamish hates violence as a means of solving anything. Oh sure, he'll play fight, but that's just all in fun! Actually hurting someone, beating them up, is something he has to be practically forced into. It takes witnessing extreme violence and harm being visited upon someone to rile Hamish up enough to move beyond Play Fighting to the real thing. This can be a problem when the person he's up against doesn't share his goal of peaceful resolution. Or if the person he's up against knows of his penchant for rushing to rescue the Damsel in Distress.
Challenge: Like the Gryphon, your Defeat shall be swift!
Attack #1 (Senshi)
NAME: Divine Winds!
[What it does] Alshain stand with arms flung up and back and swiftly brings both arms down, creating a strong burst of wind capable of pushing enemies back as well as simply creating a buffer zone between himself/his allies and the enemy.
Safety Zone: 2 Feet to either side and directly behind Alshain
Attack Radius: starting at 1 foot in front of Alshain and extending to 10 feet away.
Weight Management: Able to move a maximum of 75lbs in one turn. Anything heavier would only feel some resistance as they tried to move in.
Duration: 1 Turn
Attack #1a (Super)
NAME: Mantled Winds!
[What it does] Alshain stand with arms flung up and back and swiftly brings both arms down, creating a strong burst of wind capable of pushing enemies back as well as simply creating a buffer zone between himself/his allies and the enemy. What others will see is Alshain standing under a huge, glowing, golden gryphon in full wings outstretched battle posture. When Alshain brings his arms in, that is when the gryphon flaps his wings, creating the winds. It should be noted that the winds make a sound eerily similar to a Gryphon's battle screech.
Safety Zone: 4 Feet to either side and directly behind Alshain
Attack Radius: starting at 1 foot in front of Alshain and extending to 20 feet away.
Weight Management: Able to move a maximum of 150lbs in one turn. Anything heavier would only feel some resistance as they tried to move in.
Duration: 2 Turns
Attack #2: (Eternal)
NAME: Gryphons Fury!
[What it does] When Alshain uses this attack, he takes on the aspect of a huge, golden and glowing Gryphon that moves as he does. As he moves, the Gryphon's wings and taloned forelimbs mimic him, creating strong winds with the ability to not only push his enemy away, but inflict slicing wounds.
Safety Zone: Directly behind Alshain
Attack Radius: starting at 1 foot in front of Alshain and extending to 30 feet away.
Weight Management: Able to move a maximum of 200lbs in one turn. Anything heavier would only feel some resistance as they tried to move in.
Duration: 2 Turns
Fuku Design: Completely up to Natsu. C8 I just ask for pretty golds, browns and bronzes to be used for the colors and for it to maybe have a slight Final Fantasy-ish flavor? <3 And just because, here are some random (hopefully) inspirational elements I found. XD
gryphon, gryphon 2, pretty necklace, nifty bracelet. I was thinking that since Ren Faires are such an important part of his life, maybe a ren faire-ish looking fuku? Just... without the funny hats. XD
Physical Description: Hamish is a long drink of water at 6'7". He has a medium build, looking slightly muscular, but not overly ripped. He has tan skin from being outdoors so much, calm, heather grey eyes and waist length strawberry blonde hair that he keeps tied back with a simple leatherwork clip. He sports a small, neatly trimmed goatee as well. He also has both ears and his eyebrow pierced. He tends to prefer clothing that can stand a beating and refuses to go out in public without his black leather combat boots.
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Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 4:20 am
Alshain:
- A star in the constellation Aquila
- Perso-Arabic for "Falcon"
Gryphons: From the Wiki
- Normally known for guarding treasure.
- In antiquity it was a symbol of divine power and a guardian of the divine.
- Strictly monogamous. Not only did they mate for life, but if one partner died, the other would continue throughout the rest of its life alone, never to search for a new mate.
- Claw was believed to have medicinal properties and one of its feathers could restore sight to the blind.
- In heraldry, the gryphon's amalgamation of lion and eagle gains in courage and boldness, and it is always drawn as a powerful fierce monster. It is used to denote strength and military courage and leadership. Gryphons are portrayed with a lion's body, an eagle's head, long ears, and an eagle's claws, to indicate that one must combine intelligence and strength.
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Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 9:10 am
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:36 am
Bumping this up a little. <3
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Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 4:38 am
Opening this up for crits since I want to nail down as much as possible on him before Natsu gets to him. XD <3
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 1:08 am
*molests the Pereru in your sig* SO CUTE *_* ... Uhm, anyway. Crit time!
First thing: Reading over this quest, I was somewhat impressed by the depth of character that I saw when reading through the traits. It wasn't that there were necessarily a lot of nuances or subtleties, but that the traits were all cohesive not only with each other, but with character traits that hadn't even been explicitly stated. However, on that note: I then began to wonder why those traits hadn't been stated. You have two virtues, three flaws listed; while it isn't necessary to write more, there are obviously concepts that can be developed for this character that haven't been taken advantage of, and I'd encourage you to look at what you have to work with and use it to its fullest so that you have the most developed, robust character completed by the time you get him.
One thing I really want to see developed is how he depends on others. A lot of how his character is written depicts him as a very strong character that others can rely on; but, in doing so, hasn't given us a good idea of what he needs other people for. Since knowing the answer to these kinds of questions is what will help you feel out RP opportunities, it's worth exploring. Another thing I'd like to get a better idea of is how he views the opposite gender. You mention that he's a sucker for damsels in distress, and some pieces of his character make me wonder how he views the capability of females - or if he's even fully sure what to make of them yet, despite his "kilt checks." Something that gives us better insight into his attitude here could help shed some light on how interactions with him will go.
About his photography hobby: I think that you should consider having him specialize his pursuits. There are a lot of quests, and a lot of students already in existence, which already utilize photography - so what makes your character different? Talk about his artistic style a little, the sort of things he prefers photographing on his own time. You mention later that his "natural" style comes from his lack of impulse control, but there's obviously got to be something about his artistic eye that allows him to do that and still get off great shots, so tell us what sort of things he is drawn to in the world! I do love the photography/running/camping hobby combination, though; it gives us a strong sense of a character that is capable and engaged with the world.
I'd like to get more background on the Renaissance Faire hobby, though. When did he start going to these events? Was it with friends, with family, out of curiosity? What is it that really drew him to them - the roleplaying of a brave knight that could save all the damsels he wanted, or something else? This is a piece that doesn't automatically connect with the others, and while I think it's a good addition to his character, I want to know more about it!
The virtues and flaws, I think, are well-written for his character. There's always more details that can be added, but the way they are now gives me enough of a sense of their development that I don't feel they necessarily need to be expounded on - not beyond adding in some more to help develop the character further, as already mentioned.
The one qualm I have with this character so far: I don't understand why he doesn't want to take things further than a quick reprimand when someone does something wrong. I understand that he is built to be a defensive, not offensive, character, but this is the one piece that hasn't been explained well, and feels out of synch with the rest. What is it that makes him not want to harm someone who has transgressed? If they were to kill somebody, as the Negaverse often does, would Alshain just shrug it off and tell them don't do it again? I have no clue how to connect with with the rest of the character - it's just there, and I can't really tell why.
Now, regarding his senshi abilities: I think that your basic designs are solid, for sure! They work within the power sphere, which dodges one of the biggest issues that some quests face (though, admittedly, I can't say that it works more specifically for Gryphons than it would for any other sort of winged, taloned creature - you may want to find some way to allude to them specifically in your attacks. I think that you tried to do that already with the Healing Talon deal, but you might want to make it clearer that that's what you're doing, if so.) The only issue I have with the attacks is that their effects and durations are not clear enough as written. You've designed them based only on their primary objective and form of materialization, but left out all the details surrounding that. One by one, here are the questions I have for each attack:
Guarding Wings: For what duration of time are people protected within this attack? What can this protect against - kinds of weapons, gas, electricity, dark energy? Is this mesh like a cage that surrounds the duration, or does it affix itself like clothing to each person it affects? Does the energy mesh "move" based on Alshain's position, or is he fixed in place for the duration? You mention that others can be protect if they "stay" in the radius - does that mean that people can just walk through it, or is it only certain people, and how does the attack distinguish between them? What if there is someone within the radius that Alshain does not want to protect?
Healing Talon: How long does this attack last in order to keep an injured person stablized? Can other attacks be used while this one is in effect, and how much of Alshain's concentration, if any, is taken for its upkeep? If someone with moderate wounds is still conscious and they want to act while Alshain is insisting they get healed, are they trapped and have to break free in order to act, or can they just walk away? Is there any way that an enemy can use the healing for themselves if they were to come in contact with the mesh?
Divine Winds: Are enemies the only things that can be pushed away by this attack? Say that Alshain is standing on top of a cliff with a big boulder, and Road Runner is about to pass below (shhhh just roll with the analogy) - can this attack be used to push that boulder off? What is the radius of this attack, and what is the radius that allies should be standing in if they want to be in the safe zone? How long does it last? How much weight is it capable of moving - if Alshain is facing a Lt. that does sumo wrestling in his spare time, would this attack be useful?
(Randomly: I think it would be adorable if his senshi outfit incorporated a lion's tail somehow, since that is a distinguishing feature? ALSO RANDOMLY: I wonder what would happen if Metis were to come in contact with one of the feathers from the Guarding Wings attack?)
Anyway! I think this is a good character, well on its way to being great. :> There's a couple rough edges, but a lot of things you've done very well, too. Good luck!
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 3:04 am
ILU! In thanks you may molest Peruru!Kun at any time. I knew there were things bothering me on this, but I couldn't put my finger on what exactly. XD THANK YOU, ARRI! <333333
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:56 am
Changes made, still wanting crits. <3
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Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:48 am
 Senshi really have only two attacks -- their super-level ability is a powered up version of their first attack. You'll need to pick which one you want -- Guarding Wings or Healing Talon. If you go with Guarding Wings, being able to protect himself and another person and be able to move is too much. Maybe make it so he has to remain stationary, then for the upgrade allow him to move with it? If you go with Healing Talon, I honestly don't see what healing has to do with griffons or chivalry/knights? I can see how it relates to his character, but gryphons in Heraldy for knights usually represented valor, vigilance, death-defying bravery, boldness, etc. I'd like to see the lion-half of a gryphon incorporated into his abilities too -- so far, only the wings/talons are mentioned. What would separate him from a senshi of falons, hawks, or eagles aside from his name?
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Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 5:22 am
Okay, altered some things, so trying again <3
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Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 4:13 am
In his Photography hobby, there's this: "Hamish tends to be drawn to two things. Natural events such as meteor showers or rain or even the falling of the leaves come Autumn and Movement." Might want to add brackets around (sugh as ... come Autumn)" to separate it out from the rest of the list. This is just a nitpick of mine since I read it and re-read it and went "Hey, that's more than two things o_oa" before rereading it again. xD I'm curious, though -- what does he do with all the pictures he takes? If it's a digital camera (ohey, good job Hamish your camera just made my firefox crash GOOD THING I WAS TYPING IN WORD /ot), does he have external harddisks filled with pictures upon pictures? Or does he have photoalbums filled with picture after picture? Are they organized? Disorganized? After re-reading his virtues, " Hey, Need a Shoulder?" is all about him helping people who appear hurt. With " Chivalry A Go-Go!" He'll help people if they need it. Chilvalry itself is a complex "umbrella term" for several different aspects that can honestly stand alone as various different flaws/virtues. What about chivalry makes it stand apart from his first virtue? I think you can narrow it down to Respect specifically -- the modern interpretation of chivalry. Weaknesses were only used for the Barren Pines way back then, and aren't needed. However, the second paragraph of that can work as a "Can't We All Just Get Along?" flaw. The first paragraph, though, can be dropped -- you have that covered with his 'Invasive' flaw already. Quote: Someone heard a loud argument in an empty classroom? Hamish will run right over, barge in and proceed to grill the participants and then try to con them into a group hug. Threats of extreme violence against his person won't even dissuade him for getting all up in someone's face. With the attacks, I want to first apologize profusely for not catching this sooner: Sailor Alshain's current abilities are too close to Zodiac Sailor Cancer. Quote: Cancer -- Guarding Barrier Cancer cannot cast this on themselves. A bubble appears over the ally, which only lasts for a minute and can be dismissed by very strong attacks -- the ally can't leave or move out of the bubble, and must stay in place. You can also use this on enemies -- they can't be harmed, but they're out of the running for a while. Eternal: can move while the bubble's on them. You may wish to consider switching "Divine Winds" to senshi/super form, and for Eternal... What if he channels the gryphon itself? Gryphons guard treasure, so what if he "becomes" the barrier around another person? Liiike he gains the "glowing, golden energy mesh" in the form of wings, and he uses these to "wrap" around someone he wants to protect at the expense of exposing himself? He nor his allies can move, but on the flip side... What if, in addition to the barrier, his hands were covered in the "claws" of a griffon, and also with protecting someone, he also sank his claws into the person he was protecting in order to heal them too? Granted having your ally sink HUGE FREAKING CLAWS into your arm and effectively pinning you down to heal something may hurt more/seem not worth it, but it'd combine the two aspects of gryphons you were working with pre-revision.
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 12:01 pm
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