I have extremely confronting dreams that I believe are connected to both visions that I see all the time (there's no specific time of day, frame of thought or even discussion that I have, they just appear) and to my father's suicide.
When I was 10, my (step) father committed suicide. I did not see it, I was also in a state of denial for two years, I honestly didn't believe he was dead, I just thought he and Mum were separated.
Firstly, my dreams: I'm in a black space. There's no apparent floor, no walls, no roof... It's all just black. Then, my mother appears. One thing you must understand about my mother, I am absolutely terrified about losing her... if I lost her, I don't know what would happen. She's the light of my life and my absolute rock.
Anyway, she has both her hands in an old rock basin, like from the early, poverty stricken 19th century. I'm moved closer and I can see there's a liquid in the basin and it's black - not red, black. The basin is topped to the rim, and I'm moved closer again. When I say "moved", I mean ... this isn't me moving... I'm literally zoomed closer. I then see that she has tubes going into her wrists, her blood has been drained into the tub. I look up at her face and her eyes are cut out... there's just black where they're supposed to be. She has no facial expression at all and it terrifies me.
I'm then moved back to my original position and my mother fades away. Sometimes, I wake up at this point, but others I continue to dream. After my mother, my father appears hanging from a tree. Again, I'm moved forward and his eyes are cut out. I can't explain how someone can look at you with no eyes, but he stares at me while he's swaying. He tries to talk to me ... and I can't understand...
I've never slept more than that. I always wake up there.
I've been having this dream for the past 7 years. Any time I'm under any kind of emotional stress, whether it be a boyfriend breaking up with me or the death of a loved one... I have this dream for 3 - 4 months. Every. Night. It gets so bad that sometimes, I will actually refuse to sleep. I'm terrified of this dream.
Secondly, my visions: I don't know why they appear, but they do. Unlike my dreams, they have no connection to anything I do at all. I could be sitting in class laughing with my friends and I'll see a man hanging and trying to speak. I could be in my room, crying over some nonsense movie and I'll see a man hanging and trying to speak. I'm not sure if it's my dad or not, I've never seen it's face properly. But, it freaks me the ******** out..
I'm not saying that I can see the dead or people that hang themselves... I just want to know why I see these things... I understand that his death was a major emotional moment in my life, but I've been able to move on consciously, just not subconsciously. It's been almost 6 years, 11 months since his death... I just want to be free.
When I was 10, my (step) father committed suicide. I did not see it, I was also in a state of denial for two years, I honestly didn't believe he was dead, I just thought he and Mum were separated.
Firstly, my dreams: I'm in a black space. There's no apparent floor, no walls, no roof... It's all just black. Then, my mother appears. One thing you must understand about my mother, I am absolutely terrified about losing her... if I lost her, I don't know what would happen. She's the light of my life and my absolute rock.
Anyway, she has both her hands in an old rock basin, like from the early, poverty stricken 19th century. I'm moved closer and I can see there's a liquid in the basin and it's black - not red, black. The basin is topped to the rim, and I'm moved closer again. When I say "moved", I mean ... this isn't me moving... I'm literally zoomed closer. I then see that she has tubes going into her wrists, her blood has been drained into the tub. I look up at her face and her eyes are cut out... there's just black where they're supposed to be. She has no facial expression at all and it terrifies me.
I'm then moved back to my original position and my mother fades away. Sometimes, I wake up at this point, but others I continue to dream. After my mother, my father appears hanging from a tree. Again, I'm moved forward and his eyes are cut out. I can't explain how someone can look at you with no eyes, but he stares at me while he's swaying. He tries to talk to me ... and I can't understand...
I've never slept more than that. I always wake up there.
I've been having this dream for the past 7 years. Any time I'm under any kind of emotional stress, whether it be a boyfriend breaking up with me or the death of a loved one... I have this dream for 3 - 4 months. Every. Night. It gets so bad that sometimes, I will actually refuse to sleep. I'm terrified of this dream.
Secondly, my visions: I don't know why they appear, but they do. Unlike my dreams, they have no connection to anything I do at all. I could be sitting in class laughing with my friends and I'll see a man hanging and trying to speak. I could be in my room, crying over some nonsense movie and I'll see a man hanging and trying to speak. I'm not sure if it's my dad or not, I've never seen it's face properly. But, it freaks me the ******** out..
I'm not saying that I can see the dead or people that hang themselves... I just want to know why I see these things... I understand that his death was a major emotional moment in my life, but I've been able to move on consciously, just not subconsciously. It's been almost 6 years, 11 months since his death... I just want to be free.
