|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 11:01 am
Hey, everyone.
I'm sure not everyone in the guild knows me, but I know a couple of you do. A lot of you probably know me as that weird monk guy who posts pictures of pandas all the time. That's perfectly fine, though, that's pretty much what I am. But for once I have something more serious on my mind.
Earlier today at around 9:00 AM, my father passed away. In his life he did many good things for people, both as a holy man in the time of his priesthood and afterwards. Even in his final years of dealing with the constant pain he was in due to diabetes and various other conditions, he was always the wisest man I've ever known. I owe every bit of good will and benevolence in my body to him, as well as his philosophies. He's pretty much the inspiration for everything about me being monk-like.
Sometimes I feel like I didn't do enough for him, and I feel horrible about it. I still do. But everyone keeps telling me how he loved me and what I did to take care of him, and it just makes me want to cry even more. The only thing I hope for is that he had peace in his final moments, even if I wasn't able to save him.
I've never really done anything like this before. I don't know everyone here, and even the ones I do know I've only known for so long a time. But I really don't know what else to do. The pain is so great, and I knew it was going to be devastating when it happened. I don't have much else to turn to at the moment, and these days, I consider many of you to be my friends. Even the ones who don't really know me much.
I guess I just need people to talk to.
Thank you. Everyone.
For now, I must confide my father's spirit to the whole of creation.
Rest in peace, dad.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:16 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 1:01 pm
Man, I don't know what to say. It must be difficult for you, I don't know what I'd do in your situation. Your father sounds like a good man, and he raised a decent guy.
I'm sorry for your loss. ]=
If you ever want to talk, you can PM/add me on MSN.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 1:15 pm
Theres really very little I can say to express my my true feeling, saying 'I know how you feel' would be both completely untrue and unhelpful to you as you work through your grief.
I can say though that even those of us that dont know you very well wish you comfort and support. Personally I want to say that if you need me I will be there for you. I cant promise I can make anything better through my actions but Im willing to offer what support I can.
As for your regrets do not hold onto them, your father loved you and he obviously raised you well enough to have learned from him and personify the morals hes taught you. Being a father myself I can tell you as much as my kids may wear me out I would not trade them for anything at all in life, they are my true inspiration. I know your father felt similarly (all father do) and that he loved you regardless of how well he may have or not have showed it. He would not want you to feel those regrets, he certainly has no need for them, and he would only want to see you succeed without such concerns holding you back.
My father Has had seven heart attacks since I was a young boy all of which have always made me fear the worst every time I got a call concerning his health. So since my sons were born Ive sought to do as much as I can with him, but as much as you may try I know I will always feel like I haven't done enough for him. I told my father about my own feelings about how much I worried every time he had an attack, and he quite literally told me that he always wishes he could have done more for me, the feeling is mutual just as with any parent and son or daughter you only wish you could give them everything you can. You just have to know that he loves you, and know that what was done is done all that matters now was that you loved each other.
I'm sorry for the rant but I hope you find peace in this and I will pray for your fathers spirit. From your statements though he is most likely at rest and happy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 1:31 am
My condolences, seriously. D=
We may not have spoken much, but you can always hit me up through PMs/MSN if you need to talk.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 6:16 am
*hugs again* I've said it before, but I will remind you again... you know where to find me if you need someone to talk to who has been there and done that
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:07 am
Although I'm extending personal thanks to you all outside of this, I want to just thank everyone here for all of the kind words. I'm getting through it bit by bit, and it really helps to know I have your support, even if I don't really know many of you all that well. It means a lot to me and my family. Thank you all for your condolances.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:24 am
We've never spoken, but I've seen you around a fair bit, and I too want to offer my condolences; from what I've seen, you're definitely a really decent person. I think that is shown most through how people have responded, how you can come here for support, and we'll offer it as much as it is in our power.
I can only offer the same support as everybody else has, and if you need to talk, albeit with somebody you've never spoken to, grab me on PM's or something.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:36 pm
I'm honestly surprised that I'm not later in seeing this... considering that once the HoH thread opens some people just stop checking the guild altogether. Suffice it to say that anything I write will have the bitter taste of "man... great job on being there for the guy" mixed in with it.
A father is reflected in his children. It's more than simple genetics or any statement you could make about how he raised them... those things might account for something but not what really matters. It is a father's role to be the guiding light in a young man's life, whether for good or for ill. When a boy questions how he should act, or how he should feel, or what he should do, he looks to his father. A kind father has kind children, a morally upright father provides the same strength to his children, and a father that is stern and short tempered will hand down those failings as well.
We don't need to take your word for it. We can all tell that your father was a good man just by looking at you. Patient, good natured, kind and compassionate.
May he rest in peace.
Just like everyone else who's offered, I am and will always be open for any reason you might need to talk. IM, PM, even phone me if you'd like.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:38 pm
I, too, feel a bit of a tinge of regret as Josh does, even having only heard of what happened this morning. Permit me to be selfish for a moment in saying that I feel like, as a go-to guy for many people, I'm not quite "there" as much as I could be, and for that I apologize.
That being said, there isn't much that hasn't been said already that I can add to. As much as there's jokes about the guild, Levi People, and all that, we do form a community. You are not the person on the outside looking in, and just as you consider us friends we consider you the same.
My deepest condolences. You already know how to PM or IM me, and if you'd like I can give you my phone number as well. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:16 pm
To put it in a place where it won't be lost in a chat window history:
I'll keep both you and your father in my prayers, Matthew. I have no good reason to not have MSN on since it's on my iPhone. Go ahead and wake me up with messages at odd hours of the night because I do that to people too.
My most heartfelt condolences to you and the rest of your family.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:53 pm
Matt...
My friend, my dearest friend. You know more than anything that I was, am, and always will be here for you. In all situations thick and thin, all types of hardships and endurance factors, you know that I am also one who will bare through it with you.
My condolences, and my offerings of peace to both your family, yourself and your father. I can not fathom what exactly you all must be going through, nor would I ever want to endure such things in my life. I know you're a strong guy Matt, and I know that even strong guys need someone at one point or another in their lives. As you can very well see, we are all here for you, all offering our support and more to you.
I am no different, my friend, and I hold true to my words.
I remember every time you mentioned your father to me over our msn conversations. There was never a time where you praised him for one thing or another, one thing in particular being the time when you explained to me how much you looked up to him for his great wisdom and will power.
It was an incredible showing of love that a son had for his father, still has rather... and it reminded me to cherish what I have as well.
Matt... my friend... his wisdom, his will and his pure of heart goodness resides in you greatly. I have seen it on more than one occasion, and it has helped me hulk through many situations in my life, whenever you came to my own aid.
I offer my aid to you now, once more, my friend.
I know he rests in peace, knowing he left behind not a boy anymore, but a great man instead. His job as a father was, well... a great success in my own opinion.
Matt, you know how to get a hold of me, so don't at all be afraid to come to me as all else have offered, in case you need to open up, and cry on someones shoulder. I will be here always for you, man... no matter what.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
